Chapter 25
I’d only madeit a foot into the archway when a scream sounded. Not petrified, just pissed. And in a language I knew but couldn’t speak. Elvan.
Cold soil crunched beneath my feet with each thump. The yelling got louder, and a handful of English curse words made her easy to identify. Laila. That was confirmed when I made it through another archway.
This clearing was identical to the one I had just left. A murky brown, swamp complete with a murderous, white horse. Laila was on its back, struggling to stabilize herself as it tried to buck her off. The only difference in the area was the archways. Rather than my two, she had three. The one I had just come from, the one she must’ve just come from, and her exit.
I wasted no time. Lifting the wind behind me, I willed it to carry me toward the horse. In moments, I was in front of it. With the dagger in hand, I lodged it through its eye. It kept bucking, this time lunging forward, so I stabbed again. And again, and again, and again.
As it neighed and cried, Laila stabbed from behind.
In a splash of crimson, it let out a final screech before tumbling into the pond.
Laila fell with it.
Grumbling and cursing, she used the animal’s head as a stepstool. When she only slid some more, I extended a hand. She squinted at me, then accepted. “But if you’re not Rain, I’ll stab you too.”
“Stab me. I’ll heal.” I held up my arm, revealing a cut I had gotten sometime during my battle. It had been longer, thicker, when I discovered it. Now, I was watching it heal before my eyes, only a few inches in length as opposed to my entire forearm. “You okay?”
Once she sat on the soil, catching her breath, she nodded. “Yeah, just trippy. You?”
“Feeling alive.” Stretching my arms overhead, I rocked my body back and forth to extend the tight muscles around my ribs. “I think I’m coming off my peak, though.”
“Lucky you.” She reached into her jacket and came out with a canteen. After chugging for a moment, she offered it to me. When I accepted, she went on. “Used to love hallucinogens. Now, I just can’t wait to see right again.”
With a laugh, I sat beside her. A long chug of water later, and I sighed deeply. “I don’t know. Makes me feel big and strong.”
“You’re big and strong already.” She studied me for a moment. “They really got in your head, huh?”
“No, not really.” Really, they had. “It’s just annoying. With Graham, at least I know it comes from a place of love. He thinks that it’s his job to protect me. And I appreciate it, but…”
“You’re not a kid anymore?” she asked. “Believe me, I get it. Me and Jeremy have gone round for years about his insistence on protecting me all the time.”
“It’s patronizing, isn’t it?”
“It’s sexist, is what it is. It’s benevolent sexism, but it is, in fact, sexism.” Sighing deeply, she looked around for a moment. “They think that because its rooted in love and not oppression, it’s not misogyny. But it is. You’re a woman, so you can’t fight. You’re a woman, so you can’t defend yourself. You’re a woman, so you need a man to fight your battles. You’re a woman, so you don’t want to get your hands dirty.” She rolled her eyes. “Symbolic of this place.”
Yes, that was my thought exactly. After Graham had moved to Earth, we had debated this very topic. He insisted that it wasn’t sexist to assume there was a woman’s place and a man’s place, so long as no harm was done. But clearly, the way I felt showed that there was harm being done.
All that to say, I agreed, but I had a feeling she was only giving me part of her perspective here. “The Fae Realm?”
“Makora,” she said. “Caeda is insistent that this place isn’t patriarchal, but it is. She arranged all this, but her husband is who handles the politics. Her husband sets the laws, and she just signs off on them. Her husband rules, and she just sits back and lets him. And whatever. The town is doing well. Who am I to argue? But the premise is true. Her husband is better with politics, so she lets him handle them. She doesn’t care to learn about the laws, so she just lets him. On Earth, when a man tells a woman what political decisions to make, we call that misogyny. Just because it’s working out okay doesn’t mean it isn’t sexist.”
I agreed. But it did make me wonder… “And you don’t feel that way about women who rule without a husband?”
“That it’s sexist?” She shrugged. “Depends on why. When me and Nix ruled, we were both aware of every decision made. We played a part in each one. Even if we didn’t agree, it was equal. We’d argue until we agreed. We still do now. But, if I were still queen, my title would mean more than his because my genetics decide the next ruler of my land. Not his. The rulership wouldn’t be dependent on me marrying, though. It wouldn’t be dependent on me having a child. And that’s why matriarchy doesn’t mean the same as patriarchy. Our rulership is about guiding the people, while patriarchal rulerships are more about power.”
Ehh… I wasn’t so sure that I agreed. “You don’t think that it’s sexist at all? That only women rule here?”
Gazing down at the pond, exhaling deeply, she shook her head. “I don’t know. I guess my perspective on it all’s different than most.”
“Still didn’t answer my question.”
“I don’t know this world.” Eyes meeting mine, a frown tugged at the corners of her lips. “Not like I used to. It wasn’t always like this.”
“What was it like?”
“Morduaine. The world we came from.” She propped her hands behind her and leaned back. “That world, no, it wasn’t sexist. It truly wasn’t. Women were the heads, but men could rule. Problem was, oftentimes, when a man rose to power, he’d start shit. Cause feuds with neighboring queendoms, occasionally start battles, and then he’d get overthrown before any real harm was done.”
“That happened with every man who ruled?”
“No, of course not. But way more frequently percentage wise than it did with women and nonbinary rulers. Our people just realized over time that, on average, women were excellent leaders. A good balance of strength and empathy. So it was the norm for women to rule, but it wasn’t a requirement.” She gazed into the water again. “Morduaine was… It was a utopia. There was no real suffering. Everyone—and I do mean everyone—was cared for. No one was homeless. Everyone had food. There was no such thing as poverty because we all took care of each other. Capitalism didn’t exist either. We had bartering systems, sure, but everyone had what they needed. If they didn’t, the queens helped them get it.
“The horrible things that happen on Earth simply didn’t happen there. Sexual violence didn’t exist on Morduaine. We’d heard horror stories, but they were demonized to the extremes. No one dare commit it because we were all so in touch with each other. It’s hard not to be when we can read one another’s minds. Maybe that’s what made us so empathetic toward one another.
“Death was something that came naturally, too. Murder was so rare. Not once throughout all of Morduaine’s history did we have a war. Occasional spats, sure, but never war. The only threats we faced were from the evils of the land. The ones created by dark magic.” She nodded to the kelpie. “That’s how they came to be. Creatures like them? They experimented with spells until they became the monsters they so desired to be. Now, maybe they’re born, but creatures like this, in my time, created themselves into these things.
“Fae… We didn’t hurt one another. No one was subjugated based on their sex, or gender, or sexuality, or race, or anything else. We truly were a peaceful people. Until one man was angry that he didn’t have enough power. Just like this guy, or his ancestors were, at one point. They turned themselves into monsters because they wanted to be an enemy. Then he created the maalaichte cnihme, and gradually, over time… Things just changed.” She gazed around slowly. “The Fae Realm, it’s inspired by Morduaine. But it’s far from a mirror image.”
Ah. So I wasn’t alone. This place may’ve been better than Earth in a lot of ways, but neither of us were disillusioned enough to call it a utopia. “That’s what caused it? The maalaichte cnihme?”
“Yes. And no.” A long, heavy sigh. “The maalaichte cnihme are the root of most of the suffering here. But they didn’t cause it all. The war did. The Angels did. Lux did. Our deaths did.” She spoke it all with a straight face, but there was pain in her eyes. “I think that’s why people hate Caeda and Ailas. It’s not because they’re our world’s definition of patriarchal. It’s because they’re so far from who we once were. Power is important to them. If it weren’t, they wouldn’t harbor hundreds of souls within them. By now, they should be ready to turn their thrones over to their children. They haven’t, just like Lux hasn’t passed his throne to the son of his most deserving.”
If she wanted to talk about term limits, I wouldn’t disagree. But… “Iliantha hasn’t given up her throne either.”
Another deep, billowing sigh. “I know.”
“Don’t you think she should?”
Another heavy sigh. “I do. And she will. As soon as the war’s over, she will.”
“How do you know for sure? If she hasn’t yet?—”
“She will.” There was a look in her eyes that brokered no argument.. “But we have till sunrise. So let’s?—”
“Son of a fucking cunt!” Amara’s voice.
My eyes met Laila’s, and we were both on our feet in a second.
Laila ran through the opening on my right, avoiding the pond. I almost fell right into it, but I caught myself and took off after her. We were only a few dozen steps into the pathway when it came into view.
Amara, on the ground, just outside the pond. The kelpie stood over her. He lifted his hooves to pounce onto her chest, and she rolled to the side. Blade in hand, she jammed it towards the kelpie’s leg. She missed.
Maybe I was wrong about my peak having passed, because that horse looked so much bigger than Amara.
I held the shrubs for stability, moving as quickly as I could around the swamp to get to her. Probably should have used the air again, but I didn’t consider it until I was almost at her side. Supposed that sort of instinct would come as I got more comfortable with Graham’s abilities.
Only a foot or two away from her, I summoned the air beneath me. Flying onto the kelpie’s back, I readied my dagger. This method had worked the last two times, and it would work again.
Laila dropped down beside Amara, sweeping her out from the kelpie’s leg space. I plunged my first stab. It hit bone, and pain shot up my arm into my neck. I wrenched back on the blade, ready to land another blow, but Amara yelled, “Stop!”
I did.
The kelpie bucked.
I wrenched hold of the hair along its neck. A current of wind circled around me at my command. If I stayed on much longer, I would lose my grip.
“Kill the damn thing!” Iliantha’s voice.
For the third time that day, I did.
I stabbed, and I stabbed, and I stabbed.
It squealed, and it cried, and it bucked, but I held on, and I stabbed some more. I stabbed until it collapsed. I collapsed with it, but caught myself on a cushion of wind.
Collecting my bearings, I grabbed onto a root along the edge of the swamp. With that leverage, I pulled myself onto the muddy Earth.
“The fuck did ye do that for?!”
I was barely on my feet, and Amara was already inches from my face. “Excuse me?”
With both hands, she shoved me in the chest. “I had it. I was fine. I didn’t need?—”
“You almost just got trampled to death.” Wide-eyed, I stared at her in disbelief. “You were not fine.”
“I was?—”
“About to die an excruciating death,” I said. “‘Thank you.’ That’s how you respond when someone saves your life.”
“Ye didn’t save shite.” She stepped in again, toes so close that they were almost touching mine. Blue eyes glowing, she raised her hands to push me again. “I didn’t need?—”
“Amara,” Iliantha said, voice a threat.
“Touch me again,” I snapped. “I fucking dare you.”
Using her pointer finger, she extended it slowly toward me. “Aye? That right? What are ye going to?—”
“What the hell is your problem?” I smacked her hand away. “Is this about Graham? Do you want to fuck him or something?”
She snorted. “Ye’re kidding.”
I raised my arms at my sides. “I can’t think of another reason for you being such a cunt to me. I haven’t done anything to you. Never been rude, never insulted you, but you’ve done both to me I don’t know how many times, Amara. You were a bitch when we were coming in here, you were a bitch to me the moment we met, and you’re being a bitch to me right now when I just saved your fucking life, and I don’t understand why?—”
“Because ye’re weak!” She stepped in again. “Because ye don’t have any fucking right to be here! We don’t need ye. We don’t need any of ye.”
“Oh, you don’t?” Laila asked. “You don’t need us for anything.”
Amara’s stare broke mine. She turned to Laila, mouth agape, glow in her eyes receding. “I—I didn’t mean ye, do grás.”
“No, you meant Rain. Who has helped us far more than you have on this trip.” Laila’s voice was pointed, but quiet. She didn’t yell, she didn’t scream. She didn’t need to. “What have you done aside from what you’re told? Which I appreciate, don’t get me wrong, but to say that we don’t need her after she just saved your life is a slap in the face that I won’t accept from anyone I work with. If not for her, we wouldn’t have known about the magic that the air an tagadh are using. We wouldn’t have known where that poor soldier disappeared to. His family would have never found his body, but they did. They get closure, because Rain found him.” Stepping closer, between us, it was her eyes that glowed this time. “Now explain to me what your problem is. Say it aloud. Tell Rain why you don’t like her.”
Swallowing hard, Amara looked at her, then looked at me, and gritted her teeth. Silence sat between us for a long moment.
“It’s Graham, isn’t it?” I asked. “Are you in love with him?”
Something between a laugh and a huff left her mouth. “I’m a lesbian.”
Oh. That I hadn’t suspected. In hindsight, maybe I should have. She didn’t wear particularly feminine clothing. I’d yet to see her look at any of the very attractive men we traveled with in a particular way.
But given how much she valued her friendship with Graham, forgive me for assuming it was more than that.
“Then what is it?” I asked.
“This isn’t for ye. This war, this battle, it isn’t yers.” She gritted her teeth. “But even if it were, ye’re too sheltered. Ye’re too lighthearted.”
“Just because I’m not jaded doesn’t mean that I’m sheltered,” I said. “I just saved your life. No one’s got hurt because of me. I have done nothing to harm anyone since I’ve been here, and even if that was your first impression of me, you need to let it the fuck go. Because I’m not leaving. I’m here. I’m here with your childhood best friend and the god that you desperately want eternity from. And all you’re doing by being a cunt to me is burying yourself farther and farther from them. I’m not saying we need to be friends, but I am saying that you need to swallow your pride and recognize that we are allies. I saved your life, and I hope you’ll save mine one of these days.”
I turned to Laila and then to Iliantha. This opening had four pathways attached to it. “Which one?”
In the archway straight ahead, a furry face appeared. Two big brown eyes, fuzzy brown cheeks, and two big ears.
“Deer!” I yelled.
It took off.
I ran after it.