25. Skin to Skin
25
SKIN TO SKIN
*Kieran*
It makes me uncomfortable to admit that she makes me feel comfortable.
It seems ironic, but it’s true.
She’s not supposed to make me feel this way because, in the crevices of my mind, the ones that haven’t adjusted to the new reality yet, she’s my sister.
Even though I know she’s not, and even when I thought she was, I never once treated Blanca like she was a member of my family.
Most of the time, I didn’t even treat her like she was a person.
Still, with her head on my shoulder like this, I start to think of her in a different light. She is my mate, after all. We are not related. We have never been related. Nothing about her being my mate or what we did during the Haze was wrong, and yet, whenever she touches me, it creates a war in my mind, a chaotic jumble of mixed emotions where I don’t know what’s up and what’s down.
I don’t know if I should smile and enjoy the tingling warmth spreading throughout my body and gathering in my groin or push her away and swallow down the first sour tastes of bile that threaten to fill my mouth.
When she lifts her head and those dark eyes stare into my face, the latter emotions win, and I find myself asking her, “What the fuck is going on Blanca?”
“Fuck,” she mumbles, sitting up and staring at me, the tendrils of dark hair that frame her face lightened in the first rays of morning sun. “I don’t know.”
I scoot away from her, sitting up. “Did this happen yesterday, too?” I seem to recall waking up with my head on the backpack and not knowing how it got there.
“I don’t know.” She runs a hand through her hair, and I know she’s lying. She does know. “I didn’t mean to.”
Swallowing hard, I check myself. She sounds scared, like she’s afraid I’m going to hurt her or yell at her more. I can’t blame her for that. It’s not like I’ve always been nice to her. Sometimes, in fact, I’ve been down right mean.
I don’t want to be that person anymore. Not just to Blanca but to anyone. If there’s one thing she has taught me, now that I’ve matured enough to truly stop and think about it, it’s that everyone deserves kindness. She went down into the dungeon and brought water to the prisoners there nearly every day not because she was ordered to or bored and had nothing else to do but because she was being kind. It makes me wonder what else she’s done over the years just to be nice to the sort of people I’ve always overlooked. People like those prisoners. People like the servants I don’t even know the names of.
People like her.
“I’m sorry, Blanca.”
She stares at me, those wide eyes not seeming to comprehend what I’ve just said to her. That’s probably because she’s not used to hearing anyone say those words to her. Especially not me.
I take a deep breath and continue. “I shouldn’t be blaming you, and I certainly shouldn’t be yelling at you. This is all just really weird, you know?”
Slowly, her head rocks back and forth. “I know.” That’s all she says, and I feel compelled to continue speaking, but I bite my tongue because I’m afraid I’ll reveal too much.
I’m pretty sure I had a dream about her last night, and it wasn’t exactly family friendly. My dick twitches just thinking about it, and I realize it’s time to get out of here. “Ready to go?”
She nods again and disappears out the cave opening, taking the backpack with her.
I give her a moment to undress, shift, and do whatever else she needs to do before I follow her out. Her large dark wolf stands off to the side. I take the backpack off the ground, step away from her, undress, put my clothes away, take a leak, and then shift. With the backpack on, I head off, and she follows close behind me.
In my head, I hear angry voices of commanders and Alphas who want to know where I’m at and how come I haven’t checked in for so long. I tell them I lost her scent somewhere far away from where we actually are, naming a river on the western side of our territory while we are far to the east. I hear the forces formulating a plan that involves creating a line of defense along the northwestern edge of our kingdom’s border with Escuro so that there’s absolutely no way she can get through. I almost snicker but bite it back. That might work if we were anywhere close to that location.
I do wonder if maybe they’ll continue to extend further east, and it’s enough to make me increase my pace. We stop at a stream and grab some fish, but then we continue north, hugging the mountains as we go.
By dusk, we are higher up in the mountains than I intended. I think I may have swung us a little too far to the west. I start to think about going back down, but somehow I’ve lost my bearings. We are on a cliff, and it’s getting darker by the moment when I start to think I might smell rogues in the distance again. I’m not sure, but that pungent odor from last time has me pausing to lift my nose in the air.
Blanca and I can't speak to one another in our wolf forms, which is unfortunate. I consider shifting to ask her if she smells it, too, but that will slow us down. It seems like the scent is stronger behind us. There’s no way to know for sure if there are rogues around if they are on our trail or if they just happen to be in the area.
When I catch Blanca’s eyes, she lifts her eyebrows slightly, as if to ask if everything is okay. I have no response for that, so I turn around and continue on through the ever-increasing darkness, being careful of where I place my feet and hoping Blanca stays right behind me.
We pass what smells like the opening to a cave. For a moment, I consider stopping. It would probably be a good idea, but I was hoping we’d be in Escuro by now, and I know we have to be close to the border. Hesitating, I weigh our options and decide to press on just a bit further, telling myself we’ll stop at the next cave. I’ve smelled several, so I’m confident there will be another one soon
The ridge we’ve been walking on grows a bit more narrow, and with the sun fading from view, we have to be even more careful about our footing. I take a few more steps and my front left paw slides out from under me. I pull it back and dodge to my right just in time to avoid falling down a steep incline.
Blanca, however, doesn’t react the same way that I do. Either because she didn’t see it quickly enough or because she hasn’t had the training I’ve had, she loses her footing on the scree, and the next thing I know, she’s tumbling down the mountain.
“Blanca!” I shift immediately so that we can communicate. “Shift!”
I see her dark eyes, the flecks of blue and silver catching the last rays of the fading sun. She looks up at me, and in that second, all I see is fear. Throwing myself on my belly, I reach for her, but she’s too far away now. My hand grasps empty air.
She has to shift. It’s the only way she can save herself. Most of the time, our wolf forms are better suited to perform whatever tasks we need, but right now, my mate needs hands.
I see Blanca’s fur fade away as she slips out of sight. Pulling myself forward, I peer over the edge and see one olive-complected hand grasping a shrub about four feet below me.
“Kieran!” she shouts. “I’m slipping!”
With everything I have left in my weary body, I push myself forward so that I am hanging over the edge of the cliff and dangle off the side. I feel the rocks beginning to give way beneath me, but I can’t think about that. I have to reach her. “Swing your other arm up and grab my hand!” I command.
I hear a whimper of fear and know she thinks she’ll fall if she does what I’ve told her to do, but it’s the only way. With a grunt of exertion, she swings her other arm around, and her fingers connect with mine. It’s enough for me to pull her up until my grasp latches around her wrist. She lets go of the shrub, trusting me with her life.
I scoot back over the rocky terrain, tugging her along with me. Then, we are safe against the wall of mountain. She’s in my arms, her body trembling against my chest. “Thank the Goddess,” I murmur between pants.
Blanca’s eyes meet mine, and I see the fear turn to gratitude and then something else. It’s the same hunger I’ve felt burning in me for days. We are alive. We are intertwined. And we are completely naked.
I’m not sure which one of us moves first, but instantly, my mouth is on hers. She tastes like magic, like everything that’s right in the world, and no matter how many alarms sound in my head, I know for certain she is my mate.
And I want her.