48. Lightning Strikes
48
LIGHTNING STRIKES
*Raven*
Every time I close my eyes, I see lightning strike down just inches from where Sybil stands. Guilt gnaws in my stomach no matter how much I toss and turn in my large bed. If Kieran were here, he’d hold me, tell me that it’s all okay. He’d probably laugh about it. I can almost hear his laughter in my mind, and it sends a pang through my heart.
I miss him so much it’s eating me alive. Each day I hope that the pain of his absence will somehow lessen, but it’s only grown with each passing hour he’s gone. How has Mother endured this for all these years? It’s only been a few days, yet my heart feels like it doesn’t fit inside my body anymore. It exists somewhere out there with him, wherever he is, whatever he’s doing now.
I sit up in bed and throw off my covers, giving up on any pretense that I’ll get to sleep tonight. If I’m not feeling guilty about what I did to Sybil, I’m missing my husband so much I can’t breathe. The walls feel like they’re closing in around me. I quickly dress and head out the door before I consider the wisdom of my plan. It’s the middle of the night, but I really need my mother right now.
It’s a blessing to actually have a mother worth needing, I don’t take that for granted. Never once did I wake up in the middle of the night wanting Queen Rowena. She was the subject of many of my nightmares, in fact. My true mother will make this all feel better; I’m sure of it.
When I reach her house, there’s a light shining through the window. Thank goodness. I would feel even guiltier if I woke her up. I tap lightly on the door, but she throws it open immediately, as if she’s been waiting for me. She opens her arms, and I fall into them, unable to stop the tears that fall.
She guides me to her sofa where we sit for a while. She holds me and strokes my hair while I sob. Everything about her is comforting, from her touch to her scent. She exudes warmth and love, which I’m still getting used to. I didn’t know true love until recently, and it fills all the cracks in my heart that my “family” created in Dun’s Crossing.
When I’ve finally stilled, my mother gently prods.
“What has you so upset, little one?”
I sit up and wipe my face, not wanting to look at her as I admit what I did to Sybil earlier.
“I lost control earlier today,” I admit tersely. “Sybil confronted me in the field, and I couldn’t stand it. I sent a bolt of lightning down just inches from her.”
To my utter surprise, Mother laughs. It’s a light, tinkling sound that somehow makes the whole room feel brighter.
“Her mother did tell me there was some sort of incident,” she says with a delighted sigh. “Truthfully, love, she’s deserved a wakeup call for years. The way she prances around this place thinking she’s going to be the next queen.”
I snap my head up in surprise. “Did you not choose her to be your successor?” I ask curiously. She laughs again. “Darling, I don’t plan on dying any time soon!”
She pulls me into her side and begins stroking my hair again. I sense a sadness coming over her as she continues speaking. “What you have to understand is that we are survivors here. We’ve done the best we can with what we’ve been given, but it doesn’t leave much time to plan for the future. Any notion that Sybil had of being queen one day was entirely her own.”
I snuggle closer to Mother until I can hear her heart beating in her chest. Our hearts beat in the same relaxed rhythm, and I sigh happily against her. This is love. This is what I’ve been waiting for my entire life.
“What’s going on in your head, my darling?” she asks me after a while.
“It isn’t worth sharing,” I tell her honestly. It’s still hard for me to talk about my abuse to her. There’s nothing either of us can do to change it, and it would only make her upset. I never want to make her sad if I can help it.
She grabs my chin firmly and makes me look her in the eye, though, and I know that she’s going to pull it out of me if she has to.
“There’s nothing you can’t share with me, love,” she tells me earnestly. “We’ve already lost so much time together, I never want you to feel that you have to keep things from me.”
Tears fill my eyes again, and I nod. “I can’t help but think about my old family,” I admit reluctantly. “They ignored me in the best of times and were unbelievably cruel in the worst. Queen Rowena was only happy when she was making my life miserable. I had no one.”
I finally meet her eyes to see that they’re glassy from her own unshed tears. She strokes my face gently then grabs me and pulls me against her again, holding me while we both cry.
“There’s nothing but evil in their hearts,” she says bitterly. “If I had known you were alive and under their care, I would have traveled to Dun’s Crossing myself to get you back. I could kill them for how they treated you.”
“And how they treated Father,” I say glumly.
“How they killed half of our kingdom,” she remarks, and I see another bolt of lightning behind my eyes. Only this time, it isn’t a guilt-ridden memory. I have an idea.
I pull away from her once more and look her seriously in the eye.
“We can kill them,” I breathe out, excitedly. I can tell by her confused expression that she needs more. I stand and start pacing the room as I think through my plan.
“If Kieran succeeds in killing King Gavin, they’re going to come after him,” I say breathlessly. “He’ll lead them right to us, and we’ll trap them at the river. I can send down lightning and electrocute them all. It’ll be over. We’ll finally be free!”
I stop pacing to garner her reaction. Her face is pale, but there’s an unmistakable light in her eyes.
“I don’t know, darling,” she says warily, wringing her hands. “It’s a risky plan. There’s so much that could go wrong.”
“Yes, but there’s so much that could go right,” I say, kneeling in front of her and grabbing her hands. “Mother, they killed off half our population without blinking. They kidnapped me and treated me like I was filth my entire life. They imprisoned Father and beat him mercilessly. They deserve this.”
Tears stream down her face as she considers my words, but her posture is stiff and resolute.
“Our warriors aren’t ready for a fight,” she argues. “They have as much passion and desire as you, my love, but they don’t know how merciless the soldiers from Dun’s Crossing can be.”
“But I do,” I say, moving to sit beside her. “And Kieran does. We’ll lead the charge right alongside them. Besides, there won’t be many left to fight if this works.”
“It’s a big if, darling,” she says, cupping my face. I look down in disappointment, my excitement waning. “I’m not saying no, I just need time to consider it.”
I nod, but I can’t help but feel the sharp sting of rejection. She forces me to look into her eyes, a kind expression meeting me.
“It’s a good plan, Raven,” she says gently. “Please don’t think that I have any doubts about your abilities. But as queen, I have to make sure that my people are safe, no matter what.”
She hugs me tightly, and I sigh against her, realizing that she really doesn’t want to hurt me. But I do want to hurt King Gavin. I want them all to suffer for taking me away from this wonderful woman, for destroying our family, for destroying our kingdom.
“Do you want to stay here tonight?” Mother asks when she sees me yawn. “It is quite late.”
I shake my head, though, because I need the walk back to my house to think. We say goodnight, and I slowly make my way through the tunnels of my new home, my anger toward King Gavin growing with every step. With equal measure, I will for Kieran to come home to me safely so we can finally end this war and begin our life together.
When I make it home, I crawl into bed, my spirit lighter as I think about the look on King Gavin’s face when he realizes he’s failed. I imagine my father returning with Kieran and our kingdoms united at last. Finally, I imagine the swift end I will put to the soldiers from Dun’s Crossing, and I can’t help but smile. It’s my last thought as I crawl into bed and finally succumb to sleep.