Chapter 7
Gabby hoped the flush painting Edmund’s cheeks had nothing to do with the chilly air.
“Please.” For the first time in a long time, Gabby wanted an innocent kiss.
He’d fucked people for money and he’d fucked others for fun, but here, with Edmund beside his rare rose on a cold December morning, Gabby wanted something special.
A connection. Edmund’s gaze darted around, and Gabby’s breath hitched. It wasn’t going to happen, was it?
And then, just as Gabby’s held breath began to burn in his lungs, Edmund pushed himself away from the brick wall, slid his hands around Gabby’s shoulders and kissed him.
Oh goodness. This was a proper kiss, like nothing he’d had before.
How could a simple touch of lips bring him so completely undone like this?
Edmund held him with a tenderness, his hands spread across Gabby’s back, and then the softness changed and Edmund kissed him with a savageness and a desperation that made Gabby want more than was possible.
Gabby kissed Edmund back with all the commitment that this kiss deserved.
He grappled with Edmund’s tongue, stretching up on his toes as he shoved his hands through Edmund’s hair.
He needed to be closer, and Edmund responded with a satisfying growl in the back of his throat.
Gabby pressed his body against Edmund, rubbing himself against him, desperately trying to communicate how much he wanted him.
He could hook his leg around Edmund’s hips, but then, just as the kiss had deepened and Gabby could barely breathe, Edmund lifted him off the ground and deposited him again, a few feet away.
Edmund’s face was flushed and his chest heaving.
“Not now. Not here.”
And reality came rushing back like a slap with a wet fish. They were in someone’s garden, outside where anyone might see them. “Somewhere?” Gabby wanted more. Foolishly, perhaps, but damn, Edmund kissed like he meant it.
“I don’t have anywhere safe.”
Gabby’s heart damn near exploded because that wasn’t a no, it was merely a practical problem and one that he could solve.
“Luckily, Lord Edmund Elizabeth Wilkinson Billesfelt Thwaitepiddle, I do.”
“It’s Lord Thwaitepiddle, then all those names.” Edmund paused. “You remembered all my names?”
Gabby grinned. “One of your middle names is Elizabeth.”
“And?”
“Why are you named for a queen?”
“I’m not. Or rather some might say that Elizabeth Wilkinson was a queen, although not in a royal sense.” Edmund grinned as if this were a hilarious jest, but Gabby had no clue what was so amusing.
“I’d always heard that the gentry were eccentric, but I really don’t understand why your middle name is some woman that I’ve never heard of.”
Edmund shook his head. “You’ve made the point.
My father was obsessed with boxing. He ran a training camp and produced many prize fighters like The Colossus.
And he named all his children after famous historical pugilists, and for me, his second son, he chose his second favourite boxer Elizabeth Wilkinson.
She was undefeated in at least 45 bouts, and I carry her name with honour because it means her legacy continues. ”
He was being serious. Gabby’s heart skipped a beat at the way Edmund spoke about honour.
His earnestness would bring Gabby undone if he wasn’t careful.
The man kissed like a champion, and was proud of his long winded and frankly, ridiculously gentrified, name.
He dedicated his life to growing beautiful flowers whose thorns threatened people with blood poisoning.
Gabby needed to leave, to forget about Edmund, before he did something completely foolish like fall in love.
“And are you going to name all your children after flowers?”
Edmund shook his head slowly, his eyes suddenly sad. “It is not my destiny to have children. My roses are my legacy.”
Gabby needed to get as much distance as he could from Edmund. “Some of us, most the world in fact, are too poor to worry about a legacy. We are just surviving.”
Edmund frowned. “Are you angry with me? Why?”
Why were his feet so heavy? He wanted to leave, but his body refused to move. “No, Edmund. I’m not angry at you. Look around you.”
“I do not understand.”
“Look at the world. Look outside these walls.” Gabby was angry and yes, maybe a little bit at Edmund, or maybe that was merely an excuse to avoid the inevitable.
This man could easily break his heart. If he pushed him away first, then maybe he had a hope of surviving.
And—he lifted his chin—he was a survivor.
Edmund was still frowning. “But you asked me to kiss you.”
Gabby sighed. If he ran now, he’d be a coward, and he wasn’t a coward.
“Yes. And it was wonderful. But imagine, if you can, a world where we didn’t have to look over our shoulders and worry that someone might see.
Imagine a world where your nephew wasn’t thrown out of home for not obeying his father’s whims.”
“Imagine a world where I could breed roses without my brother threatening to destroy them.”
Heat prickled up Gabby’s spine and he knew he’d never be able to leave. “How dare he?”
“He’s the Duke. He gets what he wants. And right now, he needs to paint a picture to society that he’s not the problem. That it’s George who is to blame, and unfortunately, he knows how much I care about my roses, so he’ll use that to get his own way.”
“If you weren’t so obsessed...” Gabby regretted the words as soon as he spoke them, because Edmund turned pale, like he might faint.
“This situation is not my fault.”
He gulped, the apology sticking to his dry tongue, because the ache in his chest told him that he already cared too much.
His mother cared for George and Edmund, and he found that he did too.
And even that was a lie. He was standing on a precipice, about to fall completely in love with Edmund and he was making excuses and lying to himself to avoid the fall, because when it inevitably ended, it was going to hurt more than any of the hurts he’d endured up to this point in his life.
“If it wasn’t my roses, it would be something else.
His Grace has a gift for finding what people care about so he can use it.
Most people who meet him say that he’s very charming, but of course, they don’t see what I’ve seen.
They forgive him for being self-absorbed, because he’s a Duke and they want proximity to his power.
They don’t see that he wields that his position in society for power and control.
All they see is the charm. They laugh at his jokes, even the mean ones.
” Edmund shook his head. “Especially the mean ones. And they don’t realise that they will become the joke if they stop propping up his status. ”
“But you are his brother. Won’t people listen to you?”
Edmund shook his head. “Have you met me? I’m awkward in society.
I talk too much about the wrong things. I’m a bore and I only want to talk about roses.
I have no friends in society. He tells people that I’m jealous of him, because he’s the Duke and I’m not even the spare anymore. No one would believe me.”
“You aren’t any of those things.”
“I am. Or at least, His Grace has taken the truth and twisted it into a nastier version, so his version becomes true in society. I won’t be believed.”
“Why don’t you leave?”
Edmund scratched his temple. “How do I weigh up the pain of leaving against the pain of staying? You are asking me to abandon my life’s work because my brother manipulates me and says a few mean things about me to a society that I don’t care about or belong in.
I know what he’s like, and I don’t know what would be out there for me if I left. ”
Gabby’s heart grew heavy. It was too late. He should’ve left before the kiss, because now he cared for this impossible man in an impossible situation. “And by staying, you can protect your nephew too.”
“I hope so.” Edmund gulped. “Or maybe I am as selfish as he says, and all I care about are my roses.”
Gabby wanted to hug him. “It is possible to care for your roses and for your nephew. Mama says that hearts always have space for more. Love is not like cake, it doesn’t need to be cut up and shared. Love grows.” And damn it, Gabby already wanted Edmund to love him too. He was a fool.
“Maybe for some people that is true.”
The defeat on Edmund’s face finally pushed his feet towards obeying him.
“I’ve just remembered. I need to go.” Gabby fled from that garden as quickly as he could, before he plastered himself all over Edmund and made impossible promises about fixing all the problems in his life.
It wasn’t until he was several streets away that he realised his fundamental error.
He needed Edmund to save his job, because the rose lecture was the only half-decent idea that he had.