Chapter 3 #2
This was not a conversation that Alexander wanted to have, but he could see no way around it. Countless others had asked him similar questions; most of them hungry young men, desperate to touch but forbidden by society’s rules, who wanted all of the sinful details.
Details which Alexander had been unable to give them.
“She was,” he said quietly as the curve of her neck became visible for a brief moment as she leaned down to pick something up. “I believe that she lives with an aunt now, in Cheshire.”
“So what you are saying is,” Teresa’s voice floated up from the screen, “that you indulged in licentious pleasure with a young woman. She is now banished from society and living in the middle of nowhere, and you are here, in the heart of society, continuing on as though nothing happened?”
Alexander felt the bitterness and the anger rise up pin him, but he was not going to let them overcome him.
“It is not like that, exactly, no. Miss Wrottesley decided that she would rather be away from society, and so she receives a – a generous stipend, shall we say – where she and her family can live in relative comfort.”
Teresa stepped out from the screen, and Alexander audibly gasped.
There was nothing wrong with the gown, at first glance. It was white, it was cotton, and it was pretty, in a simple way. No embroidery, no lacing, no print.
No, what made it the most incredible outfit that Alexander had ever seen was that she was wearing it without corset, and without being properly dry.
Small damp patches across her stomach were completely transparent, giving him a view of taut and yet soft skin.
Her breasts, unconstrained by whalebone, were pert and rounded, and a drop of water had cascaded from her still dripping hair to leave a trail down one breast to the nipple.
The trail left a transparent track, and it was a loin-clenching look that Teresa gave him.
“My, how the mighty have fallen,” she whispered, and Alexander almost groaned aloud.
It was impossible, surely, for her not to realise that she was doing this to him?
Of course not, she was well-practised in this art – and yet how could she stand there, in a gown with no chemise on, as he could very clearly see, talking to him with those luscious lips?
“I – she – it was agreed,” Alexander managed, pulling his eyes upwards to meet hers. “She . . . Miss Wrottesley . . . decided that it was best.”
“For you,” Teresa said with a smile. “Not for her.”
Although painfully aroused by the sight of her, that did not entirely distract Alexander from her words.
He swallowed down the bitterness that rose from his heart.
“I would not say that I have had an easy ride of it, either. My reputation here is sullied, and few have continued their acquaintances with me. My club has expelled me, and – ”
“Oh, your club has expelled you!” Teresa threw up her hands in mock horror, and sat gently in the armchair opposite him. “Why did you not say so? That is surely the cruellest punishment of all!”
“And I cannot marry!” Alexander snapped. “You should try to even converse with a woman who believes that you are going to rip her clothes off at any moment, it leaves you completely isolated!”
His anger was real, but so was Teresa’s mirth, and it incensed him. He glared at the fire to avoid glaring at her, knowing that his traitorous eyes would not stay long on her beautiful face.
“You have had your time of pleasure,” Teresa said quietly. “And now you have to pay for it. That is the rule of polite society, is it not?”
“It is indeed.” Alexander nodded. “But it is strange to think that I shall now never experience the love of a wife, or welcome children.
My family line could be ended, almost certainly will be.
And to never know the comfort of another; to live the rest of my days without a lover at my side; to die ignorant of that passion . . . ‘tis a cruel fate.”
He tilted his head to smile at her wistfully, and she leaned forward, her breasts falling towards him.
“I thought you seduced her.” She was staring at him, confusion and suspicion on her face. “Surely . . . surely you cannot die ignorant, as you already know.”
For a moment, Alexander thought that his heart had stopped. Blast, he had been too loose in the tongue – and he had never made this mistake before, what a fool he was! And yet it was impossible to take his words back now, not when those blue eyes were staring at him in wonder.
He sighed, and smiled darkly. “You have found me out, Miss Metcalfe.”
“Teresa, please,” she whispered. “If you are about to reveal a dark and terrible secret – which, I suspect, you are – then I think Christian names are more appropriate.”
He could not help but laugh at the archness of her manner. “Teresa, then. It seems strange to admit this, particularly to you, but there was no seduction. I have never met Miss Wrottesley, let alone touched her. ‘Tis all a lie.”
Teresa’s eyes widened, and she sat back in the armchair, staring at him. “Well!” She breathed. “Now that is the strangest thing that I have ever heard. Who creates such a story as that? Who loses their reputation – their chance of happiness, even – on a lie?”
Alexander shifted in the armchair. Was he really going to do this? Was he going to reveal this great secret, one that he had kept between himself and his closest friend? The secret that he had guarded for so long – reveal it to a woman whom he had met but an hour before?
But there was something about her. Teresa was the kind of woman that you felt would keep a secret, if you told it to her.
She tilted her head as she beheld him, and a feeling erupted in him that tasted like jealousy. How many other men had she wheedled secrets out of? How many others had sat in this same chair, and confessed? Why, this woman could probably bring London down with the secrets she knew.
“You do not have to tell me, you know.”
Her words were soft, and for a moment they did not register in his ears. Then he frowned.
Teresa smiled. “I am not one to force confidences, not ever: not with friends nor clients, if that is what you are concerned about.”
Alexander smiled drily. “That is what I was considering, yes.”
There was a moment – a shared intimacy, an understanding, a connection. And then it was gone, and she looked down into her lap.
He drew in a deep breath. “It was not I that met Miss Wrottesley at a house party in Lincolnshire. Nor was it I who invited her to Loxwich, where she stayed for, I think, several days. But it was my decision to establish the stipend, and I who bear the ignominy of the offence.”
Teresa shook her head. “Why? Why would you do such a thing – for whom? Who is it that you protect?”
For a full minute, Alexander looked at her. There was so much innocence about her, despite her profession. She could not comprehend the depths that one would sink to protect the family name, could not understand the weight of history.
“What you must remember,” he said eventually, “is that my family has been a part of the fabric of this country for longer than the Regent’s family was even here.
Longer than Elizabeth. Longer than the Conquest. We have a reputation to uphold, and in my family there is .
. . well, I think you would call it a tradition. ”
Teresa stared at him, but said nothing.
Alexander swallowed. “The Duke and his eldest son must always be protected. Always. Hundreds of years ago, that was more of a physical protection: war, bandits, that sort of thing.”
“But now,” said Teresa slowly, “now it is reputation. You have a brother.”
“Had,” he corrected her. “Mark was older than me, older by seven years. He was the heir to the dukedom, and I was the little brother. Two years ago, when he was enjoying the pleasures of Miss Wrottesley, I was here, studying the bar.”
He watched as the truth dawned on her face like a ray of sunshine. “Are you – are you saying that it was your brother, and not yourself, that deflowered that girl? That you have taken the blame for it?”
Alexander nodded, and smiled. “It feels strangely cathartic to tell another person! Yes, foolish Mark immediately realised after Miss Wrottesley had left that the entire party had seen them depart together, and it would not take long for people to ascertain that they had both been missing for several days.”
“His reputation ruined,” Teresa whispered, “and hers along with it.”
“But that simply can’t happen to the heir of the Caershire dukedom.” Alexander tried to speak without bitterness creeping into his voice, but it seemed an almost impossible task.
Teresa shifted in her seat, and leaned closely towards him, taking his hand in a swift movement that made Alexander throb with desire. “You were brave,” she whispered. “To take that blame from him. To restore your family name. To keep him safe.”
For a wild moment, Alexander wanted to lean forwards and kiss that comforting mouth full on the lips, to taste of that goodness, throw caution to the wind – and then she released his hands, though she remained leaning close to him.
He coughed. “Well, it was not even a question. I raced back to Loxwich, wrote up a contract using my legal training to establish a stipend for Miss Wrottesley, and with the help of a good friend, seeded the rumour myself. That way, it caught the gossips before even a hint of my brother reached them.”
“But . . . but you sacrificed your name.”
Alexander nodded. It had not felt like a choice then, and in the darkest of nights he still wished that he had made a different decision. But it was too late now.
“Well, it was perhaps the stupidest thing I ever did,” he said dully.
“My father died six months later, and my brother only had the dukedom for another four before he died in France. Despite all our careful planning, the Dukedom ended up in the lap of the ruined man, and suddenly the family plan had backfired terribly.”
“You were meant to suffer in silence, in obscurity, for the rest of your life,” Teresa said slowly. “But instead – ”
“The dukedom ends with me,” Alexander said, with a rueful smile.
“Not the fool proof plan that we had intended. Which is sad, really, because it had worked perfectly well for centuries. You have no idea how many Caershires died in prison for their nephew, or hung on the gallows for their cousin, or were forced into an unsuitable marriage for their brother. At least I avoided that.”
Her eyes were wide, and he realised immediately that he had revealed too much. No one liked to see the dark underbelly of the nobility.
“And so there you have it,” he said quietly. “No marriage for me, just a bad reputation that I have not earned, and the accusation of love making that I shall now never enjoy.”
Teresa stared at him. It was incomprehensible, the sacrifice that the man before her had made – and a hollow one, too. There were lines around his eyes that crinkled as he thought of the choice he had made, considered it with disgust and with self-loathing.
Her heart broke for him. What a man! He was broken, she could see that, but through selflessness, not selfishness.
She could not help herself. She took his hand once more, and her whole body tingled as it had before.
“There are few who would even consider the basic tenents of gallantry,” she said quietly, searching for his eyes and feeling that dull lurch in her heart, “and you are a man who did not think of himself. You left your own desires and hopes for the future by the wayside, and immediately did what you could for your family. If that is not honourable, then I do not know what is.”
His eyes stared at her, as though parched for kind words. “You think so?”
Teresa nodded. His honesty had shocked her at first, but it was impossible not to warm to such a man.
“You may feel as though you walk the streets alone, misunderstood and maligned. But I know the truth now, and wherever you are, whatever you do, whoever you are with: you will know that out there, someone, is one more person who knows the truth.”