Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
Nerissa’s skirts swished around her as she strode purposefully down the street, the weak rays of the morning sun glinting in the windows.
There were very few people awake at this early hour, and most of them were servants. They stared in delighted shock at the young woman pacing down the street not just because of the early time of day, nor the lack of chaperone.
It was her lack of shoes that was causing the most consternation, but Nerissa did not care. She had not cared about a lot of things when she had woken up that morning, and she had been filled with a sense of determination that she had never felt before.
Her heart thumped painfully in her chest, but she ignored it. Yes, she may regret what she was about to do later, but more than that, she knew that if she did not do it now, she never would do: and then he may leave.
It was not difficult to find the street where Count Anthony of Stratham had found living quarters for the last few days, but she had to pause and take a deep breath as she reached the front door.
This was madness, yes, but it was madness borne from love and she would burst if she did not say the things that had been racing through her mind all night.
Nerissa raised her right hand and knocked loudly on the door.
Absolutely nothing happened.
Her shoulders slumped. She could still feel the fear and anticipation in her bones, and there was a dryness in her mouth that could only be explained by the excitement and panic of talking with him.
But he was not here. Nerissa raised her hand again and knocked, more loudly this time.
“I know that you are in there,” she said, a little defiantly and against her better judgement. “Anthony, please…please come to the door.”
She waited again. How long was she willing to abase herself like this?
She could hear the titters of a passing serving girl who had walked behind her, and Nerissa flushed.
No self-respecting young lady would ever do what she was doing at this very moment, as though she needed to damage her reputation anymore!
Nerissa swallowed. “Come and talk to me,” she said, trying to keep the pleading from her voice. “Please, Anthony. I just want to talk to you.”
“Down presently!” It was a groggy voice that answered her, and it came as more of a bark than a shout.
The crashing sounds of a gentleman attempting, with the grogginess of sleep, to get dressed in the early hours of the morning echoed through the door, and Nerissa found that this increased her heart rate, rather than calmed it.
To think that in just a few seconds she would be speaking to him. After all of this time that she had had to think, she still did not know what she was going to say.
The door opened slowly.
“Anthony, I – Anthony?”
The face that had appeared at the door was certainly not Anthony. Dark haired with a beard and a filthy linen shirt covering his chest, the man leered at Nerissa.
“And what d’you want this early?” He growled.
Nerissa took a hasty step backwards, but did not blush. She had just as much right to enquire after the Count of Stratham as…as anyone. More so, in fact.
“I am looking for Anthony, Count of Stratham,” she said bravely.
Her bravery seemed to go unnoticed. The servant’s leer merely increased and he looked up and down with a knowing smile.
“How should I know?” He said rudely. “‘Tis not my business to know, I am not his keeper. But anything that you want to say to him, you can say to me.”
His grin widened, and Nerissa was under no illusion what he meant. She stepped forward and without even thinking, gave the man a hearty slap around the face.
“If you value your life,” she hissed as the man howled in pain, “then you will never speak to me in that manner again, do you hear me?”
“You hit me – you hit me, you mad woman!” He growled at her and slammed the door in her face.
The street was strangely quiet. Nerissa sighed, all of her energy and determination flowing out of her. She had been so sure, so certain that he would be at home and willing to listen to her, willing to talk about them, about their future.
But he was not even there. He must have decided to leave already, a week early; taken one of the smaller ships to Kingston and waited there for passage to England.
Nerissa leaned her head against the door in exhaustion. She had had her chance of happiness, it had been right before her, and though it was a series of catastrophes that had brought them together, it was a stupid misunderstanding that had torn them apart.
She had let it tear them apart. She had been so convinced that he had proposed marriage that she had not even stopped to think about his actual words, and now what had happened?
She loved a man who did not know it and had only proposed, finally, because her honour was in disrepute.
Well, there was no more that she could do here. The best that she could do was return home, and start to think about how her life would never be the same again.
Nerissa turned around and saw Anthony standing there, right before her, in the middle of the street.
She gasped, her hand fluttering to her chest.
“Why are you not wearing any shoes, Nerissa?” Anthony asked simply.
Nerissa took in a shuddering breath. This was it, then. This was her moment to make sure that she said everything she wanted, that he knew everything that she was feeling.
What happened afterwards…well. That was Anthony’s decision, and she could not make it for him.
Ignoring his question, she took a step towards him. “Anthony. I-I had to speak with you, that is why I came here at this early hour. It was only at four o’clock this morning that I realised, and I know that the hour is ridiculous but I simply…I could not sleep for thinking of you.”
Her gaze flickered over him, but he said nothing.
“Anthony, the only thing that was preventing me from being with the man that I wanted to be with…the man that I loved, was my own pride,” Nerissa said sadly, a weak smile on her face.
She wanted to leap into his arms with everything that she had, and yet he was not smiling. He was staring at her, just staring at her.
“But why are you not wearing any shoes, Nerissa?” He repeated.
It was easy to ignore his question now, easier for her to talk now that she had begun.
“Yes, it was a genuine misunderstanding,” Nerissa said quietly, taking another step towards him.
“And it was both of ours, really. The blame lies on both sides, equally, and therefore I say that we ignore it! It was our own stupidity for not understanding each other, and once the confusion had begun, we should have done something about it.”
She had taken another step towards him, and she was now but three feet from him. “But to let that misunderstanding prevent us from being together, to prevent us from being happy…that would be foolish indeed.”
“It was a stupid misunderstanding,” Anthony said in a low voice, “but Nerissa, we are having another one right now. Why are you not wearing any shoes?”
Nerissa smiled. Somehow she knew, she just knew that they were going to understand each other, that their passion for each other was going to overcome the pain that they had both caused and received.
Taking a final step forwards, she reached up to stroke his face. He broke out into a smile, a wary one, one full of fear, and love, and uncertainty.
“Because,” she said simply in a quiet voice so that only he could hear her, “because I am about to dive into something that I do not really understand, and…and I do not wish to drown.”
Anthony leaned forward and kissed her passionately, his arms reaching around and pulling her into his embrace. Nerissa gave herself up to the kiss, lost in his lips, his tongue ravaging her own, his hands tight on her waist, her hands around his neck.
This was it, this was everything, this was Anthony: the only man that she would or could ever love.
And he knew it, he must know it, because the way that he was kissing her, as though his life depended on it, as though he would never be able to explain his love for her in words – it was glorious, and she almost moaned aloud when the kiss was broken.
“I am so sorry,” Anthony said in a jagged voice, his hands now moving to cup her face towards him. “Oh, Nerissa, nothing that I can ever say will be able to atone from the catastrophe that I almost pushed us into!”
Nerissa knew that they were being watched, that passers-by were staring, but what did she care for them?
“You know,” she breathed with a beaming smile, “you do have the rest of your life to make it up to me.”
Anthony laughed and kissed her again, pushing her backwards so she had to take a few rapid steps, and leaning her against the wall of his quarters as his mouth gently teased her, kisses flowing from her mouth to her neck.
There was a scandalised gasp of breath from somewhere behind him but Nerissa did not care, losing herself in the tantalising delight that he was sparking in her body.
“But – but Nerissa,” Anthony said stopping abruptly and looking into her eyes with concern. “I bring nothing to this marriage, not a penny, and I have not cared for you, or – Are you…are you certain that you wish to align yourself with a brigand like myself?”
Nerissa stared up at him; his grey eyes were bright, his jaw fixed as though preparing himself for the worst, and all she wanted to do was melt in his arms.
“Anthony,” she said quietly with a knowing smile, “I bring more than enough for both of us – and besides, I am not marrying you for your money, nor your title in case that crosses your mind.”
He gazed at her with such adoration she thought she would burst. “Then why?”
Nerissa laughed. “Why, for your cool head in a crisis, of course! Who else is going to save me from drowning?”
Anthony stared at her for a moment, and then shook his head with a smile, lowering his lips to hers once more – exactly where they were most wanted.