Chapter 9 #2
Living with Theo was like walking through a minefield. One false step, and I could end up revealing way too much.
Theo
I let the silence settle between us. The air felt different now, less charged, more searching.
Then I remembered the music from the previous night.
I pointed to his phone on the coffee table. “Pick something from your playlist?” I grimaced. “Just don’t make it heavy. I couldn’t cope with that first thing in the morning.”
Cameron went over and grabbed his phone.
He scrolled, the corner of his mouth lifting when he found something.
A moment later the same dreamy synth from the night before filled the room again.
Cameron sat on the couch, listening. He didn’t look at me.
“First thing that came up.” Then his gaze met mine.
“You said nothing heavy.” His eyes twinkled.
He picked up his sketchbook, and I burned with curiosity.
“Can I see what you’re working on?”
He flushed. “Maybe when it’s finished. Right now, it’s little more than preliminary sketches.” He set the sketchbook down on the seat cushion beside him. “You told me a lot just then.” He cocked his head. “Maybe it’s my turn? That’s assuming you want to know more about your lodger.”
I gave a small nod. “If you want to tell me, sure.” I was proud of the nonchalance lacing those words. They sounded polite, betraying nothing.
They couldn’t have been further from the truth.
I want to know more about you.
“You’ve been around since I was in my mid-teens, so you probably feel you already know me, but…” Cameron swallowed, then looked me in the eye. “One thing has changed since then.”
“Oh?”
He bit his lip. “I’m gay.” Cameron’s eyes sparkled. “Although you might have guessed that part.”
Shock ricocheted through me. Oh Gary, you really don’t know your little brother at all, do you?
It was a safer thought than the minefield that opened up before me.
Cameron is gay.
Not so off-limits after all.
He’s still untouchable. What did Gary say about not corrupting him?
I regained my composure and arched my eyebrows. “Guessed? I might have suspected. Especially after seeing you in that leather bar.”
Cameron’s eyes widened. “I was there for a friend,” he protested.
“Of course you were. And you were also surrounded by gay men, and you seemed perfectly at ease with that.”
And maybe that was why I had difficulty believing the straight part. My instincts—and my imagination—had already begun to suggest otherwise.
Cameron laughed. “Yeah, okay, so not exactly a plot twist.”
“Gary didn’t mention you being gay. Does he know?”
“Not really. It’s never been something I wanted to talk about with him.
” His fingers traced the edge of the sketchbook.
“I came close last year, in October. He made some comment about it being National Coming Out Day, something he’d seen on Instagram, I think.
And I thought, ‘this is it. This is when I come out to him. It’s perfect timing. ’” He paused. “But I couldn’t.”
“How long had you known you were gay?”
“The thing is… I didn’t really have an ‘aha’ moment. It was more like… something clicked when I met someone older, someone who made me feel safe for the first time. Someone who didn’t even know he was doing it.”
I gazed at him. “That sounds important.”
“It was,” Cameron affirmed. “He made me realise what I wanted wasn’t a phase. It was real. I could want someone, not just the idea of them.” He looked down quickly. “The usual teenage stuff, you know, intense and confusing.”
I studied him, a flicker of emotion behind his calm facade. “Did you ever tell him? This older guy?”
Cameron shook his head. “No. It would’ve been pointless. He was way out of reach.” A pause. “But it mattered, because after that, I stopped trying to be something I wasn’t.”
My chest tightened. There was something about the way Cameron said out of reach that struck too close to home.
I took a slow breath. “I’m glad you found that clarity.”
“Me too.”
“Have you dated much?” I flushed. “That was rude. It’s none of my damn business.”
“No, honestly, it’s fine. And the answer is not much, no.” Cameron hesitated again, then added in a hushed tone, “In fact, I’ve never really… been with anyone. Like… ever.”
I blinked. “You mean—”
“I mean exactly that.” Cameron smiled as though to blunt the honesty of his intimate revelation. “Don’t get me wrong. I’ve dated. And there were a couple of almost-things. Nothing that made it past coffee or nerves, though.”
My throat felt suddenly parched. “You’re young. You have time.”
He bit back a smile. “You make it sound as though I’m still in my teens. You’re only four years older than me, remember?” Cameron locked gazes with me. “I’m not in a hurry. Just… waiting until it feels right.”
The words hung between us, simple and unguarded.
Something shifted inside me, an unruly mix of awe and danger. I wanted to say that right was complicated, that timing was cruel, that sometimes, waiting hurt more than wanting. But I couldn’t.
Instead, I took a breath. “That’s rare.”
Cameron shrugged. “Maybe. Or maybe I just haven’t met the person worth breaking my streak for.”
I averted my gaze, my pulse racing. “The world isn’t always gentle with people who lead with hope.”
“I know. That’s why hope needs practice.”
I could hear Cameron’s smile before I looked back at him. “You’re impossible to argue with.” I couldn’t keep the warmth from my voice.
Cameron chuckled. “That’s what my tutors say.”
Our eyes met again, and for a heartbeat, everything felt suspended in time, captured in the quiet, the glow of the lamp, even the faint hum of traffic outside.
Then I cleared my throat. “I should make some tea.”
Cameron’s grin lit up his face. “See? Avoidance. Classic Sinclair.”
I shot him a look over my shoulder. “Careful. You’re analysing your landlord.”
“It’s an occupational hazard.” Cameron was still smiling.
I turned away, my own smile blossoming before I could stop it. I busied myself with the kettle, grateful for the noise. Because if Cameron saw my face, he’d know the truth.
It’s more than curiosity or attraction now.
It was the beginning of belief that someone might see all of me—and stay.
I brought the mugs over, and handed one to Cameron, our fingers brushing, the moment accidental.
Don’t kid yourself.
I didn’t move away this time. “Thank you.”
Cameron blinked. “For what?”
“For the company.”
His smile brightened the room. “Anytime.”
Instead of going to the desk, I sat in the armchair, facing Cameron.
This feels different. New.
Maybe it was trust or sated curiosity.
And then again, maybe it was the slow, undeniable pull I didn’t dare name.
Yet.
Cameron reopened his sketchbook again, this time reaching for his pencils, and the room lapsed into its usual quiet. The only sounds were pencil against paper and the faint hum of my laptop.
I told myself I should be working, but I had a feeling the numbers on the screen would blur again. I could still hear Cameron’s voice, low and curious.
Have you ever been in love?
Saying Luka’s name echoed like an old song I hadn’t meant to play. It had been years since I’d spoken that name out loud.
I hadn’t planned to today.
I rubbed at my temples. I didn’t like talking about the past. It felt too much like breaking open something I’d spent years filing neatly away. But Cameron’s questions hadn’t felt intrusive. They’d felt… genuine, even disarming in their simplicity.
That’s the danger of him. He hadn’t pried. He’d listened.
I leaned back in my chair. The flat was warm, the lamplight low. Cameron was sketching with that easy concentration that always seemed to make the rest of the world disappear.
He looks peaceful.
He looked like something I shouldn’t want but did.
I’d thought telling him about Luka would create distance, that it would lay out the map of why I kept rules, why I stayed careful.
Instead, it had done the opposite. Cameron hadn’t looked at me with pity or judgment. He’d looked at me with…. What? Understanding? Maybe even affection?
And now I felt exposed.
I got up, walked over to the desk, and closed the laptop with a soft click. Then I returned to the armchair. I rubbed the bridge of my nose and let my head fall back against the padded seat.
You don’t have to survive me.
Cameron had said it like a joke, but it had pierced somewhere deep.
It’s exactly what I’ve been doing for years—keeping people at arm’s length and my emotions under control.
Cameron had added a new dimension to my life, something different, and I wasn’t sure what to do about that.