Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
Cameron
My heart was about to explode, and all I could think about was the mess it would make all over Theo’s neat bedroom.
Theo closed the door, then stood still, as if he was deciding what to do next.
I knew exactly what I wanted.
I stroked Theo’s neck, moving higher, tracing the line of his cheekbone.
“Kiss me?”
Theo didn’t hesitate. Our lips met, and my pulse quickened.
This. This is what I’ve wanted for so long.
Him.
“I do have a question,” I murmured.
Theo stilled, his hands on my back. “Fire away.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be rehearsing tonight? Won’t you be missed?”
He chuckled, then pointed to the window. “And you really think that bunch is so dedicated, they’ll brave the storm to sing for an hour or two?”
I laughed. “Okay, fair point.”
“I moved the rehearsal to tomorrow night.”
“Then can I ask another question?” My heart hammered. “This is all new to me, right? I mean, you remember the part where I might have mentioned I was a vir—”
Theo stopped my words with a kiss. “Yeah, I got that part.”
“Good. Just checking. So…” I swallowed. “Is there anything we need to talk about before… before we…”
Theo’s hands were warm on my shoulders. “I don’t use condoms. I’m on PrEP, which—”
“Yeah, I know what that is. And you get tested, right?”
He nodded. “My last one was two months ago. All is well.” He inclined his head toward the bedside cabinet. “And I also have several bottles of lube, because I like being prepared.”
“Of course you do.” I shuddered out a breath. “Then we’re good to go?”
Theo’s smile sent heat racing over my skin.
“We are,” he confirmed. Then Theo’s hands were under the bathrobe, easing it off, leaving me naked and so fucking hard. Warm fingers enclosed my erection, and I groaned into our kiss.
“Always wondered how this would feel,” I whispered.
Theo’s lips grazed my neck. “Why didn’t you do anything before now?”
My throat tightened, and I swallowed. “Because I was waiting.”
“For what?”
I pulled back and locked gazes with Theo. “You.” I took a deep breath. “Not that I want to put pressure on you or anything, but yeah. I wanted you to be my first.”
Theo chuckled again. “Sure, that’s not putting pressure on me at all.”
I locked my arms around Theo’s neck and kissed him. “Can we get back to the part where you were stroking my dick?”
A chuckle reverberated through me. “I have something better in mind.”
I caught my breath as Theo propelled me backwards to the bed, my thighs connecting with the mattress. Theo gave a gentle push, and I was on my back, my cock pointing to the ceiling.
Theo smiled. “Have you any idea how beautiful you are?” He knelt at the foot of the bed and curled his hand around my shaft. “How gorgeous this is?”
I shivered. “You’re the first person to see it up close. I’ll take your word for it.” Then all thoughts fled when Theo’s warm, wet mouth surrounded the head of my dick. I shuddered out a long breath. “Oh God, that feels amazing.”
I lost myself in multiple sensations: Theo’s tongue flicking the head, teasing my slit; Theo’s fingers on my sac, my cock, my belly, my chest; the sound of our mingled breaths; the sight of Theo’s head bobbing as he took me deep; and the scent of him, warm and rich, that pervaded the air.
Then Theo stopped, and my heartbeat quickened. He got up and went around the bed to the cabinet, and the sound of a drawer opening and closing sent my pulse rocketing. He dropped a bottle of lube onto the duvet, then stood beside the bed, unbuttoning his shirt with careful fingers.
I watched, mesmerised, unable to tear my gaze away as Theo revealed every inch of bare skin. Theo’s cock sprang up as he removed his briefs, and one thought consumed me.
That’s going inside me. Oh God.
Theo climbed onto the bed. “I need to get you ready.”
I managed a nod. When Theo’s lips met mine once more, I poured my heart and soul into that kiss, moaning into it when Theo traced a line down my torso with his fingertips, along my shaft from root to head.
“Spread for me,” Theo whispered against my lips.
I thought there were no sexier words in the history of the English language.
I did as I was told, and a heartbeat later, Theo’s slick finger slowly penetrated me, making me gasp, groan…
Feel.
I flung my arm around Theo’s neck and clung to him as Theo moved in and out, taking his time. It burned a little at first, but soon that faded into a sensation I wanted to chase, to revel in. Then he added another, making me moan.
Then another, until I was desperate to feel him fill me with more than fingers.
“Ready for me?”
I managed a breathless chuckle. “I’ve been ready for this for the last six years. Where have you been?”
Theo smiled. “Then I won’t make you wait a second longer.” He shifted on the bed, grabbed a pillow, and shoved it under my arse, then knelt there, his dick glistening with lube. “I’ll take it slow, okay?”
I nodded. “Slow is good.”
I’ve waited this long, I don’t want it to be over in seconds.
I tried to breathe normally, but that was never going to happen, not when Theo’s warm, hard cock slid into my body, filling me, stretching me, making me want more of it.
I bit my lip. “Fuck. You feel so big.”
He stilled. “Tell me when you want me to move.”
I groaned. “Now, for God’s sake.”
Theo grasped my ankles, rocking in and out of my hole, his gaze focused on my face.
I wanted to cry out, to tell him how good it was, better than all my fantasies, but something tugged at my senses. Then I noticed how quiet Theo was. Not the good kind, the hush that falls when something feels sacred, but a kind that felt… managed.
Theo moved carefully above me, every motion precise, as though he was executing something he’d done a thousand times, his breathing steady, his face unreadable.
My heartbeat stuttered.
He isn’t looking at me so much as through me.
Okay, this was my first time, and I had absolutely nothing to compare the experience to, but I knew what presence felt like, and one thing was crystal clear.
Theo isn’t fully here.
I couldn’t help but respond to the feel of Theo’s shaft sliding in and out of me, but my mind kept snagging on the same thought.
Is he enjoying this at all?
My own breathing was shallow, ragged. Theo didn’t make a sound. No involuntary noise. Nothing to suggest he was feeling anything beyond concentration.
I slid my hand along Theo’s arm, grounding myself. I waited a beat, then another.
No reaction.
I swallowed. “Theo.”
He stilled immediately, as though he’d been caught doing something wrong. “Yes?”
I searched his face, my heart pounding harder than it had all the time Theo had kissed me, prepped me.
“You’re really quiet,” I said at last. “I can’t tell if you’re with me.”
Theo blinked. “I’m fine,” he replied quickly. “I want this.”
I believed him, but that wasn’t the problem.
I hesitated, then ignored my nerves. “This is new for me. And I need to know you’re actually enjoying it.”
Theo froze, and I felt the tension rippling through Theo’s body like a wire pulled too tight.
My chest tightened. “Hey, it’s okay. We can stop. Or slow down. Or just—talk. I promise I’m okay with any of that.”
Something raw flicked across Theo’s face. “No, I don’t want to stop.”
I forced myself to breathe evenly. “Okay. Then help me understand.”
Theo pulled free of me, and the ache that followed made my heart sink. Theo exhaled. “I don’t react much. I focus. That’s how I learned.” His voice was so freaking quiet.
Learned.
Fuck.
In that moment, I saw the truth.
This isn’t about me at all. This is memory. Habit. A version of Theo that learned how to be acceptable in bed.
I sat up slowly, giving Theo time to pull away if he wanted to. Theo didn’t move when I cupped his face.
“You don’t have to perform for me,” I said softly. “You don’t have to be good at this.”
Theo laughed, a weak sound. “That’s all I know how to be.”
My throat tightened. “Then let’s try something else, just for a second.”
“Like what?”
“Stay,” I said simply. “Here, with me.” Theo’s breathing hitched, and my heart raced. “You don’t need to disappear.” I kept my voice steady. “I want to see you. Even if it’s messy.”
Theo swallowed. “I don’t know how to stop.”
I smiled. “Then I’ll help.” I lay back down, my arms wide. “I’ve got you.”
Theo stared at me, and then slowly, he covered me with his body. His breathing changed as a sound slipped from his lips, rough, almost startled, and as noticeable as the lightning that lit up the night sky. Then he stiffened, as if bracing for correction.
I didn’t hesitate. I gazed at Theo with wide eyes. “That’s—Theo, that’s beautiful.”
Another sound escaped him, softer this time, and I felt a rush of fierce tenderness.
This is what I want.
Theo pressed his forehead to mine, his breathing rapid. “I didn’t know it could feel like this,” he whispered.
I smiled, my eyes burning with unshed tears. “That’s because you’re not alone in it.” I stroked Theo’s cheek. “I want you inside me.”
Theo nodded. He applied more lube, then helped me onto my side. He lay behind me, grabbed my thigh and lifted it, then slid his dick home.
I groaned. “Oh yeah, just like that.” I turned my head toward Theo, and we kissed. Theo began to move, only now with less control. His arm was under my neck, and he laced our fingers, his hips rolling, his breathing staccato. When a low moan rolled out of him, my heart soared.
“There you are,” I groaned. “I love hearing you. Don’t be quiet with me.”
Theo kissed my neck, picking up the pace, and I knew for the first time how it felt to be on fire, to have every cell in my body alive and singing, exulting in the sensations coursing through me.
Then he changed position, and I stared into his eyes as Theo lay between my thighs, rocking his hips, filling me, kissing me, pushing me closer to the orgasm I knew was right there, waiting for me.
“I… I can’t hold it back,” Theo gasped.
“Then don’t,” I flung at him. “Come. Let me feel it.” I wrapped my arms around Theo and held on.
And when Theo froze once more, this time a groan tumbled from his lips and I was aware of warmth filling me, the throb of Theo’s cock inside me, Theo’s lips against mine, the thump of Theo’s heart against my own.
“Oh God, I feel you,” I cried out.
Theo lay on top of me, shaking, gasping, and I breathed slowly, deliberately, until Theo’s breathing matched mine. I stroked Theo’s back in slow circles, tracing the same soothing path again and again.
“I’ve got you,” I said quietly. “You’re safe. I’m here.” It didn’t matter that I hadn’t come yet. I knew Theo wouldn’t leave me hanging.
He’s still inside me.
Theo let out another breath, one that came from someplace deep. He knelt up. Then warm fingers circled my cock, and I moaned.
“And now it’s your turn,” he whispered, tugging, squeezing, until I was arching up into his touch, chasing it. “I want to watch you come.”
I was on fire again. “Theo…”
“Let go, Cameron.” And then he slid a finger into me.
Electricity zapped through me, zinging down my spine, into my balls, along my shaft, until I couldn’t hold it off a second longer.
“Theo….” I cried out as a wave of pleasure crashed into me, stealing my breath, and leaving me shaking in his arms. And when I came, he bent down to take the head of my cock into his warm mouth.
Aw fuck.
I shuddered as he lapped up the last drops. Then he covered me with his body, our lips meeting as he shared the taste of me. I held him close, aware of his heartbeat, his shallow breaths, our damp bodies connected.
Theo raised his chin and looked at me. “I didn’t… disappear.”
The words hit me like a blow, and I tightened my grip on Theo’s body.
“No, you didn’t.” I pressed a kiss to Theo’s tangled hair. “You don’t have to be anywhere else. You don’t have to hold yourself together. I’ve got you.”
The tension drained out of him until at last his weight settled fully into my arms.
Only then did I realise my own hands were shaking, not with nerves but with something fierce and protective and new. I lay quietly until Theo’s breathing evened out completely.
Until Theo was warm and calm and unmistakably here.
And somewhere in the quiet, I understood this had been more than sex.
This is care.
This was also something I wanted to repeat.
“Theo.” I stroked his damp skin.
It was always supposed to be you.
He craned his neck to look into my eyes. “Are you okay?”
I smiled. “I’m so far beyond okay.” I kissed his forehead. “And right now I’m feeling thankful.” He gave me a quizzical glance, and I wrapped my legs around him. “I’m glad I waited for you.”