Chapter Fourteen
Anastacia
I hear Grizz and Tommy come into the house, but they don’t come into the kitchen, which I find strange. Grizz is always around, always letting me know where he is.
I don’t like that it bothers me—that there’s this strange feeling in my chest over him not coming in here just because he’s with his brother. I don’t like the way it makes me feel at all.
Is this jealousy?
No, it can’t be. What do I have to be jealous over?
“And what about snacks?” Kelsey asks.
“Oh, uh… well, my cravings have been all over the place, really. Sometimes I want chocolate, other times fruit. Sometimes it’s more specific.”
She nods, jotting some things down. “I’ll just grab a variety then.”
“You really don’t have to go out of your way...”
“I was going shopping, anyway. It’s no trouble to add some things to the list.”
I want to tell her that it may be no trouble to add it to the list, but it is going to cost more money. I have no idea how they afford to live here. Grizz told me neither of them work, and he’s with the club. Does that actually pay them money? I don’t know how that works.
“Do you think we should get baby supplies yet?” she asks.
It causes my heart to drop.
“What?”
“I know you’re close to full term, according to what Grizz said. I’m just wondering if we should get baby stuff yet. Of course, you can get whatever you want, I’m just making conversation.”
“Oh, I hadn’t really thought of that.”
And I hadn’t. I know I need things, but I haven’t really thought about it. I have no idea how I will pay for any of it, nor do I even know what I need.
“Well, you should probably start thinking. The baby will be here before you know it.”
My hand goes to my stomach, and I look down at it. I feel something kick against my hand, and it makes me smile. But the dread is still coursing through my veins. I’m so unprepared.
“I… don’t even know what the sex is,” I say as emotion overcomes me. Tears pool in my eyes.
“Oh, honey. I’m sorry.” Kelsey comes over to put her arm around me, giving me a small hug. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m just trying to help.”
“I know,” I say, sniffling and wiping my eyes. “It’s just the hormones.”
And maybe it is. Or maybe it’s all finally hitting me how serious this situation is.
“Hey, I—what’s wrong?” The panic in Grizz’s voice is clear. He’s at my side in a second, Kelsey back in her seat. “What’s wrong, Angel?”
I shake my head, wiping my eyes, but the tears won’t stop. My vision is blurry, and I can’t see anything.
Large arms come around me. Grizz’s scent wraps around me. His warmth seeps into my bones. He’s here. I’m okay.
It takes a moment, but the tears finally stop. I don’t stop hugging him, though. I’m grasping at his shirt and don’t want to let go. I’m not sure how long we stay like that, but when I finally pull away, he’s still latching onto me.
“I’m okay,” I say.
“Are you sure?” he asks, concern on his face.
“Positive. It’s just hormones.”
“Hormones?” he asks skeptically.
“I think so. I don’t know.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing. I don’t know.” He holds my gaze. “Kelsey asked if I wanted to get stuff for the baby, and it just hit me that they’re going to be here soon. That this is real. And it’s scary.”
“Oh, Angel,” he says, pulling me against his chest. “I’m sure it is scary. But you know what? You’re the bravest person I know, and you’re going to be an amazing mom. Your baby is so lucky to have you. And I will be here every step of the way.”
“You don’t even know me,” falls from my lips in a raspy whisper.
He nods against me. “I know that, but it feels like I do. I want to know you more. I want to know everything. I want to be here—for you and for the baby. As long as you’ll let me.”
He pulls back again, looking me in the eye.
I don’t even think. I lean forward and press my lips to his.
It’s the first time I’m willingly kissing someone.
Well, except for that one time I was eleven and kissed that boy in my class that I had a crush on.
I don’t even remember the poor kid’s name.
I scared him half to death, and he ran away. I was insulted.
But Grizz doesn’t pull away. In fact, he doesn’t move at all.
I think I scared him too.
So I pull away.
“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.” I get up, but his hand is around my elbow before I can run off.
“Hey, it’s okay. Stop. Sit. Relax.”
I pause, taking a moment to breathe before I do as he says. I sit back in the chair, my heart beating so fast.
“You’re okay,” he says. “I’m not mad about that. I really liked it. You just caught me off guard.”
“You liked it?” I ask carefully.
He smiles. “Yeah, I really did.”
I sigh, closing my eyes and shaking my head. “I feel crazy.”
“Hormones,” he whispers, which causes me to laugh.
I open my eyes, meeting his brown ones. So beautiful, so full of kindness.
“I love that you can make me laugh.”
He tucks some hair behind my hair. “I love hearing your laugh.”
We stare at each other for a long moment, and nothing about it feels weird. It feels like it’s right where I want to be, under his gaze.
“I always feel safe when you’re looking at me.”
“You’ll always be safe, whether I’m looking at you or not. That is a promise.”
I lean forward, resting my forehead against his. “Thank you for everything. I’m really okay.”
“I can stay if you’re not.”
I’m about to ask where he’s going, then I remember he needs to go to the club. Every day but Sundays.
“No, you should go. Really, I’m fine. And I need to apologize to Kelsey. Hopefully I didn’t terrify her.”
Grizz laughs, standing up straight and offering me his hand. When we walk out of the kitchen, Tommy and Kelsey are sitting on the couch, watching something on the giant TV.
“If you guys are good, I’m going to head out,” Grizz says.
“We’re fine. About to watch a movie, if you want to join us?” Tommy says.
“I’d love to.”
Grizz kisses the top of my head, and I go into the living room, getting comfortable on the recliner. Grizz walks down the hall but returns a moment later with the blanket. My blanket. He kisses my head again and then he’s out the door.
He’s all I think about the whole day.