Chapter 51
Chapter Fifty-One
Anastacia
It’s been almost a week since I’ve seen or spoken to Grizz. I know he’s asked about me. He calls Snapper multiple times a day to check in. He never brings it up, but neither do I. I get a concerned look from him when I walk into the room and he’s on the phone though.
I’m comfortable here, but it’s not where I belong.
Lucian has told me time and time again that I’m welcome to stay as long as I need, and I believe that, but I don’t want to rely on them for this.
Gunner is dead. I don’t have to worry about him coming for Dorothea anymore.
I can go anywhere, do anything. I just have to go and do it.
It won’t be easy, but I can do anything I put my mind to.
I’ve already been through so much, and I came out in the end.
It feels like I walked through a burning house and came out with minor scrapes and burns.
I’m ready to move forward, to make a life for me and my daughter.
But leaving here isn’t just leaving Grizz behind. I have friends—people I care about.
Kelsey. Tommy. Lucian. Kolton. Cora. All the other guys in the club, too.
I’ve looked for places to stay, but this isn’t a regular town. There aren’t available apartments to rent. This is a very small town, with minimal properties, and most of them are houses, and none are for sale. Not that I have the means to buy one or anything, but it would give me a little hope.
It sort of feels like I’m living alone here. I’m at the opposite end of the house, past the kitchen. There’s a room here for me and Dorothea, and a bathroom. Similar to how it was set up at Grizz’s house, only the kitchen is closer so I don’t have to bother the guys if I need something.
I do what I can when I can, but it’s hard to get out of bed sometimes.
Everything feels numb yet hurts at the same time.
Dorothea deserves more from me, but I hardly know how to function without Grizz.
And not in the way that I need him to help me with things, but just in the way that I want him around.
I miss him. But he lied to me and look at what he caused.
He went and found Gunner, for no good reason, and brought him here. He led him right to me, and I just can’t forget that. For months, he promised to protect me, to keep me safe, but he was the one who put me and my daughter in harm’s way, all because he couldn’t let it go.
There’s a soft knock on the open bedroom door, and I lift my head to face it.
Lucian gives me a soft, caring smile. “I’m heading to the store. Is there something I can get you? Anything you need?” he asks.
“No, thank you.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Just tired.”
He nods, then takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to overstep here but are you sure you don’t need anything?” he pushes.
I frown, trying to figure out what he means, but I have no clue.
“Do you think there’s something I need?”
“Well, we don’t have any feminine products here, and I just want to make sure they’re available for when the time comes, so if you’d like me to pick some up for you, I need to know your preferred brand.”
It takes a second or two for those words to sink in. I jerk upwards so fast that Lucian startles.
“Oh my god,” I gasp. “No, no…” I get to my feet and look around for my phone, finding it on the desk across the room, plugged into the charger.
I feel Lucian behind me, watching, as I go through my phone to my notes.
“A month… oh my god, it’s been a month.” I turn to face Lucian, tears welling in my eyes. “A month.”
“Okay, let’s relax,” he says softly, moving closer. “What has been a month?”
“I’m late,” I mutter. “I’m a month late.”
“That can be normal,” he says calmly. “After having a child, it’s usually off.”
“No, it’s not that. I…” I look up at him feeling frantic. “It doesn’t feel right.”
He nods understandingly. “Would you like me to pick you up a test to ease your mind?”
I break down in tears then, and Lucian grabs me before I fall to the floor. He gets me to the bed and I lie down, hugging the pillow.
“Why do I keep doing this to myself?” I cry. “Why do I keep getting into these positions?”
“You don’t know anything for sure,” Lucian says, running his hand through my hair soothingly. “It could be nothing.”
“It’s not,” I sob. “I just know it. This is just my luck. How do I do this? How can I handle having two babies alone?”
“You’re not alone, Anastacia,” he says firmly. “You have me and Kolton, and Tommy and Kelsey, and all the other guys in the club. Not to mention Grizz. Just because you two aren’t together, doesn’t mean he won’t help you. You know he will. He’s a good man.”
All I can do is cry, because I used to think that. Once upon a time, I thought he was a good man. And maybe for a short time, he was. But then his true colors came out. They always do.
I stare down at the pregnancy test, unable to breathe.
I’ve been holding my breath for so long I don’t know how I haven’t passed out yet.
How embarrassing it would be to pass out on the toilet.
Of course, I’d start breathing again and come to, but maybe not before one of them came in to check on me and find me on the floor with my pants down.
Though, I’m not sure why I’m worried about that. They both saw me give birth. This is nothing compared to that. But that’s the least of my concerns, because according to this pregnancy test, I’m pregnant.
Nearly four months after giving birth, I’m pregnant again—with a man I’m not with, and I guess the only good thing this time is that I wasn’t forced into it.
God, that’s terrible. I shouldn’t say things like that, but I’m just so stressed out!
Of course this baby is a blessing. They will be loved, just as Dorothea is, and I know without a doubt that if I let Grizz in, he would be in this baby’s life, along with Dorothea’s.
I’m the one keeping him away, not the other way around.
I’m not thinking clearly. I’m stressed out and I don’t know how to handle any of this. It’s too much, and all I want to do is sleep and cry. Sleep and cry. Sleep and cry.
But I have a baby relying on me. My daughter is relying on me to take care of her, and I have to be strong for her.
I can do this.
I take a deep breath, and get off the toilet, putting the test on the counter top and then washing my hands.
I know what I need to do next. Even if I really don’t want to, it’s what I have to do.
I have to talk to Grizz.