Sixteen
I woke again with Reacher beside me, like he felt it was his place, like he thought he had a right to be there. He wasn’t holding my hand this time, and while I appreciated him giving me space, there was also this ridiculous, pathetic part of me that mourned the loss of his touch yet again.
Why was it so hard to make a decision about him, and stick with it? I’d wanted nothing more than to stay with him, if I could just keep everything else away, but he’d been the one to give up on me, and it had been devastating.
He was asleep in the chair, his head low against his chest. He looked peaceful and relaxed, but then he didn’t have anything to fear, did he? He didn’t have to deal with the loss of him. He didn’t have to deal with the people coming for me.
In fact… staying in one place had always been a bad idea. It wasn’t any better an idea now that I was injured. Those bastards. I wanted to punch those two mob assholes. That’s what they were. I’d figured it out. Mob. Mafia. Something like that. Reacher really had connected the MC to the mafia.
I didn’t have any tubes in my arm, so no beeping machines, and nothing to stop me sneaking away, before Reacher awoke. What was there to say anyway? I carefully eased myself out of the bed, and was relieved that the room was no longer spinning like a goddamn drunken disco.
Reacher didn’t move, or wake, so I started towards the door, planning to go straight to his room to grab my things, so I could run again.
“You’re just going to sneak out on me?” His voice was low, but in the silence of the room, it felt almost deafening. I turned to look at him. He’d woken after all, and I was an idiot to think I could just sneak away.
“Why shouldn’t I?”
He groaned, pushing up from the chair, and stretching his back.
“Bloody things aren’t meant for sleeping in.”
He wouldn’t even answer my damn question? Screw him. I turned away and headed for the door again, but he moved faster than I’d expected, catching my arm as I reached for the door handle. His touch was gentle. A light grip.
“Please, Ally. Can I at least tell you how sorry I am?”
I looked at him over my shoulder, my hand still moving, until I gripped the handle.
“What good would it do, Reacher?”
He sighed, but he moved closer.
“I was an ass, I know. You didn’t deserve that. I was a dick.”
“Keep going.”
He grinned, a tiny twitch of his lips.
“I was a pussy. A bitch. A pathetic little shit. All I had to do was talk to you. All I had to do was give you a chance to explain, but I was hurt, and I lashed out. I was a prick.”
I pulled free of his hold, but released the door handle too, so I could turn to look at him. He looked tired. So tired. I wanted to give in and let him get some rest, but he’d lashed out when he’d been hurt, and I’d been left alone.
“You threw me out with nothing, Reacher. Not even a chance to talk to you. Not even a chance to defend my actions. They were stupid, I know. Their reasons were selfish, but mine weren’t. I wanted to help a friend, and I wanted to protect another. I would have told you. I just… I needed time to work out how, and instead I was tossed aside, without a second thought.”
Reacher cursed, stepping closer again, making me back up to the door.
“You think it was an easy decision? You think I just shrugged and said, ‘fuck it, I’m done’? It was agonising. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made, and yeah it was stupid as fuck. I’m human, and sometimes I mess things up. More often when it’s my personal shit, and I’m trying to make up for that.”
I wanted to believe him. I wanted to agree, but what if a day or so from now, he did it again?
He reached for my cheek, and I batted his hand away.
“No, Reacher. It’s not that easy. Do you know where I slept last night? Do you even care?”
His hand hovered in mid-air for a moment, then he lowered it again.
“Of course I care, woman. You should have been in our bed beside me. I fucked up. I’m sorry, Ally. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I had to break into an abandoned building. I had to sleep on a cold floor, like a fucking homeless person. I had to break into a place, and then sleep there, knowing that the place wasn’t secure, and someone else could get in too. I barely slept. I was so afraid. I was alone and afraid, Reacher, until I finally cried myself to sleep.”
“Jesus.” He looked horrified.
“Yeah. You did that to me, Reacher. So tell me how I’m supposed to just shrug it off, and forgive you. Tell me how I’m supposed to trust that you won’t do it again. That you won’t suddenly change your mind about me, and throw me away again. I have nothing, Reacher. I have nothing, and I’m… I need to leave this town. I need a fresh start. I need a life. A job. A way to support myself. I can’t let myself be alone, and broke again.”
Reacher
I didn’t know it was possible to feel like more of an asshole than I already knew I was. She’d just proved me wrong. Why didn’t I even think about what would happen to her, if she was thrown out with nothing? Jesus… I didn’t deserve her, but I wasn’t going to fucking let her go without a fight.
I stared at her for a long moment, wondering what the fuck I could say that would even get through to her, with her defences up like this. I found myself stepping closer again, and dropping to my knees, my arms wrapping around her middle. I pressed the side of my face against her stomach.
“I’m so sorry, woman, I’m so fucking sorry. I have no excuse. I’m a pathetic excuse for a man. That should never have happened, and I don’t know how to make it up to you. I just… I don’t think I can live without you.”
She sighed, her hands landing lightly on my shoulders.
“You don’t throw people out when you can’t live without them, Reacher.”
I tightened my arms around her. “I want to spend my life making that up to you. Please let me try. Please. I won’t mess up like that again.”
Her hands were stroking my shoulders.
“You can’t be sure of that. I’m sure you didn’t know you’d resort to that yesterday.”
“It was the lie that hurt, Ally. I don’t care that you stole the fucking drugs. I cared that you sat in my lap and played dumb, when you knew exactly what had happened.”
I felt Ally’s nails digging into the skin around my neck.
“You know, Reacher… you have a lot of flaws. Making crappy apologies is just one of them.”
I felt a chuckle rumble through me, practically before I realised it.
“I’ll do anything you want, woman. Anything to make it up to you.”
She sighed again. She was doing that a lot, or I was making her do it, I had no idea which. I lifted my head to look at her, and she was staring down at me, her hair falling forward like a curtain of gold around her face.
“It doesn’t matter, Reacher. In the end, none of it matters. I have to leave town, and I need to do it soon, before I bring trouble to you and your club. I should never have let myself get caught up in being with you. I have to run, and I almost made it, but you sent two bastards to beat me up.”
Fucking hell. I shoved up from the floor, ignoring the way my back creaked at the sudden movement.
“I didn’t send them to hurt you. I was trying to find you and bring you back here to me.”
“You didn’t have a right to send anyone. You should have let me go.”
My hand settled against her collarbone, my fingers lightly circling the base of her throat.
“I’m never letting you go again, woman. You’re mine and the sooner you realise that, the sooner you can just stop fighting me, and bitching at me. I want you here. I want to be the one keeping you safe. I want to be the one you turn to, when you need anything.”
Her heart had started racing, and I could feel it in her throat. It was thrilling. It felt like a response. The right response. To me. To my words.
“Stay with me, woman. Let me be your everything.”
Her breaths were longer, deeper, and her cheeks were starting to warm. She was turned on, but whether it was by me, or my words, or just our proximity, I wasn’t sure.
“I can’t,” she whispered the words as she stared up at me through her hair.
“Why?”
Her eyes lowered. “I’m in trouble, and they want me dead. If I stay here, they’ll come after everyone.”
And wasn’t that just the reminder I needed, that this wasn’t just about me and her. It wasn’t just about the woman I wanted to keep for the rest of my days at all, it was about the club too. The guy we’d tortured. The attack on Ice. Where the fuck was my brain? Clearly down below my belt somewhere.
My fingers wrapped around her throat.
“You’re going to tell me about all of that, woman. No holding back. As of a further attempt on Ice last night, we now know that the people who knifed him are connected to you in some way, so it’s time to stop hiding that shit.”
Her eyes widened, and she pulled at my hand.
“What? They did what? Oh god. Oh my god, poor Ice. Is he okay?”
I released her, backing up a step, hoping that maybe it’d keep my brains out of my pants for five minutes.
“He’s fine. The guy was caught, before he managed to inject air into the poor bastard’s veins.”
Tears pooled in Ally’s eyes, and it tore at me to see that.
“Woman, don’t. Whatever you have going on, whoever you’re afraid of, you’re not alone. Not anymore. Not ever again. They came for one of us, so now they have to deal with all of us, and we have strong allies now.”
She dissolved into tears, and didn’t fight me when I dragged her against my chest, finally getting my arms around her again. She’d realise it was where she belonged soon enough. For now though, we had to deal with these bastards.