Forty-One
D id I think things would calm down once Ice was home again? A little, but I was wrong, because with the return of Ice came more conflict within the club.
The morning after Ice came home, Reacher held Church, which I now understand is basically a meeting where they all yell at each other, and he came back pissed.
“It went badly?”
He shot me a look, as he headed for the kitchen.
“Ya think?”
I pushed up carefully from the bed, and followed him.
“What happened?”
He turned from the fridge and glared at me.
“What the fuck are you doing up? Bed rest, the doc said. Bed. Rest. Standing here is neither of those things. Knew I shoulda tied you down.”
I shot him a grin, as I stepped closer to him.
“Standing still is the same as laying on the bed. And I had to move. My ass is getting flat.”
He grabbed my arm, and started leading me back to the bed.
“It’s the sitting and standing that’s gonna tear those fucking stitches again, woman. Do you want more bed rest because you were a stubborn minx?”
I let him ease me back down onto the bed, and wished it was for a better reason.
“Will you talk to me, then?”
He sighed. “Let me grab us a drink first.”
I watched him go back to the kitchen, fussing around making drinks, before he returned to me, and eased a cup of coffee, pretty reluctantly, into my hand.
“What’s up?”
“Fucking decaf. Did you know they replaced every fucking shred of coffee in my kitchen with decaf? Even you’re drinking it now.”
I shrugged. “Tastes similar. I don’t care. If you can’t have it, then I’m off it too.”
“Tastes like shit, is what it fucking is.”
“What happened downstairs?”
He sighed. “Ice lost it. I guess it was to be expected his first time back. He insisted on attending, even though I thought he should still be resting.”
I never saw that coming.
“What set him off? Why was he pissed?”
“Apparently we’re ‘babying him’, and uh… what was it? ‘Diluting his worth’ by training others up. He told his prospective students that they can suck his cock, if they want to learn from him. Jesus… I thought maybe he’d stay quiet for a bit, but I don’t know. There’s so much anger in him. I don’t know if it was always there, or him being off the drugs is letting out a side of him we just don’t recognise.”
“It could be anything. He probably just needs time.”
“Yeah, tell that to Has. He punched him.”
I blinked, nearly spilling my crappy coffee. I was lying, by the way. It really does taste like shit.
“He punched Has? Why?”
“Because Has doesn’t take his shit, even though for some reason he’s been at the hospital more than anyone, he loves to wind him up. I guess things are back to normal with the two of them, and of course Has is one of the guys who opted to learn from him, so it was bound to happen.”
What an extra load of crap for Reacher to deal with.
“And Stitch?”
He rested his chin on his fist.
“He was too quiet. Barely spoke up, barely seemed to even pay attention to what was going on. I know he doesn’t want the guys to know he’s sick, but this is… it’s a dead giveaway.”
“I’m so sorry, Reacher. I’m so sorry that there’s more crap going on, and you’re having to deal with it. It’s the worst possible time for your VP to be out of commission.”
And worst of all, for as long as there is so much going on, what is the possibility of them revisiting the idea of me as his old lady? I can’t help him in any official capacity, because the club hasn’t even accepted me.
Reacher
I f not for Ally, I’d happily go back six months, to when things were quieter, settled, because since then it’s been one thing after another. Ryder, and that whole mess with Tori. Ice’s descent into fucking oblivion, and his attack. Ally, and all of the shit that happened to her, and now of course, my VP looking down the barrel of a fucking gun, because if it’s cancer, then maybe I’m gonna lose him, and that thought is destroying me.
Before Ally, he was the closest thing to family that I had, and he still is, but I have her now, and I really wished he had someone too. An old lady. A steadying force. A comforting body to curl up with. A reassuring presence in his day to day life. Someone to help him fight what’s coming. Of course I’ll be there for him, but it’s not the same. He needs a partner in life. Someone who lives through everything with him.
I was sitting in my office, a day after the meltdown in Church, preparing myself for the fallout from my next meeting, because Ice was due in, and I was about to lay down the law. I was just waiting for Stitch.
When my phone rang, I picked it up without looking, because it’d be a brother, it always was.
“Reacher? Rossi here.” Oh hell. My gut churned at his unexpected contact. He’d done us a few favours lately, and I really hoped he wasn’t about to call them all in.
“Mr Rossi, what can I do for you?” Please say nothing.
“Call me Massimo. Listen, Reacher, we need to talk about my daughter. I appreciate that she’s uh… shacked up… with your club member, but we need to talk about their future.”
Holy hell. I rubbed a hand over my face, hearing a knock on the door. Ice peered inside, and I waved him in, pointing to the seat opposite my desk.
“Massimo… I’m not sure what there is to discuss about their future. As far as club rules are concerned, they’re married now, and I don’t think that’s about to change.”
Ice raised his eyebrows as he sat down, and I rolled my eyes at him.
“Thing is, Reacher, that’s not appropriate as far as I’m concerned. Married by club law means nothing in my world, or the real world, in fact. If they plan on staying together, he has to put a ring on her finger. He needs to make it official. She’s the daughter of the head of the family, and I can’t have her, dammit… she’s living in sin. It has to be resolved as a matter of urgency.”
Jesus fuck. Why does this shit always come to my fucking table?
“I’ll speak with them, Massimo, and perhaps you’d like to do the same. It’s their life, and if they don’t want to marry officially, I’m sure as hell not going to force them.”
He made a huffy sound.
“We’ve helped you out a lot recently, Reacher, don’t think this is a one sided relationship. I’m asking for your help. He either marries her, or she moves here with me. She’s bringing shame on the fucking family.”
“This is the twenty-first century, Massimo. It’s not our decision.”
“This is the mafia, Reacher, everything is my fucking decision. You have a week.”
I stared at the phone as the dial tone buzzed dimly. What the actual fuck?
“This a bad time?” Ice offered me a shit-eating grin, and watched as I slammed my phone down on the desk.
“It’s always a bad fucking time lately, Ice.”
“I could come back.” He started to move, and I jabbed a finger at the chair he was still mostly sitting in.
“We need to talk. Your attitude yesterday…”
He groaned. “You about to ground me or something? I’m a grown man, Pres. I get pissed sometimes, and right now I feel like I’m a fucking kid under house arrest.”
“How are you doing? Feeling the need to go get high, or whatever the fuck it is you do?”
He smirked at me, shrugging his shoulders. He leaned over and picked up a pen from my desk, clicking the top a few times.
“Always feeling the need, if I’m honest, and I don’t know if that ever goes away. Does it? How do I live like that? Tell me that, Mr-In-Charge of my fucking life. How do I get up each fucking morning, with burning inside of me, and a desperate need for something to take the edge off? How do I fucking function like that, when I know a little powder will make it all better?”
This was way out of my realm of knowledge. I needed Stitch, and he was supposed to be here.
I picked up my phone again, and that’s when the door opened, and he stepped in.
“Sorry. I was stuck on a call.” He looked like shit. Like he hadn’t slept in weeks. Hell .
“Ice was just telling me that he needs help.”
Ice glared right back at me, the insolent fucker.
“That’s not what I was fucking saying. I was saying that it’s a fucking mess, that’s all. What if I moderate my use, huh? What if I just use a little now and then, when I need to get through the day?”
Stitch groaned, slumping in the seat beside him.
“Slippery slope, my brother. Just a little becomes a little more and a lot more, until you’re right back where you were.”
Thank god he’d finally shown up. I was happy to let him talk, because he had a calming influence on the club members that I just didn’t possess. It was why he was so essential to my fucking life. To all of our lives.
Ice pulled at his hair a little, still clicking my pen with the other hand. His fidgety behaviour was starting to wind me up too, so I reached over and snatched the pen from him, desperate to stop that damn clicking.
“Ice, you had too much on your shoulders, brother, and that’s our fault; me and Reacher. We had a duty to you and we failed. Trust me when I say that’s killing us right now.” He paused for a moment, swallowing hard. Was it the thought of what else might really be killing him? The word had even hit me in the gut when he said it.
“Sharing your duties isn’t us trying to demote you, or demoralise you, or show you up. It’s our way of showing that we know what you do is so fucking vital that we were absolutely lost without you, and it made us realise that you had too much weight on your shoulders. We just want to ease the burden on you. Just enough so you can breathe.”
Ice looked frustrated. “So at a time when I need to be busy every second, so I don’t think about what I really need, you bastards are going to enforce free fucking time on me?”
“Ice, you can still work as hard as you want, and… well, I’m betting that teaching your brothers your skills is gonna keep you plenty busy anyway…”
“And that’s the other thing… who the fuck can teach those morons anything?”
I fought the grin on my face. I knew he’d moan about the actual people.
“Your brothers all have their smarts, Ice.”
He shot me a glare. “Has-Been? Seriously? He isn’t gonna listen to a word I fucking say.”
Probably not. “He’s not dumb, Ice. He wanted to learn.”
“He’s a pain in my ass.”
“He has a higher IQ than you, is that what your beef is?” It was no secret that they’d both been tested, and Has-Been was literally only a few points ahead of him, but it was enough to cause a rivalry, alongside the intense dislike they seemed to have for each other.
“He’s a prick. That’s my fucking ‘beef’.”
He sighed then, and rubbed his face.
“I’ll try. I can’t promise I can teach these assholes, but I’ll try. Just please, don’t take this away from me. I need to stay busy. I need… I need so many things, but keeping busy might just stop me from doing something dumb.”
That brought something else to mind.
“Uh… on the subject of that…”
He looked at me warily.
“What?”
“When we were looking for you, uh… we had to use your equipment, to try and track you, and we saw something.”
He glanced at Stitch then back to me.
“You snooped around my computer?”
“It was already on, and what we saw was onscreen. Jesus, we thought it was a fucking suicide note.”
He stood up, smoothing his shirt down. He wasn’t wearing his cut, and why was I only noticing that now?
His fingers shook slightly.
“Uh… so what if it was?”
Fucking hell. Stitch was frowning at him.
“It was?”
He looked at both of us in turn.
“I’m not saying it was… I’m just saying it was how I was feeling, and hell… I mean, I needed help and I got it, right? Even if right now I feel like I could claw my skin up, to try and stop the itching, I’m better, right? That’s what the doctors said.”
Suddenly I was pretty sure he was as far from being out of the woods as a person could be, and I didn’t know if we could save him from himself.