Chapter 20 #2
When I’m done crying, I feel spent, like my insides have all been wrung out and there’s nothing left.
I take a long, hot shower, standing under the scalding spray and imagining the water washing all my troubles away.
I feel slightly better afterward, but as I towel myself dry, I catch sight of my reflection, and I stop.
I look closer, studying my features. I’ve never been accused of being beautiful.
Not like Haven, that’s for sure. At best, I can be described as nondescript.
I wouldn’t call myself ugly, but neither do I have any distinct features that would make me memorable.
I should’ve been a spy. I would’ve made a great one.
Nobody would even remember my presence. The thought is so ridiculous it makes me laugh, a strange, warped sound.
I stop laughing abruptly and glare once more at my reflection.
Stupid bitch, I think. Stupid cowardly bitch.
Why did you have to roll over and expose your soft, vulnerable belly?
Especially after all the shit she’s done to you.
Do you have so little regard for yourself?
Have some fucking self-respect. Are you going to just sit there and let Haven trample over you like you did back in school?
Did you forget how it ended? How Dani lost her life because of it?
“No,” I whisper.
Good, my reflection says. Then you know what you need to do.
“Yes.” I straighten up, pulling my shoulders back.
My naked body is small but wiry. I was never built to be a fighter, but what I’ve just realized is I was built to be a skirmisher.
Pop up quick, do some damage, and run away to live and fight another day.
I’m no warrior, and that’s okay. I finish drying myself off, wrap the towel around myself, and walk back into my bedroom.
I lock the door and let the towel fall onto the floor.
I stand in front of my mirror, naked, and stretch my lips into a smile.
I may not be a looker, but I have a nice smile.
Sincere and shy, it makes me look innocent.
I hold it there while I reach for my phone and open Slack.
I go onto the channel that I’d created when I thought of doing something nice for Haven, the one that has everybody except for Haven in it.
I scroll up for a while, skimming through our past messages.
Now that the gift is done, the channel is pretty much dead.
But maybe it’s time to revive it. No. It’s too forward if it comes from me.
Instead, I switch over to the private chat I have with Lisa and Jenna.
Fern: Hey guys? Can I just vent here for a second?
Lisa: Umm, Always! You don’t have to ask!
Jenna: Yeah, what’s up?
Fern: Sooo not long after I gave Haven that hamper, I was sitting in my car, you know, just preparing to drive home, when I noticed Haven coming outside of her house.
She was carrying all these boxes that looked rly familiar to me so I kind of waited to see what she was doing with them.
I thought maybe I’d given her too much baked goods and she was gonna give some to the neighbors . . .
Jenna: Oh no. Tell me she didn’t do anything bad??
Fern: Well.
I attach the photos I took earlier of the breads in the trash and hold my breath as the pictures load. When they finally do, the reactions are as explosive as I’d hoped.
Jenna: What the Fuck???
Lisa: Is that the trash can??? Wait, what’s going on???
Fern: Yeah. She threw away all of the bread that I’d baked for her. Literally, every single one of them.
Jenna: What!! Why the hell would she do that??
Lisa: That is so wrong, omg. I mean, especially considering how many people are struggling to make ends meet right now?? To throw away food like this is Disgusting.
Jenna: And let’s not forget the amount of effort you’ve put into it. I mean, my god, you even made cinnamon rolls from scratch! That is so much bread you gave her, it must’ve taken you the entire day
Fern: It did, yeah. I spent all of yesterday on them. I used my sourdough starter because I read that sourdough is good for diabetics and I thought maybe her dad could enjoy them . . .
Lisa: This is crazy!! I don’t understand it. Are you sure they’re your breads, Fern? Could they be like, Haven had a lot of stale bread lying around and so when she got your gift she was like, “Oh, I should throw all this old stuff away to make room for Fern’s stuff!”
Oh geez. Come on, Lisa, I groan inwardly. Can’t you not switch back and forth between teams for once in your life? Have some loyalty, for god’s sake.
Fern: No, these are the ones I made her. I recognize them. Hard not to when I spent the whole day making them
Jenna: Oh god. This is SO wrong! We should confront her about it
Fern: Yeah . . . IDK though, I’m scared of her.
You know, after the whole thing back in school .
. . you guys don’t know how mean she can be.
I watched her dump all this freshly baked bread into the trash bin and then stomp on the cardboard boxes like she was truly enraged.
It was so disturbing. I don’t think I want to confront her. It’ll just blow up into a whole thing
Lisa: It feels so wrong not to say anything though
Jenna: Yeah!
Fern: I know. But for myself, it’s enough knowing that you guys know the truth about Haven, at least. That I’m not just the crazy one making things up
Jenna: You are definitely not the crazy one!
My god, Fern. She’s really messed you up, hasn’t she?
Okay, how about this: we don’t need to confront her because like you said, we have no idea what she might do, but we can’t just keep this to ourselves.
I’m going to tell Marissa. She and I DM quite a bit and I think she’s trustworthy
Lisa: Ohhh that’s a good idea! Yeah, spread it to the others over DMs so everyone knows the truth about Haven!
Fern: Hmm . . . I guess . . . but I don’t want this to be just us gossiping about her. That doesn’t feel right to me. I don’t wanna gossip
Lisa: It’s not gossiping! Omg Fern! It’s more like warning people away from her because she is a freaking snake
Jenna: Lisa’s right. I think we have a responsibility to tell the others the truth so that they can make an informed decision about whether they want to remain friendly with Haven or whatever.
I mean, if the tables were turned and I were the rest of the group, I’d want to be told.
I wouldn’t want to continue interacting with Haven thinking she’s a good person when there’s actual hard evidence showing she’s not
Fern: You’re right. I’m just so scared about what she’ll do to me
Lisa: Well, we don’t have to tell them that you took the photos
Fern: Kind of obvious since I’m the one who lives nearby and I’m the one who delivered the box in person . . .
Lisa: Okay, how about we just tell them that we found out through some anonymous source that Haven threw out the gifts?
It seems obvious to me who the “anonymous source” would be (me), but I can’t think of another way of telling everyone else what Haven did without outing me as the informant. I weigh out the pros and cons and decide that Haven has way more to lose than I do in this situation.
Fern: Okay. And I guess it’s fine if they know I was the one who took the pictures. I’m not the one with anything to hide here
Jenna: Yes, there you go, Fern! Now you’re making sense! You have nothing to be afraid of! You’re not the one who did terrible shit, she is! Okay, I’m gonna go tell people
Lisa: Me too. Big hugs, Fern! This is so shitty and none of it is your fault, okay??
As I watch my two friends go into battle for me, I feel a sense of security that I never felt before.
They really do have my back, and what an incredible feeling that is.
I sigh, dropping my phone onto my vanity, and finally root around in my closet for a pair of pajamas to wear.
Once dressed, I wrap my arms around myself, feeling cocooned and safe.
It’s going to be okay. I have just made damn sure of it.