Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN
Brody haunted my dreams. I woke up the morning after the event hot, sweaty, and frustrated.
Who knew he could kiss like that? I certainly hadn’t suspected. That was why I’d gotten so lost in what we were doing despite recognizing that it was a terrible idea. It was easier to blame him than myself. I hadn’t done anything wrong.
The truth was, Brody hadn’t done anything wrong either.
He’d waited for me to say no or push him away.
Instead, I’d thrown caution to the wind and transformed into a horny teenager.
He’d felt so right pressed up against me.
There had been no awkward fumbling with the kiss.
So often, first kisses were uncomfortable.
It took time to get used to someone else’s rhythm.
Brody’s rhythm had been my rhythm, however. We were perfectly in sync.
That did nothing to ease whatever was building inside my chest. Or was it my soul? Because—and this was so corny I would never admit it to another person—it did feel as if he was inside my soul. He’d climbed in there, and in a short amount of time. That was the stuff of books, not reality.
I prided myself on not being my mother. She remade herself for whatever man she was currently dating.
I’d witnessed it, up close and personal, the entire time I was growing up.
If her boyfriend hated green beans, she suddenly hated them.
If the next one said his favorite Thanksgiving dish was green bean casserole, she learned how to make a good one from a recipe on the internet and pretended it was tradition in our family.
My father had taken off before I could form a memory of him.
I was not inclined to find him. First off, he’d abandoned me.
I didn’t reward bad behavior like that. Secondly, though I would never say this out loud, I had zero respect for a man who would choose my mother.
She was the reason that entire Pick Me meme had been created. That was her to a tee.
It wasn’t that I’d never dated. I had needs.
I dated. I had sex. I let them hang around a week or two—the longest was three months—and then I quietly showed them the door.
Since I picked specific men, none of them ever gave me a hard time during the goodbyes.
I wasn’t looking for forever. Neither were they.
Brody had somehow gotten in under the security fence I had locked around my heart. I told myself my reaction to him was chemical and nothing more. I was lying to myself, but I kept repeating it anyway.
It’s just a crush. It’s just a crush.
I’d believed keeping Brody at arm’s length would be the best thing for me. He had gotten past my defenses, and I liked talking to him. That was friendship, I told myself. Nothing more. I could no longer convince myself of that lie after the previous evening.
When I climbed out of bed, I felt as if I was struggling from the hangover to end all hangovers.
I went through the motions in the shower, pulled my hair back in a loose bun when it was still wet, and then made my way into the kitchen.
I pulled up short when I found Paisley unpacking groceries in the refrigerator.
“I didn’t realize you were coming out here today,” I said dumbly.
Paisley smiled, but there was something off in her eyes. “I texted.”
I fumbled with my phone. I’d shoved it in my pocket without looking at it when leaving the bedroom. I had nothing scheduled for that day, so I hadn’t bothered looking for messages when I woke up. My mind was elsewhere after all.
On a pair of the softest lips on God’s green earth.
I brutally muzzled my inner voice. It had been nothing but horny since the previous evening. Actually, it had been pretty horny ever since the croquet excursion. Before we’d kissed, I’d been able to pretend I wasn’t hearing the voice. Apparently, that was no longer an option.
When I looked at the screen, I found a message from Paisley waiting for me: I got the list. On my way.
I frowned. “What list?”
“The shopping list you emailed me.” Her expression was flatter than I’d ever seen it.
“I didn’t send you a shopping list.”
The words were barely out of my mouth before I shifted to look at my laptop. It was open on my kitchen table. I never left it open. A sick feeling wormed through my stomach.
“She was on it when I came in,” Paisley said softly. “I was pretty bitter in the grocery store when I thought you sent me a shopping list.”
I didn’t have to ask who she was. A sigh escaped me. “Mom.”
“I was cursing your name,” Paisley admitted. “I mean, being an assistant is one thing. Being your slave is another.”
I pinned her with a dark look. “You should have known it wasn’t me.”
“The list should have been a tipoff,” she agreed. “You don’t tend to eat that many processed foods.”
I was afraid to look, but I couldn’t stop myself. My mother was a creature of habit, so I looked in the pantry first. Peanut butter. Lucky Charms. Little Debbie Birthday Cakes. SpaghettiOs. Mrs. Grass soup.
I walked to the freezer and looked inside. Banquet chicken dinners. Totino’s Pizza Rolls. Ice cream. El Monterey burritos. In the refrigerator, I found whole milk, full-fat butter, and a whole cake.
I wasn’t a nut when it came to food. Growing up on frozen meals and peanut butter sandwiches had made me conscious of what I didn’t want to eat, however.
When I was old enough, I taught myself about nutrition.
I kept to the outside of the grocery store when I shopped, opting for fresh produce and dairy alternatives.
“How did she expect you to pay for all this?” I asked.
“She told me to put it on the card. I only have one card.”
“The one you use for my book stuff.” I blew out a sigh and made a mental note to send my accountant an email. The card I’d provided Paisley with was strictly for business expenses. He should know there would be an errant charge.
“I’m sorry,” Paisley said. “The tone in the email was off, but I was so irritated that you would send me a shopping list that I didn’t think about it until I got here and saw her on your laptop.”
I nodded again. I shouldn’t have been surprised that she’d gone this route. My mother never asked when she wanted something. She just took.
I shuffled to the laptop and sat down, checking my email first. I was logged out, suggesting that she’d gone into her own email on my computer.
She’d logged herself out again but had forgotten to log me back in.
I handled that, checked my sent emails, and was grateful to find only the one to Paisley.
Then I checked all the internet windows I had open.
Most were for research for my book. Fortunately, there hadn’t been any banking apps up.
My book looked intact—nothing missing there.
Just to be sure, I pulled my banking app up on my phone so I could scrutinize all the activity in my accounts. Nothing looked out of place.
“Did she act guilty when you caught her?” I asked, immediately going in to set up a password on my laptop. She wouldn’t be getting in again. It was possible she wouldn’t have to, though. Knowing her, she’d already gotten all the information she’d come for.
“She seemed surprised,” Paisley replied. “But if she was worried, she covered well.”
“She’s good at that. Covering well, I mean.” Absently, I scratched my cheek.
“She’s outside,” Paisley said quietly. “She says she’s picking the perfect place to build a garden.” She hesitated then finished it out. “She also says she’s moving in with you because she thinks you’re lonely.”
My stomach constricted to the size of a marble, and I had to take a moment to collect myself. “That’s not true,” I said after several beats.
“Oh, I know. You’ve told me stories about your mother.”
“She’s only here to get what she thinks she can get from me, and then she’s going to leave again,” I replied dully. “She’ll pretend she’s doing it for my own good and that she wants to give me breathing room. In reality, something better will come along. It will have a penis.”
Paisley’s expression was laced with sympathy, which only made me feel worse. “I’m really sorry.”
“You don’t have to be.” My affect was flat, but it was a protective measure. It was simply how I reacted when my mother was … well, my mother. “I know who she is. I am not blind to her faults. When she showed up here, I knew exactly what was on her agenda.”
“And what’s that?”
“She researched the Landings, figured out only people with money could live here, and then put two and two together with the golf courses and guessed there would be single men of a certain age in the neighborhood. I’ve barely seen her since that first day.
She’s been having meals with the new friends she’s met since then. ”
Paisley nodded. She looked torn. “Do you want me to kick her out for you?”
That made me laugh. “No.” I shook my head. “She’s not staying. If I try to kick her out, though, it will turn into a thing. She’s a narcissist. She’s great at painting herself as a victim. It’s easier to let things run their course where she’s concerned.”
“Well, I’m sorry I was silently cursing you.” Paisley looked as if she wanted to say more, but she didn’t.
I snickered. “I’m sure I deserved it, in your head.”
“Not really. You’re a pretty good boss.”
“Yes, well, I’m still sorry. You can take the rest of the day off as a reward for having to do my mother’s bidding.”
“I have a bunch of emails to answer.”
I waved her off. “Take the day. If my mother is in the yard, now is as good of a time as any to have a little chat with her. As I said before, I’ve barely seen her. I think it’s best that we talk about a few things.”
Paisley touched her tongue to her top lip. I could see that she was mentally biting it. Instead of saying whatever it was she wanted to say, however, she nodded. “Okay. I’ll message you later. If you need me—”
I shook my head. “It’s fine. This is hardly my first rodeo with my mother.”