15. Charlotte
There are some people who just seem to immediately get under your skin. No matter what they do, they seem to irritate you. Elijah is one of those people. Our fresh start lasted a whole five minutes before we started bickering again. He just walks around as if knows best about everything. It’s infuriating. I’m not trying to sound ungrateful for his help, but I could really do without his backhanded comments.
I was hoping Officer Sunshine would deny the dinner request, but unfortunately not. Hopefully he would be able to play nice in front of the others, at least I had them to defend me against him.
I was excited to see Theo when we got to Alice’s house. He looked like he had a great day, but Lucy looked exhausted. I don’t think any of us were surprised when she denied the dinner invite. I think she had enough of playing with little kids for one day. We pulled into the parking lot of End Zone and both the boys were already standing by Lucas’ truck. Once we parked, Violet bounded out of the car straight for Elijah. I watched as he lifted her up into his arms. I couldn’t take my eyes off the two of them interacting as we made our way over. I’d never seen him in this light before.
“Look, it’s the car guy!” Theo said loudly as he tugged my hand, breaking my thoughts.
“Indeed, it’s me, the car guy!” Lucas said, matching his energy and earning a laugh from the adults. “Although most people call me Lucas.”
“Who are you?” He asked pointing up at Elijah. It was probably a blessing in disguise he didn’t recognise him from the other day. I spent a good portion of my evening that night explaining to Theo that most police officers don’t yell.
“Me? I’m Elijah.” He spoke with a softness I hadn’t heard before as he tickled Violet before putting her down. “Theo, right?” He held his hand up for a high-five which Theo eagerly accepted.
“How did you know that?” Theo questioned.
“Car guy told me all about you,” Elijah joked. This revelation seemed to thoroughly excite Theo as he immediately launched into questions for Lucas about cars. My eyes fell once again to Elijah as he held Violet’s hand as they walked in. This was a completely different side to him and I couldn’t help but feel a warmth in my chest as I watched him. I guess the tin man does have a heart after all.
It took a lot of convincing to make the kids sit down and to have dinner with us first before rushing straight off into the arcade, but the promise of ice-cream won them over. The kids sat on the end of the table, likely so they would be able to run off the second they took their last bite. Alice and I sat on one side with the brothers on the other. My gaze fell to Elijah opposite me who was focused on Lucas, talking about things he wanted to do with his truck. My eyes scanned his features. I had been physically this close to him before, but we were usually arguing so I hadn’t really taken them in fully. It was hard to deny that he was conventionally attractive. I would imagine he has never had a hard time getting women to notice him, at least not until he opened his mouth. It was clear he took care of himself, at least physically. His beard and hair were well kept, his shirt was form fitting. I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander over him. I guess in his job he needed to keep fit, but he definitely took it the extra mile. It seems like he does that in lots of ways, especially with his work. I looked between Lucas and Elijah. They were similar, although Lucas’ hair was lighter, but there was something that stuck out about Elijah. He struck me as a man who would deny it to a fault, but he seemed to care about everything. The details mattered to him; I had learnt that much from our interactions.
His eyes suddenly met mine as he caught me staring at him. I felt time stop as I held his gaze. His eyes were deep and expressive, it felt like they wanted me to dive further into them. Not just to look, but to search them for what really was behind them, to find out the truth. I smiled softly as I looked at him. His breath hitched for a moment I thought, but he didn’t return my gesture. His stare was hard as I watched his eyes wander as mine had with him. I felt exposed as a prickle of anxiety flowed through me. He broke his stare as Alice asked him a question, but I still felt it.
I forced my brain to return to the present and focused on Theo, who I could tell was buzzing for permission to leave the table. My eyes met Alice’s as she nodded towards them.
“Go have some fun,” I said, handing them the cards for the machines. Lucas jumped up, almost as quickly as the kids, before grabbing hold of Violet’s hand and running off. Theo reached over, grabbing onto Elijah’s hand. “Come on!” Elijah sighed, but allowed Theo to tug him over to where Lucas and Violet were.
Alice and I laughed as we watched him begrudgingly be pulled away.
“He likes to pretend he’s hard as a rock, but he’s just as soft as Lucas is, really,” Alice said once they were out of earshot.
“I guess that’s probably the police officer in him.” Alice shook her head in response.
“He’s been like that since our dad died. I think he felt like he had to take on the responsibility for the family.” My heart sank in my chest as I thought of my own dad. He was still alive, but we hadn’t spoken since I fell pregnant with Theo. In a way I was grieving him, too. At least, I was grieving the way things used to be.
“I’m sorry about your dad.” I always found it hard to know what to say to people when they have experienced a loss. There really isn’t anything to say to make it any better. Alice smiled.
“It was a long time ago, nearly fifteen years now. We all cope in our own ways, it’s why I like reading so much. If reality gets too hard, I can just throw myself into someone else’s story. I can be anyone else I want to be.” She paused. “Lucas copes with humour. He’s always trying to make everyone else around him happy and laugh. Like he’s trying to remind himself that there is still joy to be had.”
My eyes wandered to where Lucas was playing with the kids on some throwing game. I had noticed that about Lucas; it was almost as if every other sentence was some kind of joke with him. Sometimes it was those with the brightest smiles who were hurting the most.
“Elijah, he…” Alice hesitated. “He copes by throwing himself into work and trying to keep people safe.” A sense of guilt washed over me as I thought back to our first interaction. He had spent the whole argument bringing up safety and I had brushed it all off as him being over dramatic. I now have a slightly better understanding–it’s how he copes, how he is able to find control.
“How did he die?” I asked softly.
“Home invasion. Dad was a bit of a night owl and he startled the burglar. I guess they weren’t expecting to see anyone. Shot him straight through the chest.”
“That must have been awful for you.”
“Lucas and I didn’t see much, but Elijah and Ma saw the whole thing. Truthfully, I am quite grateful for that. I don’t know how I would have coped with the images of that in my head.”
I searched for words, but I couldn’t find any. I understand, though. When someone passes, you want to remember them in their happier moments. I can’t even begin to imagine the images Elijah and Lucy have of him.
My gaze found on Elijah once more, he was shooting hoops with Theo.
Their joy brought comfort to me.
He was so focused on the moment playing it was the first time I’d seen him laugh. There was a genuine happiness written in his expression. My heart willed him to show this side more often. The stony expression officer wasn’t him; at least not all of him. I knew that now and I wished he could remember that, too. That he could remember there was still joy to be had. Just because something awful had happened, didn’t mean he couldn’t keep on living. That he couldn’t enjoy the life he still had. You shouldn’t let the world spoil who you really are.