28. Elijah
Was it completely insane that I was nervous about Charlie coming round? My mind kept going back to my conversation the other day with Lucas.
I kind of got the feeling she liked you more than in just a friendly way.
The issue with Lucas is he sometimes didn’t know when he was taking a joke too far.
He seemed to be desperate to make everyone in the room laugh at all times.
Sometimes this desperation made knowing what was a joke and what he meant hard to decipher. I knew he was deflecting a lot of his own emotions through his humour, but if you dared try to bring that up with him, you’d see a slightly darker side of my brother. We all caried the grief of our father in different ways. Lucas seemed to think that if he made everyone else laugh, then maybe it would lessen his own pain. I had no idea if it worked for him, but I had my doubts.
When we were younger, Lucas and I used to prank our family constantly. It was like a game to see who could get the biggest laugh. At times, I missed that version of myself, where the focus of my day was having as much fun as possible. I had watched that version of me deteriorate over the years. Every time I looked in the mirror, it was like I was a completely different person than I used to be. The person I used to be had no place in this world. I needed to change in order to survive.
My thoughts went back to Charlie. Truthfully, they had hardly left her since family dinner and our conversation in the backyard. When everything else was dark she felt like a little flicker of light. The closer she was the happier I felt. The better a man I wanted to be. She would be here tonight in my house, and for the few hours that she would be here, the dark thoughts would be gone.
I thought about her date with Daniel, how angry it made me to see her giving him attention. Alice and my mother had clearly been talking as Alice sent me a text earlier, telling me a second date was off the table. Charlie had told her she wouldn’t be seeing him again. I couldn’t help but be relieved. I didn’t care whether the reason was Charlie coming to her senses or my warning to him. As long as he stayed as far away from her as possible, I was happy.
Lucas’ line of questioning was playing in my mind again. Was I sure there wasn’t anything more to us? Even if I wanted to be, there can’t be anything more to it than just friendship. I wouldn’t allow it to become more than that. I’d feel lucky just getting to be her friend, providing I hadn’t screwed everything up already. We hadn’t exactly started on the greatest of terms. Although, she’d opened up to me and agreed to come round, hadn’t she?
I rushed home after my shift to allow myself time to shower. I’d asked Lucas to make sure the place was tidy, but didn’t trust his version of clean compared to mine.
When I walked in, admittedly it wasn’t too bad, but still felt like a bachelor pad in here. I pulled out the bits I’d gotten from the shop on my break. Just a few candles, plants, and home-type décor to make the place look a bit more homey. Like people actually lived here rather than just slept here after working long days. I noticed Lucas watching me out of the corner of my eye and shot him a glare. I did not have the patience for him making fun of me right now.
Once everything was set out, I headed upstairs. Post-shower I found myself pacing in my room. I had two different outfits laid out on the bed. I couldn’t decide between the casual sweatpants and shirt combo or one of my nicer shirts and jeans. On one hand, I didn’t want her to think I put in absolutely no effort for her coming over, but on the other hand, I didn’t want her to think I was dressing up especially for her. If Lucas was telling the truth and not just yanking my chain, I didn’t want to give her the wrong idea.
After ten minutes of deliberating, I settled on the casual outfit. Lucas would probably make fun of me if I came down dressed up, anyway. Shortly after coming downstairs, I heard a knock at the door and immediately rushed to it. I paused slightly before opening it, not wanting to appear too keen.
I opened the door and my eyes fell straight to Charlie. She was breath taking. My eyes followed down her dress and I had to clear my throat before talking.
“Hey, come in.” I smiled as Theo ran past me. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her as she walked in the door. I couldn’t help myself as I leaned in close.
“You look beautiful.” I was suddenly regretting my choice of outfit. She looked like a dream and I looked like I just rolled out of bed.
I can’t say that I was particularly annoyed that Theo decided to sit with Lucas, leaving Charlie having to sit with me. If I was being honest, I was purposely taking up space on the sofa so we had to sit with our elbows lightly grazing each other. I hardly watched the game, my gaze wandering over to her. I was desperate to take in all of her. I took a mental picture of how she looked. She had a slight rose tint in her cheeks whenever my fingers skimmed the side of her thighs, playing it off as I was just shifting in my seat. Her loud laugh whenever Lucas told a cheesy joke, followed by her immediate embarrassment when she realised she was laughing loud, trying to cover her mouth with her hand. The way she smiled when she looked over at Theo, the tenderness in her face as she watched him. She was perfect. The more I watched her the more I knew I was in trouble. My feelings for her were going beyond friendly.
A phone buzzing snapped me out of my thoughts and I watched as she rejected a call from an unknown number. I tried to focus on the TV so it wasn’t obvious I was watching her.
“Fuck.” Her voice was soft but there was a sense of fear in it. We all turned to look at her.
“You told me we can’t say that word!” Theo was the first to chime in.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, sorry just messed something up on my phone.” She replied a little too quickly. She may have a smile on her face, but the tension in her voice was obviously. Lucas and Theo turned themselves back to the game, but I kept my eyes on her. Looking at her, I pointed my head towards the kitchen door, motioning her to follow me before getting up. After she walked in, I shut the door behind us.
“Are you okay?” I asked, leaning against the door of the kitchen.
“Yeah, of course.” She smiled sweetly at me and my breath hitched for a moment before I caught myself.
“Are you lying?”
She hesitated for a second. “I might be…” Her voice lowered.
“I’m a pretty good listener if you want to talk about it.”