Chapter Four #2
Laughing, Jake called back, “Takes one to know one.”
Nico laughed too, and it was still hard to believe he was in the bullpen with Jake.
In the nine years since that summer in Chicago, he’d tried not to go looking for photos and clips of Jake, but he’d stumble across them every so often.
It’d been so long since he’d seen him in the flesh that Jake had started to feel like a movie star Nico had crushed on, distant and unattainable.
Not that he’s attainable now.
As Jake took a break to chug some water, Nico stretched.
From the corner of his eye, he watched Jake’s throat work, gazing at the long line of his neck.
Did he have a girlfriend in San Francisco?
He’d never been married, that much Nico knew.
Never seemed to really date either, or at least not that the media noticed.
Nico had wondered sometimes, and thought, Maybe…
Wishful fucking thinking. Even if by some miracle Jake’s queer, he’d never actually want me.
By the plate, Jake called, “What?”
Nico realized he’d laughed out loud at his own thoughts. “Nothing. Want to work sinkers?” It was his second-favorite pitch after the splitter.
Jake got back into his crouch and Nico took a deep breath.
This was solid ground. This, he could do.
He usually threw two-seam fastball sinkers to the inside of the plate and regular four-seam fastballs out.
It was like muscle memory his coach in the minors had taught him—that when he gripped his fingers along the seams in his glove before the windup, he knew subconsciously that he was going to the inside.
The fewer things he had to actively think about on the mound, the better.
But in the bullpen with birds chirping distantly, the sun-warm breeze on the back of his neck and Jake catching, he hardly had to think about anything at all. He lifted his knee to his chest and let the ball rip, going for placement and not putting his full force behind it yet.
In the pen, there was no hulking umpire keeping count behind the plate, no batter walking to first, no crowd muttering in disappointment, all eyes on him, cameras zooming as he tried to keep his expression blank.
There was only him and Jake and Mike off in the corner, the scuffing noise soothing as Mike worked through the bags of pearls. Here, Nico could breathe.
Then he missed, pitching into the dirt.
He missed again, high this time.
“You’re overcompensating,” Jake called.
He was, but pitch after pitch, his rhythm faltered. He tried a few curveballs, but it was no good. Swearing under his breath, he clenched his jaw. “If there were hitters here they would have scored at least three times by now. Probably homered.”
Jake jogged over. “It’s okay. Take a deep breath and focus. Trust the process. Every pitch is a new opportunity.” He headed back to his spot.
Closing his eyes, Nico did as he was told. He wound up and ripped a sinker across the plate.
“There you go!” Jake called.
But as he continued, the missed pitches looped through his mind like a Vine on Twitter.
He wanted to impress Jake, but who’d be wowed with that kind of loss of control?
If it had been a game, Skip would have yanked Nico for sure.
He’d been feeling so good, but it’d fallen apart with just a couple pitches.
What if it happens tomorrow? My ERA will go up and I’ll get pulled from the game, and I’ll have to wait five more days to get another chance. And then what if I screw up that game too? Dad’ll rip me a new one. Every pitch counts. Every pitch has to be—
“Nico.”
Blinking, he realized Jake was standing in front of him again, mask up on his head. “Huh?” Nico asked.
Jake held up his hand to block the angle of the sun. “Where’d you go?”
Nico actually glanced around as if he’d find himself somewhere other than standing on the rubber in the pen. He shrugged and reached for the ball, but Jake held onto it. Their fingers met, skin flushed and warm. Nico whipped his hand back.
“You totally checked out. Lights were on, but no one was home.”
“Sorry.” He took off his hat and lifted his arm to rub his sleeve against his damp temple.
“What were you thinking about?” When Nico shrugged again, Jake raised his eyebrows, dipping his chin. “Use your words. I know you’ve got them piled up in there.”
He huffed out a breath. “I don’t know. Was thinking about that run of bullshit pitches.”
“Why?”
“Why do you think?” He tugged his hat back on. “Because if that was a game I’d be toast. I was way outside the zone, and the ones that were in didn’t sink for shit.”
“Okay, but it wasn’t a game,” Jake said calmly. “And you were getting your form back.”
“Yeah, but—” He sputtered, trying to think of how to explain it.
“You can’t let go of what happened before.
” Jake smiled ruefully. “Trust me, I get it. But the past is the past. It’s done.
We can’t change it, no matter how damn much we wish we could.
And this wasn’t a game. Don’t psych yourself out over what-ifs.
Okay?” At Nico’s nod, Jake gave his arm a pat, his fingers brushing against Nico’s skin beneath his short sleeve.
Jake jogged back to the plate, the heat of his touch lingering. All Nico could do was think of the what-ifs, and they had nothing to do with baseball.
Leaning back in his black leather chair in front of his locker in the corner, Nico answered the FaceTime call and smiled at his sister. “Hey, Val. What’s up?”
Valentina tucked a dark curl behind her ear with a smile. “What, I can’t call my baby brother for no reason?”
“You can, but you don’t.” To be fair, he didn’t generally call her out of the blue either.
She grinned. “Touché. Is this a bad time? Looks like you’re in the locker room.”
“It’s fine.” He glanced around. The TVs played sports news and a few guys milled around. Game time was in three and a half hours, so most players were grabbing a bite to eat in the lounge before BP.
“Sorry, I just need to bug you about your plus-one. The wedding planner is ordering engraved bombonieres. Our names and the guest’s name will be on the bottom with the wedding date.”
“Engraved what?”
She rolled her green eyes. “Nic, you’ve been to enough Italian weddings to know what a bomboniere is.”
“The stupid keepsakes that clutter up people’s shelves until they get over the guilt and throw them out?”
“Hey! That’s not necessarily true. And mine will be awesome. Crystal candle holders that you wouldn’t even know came from a wedding unless you picked it up and read the inscription. I want it to be personalized for everyone.”
“For five hundred people?”
“Yep. So I need to know who you’re bringing.”
“How am I supposed to know? It’s in November.”
“Don’t remind me. Because heaven forbid I get married during baseball season. Dad would be streaming games on his iPad during the ceremony.” Her cheeks puffed out. “God, I hope it’s a nice day. What if it’s gray and rainy? What if it snows?”
Elbows on his knees, Nico leaned over his phone. He tried to look reassuring. “It won’t. Don’t worry.” He wasn’t sure what the stats were on sunny Chicago days in November vs. shitty ones, but had a feeling the odds were so-so at best.
“Ugh, I should have eloped. Nonna and the rest of the family would have murdered me, of course. Anyway, I know you’re busy, but can you please lock down a date?”
“I’ll try.”
“You know what that little green muppet says about no try and only do.”
Behind Nico, a voice said, “Did you seriously just call Yoda a muppet? He was a Jedi master, Val.”
Heart thumping, Nico looked over his shoulder to find Jake standing there. Jake raised his hands. “Sorry to interrupt, but I had to defend Yoda’s honor.”
“Is that Jake Fitzgerald?” Valentina laughed. “Let me see that handsome mug.”
Nico held up the phone while Jake leaned on the back of the chair, his face just above Nico’s shoulder. Jake said, “Long time no see. I hear congratulations are in order.”
Val beamed, her button nose scrunching as she lifted her hand to the camera, showing up a huge heart-shaped diamond.
“Thank you! Had to kiss my fair share of frogs, but I finally found my prince. I never imagined my dream man would be a forensic accountant, but Ian’s the best. Smart and handsome, he’ll watch The Bachelor with me, and he brings Nonna flowers every time he sees her. ”
Jake laughed. “Is he Italian?”
“His parents are Irish. But he’s Catholic, so Nonna will take it since she was despairing of me ever getting married now that I’m—gasp!—over thirty.”
“My mom and your grandmother could probably talk for hours on the subject,” Jake said.
“How’s she doing?” Val asked. “Oh, she must be so excited to have you back in Canada, huh? Or should I say ‘eh’?”
Jake replied, “No, you shouldn’t, especially since Americans never say it right. But yes, she’s thrilled. She’s coming to the game tonight.”
“That’s awesome, and congrats on the trade! Although I guess it probably threw you for a loop. I can’t imagine having to pack up and move overnight with no say in the matter. I mean, you can cry into your millions, but still.”
Jake said, “Yeah, it… Well, it was a surprise. But here I am, so I have to make the best of it.” His smile was strained.
“You know, Dad thinks the Caps could get to the playoffs, and he’s got a good nose for it.
” Valentina grinned. “And I was watching the baseball roundtable on ESPN last night—because of course I’m marrying a baseball fan and will never escape it—and they were throwing names around for Rookie of the Year. Guess whose name got mentioned?”
Nico’s heart shot up to his throat. “Me?”
She laughed. “No, Dylan Price. Well, he was mentioned too, but yes, you. The experts agreed that you’re in the running. What do you think, Fitz?”
“I think he’s got a great shot.”
“Gotta hold up that family tradition, Nic. Dad and Marco, and now you. I’m so proud of how well you’re doing!”
Nico managed to smile, but the excitement and pleasure quickly hardened into another knot of pressure lodged in his chest. He’d been well aware of his father and brother’s myriad accomplishments—all-stars, MVPs, proud owners of championship rings—and now his heart beat in time with the same refrain.
Must win. Must win. Must win.
If he won, he could prove he was just as good as them. Could prove queers belonged on the diamond too. Maybe he wouldn’t have to hide who he was anymore. Excitement, fear, and a sweet, secret beam of hope reverberated through him.
Valentina was still talking to Jake, and Nico refocused as she said, “And I’m so glad you’ll be there with Nic. I can’t believe my baby brother’s playing in the big leagues. It seems like just yesterday he was trailing after you like a puppy.”
Nico knew he was blushing, and he bit back a retort as Val went on.
“Fitz, you’ll take care of him, right? Keep him in line.”
“Hello! I’m sitting right here.” Nico glared at his sister.
Jake’s breath gusted across Nico’s cheek as he laughed. “I think he’s doing just fine.”
She winked. “Nic, you know I’m just teasing. Don’t sulk.”
I’m not! He pressed his lips together, barely resisting saying it out loud. Val was only teasing the way she had a million times, but this time it was in front of Jake. The red tide was rising, and Nico had to breathe deeply to keep a grip on his temper.
“You know I just worry about you up there in the wilds of Canada,” she added.
Managing a smile, Nico rolled his eyes. “I haven’t lived in Chicago for, like, four years.”
“I know, I know. Can’t I worry about you?
Don’t answer that. Anyway, it’s so good to see you, Fitz.
” Her face lit up. “Hey, are you busy the weekend of November ninth? Want to come to my wedding with Nico? Otherwise he’ll take forever to find a date and probably wind up coming alone.
We’d love to have you, and you’d be doing me a huge favor.
I’m super stressed, and I want to get everything locked down. ”
“Oh.” Jake smiled, but Nico wasn’t sure his heart was in it. “Well, sure. I’d love to.”
“Awesome! Thank you so much. There, Nic—problem solved. You’re welcome!” She glanced at her watch and looked back at the camera. “Gotta run. Kisses!” She kissed her palm and blew before the call disconnected.
What the fuck just happened?
Nico tucked his phone away and stood, nervous energy ricocheting through him as he rearranged his uniforms, looking anywhere but at Jake. “Um, sorry about that. You don’t have to come. Val’s being a bridezilla or whatever.”
“No, it’s cool. I said yes, so. It’s not a problem.”
Nico dared a glance at Jake, who smiled blandly. “Okay. Um, thanks. She would have been on my case for months.”
“That’s family, right? Mine’s pretty small, but my mom picks up the slack with her nagging.” He nodded to someone across the room and called, “Be right there!” before grabbing his mask. “Later. Good session today. It’s going to be a great game tomorrow.”
Nico nodded and watched Jake walk across the locker room, shaking hands with a few guys who were coming in. Nico’s brain tried to catch up.
Seriously, what the fuck just happened?
With a sick twist of dismay and excitement, he realized Jake was his date to Valentina’s wedding. Not that it was an actual date, but now he’d see Jake at least once after the season ended.
As Nico headed to the lounge, Lopez fell in beside him with a playful poke to his ribs. “What’re you so happy about, Agresta? Shit, I didn’t know you had that many teeth.”
Nico realized he was grinning like an idiot. But quickly enough his smile vanished in the lounge as he pulled out his phone and googled his name and “Rookie of the Year.” A page of hits came up, and he read the articles and blogs one by one, the command pulsing in him like a distant drum.
Must win.