Chapter Seventeen
“Hey.” Nico stepped back and let Jake into his condo.
Kicking off his shoes and propping his bag in the corner, Jake smiled nervously.
“I should see if there’s another unit in this building.
I can’t live in that hotel forever. How was your trip from Chicago?
Flight out of TO was delayed, of course.
Waited in the lounge for three times longer than the flight itself.
Had a rip-roaring headache too.” Why am I babbling? He forced himself to stop.
“That sucks. My trip was fine.” Nico had barely smiled, and he stood there with his hands at his sides, his fingers tapping like they did in the bullpen before a start. Jake wanted to kiss him, breathe into him, but did Nico want that? He honestly couldn’t tell.
Maybe he’d asked Jake over to tell him they were over because it was a colossally bad idea to secretly date a teammate. Or maybe he was afraid to make the first move. Or maybe he wanted to see other guys, or—
Screw it.
His hand slipping behind Nico’s head, Jake kissed him, long and sweet. He brushed their noses together. “Hi.”
Nico swayed into him, his hands coming up around Jake’s waist. “Hi.” Then he took a shuddering breath and his face fell. “I outed you,” he blurted.
Jake’s heart skipped. “What?” He slid his hand down to Nico’s neck, keeping his grip loose.
“To the rest of my family. I didn’t mean to, but when I told them about me, it just came out.” He grimaced. “Ugh, I didn’t mean that as a pun or whatever.”
“You told them?” The momentary surge of panic disappeared as Jake breathed deeply. “It’s okay. I’m not mad.” He kissed Nico again, a soft press of lips.
Even though it was Nico’s condo, Jake guided him to the big leather sofa by the bank of rain-splattered windows, heavy gray clouds filling the sky without a hint of blue. They sat with their hips and shoulders pressed together, legs touching.
Jake stroked Nico’s leg. “How did it go down?”
After a few deep breaths, Nico told him about his conversations with his family. When he was finished, Jake kissed him softly. “I’m proud of you. I know how hard that was.”
“Was it for you? With your parents?”
“Not in hindsight. They were completely supportive. But before I told them? Terrifying. It kept me up for hours most nights. Finally I was so sleep-deprived I just blurted it out on the way to Dairy Queen. My mom said, ‘Okay, dear.’ Dad asked, ‘Is there a lucky fella?’ and then we got Crispy Crunch Blizzards.”
Nico smiled. “I’m glad.” He examined his blunt fingernails.
“Val’s fine, obviously, and Marco is too.
Dad and Nonna… Honestly, I think Nonna’s going to pretend I never said it.
When I left this morning, she couldn’t even look at me.
But she hugged me, at least. Dad’s… He’s going to try. He’s trying.”
“Good. All that shit he says—I hate that you had to hear it. From anyone, but especially from him. I wish I’d known. Wish I could have done something.” He was still awfully tempted to go down there and give Al Agresta a piece of his mind. And his fists. “I can only imagine what that was like.”
“Yeah,” Nico said quietly, head down. “It sucked. People always say how he speaks his mind and ‘calls it like he sees it.’ Reporters loved him because he gave them great quotes after games. It was something he was proud of, that he didn’t pull his punches.”
“He definitely had a larger-than-life persona.”
Nico sighed. “With the antigay stuff, I think the worst part is how casual it was. It wasn’t like he was one of those religious nuts picketing people’s funerals, all up in arms. He didn’t even really care that much, you know?
He’d say these things the same way he yells at an ump for needing glasses.
Like it’s nothing. He’d call people fags and queers, and the next second he was onto something else.
It didn’t even matter. It sure mattered to me. ”
Jake squeezed Nico’s inner thigh—their sign. “I wish there was something I could say to fix it.”
“You’re here.” Nico pressed their lips together. “That fixes a whole lot.”
They kissed for a minute, simple caresses and tastes with no heat, cuddling in peaceful silence. A question formed in Jake’s mind, and he weighed it before asking, “Now that your family knows, have you considered coming out publicly?”
Nico’s eyes widened. “You want to? Man, I don’t know.
I never even thought I’d let myself act on it.
Being gay.” He fidgeted, tapping his bare foot against the metal leg of the coffee table.
“I haven’t thought about coming out to the whole world.
I… That’s scary.” He shook his head hard. “I don’t think I’m ready.”
“That’s all right.” Jake brushed a curl off Nico’s forehead. “I’m not saying I want to—I just think we should discuss it. I’ve never come out because I’d rather keep the focus on baseball. There would be a ton of attention being the first active gay players in the majors.”
Nico exhaled shakily. “I get that. I was always terrified of what my dad would say. I guess more than other people, you know? In my head it was never an option to tell anyone.” He seemed to ponder it, his brow creasing.
“I think most of the guys would be okay with it? The fans too? When I was drafted, the league made me a watch a video on diversity and stuff. And when that kid in the minors came out last year, they seemed cool.”
“Yeah, the league said all the right things. I still wonder if it was all roses behind the scenes, but…maybe it was. Maybe the times really have changed enough. Part of me thinks we should do it. No more hiding. Deal with the fallout and attention and move on. But it’s more complicated than that.
Being gay is one thing. Fucking your teammate’s another. ”
Both Nico’s feet tapped now. “Yeah, Skip would not like that.”
“Nope. Honestly, I wouldn’t blame him. Clubhouse dynamics can be complicated enough without bringing relationships into it.”
“Totally. Let’s see what happens. Telling my dad was enough for now, you know? I need some time to process and stuff.”
“I agree.” He rubbed Nico’s inner thigh again, squeezing. “Did I mention how proud I am of you?”
Nico gave him a little smile. “Thanks. It’s so weird that he knows. And that he didn’t throw me out. I always thought that’s how it would go if I ever slipped up. But he was way better than I expected.”
“Amazing, isn’t it? What goes on in other people’s heads?”
“How’s your head, by the way? I mean your actual head. Not your issues.”
Jake chuckled. “It’s good. Headache from this morning’s gone. My issues are actually better too after that dinner in Toronto. I saw my old friend Brandon.”
“Right, you mentioned him the other day. What’s up there?”
Jake whistled. “So much. Where to start? He was my best friend, and boy did I fuck that up royally. I was in love with him, and I couldn’t tell him.
” As Nico stiffened, Jake took his hand, threading their fingers together.
“There’s nothing between us. Never was, and there never will be.
Brandon’s straight and happily married.”
Still rigid, Nico asked, “But you… You love him?”
“I did. I don’t anymore. I care about him, but only as a friend.” It was the truth. God, it felt good.
Nodding, Nico exhaled. “Okay. I mean, not that… We’re…” He opened and closed his mouth. “What are we?”
Jake’s pulse thrummed. “I really like you.” Jesus, could I try to sound more like a twelve-year-old? “I want to be with you. I want to see where this goes. I hope you want that too.”
“I do,” Nico said quickly. He laughed awkwardly. “I never thought I’d have a boyfriend.”
Relief coursing through him, Jake snorted.
“Me either. I was dead set against it.” He found himself grinning.
“We’re quite a pair. It’s amazing we even fit in your condo with all the baggage we’re lugging around.
Jesus, I haven’t talked as much about my feelings as I have this week in… I’m going to say ever.”
“Ditto. Apparently the all-star break doubles as therapy. I really have to make that team next year.” Nico slouched and dropped his head to the back of the couch, propping his feet on the glass table.
Laughter flowed through Jake, warm and welcome. He slid down too, his fingers still entwined with Nico’s. “You’ll make it.”
“Maybe you will too. Would be cool if we both did next year.”
“It would be.” He hadn’t really paid attention to the all-star game in years, even though he’d been a contender more than once.
Nico asked, “So is that what we are? Boyfriends, I mean. Like, you don’t want to see other people?”
Jake steeled himself. “I don’t, but if you do, we can discuss it.” Yes. Like mature adults, though the bottom of his stomach dropped. Then he blurted, “But I’ll want to punch anyone who even looks at you too long.” He tried to laugh it off with a sad little ha-ha.
But Nico didn’t look offended or angry. He positively beamed. “I don’t want anyone else.” He bit his lip. “You own my ass, remember?”
“Do I ever.” Possessiveness surged, a primal instinct Jake honestly never knew he had.
Dominating during sex was one thing. It had always been more about play for him, about fun.
But with Nico, he didn’t just want to dominate—he wanted to protect and cherish.
Support and shield Nico from anything that might hurt him.
Maybe part of it was because Nico was so much younger, but whatever it was, Jake was in over his head. And instead of fighting it, he wanted to go deeper. He kissed Nico slowly, their tongues winding together until they had to breathe.
Nico murmured, “I really want to stay here all afternoon with you. But I should do some prep for tomorrow.”
“Me too. We can play catch, hit the gym. Do some fielding drills. Nothing too heavy. It’ll be good to get back out there.” He realized he was looking forward to tomorrow’s game—to the crowd and the dirt and the sweat—in a way he hadn’t in too long.
“So we’re together now, but we’re not telling the team, right?” Nico asked.
“Right. I don’t think we should tell anyone else for the time being. We have to keep it professional in the clubhouse and on the field.”
“I agree. Besides, can you imagine all the ‘who’s the pitcher and who’s the catcher’ comments we’d have to hear?”
“Oh my God. I never even thought of that.” Jake groaned. “That settles it. Definitely not telling anyone.”
Nico toyed with Jake’s fingers. “I was thinking we could drive out to this great burger place—Vera’s. It’s in a gourmet butcher’s shop in the burbs. The double burger and sweet potato fries are amazing.”
“Sold. You had me at meat, honestly.”
“Then, if you’re into it, we could come back here and save the world? I picked up one of the Pandemic expansion packs. The one with the virulent strain.”
“Oh baby, I’m into it.” Jake nipped at Nico’s ear. “And I really want to fuck you, but we should wait until tomorrow night after the game.” He let go of Nico’s hand and rubbed up and down his thigh. “Is your ass still sore from the last time?”
“All better now,” Nico breathed, his lips parting. “I really want to do it again. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll do…everything.”
Jake’s cock twitched, heat sparking. Trust shone from Nico’s eyes, and the protectiveness returned like a wave flowing to shore. Jake wanted to wrap him in his arms and keep him safe. Keep Nico his. All the years he’d loved Brandon, it had never been like this. Not even close.
Jake’s heart kicked like a mule. Was he really in love now?
“Jake?” Nico frowned. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No, of course not.” He refocused. “You want to do everything, huh?” He licked across Nico’s lower lip. “I’ll plan a little something for tomorrow night. Don’t need you limping out to the mound. We can try something new. If you’re game.”
“Anything.”
“Hmm. I have a few ideas.”
Nico breathlessly asked, “What?”
He grinned. “That’s for me to know and you to find out.”