Chapter 15 Knight
KNIGHT
Ifucked up.
I stand outside Izzy’s home, my fist banging against the heavy wooden door, begging for Harper to just hear me out. It’s been two days since she’s spoken to me, and while I deserve it, I’m also not going to let this go on without getting her the help she so obviously needs.
She’s sick, and while she’s been doing great on her road to recovery, there’s no harm in admitting that perhaps these meds aren’t doing what they’re supposed to be doing. I just can’t wrap my head around why the fuck she can’t bring herself to understand that.
I love this woman with everything that I am, and if she wants to give me the silent treatment for the rest of our fucking lives, then so be it.
I’m more than okay with that. It’ll piss me off, and I’ll probably die of starvation from not getting to taste her every fucking night, but I’d bear it with a fucking smile on my face if I had to.
But what I won’t do is allow her to ignore this.
“Doll, I know you’re in there,” I bellow through the door. “Just hear me out. I just need to see that you’re okay and talk, and then you can go straight back to hating me.”
A loud groan comes from inside the house, and a moment later, the lock on the door clicks. A moment later, the door swings open, and Izzy appears in front of me. “For fuck’s sake, Knight. You’re gonna start annoying my neighbors.”
I scoff, recalling the moment the man from two doors down told me to fuck off. “A little too late for that.”
“Look, she doesn’t want to see you right now. You broke her heart,” she tells me as though I didn’t already know. “Just give her a few days to cool down and then she’ll be alright.”
“A few days? It’s already been two, and she hasn’t even pretended to open one of my texts,” I say.
“Listen, Izzy, you’re a smart woman. You know all I want is for her to be healthy and happy.
I want what’s best for her, and I know you want that too.
She needs help, the kind of help that you and I can’t offer her, and if you can’t make her understand that, then I need to try. ”
“Come on, Knight. Just give her a few days. She’s safe with me. I’m not going to let anything happen to her.”
My face scrunches, and I shoot her an apologetic look.
“Forgive me,” I say before reaching for her waist and physically removing Izzy from the doorway, switching our positions until I’m the one on the inside and she’s standing outside the door.
“I just need a few minutes,” I tell her, before closing the door between us and flicking the lock.
I’m gonna have hell to pay for that, but where Harper is concerned, I don’t particularly give a fuck.
Turning on my heel, I make my way into Izzy’s home as I listen to the sweet sound of her banging on the door. “You big fucker,” Izzy screeches. “I’m gonna have your balls for this, you giant asshole.”
I tune her out as I make my way deeper into the house, following the unmistakable sound of what could only be Vikings playing from the main bedroom. I step straight over the threshold, welcoming myself into the bedroom to find Harper curled up in bed, looking sorry for herself.
“Is he gone?” she mutters.
“Nope.”
Harper’s head whips up, her eyes wide. “What the hell are you doing in here?” she demands before pausing a second and realizing something is off. “What the hell did you do with Izzy?”
“She’s fine,” I tell her. “You’re not answering my texts.”
“Because you’re a grouchy asshole who thinks I made up being sexually assaulted.”
“Come on, doll,” I say, striding right around the bed and sitting down beside her.
“Don’t say it like that. You know how I feel about all of this.
I know it’s real to you. The trauma, fear, and emotion is real, and you know that I’m right here to get you through that.
It’s just . . . We’ve been through this before.
I know the signs, and I want to help you. I fucking need to help you, doll.”
Tears well in her eyes, and she crawls out of bed and climbs onto my lap, and her arm hooks around the back of my neck.
“You’re right,” she whispers. “We have been here before, which is why you should trust that I know the difference between what’s real and what’s not.
How it feels to truly have someone plunging their fingers inside me, and how it feels when my mind distorts the truth.
The fact that you don’t believe me, that you think I’m capable of making up something like that, or even stabbing myself to the point where I almost bled out all alone in a parking garage is insane to me.
I love you, Knight, but you’re breaking my heart. ”
I wrap my arms around her, pulling her into me. “The last thing I want is to hurt you, doll.”
“I know,” she says, sounding completely broken. “And I know you wish you could see things the way that I do, or in the very least, understand me the way I need you to, but you can’t, and I can’t call you home knowing that you don’t believe me.”
“This isn’t the end, Harper.”
“It has to be.”
“No, it’s not,” I tell her. “I’m more than happy for you to push me away and tell me that I’m not what you need, but you and I both know that’s bullshit.
I’m not going anywhere. I fucking love you, doll.
When you’re burning, I’m burning too, and right now, your whole fucking world is up in flames, and you’re not letting me step into them with you.
That’s not how we work, doll. That’s not how I love you. ”
“Because the type of help you want to give me isn’t the kind of help I need,” she says.
“I get where you’re coming from, and I more than understand why you’ve jumped directly to those conclusions, but I need you to trust me on this.
This stalker is real, and he poses a very real threat to my life.
And I get it, I looked crazy digging through my underwear drawer for a rose that wasn’t there, but I’m telling you, it was.
This man showed up in the parking garage, boasted about stealing my notes from the hospital, re-created my hallucinations, told me nobody would believe me, and you’ve proven him right.
He’s been tormenting me ever since, and there’s nothing I can do about it until you decide to get onboard.
I need you to have faith in me. I need you to trust me. ”
I let out a heavy sigh, pulling her into me again, my hand roaming up and down her back as the subtle sound of Izzy banging against her front door rumbles through the house.
“I’m sorry, Harper,” I murmur, my lips pressing against her temple.
“You have no fucking idea how much I wish I could give you what you want, but I’m not about to sit here and lie to you.
You’re sick, doll, and there’s no shame in visiting Dr. Carzy and letting her know what’s going on.
She can change up your meds. We’ll find something that works for you, but I can’t sleep at night knowing that you might hurt yourself, and it’s not fair for you to do that to Izzy.
She thinks she can handle it, but what happens when you try to hurt yourself again?
What happens to her if she can’t get to you in time?
The guilt that she would have to live with for the rest of her life . . . fuck, doll. It’ll kill her.”
Harper pulls back again, shrugging off my touch. “Fuck,” she whispers. A small smile pulls across her lips, but it doesn’t match the agony in her eyes. “I really thought you were going to be the one.”
I shake my head, my fingers brushing down the length of her arm. “Don’t say shit you don’t mean.”
She glances away, those big, green eyes filling with tears again. “You need to leave, Knight.”
“Doll.”
“She’s right,” Izzy says from the doorway, heaving for air and looking as though she just crawled through hell and back to get here. “You need to go.”
My gaze settles back on Harper, and not wanting to upset her any more than I already have, I nod and lift her off my lap, settling her back on the bed where she was before I interrupted her evening.
“I’ll go, but you know to call me. If you’re in trouble or you just need someone to talk to, you know I’m always here. ”
Harper nods, a heavy sadness in her eyes. “I know,” she says, and with that, I make my way out of Izzy’s home, leaving every piece of my heart behind.