Chapter 44
HARPER-RAYN
The soft glow of the moonlight shines across the wet pavement, and as Knight helps me down from his truck, I can’t help but take it all in.
There’s something about the way the street looks after it’s just rained that sucks me in.
There’s a subtle peacefulness about it, and I don’t doubt that after getting inside and washing the icky hospital feeling off me, I’ll spend the rest of the night sitting out back on our deck, watching the stars from the comfort of Knight’s arms.
Nothing could ever make me happier. Well, except for potentially becoming a mom—or a big sister.
I’m still undecided on the details, but I know that I have to do this.
I feel it in the pit of my stomach, an overwhelming need to give this child the life that I never had, to give her love and acceptance, to give her a home that she thrives in.
If I had my way, my mother would spend the rest of her life behind bars, but in reality, she’ll probably only do a maximum of ten years for the attempted murder of Izzy.
As for the manipulation, twisted games, and her role in luring me into Elias’s trap, I’m not sure there’s much I can do about that.
Either way, this baby shouldn’t have to hold the same kind of trauma I held growing up. I want more for her.
I don’t think the courts will have an issue giving me the baby, at least temporarily.
Naturally, they will seek out the biological father, but my guess is that he would happily pay any price to make the problem go away.
But I don’t want or need his money because that sweet, innocent child is my flesh and blood.
My problems will come when I petition the court for full custody.
There’s a lot I’m going to have to look into, and I’m sure my mother is going to put up one hell of a fight.
She will want to keep this child purely out of spite, not because she has any intention of offering her warmth and unconditional love.
She belongs with me and Knight, and that’s the hill that I will proudly die on.
It’s been a long day, and after bugging Amelia for the duration of her whole shift, she finally allowed me to go home to spend the night in my own bed, despite how much I wanted to stay with Izzy.
But she needs her peace and quiet, not that she’ll be getting much with Ace and Diesel camped in the armchairs on either side of her bed.
But I also need to think about what’s best for me, and right now, that’s being home with Knight.
As for Izzy, she’ll probably be stuck in the hospital for a few weeks, and when she’s finally discharged, I’ll bring her back here.
She’s far too stubborn and will insist on going home.
She doesn’t believe that she needs anybody looking after her, but that shit isn’t going to fly with me, or with Knight, for that matter.
Shit, and if she thinks I’m bossy, just wait until she tries to tell Knight no.
Actually, I think that might just be the most entertaining thing I will ever see.
Knight takes my hand and leads me to our front door before pulling me right into his side. “You’re unusually quiet,” he murmurs as he fishes his keys out of his pocket and works on unlocking the door.
I let out a sigh. “I just don’t think I can manage another week of bed rest,” I tell him.
“Not to mention, the morgue is going to be in chaos if I’m off for another week.
We’re still trying to catch up after everything that happened with Dr. McKullan.
I swear, the interns are going to start making up rumors that I can’t handle the pressure. ”
“Fuck the interns,” he tells me, pushing the door open and ushering me inside. “Let them talk, and when you return next week, ride their asses so hard that they have no choice but to retract whatever bullshit they said about you.”
“Well, I was going to do that anyway.”
“Damn straight, you were.”
A lazy grin pulls across my face, but as I make my way deeper into our home, it quickly falls away at seeing the remains of what should have been an incredible night with my nieces.
Bowls of stale popcorn for our movie night still linger on the kitchen counter.
Izzy’s overnight bag is still hanging open, jam-packed with candy and a change of pajamas, just in case the girls suddenly thought that unicorns were lame, and of course, Haylee’s special stuffed sheep.
She takes that thing everywhere, and now she’s having to spend the night without it.
I’m going to have to express ship it to her, along with anything else I find around the house.
“Damn,” I whisper, pausing by the kitchen counter and taking it all in.
“They’re alright,” Knight tells me. “They’re so young and don’t really understand what they saw, so they’ll be okay.”
“Jonah is never going to let me get anywhere near them again.”
“Of course he will,” Knight tells me, pulling me into his strong arms and pressing a kiss to the top of my head.
“He knows this wasn’t on you, and he knows just how far you went in order to keep them safe.
If anything, Jonah is in the middle of handcrafting a fifty-foot statue of you to put up in his backyard.
You risked your own life to protect his babies, and as a man, I am telling you, he is never going to forget that, nor will he take it lightly. ”
I roll my eyes and pull a face. “You’re laying it on thicker than Ace trying to convince Izzy that he’s a muscular swooper.”
Knight laughs before taking my shoulders and spinning me around to face the hallway. “Go relax in the shower while I pour you a glass of wine.”
“You know alcohol and concussions are typically discouraged.”
“I’m aware, doll. But you and I both know that you’re going to end up drinking it anyway, so I might as well put myself to use while you chill in the shower.”
I grin, and as I make my way down the hall, I glance back over my shoulder. “Good point,” I tell him. “But don’t bother with just a glass. Bring me the whole bottle.”
After heading into the bathroom, I stand naked in front of the mirror, looking over the markings decorating my body.
It’s not pretty. I’m covered in bruises from being whipped with a belt and cuts from where I was punched so hard my skin split.
There are scratches from being dragged across the ground, and claw marks along my hips from fingernails.
I have black eyes, swollen lips, and a puffy jaw.
My skin is blistered all over from the heat of the flames, and while I narrowly escaped receiving third-degree burns, my skin still isn’t out of the woods.
I’ll be applying creams for weeks, maybe even months.
Knight has a few burns and scratches of his own from the explosion, but being the stubborn alphahole that he is, he didn’t bother bringing it to anyone’s attention.
But I’m not surprised. At this point in our relationship, I’ve come to expect it.
Not able to look at myself any longer, I lean into the shower before turning on the water and giving it a few moments to warm up.
Before I can step into the spray, Knight strides into the bathroom with a bottle of wine in his hand and two glasses dangling from his other hand.
We both know he only brought them along so that we can at least pretend to be civilized shower drinkers.
As the water warms up and the bathroom floods with steam, I step under the water and hiss as it hits my skin. “Shit, that stings,” I say, immediately dancing back and adjusting the temperature. I guess I’m stuck with cool showers for the foreseeable future.
Getting the water to a temperature my skin can tolerate, I move in under the stream and let it cascade over my body, washing away the horrors of this past weekend.
Then, as I tilt my head back to rinse my hair, Knight steps up to the entrance of the shower with a full glass of wine in his hand.
He leans against the wall, watching me through a broken stare.
“I’m okay,” I promise him, my heart breaking for him. He’s always so strong for me, always holding me together through all of my twisted bullshit, that I can’t even begin to imagine how he must be feeling on the inside.
“You killed a man,” he says, not that it’s common knowledge. As far as the police are concerned, Elias was killed during the explosion. “No matter how vile that person might have been, what you had to do to survive leaves scars.”
I nod, already well aware of the scars it has left within me, though I don’t think I’ve even scratched the surface of how much trauma this is going to bring me.
“I don’t think it’s really hit me yet,” I tell him honestly, taking the glass of wine from his hands and taking a small sip before placing it down on the little shelf.
“I just feel . . . numb. When I think about what I did, I can’t help but think about everything he did and what more he was going to do to me, and .
. . I think I did the right thing. I know I lost control.
Maybe it was desperation. But I don’t regret it. He had to die.”
Knight nods before shrugging out of his shirt and stepping right into the shower, pants and all.
His arm immediately scoops around my waist, gently pressing me up against the cool shower tiles.
Usually I’d screech at being up against the chilly wall, but while my skin burns, I can’t help but sink into the cold tiles.
“Fuck,” he breathes, his gaze sweeping across my face as if still unable to believe I’m standing right in front of him. “I was a mess. I thought . . . I thought I lost you.”
I shake my head, looking up into those eyes that have consumed every piece of my heart and soul. “That’s never going to happen,” I vow. “Not when I know you’re here. There’s nothing anybody could do to me that would stop me from ever coming home to you. I belong right here. You are my home now.”