Chapter 15
15
We haven’t seen you in months, Francesca. Months! The best I get is seeing photos of you on Instabook in those awful little shirts you like wearing.”
“Umma, I… Wait a minute, how do you know what my Insta is?” Franny pulled her phone away from her ear to immediately set her profile to private. The last thing she needed right now was her mother seeing strap-on memes in her stories.
“Don’t worry about all that,” the older woman tutted. “Worry about the fact that your mother and father are old people. We could die tomorrow, and then what? You won’t even be able to remember what we looked like.”
Franny tried not to roll her eyes. Honestly, she did. Her umma, Jihae, was normally very calm and levelheaded, but she had not been happy about her only daughter moving so far away from her. Especially not when her boys had already left.
“Mom, you saw me two months ago, remember? When you came out for Amelia’s birthday? I saw you every day for an entire week.”
“That’s not the same as you being home,” she said with a sigh. “I could barely feed you because we had to eat at all those restaurants.”
Her mother’s voice was low, like she didn’t want to admit her disquiet out loud. Franny’s exasperation melted away in an instant as she imagined her umma at home alone while her father worked, worrying after a child who didn’t call nearly enough.
“I’ll come see you then, I promise.”
“When?” The woman seemed to perk up immediately.
Franny flipped through the calendar app on her phone. “I’ll fly out during a long weekend, but it might be a couple months before I can swing it.”
“Why not now? It’s summer, and you’re a teacher. No work, right?”
“Oh… um… I don’t really have the time to get away right now with football and everything.”
“Mmmm.”
It was a sound of great disapproval. The only sport her mother had even a modicum of respect for was tennis, and even that was mostly because she thought Serena Williams was “a very nice and talented girl.” Franny’s love of football had always been a mystery to her umma, and though she had never discouraged it, she’d never shown much interest in it either.
“Oh, please don’t make that noise,” Franny groaned.
“I just don’t understand how a game can keep you away from your family for months.”
“I know you don’t understand it,” Franny said. She rubbed at her temples. “But I need you to at least try to accept that it’s an important part of my life.”
Her mother was so quiet on the other end that Franny had to make sure the call hadn’t dropped.
“Of course I can accept that. I just want to see you at least once before I die.”
“Umma, come on now. You are not dying.”
“I could be.” Jade sniffed. “Then how would you feel?”
Franny ignored that. “You haven’t seen Phillip in how long? A year and a half? I bet he doesn’t get these talks like I do.”
“That’s different. Phillip lives across the world.”
“And he has more money than all of us! He could afford to come see you every other month if he wanted to,” Franny said.
“Well…” Her mother simply sniffed again. “I can’t believe my Kenneth is the only child of mine who stayed near home. Houston is so big. I was always so sure that when you grew up, you’d find your place here. Now look at you, too far for me to kiss or pinch when I need to. When was the last time I got to make tteok for you all?”
“Look, Mom,” Franny began. “I know I don’t call as much as I need to, and I promise I will get better at that. I also promise that I will make an actual effort to come visit you and Dad more. But I really hope you don’t feel like we don’t love you. Because that just isn’t true.”
“I have good children. Each of you makes me so proud. I don’t mean to be so… I don’t know, overly emotional. I just spent half my life raising you, and sometimes it’s hard to look around and see that you don’t need me so much anymore.”
“We’ll always need you,” Franny said gently. “But I think you need to find something outside of your kids to love. I mean, Appa has his bird-watching group. You need something like that.”
“Maybe I should get a little dog to take care of,” she said hesitantly. “Carla next door got one that looks like a little drowned rat when she got divorced, and that thing is all she cares about now.”
“Maybe… a real hobby and not just something else to take care of.”
The older woman made a noncommittal noise. “Maybe I should try to learn about football…”
Franny perked up immediately. “Wait, really?”
“Why not? I like learning about new things, and it seems like football is always on the television. I could do some research. Maybe you could help me.”
“I… would love that, Mom. We could schedule a weekly call to talk about football.”
“Mm-hmm, yes, every week we’ll call.”
“Okay, yeah, that sounds so fun actually,” Franny said, meaning it. “We’re going to turn you into a football fan. You just have to figure out which team you want to root for.”
“I’ll support your team!”
“Mom, that’s—” Franny paused. She’d been about to correct her, tell her that she should go for the Cowboys or something, but it had suddenly become clear to her what this was. Her mother was trying to connect with her. “That would be great, actually. I would love that.”
“Good. We’ll call, and you can update me on how things are going with your team.”
“And you can update me on your life at the same time.”
Her umma’s tone was so sincerely happy it almost made Franny’s chest cave in. “I love you, Francesca.”
“I love you more, Umma.”
Franny was surprised that the football team’s annual preseason dinner took place at the mayor’s mansion. When Landry had invited her, she’d half expected to find a bunch of cafeteria tables at the school covered in white tablecloths. Instead, there was an actual formal dining space fixed up to the gills with fancy cutlery and a chandelier to boot.
The space was so nice that it was almost funny to see it filled with a bunch of teenaged boys who were clearly more comfortable on the field than in their ill-fitting suits. The dinner was a team-only affair, which meant no parents or other outsiders—aside from her. Not even the man whose home they were all in was in attendance. Just four long event tables outfitted with forty-three players and six coaches.
Then there she was, classified as neither of those things, realizing how awkward her in-between position was. And far from where Landry and Jade sat with their heads huddled together. For the first time, Franny felt something close to actual jealousy for the other woman. It was easy for her to see herself as part of the team when she was actually getting work done. Even if her task at practices was nothing but keeping the hydration station stocked, it was important and it made her useful. Here, she was left to pick at her grilled chicken thigh while the real coaches interacted with one another.
Franny stabbed her fork into a fatty piece of her chicken, watching as a hot stream of grease shot out and infected the mashed potatoes next to it. The food looked and smelled fantastic, but her appetite grew less and less intense by the second. Not for the first time that evening, she wondered why she’d even been invited. She considered standing up and leaving right then and there. She imagined she could slip out easily, without anyone even noticing. She could be at home wallowing in her bed in less than ten minutes.
She stabbed the chicken again, seething as that idea left her mind just as quickly as it arrived. She was here, and so she would stay. It didn’t matter how deep in her feelings she was; she’d promised herself she would be here for the kids, and she would. Even if she was going to be a big brat about it in her head.
“Hey, Coach.”
She didn’t think the words were directed at her at first, so she didn’t look up from her plate until she felt the sustained presence next to her. Alonzo Holton towered over her, a wide grin across his light brown face. He’d gotten a fresh cut for the night, his curly hair piled at the top of his head but taper-faded at the sides. With his crisp white button-up and tie, he looked so adorable that Franny had to keep herself from cooing in his face.
“I’m not a coach, remember?” she told him with a smile.
The boy just shrugged. “You might as well be.”
Her spirits raised in an instant. “You enjoying yourself tonight?”
“The food is really good. You know they told us we can have as many plates as we want? That’s crazy. My mom told me I better eat my fill because I’m not going to rummage through her kitchen when I get home,” he said.
Franny barked out a laugh. “How many plates have you had so far?”
“Just three.” The boy had the nerve to look sheepish.
Franny smiled. “I know we haven’t had a chance to talk much one-on-one recently, but Coach Dunn told me your father is doing better. How are your folks doing?”
“They’re all right. Daddy had to go back to work the other day, and Mama is mad they wouldn’t give him more time, and now we’re all having to eat a ‘low-cholesterol diet’ in support, which means Mama keeps making beans, but,” he said, shrugging, “other than that, everything’s pretty normal.”
She stared him down for a few moments, taking in his posture and checking for any signs of anxiety. But he looked calm and pleasantly happy, even if just for the evening. This made her glad.
“You’re a very strong kid, you know that, Alonzo?”
His cheeks went ruddy. “Nah, I’m not.”
“You are. All of you are,” Franny said, pride filling her voice. “I watch you show up for this team every day, even when you’re going through very real things. This team is amazing, and you’re an important part of that.”
“We just care about the team is all,” Alonzo said. “We want to win, and I guess that just means, like, supporting each other or whatever.”
“I think supporting each other is a big part of us getting those wins.”
He nodded. “That’s why we’re going to take it all the way this year, because we’re the best this team has had in years.”
Franny snorted. “What makes you say that?”
“I can feel it, Coach. Can’t you?”
He was grinning again, and it was so infectious that she couldn’t help but return it. “I think I feel it.”
“Oh, come on, you gotta believe it more than that.”
“I believe it!” She spoke with all the conviction in her heart.
“That’s right.” Alonzo nodded like he’d just taught her something. And maybe he had.
“Go on, boy.” She laughed again. “Give this pep talk to your teammates too while you’re at it.”
“I just wanted to come say hi. I’ll see you at practice tomorrow, right?”
“I’ll be there.”
It was ridiculous how much her spirits seemed to lift as she watched the boy walk back to his seat. He’d crossed the room just to talk to her because he’d noticed her sitting there. Maybe it was silly, but it made her feel incredible. If even one person on the team felt like she belonged there as much as she did, that could be enough for her.
There was a renewed sense of purpose inside her that ached for a call to action. So, when she saw the waitstaff reenter the room with carts full of cake and sparkling juice, she made her way over to help distribute. The two college kids in bow ties seemed happy for the help as Franny followed their lead, placing a plate and a long-stemmed glass in front of each person as one came behind to pour the juice. She was still feeling good by the time they got to the coaches’ table. Then she made eye contact with Jade for the first time that night, and something else joined the mix of emotions swirling in her belly.
Jade kept her eyes on Franny as she helped serve Landry and the others. Her gaze was dark and hot, and the smirk across her full lips was simply wicked. Franny blinked once, and her mind immediately conjured up the image of Jade all up on her in that dingy club bathroom. Franny recalled the way the other woman’s lips felt on hers—hot and dewy and powerful. And she remembered how wet she’d been, dripping all over the fingers Jade pushed in and out of her. The memory came back in full force, with enough strength to make her forget where she was for a few moments.
She dragged her gaze away from Jade’s as her chest began to heat up. Once again, she felt the immediate urge to flee. This time because the space was suddenly too crowded and enclosed. Franny swallowed hard in an attempt at keeping her breaths steady. Without thinking, she glanced up again, hoping for a split second that Jade had found something more interesting than her to turn her attention to.
But the smirk was still there waiting for her, and the moment their eyes met for the second time, it turned into a full smile. With Jade’s wolfish teeth bared and her eyes hot, all Franny could imagine was what it would feel like to have those teeth sink into her skin. Anywhere. Her lips… her neck… the insides of her thighs.
That last one was enough to make her body twitch involuntarily, and her bodily instincts made an attempt at extracting her from the situation. Only her uncoordinated movements sent one of her arms out, knocking into the glass of sparkling juice in front of Landry, propelling the liquid right into his lap.
“Ah hell!” The man jumped up, grabbing at his crotch in surprise.
Franny looked on in horror. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry, Coach, I… Here, let me…” She snatched up a napkin from the table and, without thinking, tried to go about cleaning him up.
Landry scrambled back even farther. “No, no. Absolutely not,” he said, taking the napkin from her. “I’ve got it.”
He trudged off somewhere in search of the bathroom, and Franny was left there mortified as she looked up to see the entire room watching her. Her cheeks flushed, and her stomach roiled with the urge to spill the contents of her dinner out onto the floor.
The sudden screeching of a chair scooting across the hardwood seemed to grab everyone’s attention. “If Coach comes back in here busting out of a pair of the mayor’s running pants, I better not hear a peep out of y’all,” Jade’s voice boomed, and the laughter that followed was even louder.
Franny may have known logically that those chuckles weren’t aimed at her, but that knowledge did nothing for her humiliation. Giving in to the urge to disappear, she sank slowly into a squat right in front of where Landry’s chair had been, resting her forehead against the clothed edge of the table. She took a few deep breaths as she planned her exit. From the dining room and possibly the state.
“You know,” Jade began, “I have to admit, when I came here tonight, I considered finding a way to make a fool out of you like I did at bingo that time.” She shook her head, returning to her seat. “Turns out, I was thinking too hard, because all I had to do was wait for you to do the dirty work for me.”
“It was an accident.”
Jade shrugged. “Accident or not, it was funny.”
“You know that was your fault,” Franny growled.
“How do you figure?”
“You know what you did, Dunn.”
“All I did was sit there.” Jade smirked again. “It’s not my fault the mere sight of me throws you off.”
Franny hated how right she was. “You’re a fucking nuisance, you know that?”
“And you’re an even bigger fool than I thought if that’s all it takes to fuck you up.”
Franny held back her exasperated huff. Apology to Landry be damned, she shoved herself off the floor and hauled herself out of there. Her hands were clenched on the steering wheel as she drove home, all the anxiety and anger and embarrassment building until tears started to leak out the corners of her eyes. She’d felt far too many opposing emotions for one evening—hell, for one lifetime, honestly.
It almost amazed her how Jade could go from being the type of woman who fucked like she was looking for love at the bottom of Franny’s throat to the type of woman to gleefully kick someone when they were down.
Franny waited for it to make her angry. It would have been so much easier to rage and rant. Maybe that way she could take that energy and put it into trying to make Jade feel like the kind of fool she felt like. But the rage didn’t come, no matter how hard she tried to coax it out. And when she got home and threw her keys on the coffee table and curled up on her couch, shoes and all, it was something else entirely that she felt.
Despondence. Fear and sadness that she’d completely messed up any small chance she had at being a real part of the team. Along with straight-up despair that the woman she still couldn’t help but admire showed no signs of returning those feelings.
The gloom created a fat gray cloud that floated just below her ceiling, bulging and shifting as it filled with more and more water. It was an ominous thing, one that made Franny squeeze her eyes tightly and wrap her arms around her own waist. When the cloud finally broke and the rain fell, her own cries were the thunderclap.