Chapter 7
NOLAN
7
The next morning, I wake up in a good mood again.
Sunday is mine and Stella’s sacred father-daughter day. It’s our time.
The weekdays revolve around the bar and school, and I make sure to keep my schedule free for all of Stella’s extracurriculars on Saturday mornings. But I always plan a special activity to do with my little girl on Sundays. No matter how tired I am from working Friday and Saturday nights,Stella and I reserve Sunday mornings for a special daddy-daughter date.
She’s at that age where she wants to go everywhere, experience everything. And I want to give her the world.
None of it is normal. None of it’s easy. But Stella is happy and healthy, and I think this life is working for us.
Today, I’m taking her to an insect exhibition.I get dressed early and tiptoe past the office, mindful not to wake Inez. Then I head across the yard to pick up my daughter from her grandmother’s trailer. While Stella is finishing up in the bathroom, Genevieve invites me in with a mischievous grin.
She hands me a steaming cup of her favorite herbal elixir as I cautiously sit at her small table.
“Thank you,” I say, taking the mug.
The taste is strong and earthy and I’m not quite sure what the medicinal properties of this piping hot liquid are, but I’ve gotten used to drinking it over the years. When it comes to the old hippie ladies around town, sometimes it’s better to not ask questions.
Turns out, Gen isn’t shy about being the one to ask questions this morning.
“So…” she grins at me. “That pretty bartender of yours is back in town?”
Oh god. “Yeah, she’s back,” I say simply.
Gen prods further. “And she’s staying with you at the house?”
“Temporarily.”
“I hope you’re being a good host, Nolan.” She hides her smirk behind a sip from her mug.
“What does that mean?” I dare to ask.
“We both know that couch of yours is too damn stiff for guests. Especially for pretty guests like your bartender girl.”
“Don’t go there, Gen,” I warn.
She ignores me and carries on. “Letting her share your bed would be the gentlemanly thing to do, Nolan.”
“Please stop,” I grumble. I’m so not having this conversation with my ex-wife’s mother.
Her silvery curls tumble down her back when she laughs heartily. “There you go, wasting those good Brighton genes as usual.”
“I have a daughter. I’d hardly say that I wasted my ‘good Brighton genes’.”
“You’re such a wonderful father. A man like you should have a whole bunch of daughters. And sons, too. A wife. A happy home. You deserve it.” She just shakes her head. “It’s a pity.”
“Yeah, a pity.”
Genevieve may be my ex-wife’s mother. But from the time it became obvious that Lilian had no desire to stick around and help raise her daughter, Gen has always encouraged me to move on with my life.
And I’ve moved on. I’m not holding my breath for a future with Lilian anymore. But that doesn’t mean I’m desperate to bring another woman into my life. And raising one child is hard enough. I simply can’t imagine any more responsibilities on my plate.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to even remember how Lilian and I even got together. We never had that much in common. I was a star hockey player who had a promising future, playing professionally. She was the whimsical hippie girl who intrigued me. We started out as two hormonal teenagers who liked to hook up and we just kept hooking up throughout the years.
Time and again, I tried getting a commitment out of her but she was always too flighty for that. For the most part, I just let Lilian be Lilian and enjoyed her when she was around.
Until she got pregnant with my daughter. And my whole outlook on life changed. I wanted marriage. I was willing to sacrifice everything to be a family.
But quickly, the sparkle of married life began to fade as the cold reality set in. I had to accept that nothing would tie Lilian down. She was in and out of town as she pleased, leaving me to care for an infant and figure it all out on my own.
My foolish dreams of happy-ever-after ended in divorce papers two years ago. The court awarded us joint custody and I dedicated my life to being the best father I could be. Meanwhile, Lilian stepped up to the plate. She seemed to view her parental obligations as more of a casual suggestion than an actual responsibility.
And that’s how we ended up where we are today.
Eager to change the subject, I glance around the small, colorfully-decorated trailer. I spot the faded vision board that’s still hanging on the wall above the tiny table, reminding me just how much the old woman does for me and Stella. The board is decorated with photos and cutouts of all the places Genevieve would like to visit. But year after year, she delays those traveling plans to help us out.
“So, when are you taking that trip to the Grand Canyon?” I ask, sipping the bitter tea.
She waves her arm, only throwing a cursory glance at the poster. “Oh, that’s just a pipe dream.”
“Taking a trip to the Grand Canyon is not a pipe dream. I know you’ve saved up enough money. You just have to go. Simple as that.”
The older woman shrugs.“It can wait.”
I release a mighty sigh. “I hate that you’re putting your life on hold for Stella.” I find myself muttering, “Especially since Stella’s own mother isn’t putting her life on hold for anyone at all.”
Genevieve carries on, ignoring my jab at her daughter. “Stella is my life. She is the future of my lineage. Loving her is my honor. Stop feeling guilty, Nolan. Being right here, watching her grow up is exactly where I want to be.”
I continue trying to reason with her. “All I’m saying is—”
It’s at that precise moment that Stella bursts out of the small bathroom, excitedly throwing herself into my arms.“Good morning, Daddy!”
I give her a squeeze and rock her left to right, careful not to hit anything in these tight quarters. “Did you wash your hands?”
Stella giggles. “Of course! What are we doing today, Daddy?
Pulling out of our hug, I pause for dramatic effect. “Insect exhibition!”
Her eyes grow round. “Will there be dragonflies?”
“You bet there will be!” There’s always some sort of festival or event happening in Starlight Falls, and I’m always grateful for a kid-friendly outing to take my daughter to.
“Yay!” Stella hops up and down. She makes quick work of saying goodbye to her grandma with a big kiss. “See you later, Gaga!” And then we head back across the lawn to our house, to finish getting ready.
When we get inside, I scoot Stella into her bedroom to get dressed for our excursion.
Then I head off toward the sound of dishes and utensils banging around at the back of the house. I find Inez dragging herself around my kitchen, making coffee. She’s also wearing my T-shirt again. She looks so damn good in it. I have to say, I don’t mind lending her all the T-shirts she needs.
“Good morning,” I say when she spots me.
“Morning,” she chirps back. “Coffee?”
I nod, but then I cringe when I realize that she’s using my beaten and battered coffee maker. The one that is currently held together by a half a roll of silver duct tape.
The plastic handle cracked last year when I bumped it against the sink, and I immediately rigged it up with tape so I could still enjoy a hot cup of coffee that day. It was never meant to be a permanent solution. But it did the job and held up well, so days turned into months, and eventually, I didn’t see a reason to replace it.
The excuses are on the edge of my tongue, but Inez just picks up the pot, pours our mugs, and doesn’t bat an eye at my shitty coffee maker. It’s like she doesn’t even see the duct tape.
Still, I find myself cringing yet again when she opens the fridge to grab the creamer for us. The goddamned refrigerator handles are also held together with an excessive amount of duct tape.
What can I say? Duct tape is my go to. But I don’t have a good excuse for the state of my fridge. I should have bought a new one ages ago, but I’m not a man who likes spending money on frivolous things.
My little girl comes back, all dressed and ready to go. Her shirt’s yellow and blue stripes definitely don’t match her pink polka-dotted shorts, but I’ve never been one to stifle Stella’s creativity.
“Inez!” my daughter shouts, tackling our guest in a bear hug. “You’re here!”
“I’m here!” Inez laughs, squeezing Stella against her side. “Don’t you look…colorful!” she says, taking in my little girl’s outfit. “What are you up to today?”
“We’re going to hit the insect exhibition,” I announce for Inez’s sake. I’d invite her to come along, but I don’t want to put her on the spot.
Stella beams right up at Inez, and I can already tell what my rugrat is thinking. “Do you like bugs?”
“Oh, I just love bugs!” Inez snorts, shooting me a look that takes me back to our conversation about hotel spiders last night.
Stella gasps excitedly. “Then you should come with us today! Did you know insects don’t just live on land? Some live in freshwater. And even in the oceans.” She waves her hands, full of animation when she speaks.
“Oh, I think Inez is probably going to want to stay home and rest before her shift later,” I say, giving Inez an escape if she wants it. I imagine she has all sorts of things she’d rather be doing on a Sunday.
“But if you come, you could get to see a whole room full of caterpillars before they turn into butterflies! The last time Daddy took me, I saw one meta…metamorph...metamorphing right before my eyes!”
Now it’s Inez’s turn to gasp. “Well, I have to go to try and see that, now, don’t I?!” She looks to me, asking my permission with her eyes.
I nod, fighting back the grin that’s trying to sprout on my lips. “Let’s do this then, ladies.”
Stella and I give Inez a few extra minutes to get dressed and then we hit the road, driving out to the exhibit on the edge of town.
At the exhibition, the three of us walk around the crowded venue, bumping into people and taking lots of pictures and making sure to visit each and every insect display. I quiz Stella on all the things she learned the last time we visited, and she takes her time, reading the placards and sounding out four-syllable words I can’t even pronounce. And naturally, Stella imparts all her buggy wisdom on Inez, who seems fascinated by everything my kid has to say.
It always amazes me how good Inez is with my daughter.She’s patient and kind with Stella, like she actually enjoys her company. Not like she’s barely tolerating her boss’s kid.
I can tell that Inez genuinely likes my daughter. And that makes me genuinely like Inez. As if I needed any more reasons.
The three of us have more fun than I expected.It just feels…easy.
We’re at a coloring station toward the end of the exhibit when I notice a strange man lingering nearby. Something about this guy makes the back of my neck prickle. I noticed him earlier in the butterfly room, too. And both times, I’ve busted him staring directly at us.
Having a daughter means my head is constantly on a swivel. And something just doesn’t feel right about that dude.
The girls are busy working on a coloring sheet together while I watch the stranger out of the corner of my eye. He holds up a fancy camera, like he’s taking pictures of the insects. But then he turns and the camera points in our direction.
What the fuck?My protective instincts click on.
Still keeping one eye on the guy, I bend down toward Inez and Stella. “Time to go, ladies. Who’s ready to go get lunch?”
The promise of fast food does the trick, and when we head out of the exhibit, I don’t see any sign of the camera-toting stranger. Maybe he’s a perv. Or maybe I overreacted. But either way, I’m happy to be rid of the creep, my girls safe with me.
Some may think I’m overprotective but I don’t care. I wouldn’t survive if something bad ever happened to my daughter. It’s like the time Stella got really sick. She was four when she’d just started preschool and picked up a nasty bug from another kid in class. She was so sick that she had to spend a night in the hospital getting fluids. I had never been more scared in my life.
Seeing your kid hooked up to machines in the hospital is downright traumatizing. And even though they sent her home the next morning and she recovered quickly, it was over a week before I’d let her out of my sight for even a second.
No one ever told me that being a dad would turn me into a big, huge scaredy cat.And I’m unapologetic about it.
We hop in the car and head back into town, deciding to pick up food and take it back home for a little picnic. We’re at the burger place on Morning Star Way, and the three of us just placed our order at the counter.
“Dad, look! Is that one of those Tiger Swallowtail butterflies we just learned about?” Stella exclaims.“Can we go look!?”
I glance to where she’s pointing out the big glass window.Then I peek back toward the kitchen, where our food is supposed to be coming up any moment.
“I can take her, if that’s okay?” Inez offers, already helping Stella slide her jacket back on.
“Okay.” And the two of them hustle toward the exit. “Stay out of the street,” I call after Stella.
“Yes, Dad,” Inez quips back, shooting me a wink as she disappears out the door.
Shaking my head, I watch after them while I wait for the food. That is, until someone taps me on the shoulder.
“Well, don’t you three look like a happy little family?” Karli appears out of nowhere, giving me a sly smile.
“They look pretty damn cute to me.” My sister’s best friend, Layla, approaches, offering me a wave.
Shit—I hadn’t even noticed these two hell-raisers when we walked in. Were they hiding out, spying on us from across the room?
“Hello to you, too,” I respond before turning my attention to the toddler perched on Layla’s hip. “Hey buddy,” I say to Sky. “You’re growing so fast, little man.”
He scrunches up his nose, flashes his teeth and babbles something that sounds a lot like, Tell me about it. But maybe I’m just hearing things.
I chuckle. “Next time I see you, you’ll be driving a truck around town.” I speak exaggeratedly and wave my arms about, just to spark a reaction in the child.
It works like a charm and he laughs uproariously, rambling. “Truck…truck…truck…”
Anyway, if I thought that Karli would let me change the conversation so easily, I’m mistaken.
She inches closer, grinning up at me. “So, I hear Inez’s staying with—”
“Don’t start.” I glare at my nosy sister.
Her grin just grows. “And you’re looking very relaxed this afternoon. Like you’ve been sleeping well these days.”
“True,” Layla echoes. When I glare at her, she titters into her sleeve.
“The both of you are annoying,” I grunt.
Just then, I hear my name being shouted from the back. Saved by lunch.
I reach across the counter, grab my takeout bags and turn for the door. I throw my hand up in a wave for good measure. “Have a nice day, both of you. Don’t go sticking your noses in everyone’s business.”
Karli shouts after me. “Don’t you worry about where we’re sticking our noses. You should probably focus on where you’re sticking your—”
Her words cut off when a horrified Layla clamps a hand over my sister’s big mouth. I run away faster.
But despite being in such a hurry to get away from Karli and Layla, their words ring in my head the rest of the afternoon. I’m still thinking about their comments back at home as Stella, Inez and I sit around on the back porch, talking and laughing over our burgers and fries and celery sticks.
Do we look like a family?Is that what people saw today when we were out and about? Is it crazy that I can so easily imagine a family with these two beautiful girls?
Because I can. I really fucking can. It just feels natural with the way Inez has been effortlessly folding into our little life.
But what were the words my ex-mother-in-law used earlier this morning? Pipe dream. It’s all just a pipe dream.
I had a family once. I even had a wife. But Lilian took off, practically before the ink of our marriage certificate could dry, leaving me to raise our daughter alone.
Sure, she pops back into Starlight Falls whenever she wants a taste of home. But any of my hopes of a happy family drove off in her beat up Volkswagen van years ago.
I’ve already accepted this bitter loneliness as my fate. A sweet fairytale romance is just not in the cards for me.