Chapter 13
NOLAN
13
After I cowardly ditched Inez this morning, I went for a bike ride to clear my head. I’m not stupid. I’m well aware that I can’t run from her forever. Especially when I’ve forced the girl to become my roommate. But after that kiss, I needed some space to get my shit together.
By the time I gathered my thoughts and headed back to the house, she was gone, though. I’m presuming that she left early for her shift here at the bar.
Now, we’re together at work and she definitely seems to be mad at me, which she has every right to be.
Tonight is busy at The North Node Tavern, which is pretty much par for the course.It’s Saturday, after all.
Inez is behind the bar, filling drink orders as fast as she can. Meanwhile, I’m picking up the slack for Suzy who called in sick at the last minute.
As much running around as we’ve both done tonight, I’m sure I look like I’ve seen better days.But Inez is flawless as always, wearing those tight dark wash jeans I like so much and a little dark blue top that shows off her shoulders and a hint of her midriff. She looks so fucking pretty.
Yet, I’m unconsciously trying to avoid her.I’m too chicken shit to just face her and have a conversation about that kiss. Truth is, I don’t want to give her the chance to say that she regrets it. And I’m scared to face the fact that I don’t regret it at all.
I don’t like being this person. I don’t like that I’m punishing her for my weaknesses. I know I should just claim responsibility for my dumb choices, but here I am being a total asshole to everyone who crosses my path.
Despite my tactics to keep my eyes off Inez, I’m also aware of her presence. I steal peeks at her each time she’s not looking. I tell myself it’s just so I know where to not go, but deep down, I realize that it’s more than that.
Either way, she’s definitely starting to get annoyed with me acting like an idiot. And I can’t say I blame her.
As I’m hustling out of the kitchen, she’s leaning into the cooler behind the bar to grab a bottle of beer. Our eyes meet and I quickly glance away. I hear her groan loudly in frustration. Somehow, that groan echoes inside my pants and I almost trip over my instant boner. Damn.
I’m about to ask if she’s okay, but she calls out to me first. “Hey, Nolan—any way you could bring in that unopened case of Heineken from the back room?”
I motion down at my hands, both of which are full of hot plates. “One second,” I quip back and keep on walking toward my waiting patrons.
I hear her groan again before apologizing to her customer. She glares at me as she brushes past me. Then, she stomps away, going to get the case of beer herself.
Safe to say that Inez is not my biggest fan tonight.
I feel like garbage. Here she is, doing her job and doing it well, saving me from drowning in the Saturday night rush. Yet, I can’t even act like a decent human being where she’s concerned.I’m giving her the cold shoulder and acting like I don’t care.
But the truth is, I’m obsessed with her. She’d know that if only she could hear the babble going on inside my head.
One minute, I’m ruminating over our kiss and I’m dreaming up scenarios about where we could have taken things last night. Then the next minute, I’m chastising myself for kissing her in the first place and I’m vowing to keep my distance from here on out.
I’m driving myself crazy.
A couple hours and only a few minor incidents later, Inez and I are in my car after closing time. Confined in the small space, it’s the closest we’ve been all day. There’s no running away now.
I’m drumming my thumbs on my torn up steering wheel, pretending to be invested in the song on the radio, even though I can feel her staring a hole in the side of my head.
Eventually, she makes a little grumbling sound. “So this is how it’s going to be, Nolan?” she asks finally.
I glance over at her before returning my eyes back to the traffic-less street. “What do you mean?”
She exhales. “Don’t play dumb with me. You’ve been mean to me all day. Is this about the kiss?”
“No…I…” I scrub my hand down my face, feeling shitty for making Inez feel shitty. “No, you haven’t done anything wrong. None of this is your fault.”
“So what the hell is going on? Why are you treating me like crap?”
I look over at her and there’s so much pain on her face. I did that to her. And I hate it.
I senselessly hurt her, and as difficult as this is to admit, I owe her the truth at the very least. “I just…” I rake my fingers through my hair. “I guess I feel guilty.”
She tilts her head to the side. “Guilty for what?”
“For…for…” Dammit. “For wanting you when I know I shouldn’t.”
Inez pauses for a long moment. Silence fills the cabin of the car. Her face grows red with anger as she processes what I just said.
“So, you’re punishing me because you’re attracted to me. Am I reading that right?” she seethes.
Crap—when she puts it like that, I sound like the ultimate dipshit.
“It’s more complicated than that,” I say lamely. But I don’t elaborate because I can’t make sense of the tangled thoughts in my head.
“Un-complicate it for me,” she demands.
“I’m terrified of the way I feel about you,” I roar, losing my grip. “I’m terrified I’ll fuck this up. That I’ll lose control of myself. That I’ll lead you on. That I’ll hurt you.”
She grits her teeth. “Guess what, asshole? You’re hurting me right now.”
Fuck. “Inez…”
She turns away, casting her gaze out the window. “Save it, Nolan.”
How did I make such a mess of everything? Jeez-us. No wonder I’m perpetually single.
There’s another bout of silence before she speaks again. “After everything I’ve been through recently, the last thing I’m going to do is play this game with you. If we can’t be adults about this, then let’s not fucking do it. Okay? You keep your hands to yourself. I keep my hands to myself. Simple as that.”
“I’m sorry. I screwed up—”
She holds up a palm to shut me the hell up. “We want different things and that’s fine. I want a long-term commitment. And you want…whatever the hell it is you want. So no more crossing the line, Nolan. Not if it’s going to turn into this weird, awkward thing between us where we can’t even be in the same room. Let’s just stay friends, okay?”
Fuck. I know she’s being reasonable. She’s making the sensible decision.
But still, I hate this. I hate hearing her tell me that I can’t have her.
Finally, I exhale. Then I nod. “Yeah. Yeah. You’re right. Friends. Yeah.” It’s totally for the best that we keep our distance. She’s my employee, after all. My best employee.
The current state of affairs doesn’t sit right with me, though.
I glance over at Inez as we come up on a flashing red signal light. I should challenge her. I should fight for her. I should argue that the chemistry between us is worth the complications.
Instead of going to battle for her, I sit there, on mute.
She nods, but only barely. “Yeah. Okay. Fine. Just friends.”
Ouch!
I know this is the right thing to do, but still, it sucks. The woman of my dreams just friend-zoned the fuck out of me. And I deserve it.
I’ve been an asshole of epic proportions. Hell—after the way I behaved, I’m lucky to be in the friend-zone, and not completely shut out of her life.