Chapter 17
INEZ
17
“Ilove girls’ day!” Stella exclaims.
I laugh, trying to concentrate on painting teeny polka dots on her tiny fingernails, so that they’ll look like the cute little ladybugs she requested.
“Girls’ day is awesome,” I agree. “Especially with you.”
We’ve been hanging out at home, having an exclusive self-pampering day. After playing outside, we came in to do “all the woman stuff,” as Stella dubbed it.
We played dress up, curled our hair and then tested out some homemade facial masks. I’m always trying out different recipes to solve whatever skin ailment I’m facing on a given day, and Stella asked if she could do one, too. I was ecstatic to try out some of the fun, fruity kid-friendly recipes I’ve had saved on my phone.
So, now we’re sitting side-by-side on the couch in the office. We look like Halloween monsters, and we smell like avocados and cucumbers.
“Okay, how do they look?” I ask, capping the polish and leaning back so Stella can inspect her nails.
“They’re so pretty. I love them. Thanks, Inez.” Stella stares at her nails for a long moment. Then I notice her smile starting to wobble.
“Whoa. What’s wrong?” I ask, automatically starting to panic. I know some of my black polka dots aren’t very consistent in size, but Stella doesn’t strike me as a little girl who would fret over something like that.
“Today was really nice,” she says quietly, her eyes large and watery. “I never get to do stuff like this.”Her face crumples then as the tears start spilling over.
“Aww. It was great spending the day with you, sweetie.” I wrap her tiny shoulders in a hug, careful not to smudge her freshly painted nails. “We can totally do this more often, okay? I love hanging out with you.”
She nods, sniffling against my sleeve. “I think…I wish…I…I…”
“What is it, sweetie?” I ask her quietly.
And then she just blurts out. “I wish I had a mom.”
I hold her tighter as my heart cracks into a million pieces. Her tiny body shakes and I feel her banana face mask seeping through my T-shirt.I don’t even care. I’ll hold this precious little girl for as long as she needs me to.
After Stella’s sobs have dissolved back into sniffles, I speak again. “You know what?” She shakes her head against me. I’m thoroughly covered in mashed banana now. “I don’t have a mom, either.”
Stella sits up, leaning back just enough to look me in the eyes. “Really?”
“Really.” I nod. “From the time I was about your age, I grew up without a mom, too. Mine left when I was eight.”
“My mommy left me, too.”
“I’m sorry, sweetie. I know how hard it is.”
We continue to talk, sharing our thoughts and bonding over the cards life has dealt us. But Stella is so lucky, even though she might not realize it yet. She’s remarkably well-rounded and has a father who’s more like Superman than he is human.
“Have you talked to your dad about how you feel?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “I love my Daddy, but sometimes I wish I had a mommy, too.” Her voice lowers to a whisper. “I don’t want him to feel bad though. He’s a really good dad. He takes care of me.”
“You’re right. He is a wonderful father. But if you’re feeling sad, you can tell him. He’d want to know.”
Stella is still in my arms, clinging to me, her eyes red and watery when Nolan gets home, poking his head through the office doorway.
“Stella!” Nolan rushes to her side, dropping the bags he was carrying. “What’s wrong, baby girl?”
She only shakes her head.
His brows pull together. “Are you hurt? Did something happen?”
Stella shakes her head again, refusing to meet his gaze.
Nolan’s eyes are absolutely panicked as he looks at me. I give him a subtle nod and a small smile, doing my best to wordlessly convey to him that his daughter is okay. She only stopped crying a few minutes ago, and I’m worried that she’ll break down again if she has to talk about her feelings right now.
“I have an idea,” I say, softly patting Stella on the shoulder to break the tension. “How about we give your daddy a face mask?”
Stella’s eyes light up.
“Oh, no. No, no, no,” Nolan says, instantly backing up. “I’m not a face mask kind of guy.”
“Please, Daddy?” she begs. “It’ll be so, so, so much fun.”
She looks up at him, batting those sweet eyes that are identical to his. I witness the moment that Nolan melts at the sight of Stella’s smile. He caves. “Fine…”
See? The grumpy guy thing is just an act. He’s totally a softie.
“All right, Stella! You’re in charge,” I tell her. “Does he get banana or cucumber?”
“Both!” She yips.
“Then let’s do this.” I hustle her off to the kitchen.
Nolan sits at the counter and Stella slathers on his dual face masks extra thick, giggling the whole time. As she works on his face, I decide that Nolan is in dire need of a manicure, too. So what could be better than ladybugs that match his daughter’s?
I gently take his big, rough hand in mine and get to work on his fingernails. I do my best to ignore the static electricity that sparks at the contact.
It makes my heart smile to see Stella being her silly self again. I can tell Nolan is much more relaxed now, too, seeing the improvement in his little girl’s mood.
Later in the evening, Stella’s off in her room, working on some educational workbooks her dad picked up for her on his way home. Nolan approaches me in the hallway and our eyes lock.
My pulse immediately starts to pound. “How was car shopping?” I ask quietly.
He gives his head a subtle shake. “Didn’t find what I was looking for,” he says simply.
“Too bad,” I whisper. “Maybe next time.”
“Yeah, maybe next time.” When I start to walk away, he reaches out and touches my hand. “Thank you for today,” he says quietly.
I smile, trying to hide the shiver that runs through me at the skin-to-skin contact. “Of course. I’ll watch her anytime you need.”
Hanging out with her was so much fun. Nolan and Stella squeeze so much into their weeks. So it felt really nice to give him some time off of daddy duty for once.
“I appreciate you babysitting her, of course. But more than that…” Nolan rakes his fingers through his hair and hesitates. “…I appreciate you being there for her. I’m still not sure what was wrong, but I can tell she trusts you.”
My stomach twists up into a knot. “You don’t have to thank me for that.” I reach out and squeeze his forearm, deliberately ignoring how hard and strong his muscled body feels beneath my touch. “Stella loves you. She thinks you’ve hung the moon. But even still, there are just some things she’ll only feel comfortable discussing with a woman. I think that’s why she didn’t want to tell you why she was crying.”
Nolan scrubs his hand down his face. “I know. It was only a matter of time. But I’m glad she had you to be there for her today. For whatever was bothering her.”
I nod. I’m tempted to tell him everything. Because I know he wants to help his daughter. But I can’t betray Stella’s trust like that.
“I’ll always be here for her,” I say simply.
We stand there in the shadowy hallway for a moment. Nolan’s eyes pingpong around my face and then down my body. Something passes over his stormy blue gaze as he undresses me with his eyes.
Attraction sparks between us. I know he wants to kiss me again. I can’t lie—I want that, too.
But I’ve learned my lesson once and I don’t need to learn it twice. So I’m choosing my self-respect over the animal lust that’s raging in this narrow space.
We’re just friends. And roommates. And co-workers. Nothing more.
“Good night, Nolan,” I say quietly.
And then, I stalk toward the office, leaving him alone in the hallway.