Chapter 42
INEZ
42
I’m actively fighting the urge to break out into song and dance.
It’s late on Saturday evening but the sun is still bright overhead. A Bob Marley tune booms from the speakers, washing over the cheerful crowd at The Festival for Amateur Artists.
The breeze is perfect. The vibe is perfect. The fingers interlaced with mine? Perfect.
In one hand, I’ve got a beer in a plastic cup and my other hand is locked with Nolan’s as we stroll through the crowd. He and I made our best efforts at painting and drawing earlier, but none of it turned out too well.
My oil pastel rendition of Nolan turned out no better than a kindergartner’s stick figures, and in Nolan’s colored pencil portrait of me, my head and boobs are disproportionately larger than the rest of my body.
Yet still, he paid an extortionate amount of money to get our artwork framed in big, overpriced wooden frames. As he loaded them into the trunk of his SUV, he promised to hang my portrait on his bedroom wall along with Stella’s drawing collection where he can see it every day.
Although this evening has been so much fun, there’s been a raincloud over my heart this whole time. I can't figure Nolan out. What he said last night? About missing me when I leave? The way he wrote I love you with his fingertips on my skin? It spoke to me. Called to me.
But it hurts that he couldn’t bring himself to say the words out loud. I really wish he’d be honest with how he feels, with whatever it is that he truly wants out of our relationship.
I’m absolutely in love with this man. And although he won’t say it, I know that he loves me back.
Our situation is exhilarating. It’s also scary as fuck. A part of me wants to explore all the possibilities, to allow myself to be saturated by this feeling. But another part of me wants to curl up in a little ball and tuck my heart away in a safe place where he’ll never find it, where he can’t ever break it.
Despite the confusion brewing inside of me, I try to keep up my happy face. Now, we’re strolling around the festival grounds, enjoying the works of our Starlight Falls friends.
“Ooh! Let’s go over there!” I tug Nolan to where a small crowd has gathered around Rainbow’s husband, Jimmy.
The sullen lumberjack is known around town as a man of few words and many talents. On paper, he earns his living as a farmer. But in addition to being one of the most gifted guitar players around, he’s made a name for himself as a skilled artist, too.
As we approach, the crowd is cooing in wonder and admiration as Jimmy sits at his easel, stroking his paintbrush across a large canvas.
“This is an absolute Renaissance-style masterpiece,” I hear the local sheriff declare.
The mayor nods in agreement. “Right along the lines of The Birth of Venus and The Creation of Adam and The Mona Lisa.”
Rainbow blushes as her husband puts the finishing touches on the painting. “Jimmy calls this piece The Garden of Eden, Reimagined.”
When I finally lay my eyes on the painting, my jaw hits the ground. It’s a portrait of a heavily-bearded middle-aged man and a bejeweled hippie woman with multicolored hair. The couple is just lounging together on a rock in a dense, vibrant rainforest, surrounded by lush vegetation and feeding each other fruit.
Completely nude.
No loins or foliage covering up their private bits. None of that. The goods are just hanging out there for all to see.
Jimmy turns to the crowd and grins, confirming my suspicions. “My lovely wife is my muse, my inspiration.” When he kisses her hand, Rainbow blushes like she just won a beauty pageant.
While the crowd continues to swoon over the painting, Nolan lowers his head, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “This town will be the death of me.” The poor guy looks traumatized.
I stifle a laugh. Oh my god. Starlight Falls is such a great town. I’m really going to miss it. “I think I need another drink. Do you need another drink?”
“I totally need another drink,” he confirms.
Fingers still interlocked, we take off again. Halfway to the makeshift bar, I hear someone calling my name.
“Inez! Inez!” I turn and spot Thalia across the festival grounds. She’s with a small group of friends, sitting on the curb with their sketchpads propped on their knees.
“Oh, hi, hun!” I wave at her, pulling Nolan along behind me. “Come, babe. I want you to meet someone very special.”
I introduce Nolan and Thalia, and she shows us some of the drawings from her sketchbook. They’re really impressive. She’s so talented. Drawing truly is her niche. I’m glad she has this outlet for expressing herself.
“Well, it was really nice seeing you.” Thalia closes her sketchbook and gives me a hug.
“It was,” I say, squeezing her tighter. “We should try to hang out before I leave town. If not, you’ve got my phone number.”
“I do. I’ll text you. Bye.” She waves at us.
Nolan gives her a little nod. Then he and I walk off, hand in hand, toward the bar. We join the back of the line and wait to be served. It’s nice to be on the other side of the beer counter for once.
“I still can’t believe we took a Saturday off of work to be here,” I say as I people-watch from the line.
Nolan hooks his arm around my waist to smack my butt. “No work talk tonight. The bar doesn’t exist right now.” He slips his hands into the back pockets of my denim cut-offs. He grabs two greedy handsful of my ass and pulls me closer to him.
I stare up at him. His eyes are a shade of blue I want to fall into, even though I know I’ll drown. Say you love me, Nolan. Please.
“What’s wrong?” he asks as he tries to decipher my expression.
Smiling as hard as I can, I rise onto my tiptoes and brush my lips over his. “Nothing.”
He tenderly sweeps my wild hair from my face. “I know that you’re leaving soon and you’re probably not coming back to Starlight Falls—”
“Don’t say that.”
“Let’s be realistic, Inez. The whole wide world is available to you. And you should take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way.”
Holding each other, we stand in place while the line continues to move. By this point, people are blatantly cutting around us to order their drinks. I allow Nolan to move me aside to a spot where we won’t get run over by the crowd.
I feel tears sprouting in my eyes. “It’s going to hurt when I have to leave,” I whisper.
Nolan nods slightly, looking rueful and sad.
“Do you regret us?” I ask, holding my breath. “Do you regret that we started this thing if it has to end so soon?”
His warm, calloused hand cups my jaw. “Never,” he says firmly. Full of conviction. “You’ve made the biggest impact on my life, Machado. “You’ve made me a better man. A better father. A better business owner. A better me. You’ve shifted my priorities in all the very best ways.” He lowers his face, touching his forehead to mine.
And he says the words I’ve been wanting—needing—to hear for so long.
“I…I love you.”
Around me, the world swirls. My feet feel like they’ve lifted off the ground. And tears spill from my eyes. “You love…?”
Nolan just smiles, his thumbs brushing my tears away. “Yes, I love you,” he whispers again. “I love you, Inez Carolina Machado.”
My heart releases a sigh of relief. The biggest, widest, most out-of-control smile breaks free across my lips. “I love you, too, Nolan Theodore Brighton.” I reach up, stroking my fingertips over his scruffy cheek. “I love you so very much.”
This moment is so special. A moment I want to remember for the rest of my life. I wish I could seal it inside a Ziplock bag and keep it forever.
His grin matches mine. “God—I love you, Inez.” He squeezes me tighter. His face grows somber. “And I’m not saying this to change your mind about what you have to do. I just want you to know that while you’re out there taking over the world, there’s someone on the other side of the country who will be cheering you on with every step that you take.”
“Thank you…” I breathe out.
“Promise me something?”
“Anything…” I say quietly.
“Any time you’re doubting yourself, just think of me.” He cradles both of my cheeks in his hands. “Just think of me and how much I believe in you, and how much I love you. Can you promise me that?”
“Promise.” I nod. Then I bury my face against his chalk and watercolor stained shirt. “Oh, Nolan. God, you…you are everything…everything I could ever want…”
At this point, I can’t find words, all I can do is cry. Because I don’t want to go. Well, I do want to go. But…but I don’t want to leave him and Stella behind.
I know our time is running out. But that doesn’t change the way I feel. It doesn’t change how deeply I love him. And his daughter.
Nolan holds me for a while and when my tears start soaking through his shirt, he gently holds me at arm’s length. “Jeez—what kind of boyfriend am I? Making my girl cry on our date?” He gently wipes at my tears.
I emit a watery laugh. “These are happy tears. The happiest tears, I promise. I love you.”
“I love you, baby. You ready to go home? I wanna make love to you.”
My stomach tingles at the suggestion. I nod a little too eagerly. “I want that.” I’m already aching at the mere mention of Nolan inside me and on top of me and wrapped around me. I love him so much.
He drapes an arm around my shoulders, guiding me over to where we’re parked.
He opens my door for me. Right before I climb into the car, I hear Thalia call my name again. I turn and find her running up to me.
“Hey,” I say hoarsely, ducking my head to discreetly wipe at my remaining tears. Oh jeez—I’m walking around in public, crying and snotting like a hot mess.
But Thalia only smiles at me. She briefly flashes Nolan a shy look as she slips a folded-up sheet of sketchbook paper into my hand.
She leans in by my ear. “The way he looks at you,” she whispers. “I would absolutely die if a guy ever looked at me that way.” With a giggle, she’s gone, running off to rejoin her friends.
I climb into the passenger seat and Nolan shuts my door. As he walks around to his side of the vehicle, I unfold the paper.
I gasp.
It’s the most beautiful pencil-sketched portrait of Nolan and me. Standing in the middle of the festival grounds, foreheads pressed together, looking mutually enamored, mumbling to each other. It’s the moment we first whispered our ‘I love you’s. And now, it’s forever captured on this sheet of paper.
Thalia has given me such a precious gift. I doubt that she even realizes it. It’s proof that I can hold onto. Evidence that I didn’t just hallucinate this whole thing. Nolan Brighton really loves me. It’s true.
Fresh tears spring to my eyes as I stretch the drawing across for Nolan to see.
A wide smile breaks out across his face as he takes it in. Then I feel his lips against the side of my head. Yeah.
Saturated. I feel absolutely saturated with love.