Chapter 54
NOLAN
54
Inez adjusts the knot of my tie for the third time. Then she brushes her palm down the front of my suit jacket, chasing away invisible lint. Then she straightens my shirt collar, and she straightens it some more.
I take her wrist, gently pressing my lips to her knuckles. “Hey,” I whisper, catching her eyes. “It’ll be okay. It’ll all be okay,” I promise her, even though I’m not so sure of that at the moment.
Right now, I’m doubting everything.
What if the judge sides with Lilian? What if my ex-wife convinces this guy that she’s the better parent? What if I lose my daughter forever?
The logical part of my brain knows that scenario is practically impossible. But the caveman part of my brain is having a meltdown as we sit here in the courtroom hallway. I’m struggling to keep my shit together.
It was my idea to open this can of worms, to file custody proceedings, to bring this issue before a judge. But now, in the moments before our hearing begins at the local courthouse, I’m terrified that I’ve made a horrible mistake.
Maybe I should have let sleeping dogs lie. I shouldn’t have interfered with the status quo. Now, I’m driving myself crazy.
Fortunately, I have Inez by my side, keeping me somewhat calm. This court hearing just happened to line up with her being in town for a few days. She has a little time off from work-related stuff before filming officially begins in Reyfield.
I can’t believe how lucky we got with Inez’s TV show filming in a town so close to Starlight Falls. These big shows are usually shot in New York or in Los Angeles. So the fact that my girl will be two hours away, I take that as a sign that the universe is on our side. That everything’s going to work out for us. That we’re going to be the family that the three of us want so desperately. This court hearing is the final battle before all our dreams come true. Right?
That’s what I’m choosing to believe.
“We have a solid case, Nolan,” Frank Lawman says to me again, smoothing his hand over his expensive tie.
Darius insists that this guy is the best lawyer in the country. But I don’t know Frank from a rock on the street. How can I entrust my little girl’s fate to him?
“Let’s just hope the judge sees things the way you do,” I mutter, my teeth gritted and my jaw tight.
“And if your ex-wife doesn’t show up, then things will get wrapped up even faster.”
“Right,” I say, casting a glance toward the courthouse doors.
Lilian hasn’t made her grand appearance yet. I’m really counting on her being a no-show today. If she skips this court hearing, all my problems go away.
The lawyer releases a heavy sigh when his phone starts to ring. “I’ve got to take this call,” he says, waving his ringing device in the air. I nod and he hustles off to find some privacy.
I get up and start pacing the hallway, my nerves getting the best of me. Inez looks on, her forehead knotted with worry and I hate that I’m the one making her feel this way. I’m pulling on a handful of my hair when I hear someone call my name. “Nolan!”
I glance over my shoulder and find my ex-wife fluttering down the hallway like the flighty character that she is.
My breakfast flips over in my stomach.
Fuck. I’d really been counting on Lilian forgetting today’s court hearing. I was hoping to win custody by default judgment or something. But here she is, ready to stir shit up like she always does.
She’s flushed and a little breathless, her bangles and beads clanging as she approaches me. She’s not here with a lawyer. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or if it means that the judge will go easier on her.
When we’re toe-to-toe, Lilian looks up at me with a determined grimace. “We need to talk.”
“We should be communicating through my lawyer,” I say, not caring that I sound harsh.
She blatantly rolls her eyes at me and slips her hand into the little satchel strapped across her chest. “You know lawyers make me itchy,” she declares.
“Lawyers make you what?” I scrub a hand across my forehead, wondering how I ever married this woman.
She slaps a crumpled brown paper bag into my hand. One of those brown paper bags they serve muffins in at the coffee shop.
“What the hell is—?” My question dies in my throat as I squint down at the scrap of paper, struggling to read Lilian’s scribbly handwriting.
I declare that I hereby renounce my parental rights and responsibilities for my daughter, Stella Amelia Brighton.
Her scratchy signature is scribbled at the bottom alongside today’s date.
My head snaps up, my eyes going wide like frisbees when I stare at my ex-wife. “You’re not shitting me, are you?” I demand. “This is serious, Lilian.”
“I’m giving up my parental rights, Nolan. I’m giving you custody of Stella. Isn’t that what you want?”
My throat is suddenly so dry that I can’t make a sound. My head wags from left to right as I struggle for what to say. I can feel Inez watching from the sidelines, ready to swoop in.
Meanwhile, the more Lilian speaks, the more annoyed and resentful she sounds. “I can’t do this motherhood thing, Nolan. I’ve made peace with it. The family life is not for me. I need to be free. Liberated. Unattached. Once and for all.” She scowls and wiggles her shoulders, like she’s shrugging off a heavy cloak.
I reach a hand out to Inez and she bolts to her feet, coming to my side. I interlace our fingers, needing to ground myself and make sure that I’m not hallucinating this whole conversation.
Lilian’s attention bounces between Inez and me. “Don’t look at me with those judgmental eyes. Motherhood is hard. I won’t let guilt keep me from living the way I want to live.” She pulls in a deep breath and she motions to Inez. “She said it herself in her TV interview—we need to normalize following our intuition even when it goes against society’s expectations. That’s what I’m doing.”
“That’s not what I meant…” Inez mutters under her breath.
“I know,” I mutter back.
Only Lilian would paraphrase the empowering words from Inez’s TV interview to justify abandoning her own child. What a selfish woman.
Lilian carries on. “Look—my heart says I should be focusing on myself right now, so that’s what I’m going to do and you don’t get to make me feel bad about that.” She shakes her head as she spins to leave. “Anyway, this is our final goodby—”
“No. No, no, no!” I roar, reaching for her elbow.
“What?” she asks, clearly annoyed, shrugging me off. “What is it now?”
“You’re not gonna just scribble this on a piece of paper and disappear into thin air. We’re going to do this the right way. The legal way.”
“Nolan,” she groans, throwing her face up to the courthouse ceiling in exasperation.
I’m not backing down. Lilian is notorious for changing her mind. But there will be no takesies-backsies on this.
“I want a legally-binding document. I need this to be official. This is my daughter’s future we’re talking about here.”
She growls and stomps her foot. “Fine.” She folds her arms across her chest like a petulant child. “Make it quick.”
Inez is already backing away, one footstep at a time. “You stay here,” she says to me, not taking her eyes off of Lilian. “I’ll go find the lawyer.” Before I can nod, she’s pivoting on her heel and sprinting down the hallway.
My heart is pounding. This nightmare with Lilian is about to be over.
Legally. Officially.
Finally.