6. Chapter 6
Chapter 6
Julien
J ulien had never flown anywhere in his life. Rationally, he knew he had to fly to visit Tyler’s family. Tyler told him from the start, and Julien had watched him buy the plane ticket. However, the idea of flying compared to standing in the airport where he waited to board were two very different things.
He was dressed in one of those stupid outfits Tyler had bought him, which admittedly looked alright if he had been a car salesman and not a mechanic. He’d packed his jacket and wore a thick cardigan. The cardigan was probably the softest thing he had ever worn. It was laid over a long-sleeved Henley and some dark gray chino pants, which also felt nice. He would play along with what Tyler wanted if it meant smooth sailing for that final twenty-five hundred dollars.
Tyler told him it was essential to be comfortable for the flight, and his parents would expect them to look their best after traveling. Julien thought he would have been more comfortable in his well-worn jeans and boots.
The terminal was packed full. The two had arrived at the airport early and managed to check in Julien’s suitcase and Tyler’s two large bags. They got through security without issue, leaving them too much time to kill before they had to board.
The longer Julien sat in the uncomfortable seat beside Tyler, watching as the planes took off from the large window across him, the more dread he felt.
Tyler tapped away on his phone but looked up at him occasionally as if checking to ensure Julien was still there. Considering how much Julien wanted to get up and run out of the airport and back home, it probably was a good thing Tyler’s blue gaze pinned him every few minutes.
“I promise, they’re going to like you,” Tyler said, as he misread Julien’s fidgeting as nerves for something completely different.
Julien honestly didn’t care if Tyler’s family liked him. After Christmas, he’d never see them again anyway. A lot of people didn’t care for him. What were a few more?
“Of course they will. What’s not to like?” Julien asked. He raised one eyebrow and smirked to make a weak attempt to plaster on cockiness. Really, all he felt was terror as the roar of another plane taking flight pounded itself into his skull. He already had a headache from the stress.
“I don’t know, you can be kind of gruff,” Tyler said.
Grateful for the distraction, Julien directed his attention away from the window and back to Tyler, who looked— fine . He had on an oversized flat-back sweatshirt and the glasses that drove Julien crazier than he’d admit out loud. “Gruff? You think I’m gruff?”
Tyler’s lips quirked. “I mean, you walk around looking mad at the world half the time. You know, the scowls and glares.”
Julien glared. “I do not.” If he looked as though he was mad at the world, it was because the world had managed to fuck him over time and time again. He would not smile more just because he looked pretty when he did.
Tyler gave a soft laugh. “Please, at least try to be friendly with my parents, alright? ”
Julien rolled his eyes. The conversation was a welcome distraction, even at his expense. “I told you, Baby,” he drawled. “They’re going to love me as much as you love me.”
When pink spread over Tyler’s pale skin from cheeks to ears, Julien felt a warm sense of satisfaction in his belly, which replaced the jitters. All Jules could think about was chasing the blush down Tyler’s slender neck and see it paint that bare chest.
“Save it for when we get there, alright?” Tyler told him. He reached out, tapped Julien’s knee, and picked up his carry-on. “Our group is about to be called.”
Whatever sense of contentment Julien had vanished as soon as he stood up and followed Tyler to the gate.
Then, there he was, about to board a plane. About to be suspended midair for an hour and a half, miles above the ground, in a tin can filled with strangers. Any one of those strangers could be just waiting to kill the pilots and crash the planes. The pilots were strangers, too. Maybe they were drunk, sick, or blind .
He exhaled and tried to get it together. There was no way he would lose his shit in front of Tyler, not to mention the hoard of people pushing toward the gate as if they feared the plane would leave without them.
“Get your boarding pass out,” Tyler reminded him.
“Right. Uh-huh, good.” Julien pulled it from his pocket. He followed Tyler up the line and showed the boarding pass to the lady before stepping onto the gangway, where the space seemed too tight and loud. Jules could feel the entire walkway shake underfoot when anyone took a step. At this rate, he wouldn’t make it to the plane. The flimsy structure would collapse, and he would die on the pavement below.
Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, the plane’s entryway was ahead. Julien ducked in through the door, careful not to trip as he entered.
“I’m glad I could find us seats next to each other so close to the flight,” Tyler said once they were directed by a flight attendant to their seats toward the middle of the plane.
Julien helped Tyler put their luggage in the overhead compartments and maneuvered around other passengers as he slid into the window seat and looked out. He could see the wing from his spot and swore a piece was missing. He knew nothing about planes, but that seemed wrong .
More and more people filed into the plane. It began to seem impossibly small and loud. The aisle was crowded, with people taking their seats and cramming too much stuff into the compartments. There was no way they were within the allowed dimensions. Julien was sure the plane would be too heavy.
His heart thudded in his ears, and he squirmed, trying to get comfortable in the cramped seat. His knees hit the back of the chair in front of him, and he felt someone pushing on the back of his chair.
Someone on the tarmac drove by the broken wing and overlooked the apparent fault.
“I don’t think I can do this,” he announced to Tyler, who had settled into the seat beside him. He was pulling out a pack of gum and wireless earbuds, completely calm.
“What? What do you mean you can’t do this? You said you would help me. You can’t back out now,” Tyler told him. He twisted his body and blocked Julien in.
Julien took a deep breath. “I know. I want to, I really do. I’ll get your money back, but I need to get off this plane.” How could you get the money back, though, Julien? Don’t be an idiot. You’ve already given it to Rossi. Even if you get it back now, how will you pony up 5Gs by Christmas without Tyler? He weighed the benefits of dying in the plane over getting his finger chopped off.
“Please, Julien. Please ,” Tyler begged. “I swear it’ll be fine. We can forget this happened in a week and a half. I will make this as painless as possible.” He sounded as desperate as Julien felt at this moment.
The flight attendants closed the doors and the overhead storage and began their safety spiel. It was too late to get off the plane. Even if Julien wanted to, he needed that money. “Okay. Fine,” he said, losing the war with himself.
When Tyler sighed and settled back into his seat, Julien forced himself to listen to the flight attendants. He didn’t want to hear a list of the terrible things that could happen if they crashed, but he needed to know precisely what he had to do. Just in case.
He checked and double-checked his seat belt and looked for the nearest exit window, but he had a sick feeling in his stomach. The people who sat there were on their phones, earbuds in. One was already asleep.
What if the plane really is broken? Why doesn’t anyone notice there is something wrong with the wing? Why is no one else concerned?
His breathing sped up, and he looked frantically behind him to see who was kicking his seat. It was a child. The poor kid would surely crash and burn with all of them.
“Are…are you okay?” Tyler asked, his voice low. He leaned in as Julien clutched the armrest so hard his knuckles were white.
“I’m fine,” he bit out, closing his eyes when the plane started to move.
“You didn’t tell me you were afraid of flying,” Tyler said. His tone was soft, but he leaned in close enough that Julien could still him over the sounds of the plane.
Is it supposed to be this fucking loud?
“I’m not ,” Julien lied. His heart felt as if it would explode. Is the pressure in the cabin not right? Will it explode? Maybe I have a heart condition I don’t know about, and the plane taking off is going to cause me to have a heart attack.
He held his breath and waited for his lungs to burst. Any second now.
“Julien, hey, come on, look at me. We haven’t even taken off yet. What do you need?” Tyler asked. A warm hand settled on his forearm, and Julien finally opened his eyes.
They were still on the ground.
Julien exhaled. “I don’t know. What if we crash?” He swallowed a lump and looked out the window as the plane sped up.
“We’re not going to crash.” Tyler pulled out another piece of gum. “Here, chew this. It’ll help. Have you flown before?” Tyler asked him.
The strong mint flavor of the gum did distract him enough that he wasn’t staring out the window in sheer panic.
“No,” he answered. There was a high-pitched noise as they began to really speed up, and he grabbed at the armrest but missed and gripped Tyler’s thigh instead.
Tyler immediately put his hand over Julien’s, and Julien expected him to shove it away. But he didn’t. “Come here. Look at me, alright? It’s fine.” Tyler laced their fingers together.
Julien was embarrassed by how hard he clutched the guy’s hand. If there was one thing he hated, it was appearing weak.
“There’s nothing to worry about. The chances of something happening are slim, and it’s a short flight. I’ve done this so many times.”
Tyler leaned over, and for a moment, Julien thought Tyler would kiss him, but instead, he pulled the shade down on the window.
“Wait, what if something happens, and we don’t see it?” His stomach lurched, and Julien knew they had just taken off. “Fuck,” he growled.
“It’s not going to happen. If it does, cameras and people are watching. They’ll know if there’s something wrong,” Tyler spoke as if placating a child. His free hand landed on Julien’s knee and gave a comforting squeeze and gentle rub.
Julien nodded, trying to relax. His ears popped. He was grateful for the gum but not as appreciative as he was for Tyler’s calm voice, which repeated that everything was fine. Jules almost believed it until his stomach lurched. He tasted metal.
Scrambling, he reached into the pocket in front of his seat for the barf bag he had noticed and opened it just in time to gag and vomit up the contents of his stomach.
Tyler’s hand moved from his knee to his back. “Shit,” he breathed. “Let it out. It’s fine.” He rubbed soothing circles between Julien’s shoulders as the waves of nausea continued to hit, and he heaved into the bag.
This was mortifying. Jules couldn’t exactly understand how he had gotten into this position. Tyler would think he was pathetic. Mainly because there were tears in his eyes from the exertion of vomiting. The lady in the aisle seat of their row had shifted to the edge of the chair to try to get as far away as possible.
Finally, the vomiting stopped, and Julien closed the bag. “Fuck. I’m sorry,” he said to both Tyler and the lady.
She just put in her headphones and closed her eyes .
Tyler, though, shook his head. The gentle rubbing didn’t stop, and Julien didn’t know the last time someone had touched him with such gentleness.
“Don’t be,” Tyler said sternly. “I should have thought to ask you about all this. I bet Dramamine would have helped. I’ll make sure to get some for the trip back.”
Oh, fuck, we’ll have to do this again.
Julien sighed and tried to shift into the tight seat to feel comfortable. His knees knocked the seat in front of him. Whenever he moved, he felt like he was jostling Tyler, or his hip hit the armrest.
Eventually, the flight attendant came over, took the barf bag from him, and offered him ginger ale with such a sweet and sympathetic tone, Julien wanted to growl at her. He still took the ginger ale and drank it in small sips.
“Only forty-five minutes to go,” Tyler encouraged him. He moved the armrest up, giving Julien more space to breathe. It meant their sides were pushed against each other, and Tyler’s hand had moved from his back. The loss was enough to make Julien feel as if he were teetering on the edge of anxiety once more.
“I’ll be fine.” Julien was still tense and panicky, but at least they hadn’t fallen out of the sky yet.
Tyler adjusted his position. Then his hand slid into Julien’s once more. Jules relaxed at the touch.
“My dad will probably pick us up. He’s pretty quiet. I think he’ll like you. I mean, I don’t really know how he is going to be. I’ve never introduced my parents to anyone. But I think it’ll be fine.”
Julien remembered that Tyler’s parents wouldn’t like him. They would like whatever stupid part he played. It didn’t matter if Tyler’s family wanted the fake Julien, either. But it still sounded lovely, especially now, with the sting of bile in his throat and the itch of tears behind both eyes.
It had been so long since he had anything even close to a real family. It would be nice to be somewhere with people for the holidays, even if it wasn’t real. “I know it will be. I told you I am going to be the best boyfriend ever,” he said. “After the plane, though, this doesn’t count.”
Tyler smiled and gave Julien’s hand a squeeze. “Yeah, right now, it’s my turn to be the best boyfriend ever. Have another sip of ginger ale,” he commanded .
Julien obliged, then dropped his head back on the seat. Their hands were still intertwined, but Ty didn’t complain or try to move it even when he couldn’t open up the tiny water bottle the crew gave him. Julien had to pull his hand away before Tyler bothered to open it. Once the cap was off, Tyler slipped his hand back into Julien’s.
Julien’s heart thudded in his chest at the small gesture. Tyler could be annoying, but right now, this wasn’t pretend. The kindness was almost too much, and Julien wanted to drown in it, savor it, and store it up for the next time he felt like all hope was lost. Julien knew better. Before he got too comfortable with the idea of having someone be there for him in tough situations, he buried it and focused on keeping his breath even for the rest of the flight.
Luckily, the barf bags were no longer needed on the descent. When they were finally firmly on the ground, Julien pulled his hand away, trying to ignore his embarrassment. He had been such a baby. Now that they had landed, he could appreciate how he may have blown things out of proportion.
“Thank you,” he muttered before they could finally stand up and get their carry-ons. He didn’t dare look at Tyler, but the squeeze on his arm told him that Tyler had heard.