20. Chapter 20
Chapter 20
Tyler
T yler felt a shift between him and Julien. He wasn’t sure what. But as night rolled around, the naked anticipation filled Tyler. The sheer thought of bedtime with Julien made his bones thrum with nerves.
He didn’t think he was the only one who felt the chemistry. Julien’s casual touches and brief kisses had gone from fleeting to frequent. Each time Jules touched his lower back or leaned in too close to him, it burned Tyler’s skin and made him crave more. But it was always in the presence of his family, and Tyler couldn’t tell if it was real or if it could be something more.
It was well past midnight when the door to his room closed. Tyler felt he could melt into a puddle right there, even though he had no idea what to do.
“Did you have fun?” he asked Julien as he gathered some pajamas and searched for his charging cable .
Julien pulled his shirt off without any shame as if Tyler could handle that right now. His body was unreal, and Tyler recalled how the firm muscle of his chest felt pressed against his back.
“I’m not sure I’d make a career out of it, but I think we did a good job.” Julien crossed the room to his suitcase.
Tyler wanted to trail his fingers over the broad expanse of Julien’s back. “Yeah, there’s only a few more days until Christmas,” he reminded himself and Julien. “I can’t believe it.”
It felt like this entire trip home had lasted a lifetime. Still, soon enough, they’d be back to their own lives, and Tyler worried that Julien would forget about him the second they landed in Pittsburgh.
“What? Are you worried that’s not enough time to change Santa’s mind about giving you coal, Baby?” Julien asked him.
“You think I have been a bad boy?” Tyler asked, trying hard to sound flirtatious. It had been so long since he tried to flirt that he had no idea if he pulled it off, except that Julien came up behind him and wrapped his big arms around Tyler’s middle. He nuzzled into his neck while goosebumps spread across Tyler’s skin, and he shivered.
“I think you could be better,” Julien purred in his ear.
Tyler’s lips twitched. “How?” He pushed back against Julien’s body. He felt big compared to Tyler, making his mouth water.
Julien hummed, and the sound vibrated against Tyler’s neck. “I don’t know. I guess we’ll have to find out.”
Tyler spun around and draped his arms around Julien’s shoulders. He searched his face for clues of what he should do or say, but all he could see was a hot gaze lingering on his lips.
“You know you don’t have to pretend so well, right?” Tyler sucked in his lip. “Because you’re kind of crossing my wires.”
“Who says I’m still pretending?”
Tyler hid his face in Julien’s chest, trying to ignore the warmth in his chest. He’d wanted to make sure because as much as he felt things, he didn’t know where Julien was. Julien’s words settled something in him. He thought he might float away.
Julien’s hand moved down Tyler’s body and settled on his hip. It sent Tyler’s heart thudding, and he didn’t want to move, but he also was nervous about where this might lead.
He knew where he wanted them to lead, but was this going too fast? Tyler was ready to dive headfirst off a cliff if Julien was at the bottom.
With a heavy sigh, Tyler stepped away from Jules. “I left my charger in the kitchen. But…maybe when I get back, we can, um, yanno , talk or something?” Or something .
“Sure, whatever you want, Baby,” Julien said.
Tyler hurried out of the room before he forgot what he was leaving for and padded quietly down the darkened stairs.
Tyler was surprised to see one of the kitchen lights on. When Tyler entered it, he spotted Cece leaning against the island with a bottle of whiskey and a glass.
“Cee?” he asked .
She jumped and pushed her hair back in surprise. “I thought everyone was asleep.”
The tip of her nose was red, and the skin around her eyes was puffy and blotchy.
Immediately, Tyler was on high alert. His elder sister rarely looked anything but perfect, even around the family.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
She gave a shaky laugh. “Just couldn’t sleep,” she said, her voice breaking. “I’m fine, yeah.”
Tyler nodded to the whiskey. “Is that dad’s good stuff?”
“Are you going to tell on me?” Cece asked.
“Not if you get me a glass.”
Tyler rounded the island and leaned against it. His sister found another glass, poured Tyler a few fingers, and then topped herself off.
They both took a sip. Tyler inhaled through his mouth to avoid the burn of the whiskey. As good as it was, he didn’t prefer the flavor or the way it scorched his throat. “So, what’ s going on?”
Cece swirled the liquid in her glass. “Brad and I are thinking about getting a divorce,” she said, her tone light, conversational. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
Tyler tried to think of what to say. What words could convey his surprise while being cautious of his sister’s feelings? I’m sorry . It seemed the worst thing to say, even though he was sorry.
He never would have expected it. Cece and Brad had been together forever, and they seemed solid. They had the perfect little family, the ideal business, and a beautiful house. They had worked hard to make it precisely how they wanted it. They had been the perfect couple in his mind since their start.
“Come here.” He set his glass down and pulled his sister in for a hug instead of saying anything immediately.
He patted her back as she started to sob in earnest.
“I feel like such a fucking failure. I’ve tried hard, but I’m not good enough.” She gave a wet sniffle against his shoulder .
“Does mom know?” Tyler asked. How could he have missed this? Was he so wrapped up in his own life that he had no idea what was happening with his sister?
Cece shook her head. “I told her we were in therapy. We have been for a year, but I don’t know if it’s making anything better or worse.”
Tyler rubbed circles into her back. “He didn’t…I mean…no one cheated or anything? Right?” If Brad had been unfaithful to his sister, Tyler would have had a lot of choice words for that sorry bastard.
“No!” she said quickly. She pulled out of Tyler’s grip and went to the roll of paper towels to blot at her tear-streaked face. “Nothing like that. We don’t see eye to eye anymore. It’s like we used to always be on the same page, and now we have the kids and the business, and all we do is argue about them.” She buried her face in the paper towel and cried some more. “I feel like such a shitty mom.”
“You’re a great mom,” Tyler said. “Seriously. Just because it’s not going the way you thought, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. You have to do what’s best for you so you can do what is best for the kids,” Tyler told her .
Cece shook her head. “Easy for you to say. You’re so fucking perfect. You have a great job, are smart, and are making the most of your life. I wouldn’t have anything if I didn’t have Brad and my family. I mean, he’s been my whole world since high school.”
Tyler bit the inside of his cheek. “I am sooo not perfect. I always wanted what you and Brad have or what Hailey and Walter have, and I always thought you were the perfect one.”
She gave a hysterical laugh, which turned into another sob. “Guess I proved you wrong.” She blew her nose so loud Tyler thought it might wake someone up.
It would have been funny if the situation wasn’t serious.
“No one is perfect, Cee. We’re all out here doing our best, right?”
“I guess. I wanted to grow old with Brad, to have the best little family, and I feel like it’s crumbling around me,” she told him. “We literally had a huge fight this afternoon because of the car I want to buy. ”
“Why does that even matter? You should be able to get whatever car you want,” Tyler said.
He would always take his sister’s side. He knew she could be snippy, complicated, and selfish, but he could be, too. She was his sister, and Brad had no right to control everything.
“It just sucks because I still love him like crazy. But even through therapy, it’s like I’m trying so hard, and Brad shuts it down. He sometimes puts everything else before the kids and me,” Cee explained. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be dumping this on you. You don’t want to hear about it.”
Tyler squinted at her. “Yes, I do. I don’t mind. It’s better if you didn’t have to keep this to yourself. If you need anything, just let me know. I know Hailey would feel the same way about it.”
As much as they had always been in competition to show one another how accomplished and perfect they were, Tyler loved his sisters so much, and this went beyond appearances. This went beyond competition. They had to be a family. That was the most important thing.
Tyler chewed on his lip momentarily, then sighed and finished the glass he sipped on. “Umm, I have something that might make you feel like less of a fuck up.”
Cece’s eyebrows raised. She dabbed under her eye. “Doubtful, but okay.”
“Julien’s not my boyfriend.” He pressed his lips together, thinking about what Jules had said earlier. He wasn’t pretending. But it didn’t make him Tyler’s anything, really.
Cece stared at him before her hands pressed against her temples. “I’m sorry, what?”
“I paid him to pretend to be my boyfriend so you guys wouldn’t worry about me as much.” The words fell from his lips as if they had been waiting to come out at the first chance.
As much as he wanted things to go perfectly, as much as he tried to keep this to himself forever, he had been dying to talk to someone. His emotions had become too complicated for him to deal with alone. He never imagined it would be Cece he told .
“How much did you pay him? What? How?” Cece refilled both of their glasses. “Oh, this I gotta hear. Here, have another.” Her eyes were still wet, but the grief on her face had been replaced with curiosity and shock.
Tyler sighed. “We met at a bar. He’s friends with Cam, too. I thought I could have someone pretend to be my boyfriend so I wouldn’t feel left out during the holidays. But now I think I’m falling for him and don’t know what to do.”
Cece covered her mouth, exhaling sharply through her nose. He might have thought she was laughing at him, but otherwise, she stayed completely still.
Eventually, she dropped her hand. “But you guys seemed rock solid. Is that why you dressed him up and made him pretend to be a car salesman?”
Tyler covered his face and laughed a little. “Yes. I’m stupid. But he’s an incredible guy, and now I want to see if it could be real.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Ty. Does Hailey know?” She ran her hands through her messy hair.
“No! Please don’t tell anyone. I want to see where this goes. I don’t want it to be even more awkward than it already is.”
Cece nodded. “Well, I’ll keep your secret if you keep mine,” she told him with another shaky breath.
“Deal.” He stuck his pinky out. She hooked hers around it, and they shook on it.
“I love you,” Cece told him, her chin quivering.
“I love you, too,” Tyler said. As much as he wanted to go back upstairs to see what might happen with Julien, he knew he couldn’t leave his sister so sad. “How about we pour another glass and see if we can find a movie? You shouldn’t go to bed feeling like shit.”
“You’re sure?” she asked in a small voice, already pouring herself another glass.
“I’m sure.”
They found It’s a Wonderful Life on one of the channels, and Tyler was happy to enjoy the whiskey with his sister until she passed out on the couch .
Between the whiskey and the fact that it was almost three in the morning, Tyler also considered sleeping on the couch. Ultimately, he covered Cee with a blanket and grabs his charger on his way back upstairs.
It did not surprise Tyler that the light was out in his room, and Julien was sprawled out in the bed, his arm tossed over his face as he snored softly.
Disappointment flooded Tyler’s chest. There wasn’t much time left before Christmas, and Tyler didn’t know what might happen between him and Julien. Hopefully, the few days they did have together would be enough to offer him some clarity.
He got ready for bed as quietly as possible and slipped between the blankets.
Julien stirred and rolled closer to him. “You alright?” He draped his arm over Tyler’s chest.
“Yeah. Cece was having a bad night. It’s fine now. Sorry,” he apologized. It was not how he wanted the night to go, but he had to be there for his sister in the end.
“You’re all good, Baby.” Julien pressed a sleepy kiss to his jaw. After a moment, he nuzzled against Tyler and fell immediately back to sleep.
“Love you,” Tyler whispered, knowing full well it was stupid to say, even if Julien couldn’t hear him. Even trying out how the words felt on his tongue, Tyler knew they were real.