Chapter Twelve Dolly #3
Not in the way she thinks, at least. I can’t let her think that she’s coming out to someone who’s having a homophobic reaction about sharing a room with her; that would break her heart.
‘And I’m not going to repeat what you’ve said outside these walls. That’s your business, not theirs,’ I add.
‘Thank you.’ She’s so short that we’re basically the same height when I’m sitting down. The knowledge makes my lower belly melt. ‘When I was a teenager,’ she continues, ‘I thought I liked girls, but I hid it from everyone. I told myself I’d got it wrong. I don’t think I was wrong.’
And when Carys turns her face to me again, all prettily pink-smudged with sadness, I see something else there. ‘You’ve… never felt that way about a girl before?’ she says.
It’s a whisper, barely there, but it hits me like a wall.
What am I supposed to do? Lie? Obviously, and yet.
I know that coming on Wedded Bliss meant locking away that part of me, but I can’t quite bring myself to say the words.
If this were anywhere else, I’d be candid. I’d be honest. I’d tell her it’s normal. I’d try to desperately ignore the soft falling-open of her mouth.
To say that here could be dangerous. Could jeopardise everything.
But then she’s looking at me, with expectation and, I realise, hope.
Oh God, this isn’t just about her fancying some kind of arbitrary woman, is it? Could this be about me?
I feel aflame just looking at her, and my brain unplugs itself. ‘I— yes. Carys— I…’ I lick my lips, my mouth suddenly wet with the thought of kissing her.
She unpicks my hand from her wrist, and threads her fingers through it, so we face each other, palm to palm.
‘That’s why I asked, Dolly, about the girls on the road. I… I wondered if the feeling I was missing might be right here. I wanted to know it wasn’t just me.’
Her eyes dip down to my lips.
‘We can’t,’ I gasp.
‘But you want to?’ The little squeak in her voice, the wish fulfilled, makes me want her even more.
When I look at her parted cherry-red lips, at her heavy-with-wanting eyes, all I can see is how lit up with desire she is.
Desire for me.
Our eyes lock together once again, and I’m spellbound.
‘Are you sure you’re not just confusing friendship?
’ I babble, knowing that I have very rarely looked at someone I considered only a friend like that.
Nor have I held hands, sat this close, thinking about kissing my friends I didn’t also want to sleep with.
‘I know it’s really intense in here. And we’ve grown close,’ I protest further.
‘I think we both know that’s not it.’
My heart thuds in my chest as she takes my other hand too, uncurling her fingers in my palm.
God, it’s been so long since I’ve been touched that I shiver. I forgot how addictive the feeling was. This is like the fresh water I’ve been wandering the desert for.
This is the first time I’ve wanted something for myself in a long, long time.
‘It can’t all be just a story, can it?’ she whispers, and I start to unravel. ‘The sparks?’
‘Carys,’ I whisper, pleading but I’m not sure what for. To stop? To keep going? Maybe both, in separate universes, so I can taste her and this remain a fantasy at the same time.
‘If you don’t want this, I’ll stop.’ Her voice is low, breathy, and so close I can taste it.
I’m high on the girl with the cinnamon hair, and the sweetshop scent of her.
‘I don’t want this to stop,’ I croak. ‘But I can’t…’
One last ditch plea for sensibility, even sense has long fled this room.
It feels like an electric shock when she leans her forehead against mine. She steps closer, standing between my thighs, and my body aches at the closeness of her.
‘I won’t move a muscle more,’ she whispers. ‘It’s up to you, Dolly.’
God, it’s too addictive to hear my name in her mouth. ‘I think you are so much more than just an experiment.’
I know then that we’ve crossed a threshold. There is no turning back from this. Whatever Carys and I are, it’s an inevitability.
From the moment I saw her in the road, this spark of fire rushing to help, I knew I liked her, wanted her, thought about her all the time. And it’s only got worse the more I’ve got to know her.
‘I want you. And… I think you want me too.’
‘Bold of you,’ I manage to shudder out.
I bite my lower lip, letting it drag through my teeth, and think about what it would feel like doing that to her own pouty bottom lip.
We move in infinitesimal increments, like a gravitational force beyond both of us is drawing us together slowly.
Our hands unclasp, and she cautiously slides her hands up my arms, over my shoulders, only stopping when they reach my jaw.
‘I thought you weren’t moving,’ I tease.
When I put my hands in the small of her back, she gasps, and I’m certain that I want to hear that sound over and over. If she wasn’t standing right between my legs, I’d press my thighs together to feel the deliciousness.
I’m drunk on her.
When the soft tip of her nose brushes against mine, it’s my turn to gasp.
‘Please,’ she begs. Her breath dances on my skin. ‘Dolly. Please kiss me. Just once.’
All my weak protestations die at her words. I don’t have it in me anymore. I don’t want to hold back.
‘Just once,’ she pleads. ‘I want to feel the fireworks.’
Just once?
If that’s all we can have, I’ll give that to her.
Just once.
‘Kiss me then,’ I say, drunk and cocky and desperate for this agony to end.
She moves so slowly that I might break in two, still clutching my face in her hands like she’s about to devour me, or drink me. I’m about to beg her to do either of those.
And the relief of her lips finally on mine is a rising symphony.
I see stars when she nudges her lips open, and as I dip my tongue into our kiss, she makes this beautiful little sound.
Our mouths move easily in sync, like we’ve been kissing forever, or like our bodies recognise each other from a past life.
I’m hungry for her, and it’s my turn to moan when she steps forward, pressing her body against me.
My God, I want her.
I dot tiny kisses on the curve of skin where cheek meets nose, and she melts against me, whining softly into my hair at the touch.
‘Dolly,’ she pleads, dropping her hands from my jaw to run them through my hair.
I trail kisses along her face, under the softness of her chin, and along her jaw.
Her skin tastes of the coconut moisturiser I try not to watch her slather on every day, and the rhubarb pie perfume she dabs at her delicate little wrists. There’s an undercurrent of salt that I could lap forever. And a deeper flavour all her own that I could enjoy forever.
She tastes incredible, and I wonder what the rest of her tastes like; sweet and salt and heat. At just the thought of it, I come apart, a deep pulse between my legs rushing through me like a wave.
Our kiss deepens as she tugs at me, begging our bodies to get closer.
Carys steps back suddenly, tearing at the buttons on the front of my shirt dress. It opens, and she peels it back hurriedly, so it pools around my waist.
In return, I whip the dress off her, and the pussy-bow blouse melts off her pale shoulders. She stands in front of me in a matching lace set – of course she wears matching sets.
‘If this is going too fast, we can—’ I blurt out, but I’m interrupted by Carys unleashing a frustrated growl and climbing into my lap, straddling my hips.
She’s right there, on top of my heat, and if she makes one goddamn move, I’m going to die right here.
Apparently, she’s feeling the same kind of intensity, because she looks down at me finally and whispers, ‘Oh my God.’
‘Hi,’ I whisper.
‘Hi.’ She kisses and slowly begins to grind against me.
I’m so overwhelmed I almost tip into orgasm right then. God, she could make me come apart in a second.
‘Fucking hell,’ I whisper, as I kiss along her bare shoulder and up her neck, nipping slightly at the soft juncture between the two.
All that separates us are the remains of my dress and her knickers, which if you know anything about women’s clothing is basically nothing.
I bury my face in her chest as she moves again, suppressing a moan in my throat. Each grind shoots electricity through both of us, and I hear her breathing heavier, and heavier.
Fucking hell.
She tips my chin up to her, and she looks as drunk on this as I feel. ‘I feel it.’
‘The sparks?’
‘Everything. Technicolour.’ Her voice is high with relief.
There is nothing hotter in the world than knowing someone found their meaning on your lips and is now revelling in it. I’m giddy on her, on it, on this.
‘Do you want—’ I begin.
‘Please.’
‘— me to touch you.’
‘I said please, didn’t I?’ she says with such a bratty edge to it that I almost flip her over right there.
I slide my right hand up the bare skin of her inner thigh, and she moans at the touch.
‘Shh,’ I whisper.
She looks down at me desperately as I grip her hip with my left hand to keep her still. ‘I’m not sure I can be quiet.’
‘If you want me to make you come, you’ll have to be.’
She looks genuinely shocked when I say the word come.
Perhaps she’s not used to speaking plainly in the bedroom.
‘I promise I’ll try. For you, I’ll try, Dolly,’ she whimpers as I slide my thumb to the front of her underwear, the fabric already soaking wet.
She’s hot, and when I stroke her, her body roils with pleasure.
When she finally comes, the noise is a high little bleat, nestled into my hair.
‘I can’t breathe when you do that,’ she gasps, her mouth falling open to reveal the pretty shell-pink of her mouth. She unclasps her bra, and her nipples are the same colour as the inside of her mouth. She’s all peaches and cream and I want to lap her all up.
‘Do you want me to stop?’
‘I never want you to stop.’
‘Good girl.’ I bring her to orgasm with my hands again, drunk on how pliable she is under my touch.
She drunkenly kisses me, eyes heavy, and I have no idea if it’s been minutes or hours since we first kissed. It feels unreal.
‘My turn,’ Carys demands. ‘You might have to show me what to do.’
She steps back to pull off the rest of my clothing, only sidetracked by my, frankly incredible, breasts. Her eyes turn hungry, and soon she’s flat against me, my nipple in her mouth.
‘Fucking hell,’ I gasp, as she grinds herself against my leg. ‘Are you going to take those knickers off, or do you want me to do it for you?’
She locks eyes with me as she steps away and drags them down. First hers, then mine.
When we’re completely naked, she pushes me back to lie on the bed and kneels between my thighs. Normally I want to sit up when being viewed from this angle, guaranteed that my head and neck become one, but under her intense gaze, I’m not afraid of how I look. I’m what she’s been waiting for.
‘You’re the most beautiful person I’ve seen, Dolly.’
I can’t get enough of her saying my name. I can’t get enough of her.
I drag her up to lie down next to me, and she trails her fingers down over the soft roll of my belly. Her eyes flash as she slides her fingers between my folds.
‘You’re so wet,’ she gasps.
What she lacks in finesse, she sure as hell makes up in enthusiasm and I’m so gone on her that I’m dying after only a few movements.
I reach over, waiting for her permission, and when she nods into my mouth, I slide my fingers inside her.
As we fuck, my mind can’t help thinking of all the other things I want to or could do to her. How well she’d wear a strap. How I want to learn all the tiny spots of her body that spark under my touch.
I want to be fluent in Carys. In the ebbs and flows of her body. Every inch claimed under my ownership.
It’s the most stupid want, because it can never happen. Not the way I’d dream if I weren’t about to get engaged to another man. The last thing I’m going to do is make Carys a dirty secret on the side; she deserves so much more than that.
All I can do is give her the best orgasms of her life, and send her on her way, out into the world to kiss so many other girls. To find the fireworks everywhere.
It’ll hurt to say goodbye. But for now at least, it’s perfect.
She’s everything I ever wanted.
Too bad I can’t keep her.
Just for tonight, we’ll see all the fireworks.