Chapter Thirty-Five Dolly #2
‘The whole act of finding their soulmate or whatever – they knew each other and applied together and went no contact for months. She got a little cocky and told me after her proposal, after having too much show wine. I thought I needed a bit of leverage, just in case she remembered I knew and tried to get back at me. I went through her phone at the dinner party when Jackson and Zack were kicking off. Air dropped myself some of their texts.’
I am agog. ‘Lina, you fucking genius.’
‘Not just an airhead yogi,’ she laughs, and I feel bad for pigeonholing her in my mind from the off.
We hang up, and she does indeed send screenshots and a screen recording of the message chains between Jackson and Bridget going back over a year. What a con. I’d be impressed if she wasn’t also a total dickhead.
‘Well. That’s it. We don’t need to worry.
We’ll just blackmail Bridget right back, and then we can all get married just as planned.
’ I nod along with all my words like one of those dashboard dogs.
‘Should we send it as a text, or go to her room? I’m not sure if she and Jackson will have left for their wedding yet. Maybe a menacing phone call?’
But then, I look up at Warren and see that he’s been watching me this whole time. ‘Warren?’
‘Go to her, Dolly,’ Warren says, his voice so soft and kind and good. ‘Don’t let that love go, not without a fight.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
‘I’m not being ridiculous. I’m being honest.’
‘No, we made an agreement,’ I hold out, though fuck, I’m torn. I don’t want to, but I’m not going to go back on this.
He takes my hand. ‘Dolly, our agreement didn’t count on one of us falling in the kind of love that people watching this show dream of. Plus, we are never going to win the nest egg.’
We both laugh, because of course we’re not. Whit and Malachi have that completely tied up.
‘But the brand deals – the couple power,’ I insist.
‘We’re still friends, aren’t we? We can still do that. I bet people would love if we have a divorcee-but-best-friends energy,’ he says, and God, I know he’s right. There’s still a way we could play this that means we’re not losing everything.
‘I’m not sure I’m ready to be open. Does that make me a coward?’ I ask.
‘Do you really want to work with companies who wouldn’t back you? I know pink-washing is a thing, but why are you boxing yourself in? Your mum would hate that for you.’
I know he’s right. Mum has been, if I’m honest, a convenient excuse to some extent. Being out means I open myself up to trolling, maybe even death threats. It’s not just losing money on platforms that might demonetise me for being gay.
‘Love comes with sacrifices and compromise. Just depends on whether you think Carys is worth it,’ he says.
I’m torn, drowning in guilt. But if I’m honest with myself, I’ve been jeopardising our agreement since the first time I kissed Carys.
‘Fuck, I’m sorry, Warren.’
‘What for?’
‘Putting you in this position. Our families—’
He puts his index finger over my lips, and all I can smell is the fancy hand cream he uses. ‘Nope.’
‘But—’ I mumble.
‘Negative. You probably do owe me a few apologies, and that’s fine. Pay me back in cooking and collabs. But now you’ve got to go tell that girl you want to have her babies or whatever.’
‘I can’t do it,’ I say, standing up from the table.
‘You love her.’
‘I do. I love her. But, the show?’
I know he understands what I mean. Am I outing her if I go speak to her? Is this going to play realistically into the fighting-over-Patrick dynamic the show has been airing, or will it all crumble down with me just showing up?
And even if I do manage to catch her before she walks down the aisle, what if she doesn’t want me?
When she so nakedly told me she wanted to leave the show with me, I told her no and I was only in it for the money.
She really does like Patrick, I can admit that even though it riddles me with jealousy.
If she does want me back, what reason will she give for leaving Patrick? I don’t want to force her to come out before she’s ready either. It needs to be her choice, all of this does, but there’s no time for her to comfortably make one without her ending the day legally married.
But I can’t let her marry Patrick without fighting for her. This whole time, I’ve not fought for her because I was too scared about what would happen with Warren and my mum. I need to show her I’m in, if she is.
Liars forever, that’s what she said?
I just don’t know how to spin this.
‘Contingency plan,’ Warren announces, cutting through my thoughts.
‘If it all goes south, slink back up to the Barbican, say you were running late, and we have a fun little cold feet storyline to play with.’ He says all this as though this is so normal and fine, but then, this is how we’ve operated the whole time.
‘But if she wants me back, you’re alone,’ I say.
To my surprise, he laughs and takes my hand.
‘Dolly, do you know how powerfully getting left at the altar because you fell in love with a girl is going to play for me? I am going to make so much heartbroken but understanding, feminist, lesbian-ally ex-fiancé content. I’d get to be a single man with hurt feelings expressing them healthily. ’
‘Oh God, you’ll be unstoppable,’ I gasp. ‘Think of all the women who could fix you.’
But still, I’m frozen. I can’t quite move yet. There’s too much running through my head about Mum, about Connor, about the whole reason we got into this mess.
Warren stands up, and tilts my head up from my chin. ‘I know you’re scared. But that promise to look out for each other? That still stands for me. You’re family. It’s you and me together, no matter what.’
I believe him. With every essence of my being, I believe him. What a joy to have found a soulmate of a different kind than this show offers.
‘Oh God, I’m going to cry and ruin this horrible makeup,’ I wail, throwing myself into his arms. ‘I don’t deserve you.’
‘Nope. I’m exceptional.’
We break apart and I bite my lip as possibilities rush through me.
‘Come on, we’ve got a wedding to stop,’ he says.
‘Fuck. I don’t even know how to get to wherever the fuck that big house is. Surrey? Suffolk? Sussex? Why do they all sound the same?’
‘I remember.’ He takes out his phone and brings up the route options.
I take the phone from his hands. ‘Shit, it’ll take over an hour to even get out of London. And there’s no train station nearby.’
A jingle of keys rings through the air, and I see him slinging them round his finger. ‘I’ll drive you.’
‘What about the guests? They’ll be getting ready.’
‘I’ve told my mum there’s a hold up. They’ll go have a nicer pamper with your mum too. She’ll be relieved,’ he says with a laugh.
‘Oh don’t. She’ll be devastated you’re not her son-in-law.’
‘She’ll be glad you’re being true to yourself, Dolly. You know that’s all she wanted. Not the money or the glamorous wedding. She wanted you to be you.’
‘See? She’s going to be devvo that you’re not in her house.’
‘Eh, I’ll marry her instead then.’
‘I think Jas thinks she’s next in line.’
‘You lot can’t get rid of me either way.’ He takes my hand and kisses it. ‘You were the best fake fiancée I could ever have hoped for.’
‘Warren, I think you might be my best friend.’
‘Come on, stop being a big wet and get your things.’
I run around the flat gathering up my things, and as I do I fire off a text to my mum.
Dolly
Wedding to Warren might be off. I’m going to tell Carys I love her.
Mum
Go ed, girl. Love you x
It’s happening. I’m going to go tell Carys that I love her.
I’m ready.
Except, it’s exactly that moment I realise I’m still in my towelling robe. ‘Fuck, what do I wear?’
Warren appears from the bedroom holding my dress. ‘It’s a wedding day after all. May as well show up looking the part.’