Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
There is a tightness in my chest that I wasn’t expecting. As I look out over the darkened streets of the Seelie Court, I suddenly feel trapped. Even though I’m currently lying atop a roof with the open night sky above me, I still feel as if walls are closing in on me from all sides.
I suppose it makes sense, given that I have literally been trapped in this city for most of my life.
But it’s more than just the feeling of being physically trapped in a specific place.
The tightness in my chest and the uncomfortable emotions that twist inside me like cold snakes have more to do with who I used to be when I lived here.
When I’m in this city, it makes me feel like everyone is trying to force me back into a mold that I no longer fit inside. Because this city only remembers the person I used to be when I lived here. It has no idea who I have become after leaving it.
It’s ridiculous. I know that. Cities don’t have emotions or an agenda.
They’re just a collection of buildings. But still, as I look out across the darkened streets below, I can’t help but hate this city.
Once this is all over, I never want to return here again.
I want to leave this place and the person I used to be behind.
“Any sign of him?” Orion whispers from below.
I scan the streets around me again, but from this angle, I can’t actually see properly down into all of the streets, so my surveillance abilities are somewhat limited. With a sigh, I roll over, grab the edge of the roof, and then drop down to the stone street below.
After dusting myself off, I take up position next to Orion and at last answer his question. “No. But Alistair said that he saw him heading in this direction earlier. So he should pass by here within ten minutes or so.”
Orion nods.
Since we can’t just walk up to Gremar Fireclaw in his own homeland, we had to devise a strategy to get him to come to us.
But if he knows that we are the ones who want to talk to him, he is more likely to contact the Icehearts so that they can ambush us rather than actually coming to talk to us.
So in order to get him here without risking a trap, we need to use someone else to lure him in. And I know exactly who.
“Ah yes, by the way,” Orion begins. His eyes gleam as he gives me a knowing look. “Next time you and Draven have wild hate sex, would you mind being a little quieter?”
I whip around to stare at him, my cheeks blazing. “I… we… what do you… we didn’t…”
He lets out a smug chuckle, clearly very pleased with himself. “Yes, you did. My staff could barely sleep because of all the noise.”
“That’s not true! He gagged me, so there’s no way we were loud enough to disturb anyone.”
“Good for you, living out your wicked little fantasies.” His smirk is positively villainous. “But I was referring to how the bed kept banging against the wall.”
Mortification crashes over me. I feel like my entire face is on fire.
“Uhm, well, that’s…” I stammer before drawing my eyebrows down and instead huffing, “Well, it’s your fault anyway, so you don’t get to complain.”
He arches an eyebrow at me. “How could it possibly be my fault that your hate sex is noisy?”
“It’s your fault that we’re having hate sex.”
“Oh dear. I’m flattered that both of you find me so irresistibly hot that you had to release your frustrations by fucking each other instead.”
I shoot him a scowl. “I meant that it’s your fault that he hates me.”
“That isn’t my fault.”
“Yes, it is. If you hadn’t rigged the game by cursing that final portal, I would never have been forced to make Draven hate me.”
“You made a choice.”
“Because the choice was either to let him die or to make him hate me!”
“It was still your own choice.”
“It doesn’t matter! If we could’ve just stepped through that portal when we reached it, none of this would’ve happened. But you made sure that if I stepped through the portal, the person who loves me would die. And that’s—”
“I was bluffing!” The words rip out of him, suddenly full of desperation.
Jerking back, I blink at him in stunned surprise.
He lifts a hand as if to rake it through his hair.
But then halfway up, he seems to remember that he is still wearing that spiky black crown on his head, because he freezes with his hand in the air like that.
Dropping his hand back down, he just turns back to meet my gaze instead and heaves a deep sigh.
“I was bluffing,” he repeats, his voice softer this time.
“What?” I breathe.
Some of that desperation flickers in his eyes again for a second.
“How could I have set that kind of restriction on a portal? Grey only has portal magic. I only have nightmare magic. Neither of us has the magical capacity to set a curse that could determine which specific person loves another person who steps through a portal. Let alone kill that person instantly from what could’ve been halfway across the continent for all we know.
It’s not possible to set that kind of restriction on a portal! ”
I just stare at him, my heart beating painfully in my chest. Those massive waves of dark despair threaten to crash over me.
And I know, without a doubt, that if I let them hit me right now, I will drown.
Fully and irrevocably. So I block everything out.
I block out all the horrible implications of this new information.
I can think about it later. Later when I’m alone.
Later when I don’t need to function properly.
“So I was bluffing when I carved that message into the branch above the portal,” Orion continues.
“I was bluffing, God damn it. I thought you had figured that out. When you stepped through the portal and back onto the sands of the arena, I thought you had seen through my deception.” Regret washes across his beautiful features for a moment as he motions towards where Draven is standing in the shadows farther down the street. “I never thought that you would…”
“Make my fated mate and one true love permanently hate me?” I finish for him, the words tasting like blood and iron in my mouth.
“Yeah.” He heaves another sigh and slides his gaze back to me. “That was ruthless.”
I give him an annoyed look.
“That wasn’t an admonishment. It was a compliment.
” That hint of regret is gone from his face.
Instead, there is something almost like respect in his eyes.
“Not everyone is able to make those kinds of brutal decisions. Especially under pressure.” He lets out a small huff of both amusement and approval. “Maybe you really will win this war.”
“Maybe we really will win this war,” I correct, holding his gaze.
He scoffs.
Silence falls over the street for a few seconds. Since it’s the middle of the night, all the windows are dark. Only the silver light from the moon illuminates the deserted street around us.
“This is…” Orion begins, but then trails off. Clearing his throat, he tries again. “Did you know that this is the first time that I’ve been part of a… group?”
I raise my eyebrows in genuine surprise. “What about your friends back in the Unseelie Court?”
For a moment, I swear I see a flicker of deep longing in his eyes. But then he breaks eye contact and instead stares at the dark wooden wall across the street. “Being the king comes with a lot of power. But it’s also a very… solitary position.”
“You don’t have friends? Or people who can give you advice at least? People you trust?”
“Trust?” he scoffs. “What is trust?” Letting out another huff of disbelief, he shakes his head.
“No. Power is everything in our court. And if I’m not powerful and intelligent and strong and ruthless enough to keep it, someone else will take it from me.
So all my life, I have only ever been able to rely on myself. ”
“That sounds… lonely.”
A small sigh escapes his lips. “Yeah.”
Another second passes. Then alarm flashes across his face and he snaps his gaze back to me. Threats practically pulse in his eyes as he locks them on me.
“If you ever tell anyone I said that, I will trap you in your worst nightmares for two days straight,” he warns, his voice low and vicious.
I just flash him a wicked smile back. “If you try to trap me in my bad memories, I will shove a wildfire of fear into your chest and increase it until your mind breaks.”
He blinks, looking surprised that I threatened him back instead of caving. Then he lets out a short laugh and shakes his head. “You know, I’m actually starting to like you a little bit.”
“Ah, now it makes sense.”
“What does?”
“You’re attracted to women who hate you.” I bait him with a knowing smile. “That’s why you’re so obsessed with Isera.”
“I’m not obsessed…” he splutters, barely getting the words out without tripping over his own tongue. “With her. Obsessed? She’s… That’s not—”
I chuckle and turn around to reach for the edge above me. “I’m going to check from the roof again.”
While Orion continues huffing threats below, I pull myself up to the roof again and then roll over so that I can see the streets around us. Shifting my gaze from side to side, I scan the area for our target.
Surprise flickers through me when I find someone else instead.
Barely a few steps away, right around the corner from where Orion and I were talking, is Isera. I had no idea that she was there, because we couldn’t see her from where we were standing. But from up here, I can.
Silver moonlight falls across half of her face as she stands there in the shadows of the building, looking in our direction rather than at the rest of the street.
She’s leaning her back against the dark wood, and her arms are crossed over her chest. But there is a thoughtful expression on her face as she studies Orion without him knowing that he is being observed.
I wonder how much of our conversation she overheard.
Movement suddenly catches my eye on the street next to ours.
My heart leaps.
He’s here.