Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Instead of slamming into the hard ground, our fall is broken by a sloping net of tangled vines. That powerful body is still pressed against mine, muscular arms wrapped tightly around me, as we hit the vines and then roll down along them before finally reaching the thick grass below.
Dragging in a deep breath, I try to calm my pounding heart as I blink and look up at the person who slammed into me up there in the thorn forest. The person who saved me from the ice flames one second before they could hit me.
Draven.
Of course it’s Draven.
It will always be Draven.
His beautiful golden eyes are wide as he stares back at me, and there is a storm of conflicting emotions pulsing in there. One moment, he’s looking at me with hatred. The next with fear. Then with desperation. Then anger. Confusion. Longing. Back to hatred.
Above us, the ground rumbles as the hole that the Dryad Queen must have opened in the forest floor closes itself again.
The sunlight that filtered down through it disappears, but the underground forest we’ve ended up in isn’t pitch black.
All around us, spheres of light are floating between the trees, giving off a warm golden glow.
It’s breathtaking.
For a few seconds, I feel utterly at peace as Draven and I lie there on the soft grass, gazing into each other’s eyes while his arms are wrapped around me.
Then panic flashes across his face.
Shoving me out of his arms, he scrambles to his feet.
The loss of his body around me makes me feel even more cold and empty than before.
“This is your fault,” he says, anger lacing his voice. “If you had been faster, Lavendera would be dead by now. If you hadn’t just left that dead soldier on the floor, the others wouldn’t have found him so quickly. If you hadn’t—”
“That’s not really why you’re angry,” I interrupt.
Brushing blades of grass from my black fighting leathers, I climb to my feet as well and raise my chin to lock hard eyes on Draven. The black waves inside me are thrashing like a violent ocean in a storm.
I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t fucking take it anymore.
It’s enough.
It’s all just fucking enough!
This ends right now.
One way or another.
“You’re angry with me because you protected me from the ice flames just now,” I continue while I start advancing on him.
He takes a step back.
“You’re angry because you protected me from that sword back in the city too,” I press, striding closer. “You’re angry because you wanted to comfort me after my parents were killed.”
Panic flashes across his face again, and he continues backing away.
“You’re angry because you are constantly fighting against your instincts.” I hold his gaze with a commanding stare. “Against who you really are. But your soul hasn’t forgotten. Your heart hasn’t forgotten. It’s only your mind that is trying to rewrite all of your feelings for me.”
“Stop,” he grinds out, shaking his head at me. But that panic remains on his face. “Stop talking.”
“Why? Are you afraid that the things I’m saying actually make sense?”
“I hate you.”
“Yeah, I know. Because I used my magic to force a wildfire of hatred into your chest so that I could save your life.”
“No. I hate you because I finally realized who you truly are.”
“What I am is your mate.”
“I don’t care. The mate bond is broken.” He takes another step back. “I don’t want anything to do with you.”
“Then why do you keep protecting me?”
“Because you’re messing with my head!” The words rip out of his chest, full of panic and desperation. His eyes are wild as he shakes his head at me and backs away again. “I can’t think straight! Whenever you’re around me, my head is a gigantic fucking mess of conflicting thoughts.”
“So stop thinking and start feeling!”
“Stop moving closer!” Yanking out his dagger, he slams it up against my throat. Fire rages in his eyes as he stares me down. “Stop. Moving. Closer. I can’t fucking breathe when you’re this close.”
Holding his gaze, I raise my chin as I stand there with his blade across my throat.
Then I take a step forward.
Panic flashes across his face again. Pulling the blade towards him, he rapidly moves it with me so that I don’t slit my own throat on it.
“See?” I challenge, holding his stare. “You’re still protecting me.”
“Next time, I won’t.”
That thin thread of patience inside me snaps.
Slamming my palms against his chest, I shove him backwards and rip out my own blade. Insanity burns through me like wildfire as everything inside me shatters. Like the walls of a dam before the fury of an unstoppable flood.
“Then prove it!” I scream at Draven as I swing my blade at him.
Shock crackles across his features, but his battle instincts immediately take over and he blocks my strike. Steel clangs as my blade smacks into his. I shove it off and then lunge at him again.
He parries it easily. I just stab at him again. And again. Rage roars in my ears as I attack Draven with everything I have until he finally snaps as well.
Ducking under my next swipe, he slams his shoulder into my chest. I gasp as air explodes from my lungs when Draven tackles me.
We hit the ground hard with him on top of me.
I swipe my blade towards him again while trying to suck air back into my lungs. His hand shoots out, and he smacks the side of it straight into my wrist. The precision hit makes my fingers spasm, and the dagger flies out of my hand. It hits the ground a short distance away.
Throwing my arm out, I try to grab it, but Draven’s free hand shoots out again. Strong fingers wrap around my wrist. A thud echoes into the gold sparkling forest as he slams the back of my hand down against the ground beside my head.
With his knife in his other hand, he shoves it up underneath my chin again. He pushes the flat of the blade so hard against my chin that the sheer power behind it forces me to tilt my head all the way back.
Anger crackles in Draven’s eyes as he leans down over me. “What the fuck did you think that was going to accomplish?”
“It proved what I was saying! That you can’t hurt me. Because you love me.”
“Not anymore.”
“Yes, you do, you thickheaded overgrown bat!”
There’s a sharp tug on the mate bond, and he jerks back slightly as he no doubt remembers what we shared the day I last called him that. Panic flashes across his face once more. I press my advantage.
Summoning my magic, I draw forth that massive inferno of love that I feel for Draven.
And then I shove it straight at him, attaching that emotion to his chest.
It makes the intensity of it decrease in my own chest as Draven instead feels half of that love that I feel.
He gasps.
“Remove it!” he blurts out, panic and dread flashing like lightning in his eyes.
“No. This is half of the love I feel for you. Half. And you love me just as much.”
“Remove it now!”
“Fight, Draven! Goddess damn it, fight back!” Desperation bleeds into my own voice as I scream the words up at him. “Fight for me! Fight for us.”
My magic continues pouring into him, forcing him to feel all the endless love that I have for him.
There is another violent yank on the mate bond.
Terror washes over Draven’s features. Still straddling my chest, he tightens his grip on my wrist as he pins it harder against the ground. “Stop it!”
“No.” I stare up into his panicked eyes. “I will keep my magic connected to you like this every second of every day for the rest of my life. I will force you to feel what you really feel!”
The mate bond pulses hard inside me.
It feels as if there is a rope attached to my chest on one side while the other side is hanging down inside a dark abyss, and someone is trying to haul himself back up that rope.
No, not someone.
Him.
Draven’s chest heaves as he shakes his head at me while anger and panic and hatred and fear fight like wolves behind his eyes. “Cut off your magic right now.”
“No.” It’s a simple word. Full of defiance. Full of challenge. Full of threats.
“Cut it off!”
“No.” I keep my love pouring into him through my magic. “Since your heart is still lost, I will make you feel my heart for the rest of our lives. My love is strong enough for the both of us.”
“Then I will cut it out!” he screams at me, his voice almost breaking from the panic that fills it.
His desperate eyes are wild and full of insanity as he yanks the blade down from my throat to instead press it against my chest, right over my heart.
“I will cut your fucking heart out,” he snarls at me. “So that I never have to feel it again. So that I never have to feel like this again.”
“Then do it!” I scream back at him.
Yanking up my free hand, I grab his wrist. He jerks in surprise, but I keep my grip firmly around his wrist and use that to press his knife harder against my chest. My heart beats out of control as I hold his knife hand steady there, one simple push away from killing me.
“Do it!” All the weeks of loss and pain and agony come crashing down on me at the same time as I scream up at Draven in defiance and challenge. “Cut it out! Rip my heart right out of my chest. It’s yours anyway, so do whatever the hell you want with it!”
Anger roars through his eyes.
Yanking his wrist out of my grip, he raises his hand above my chest.
A scream of fury rips from his throat and splits the world around us as he rams the blade straight towards my heart.
I keep my eyes on his beautiful golden ones as a sense of peace settles over me.
At least it will be over now. At least I won’t have to hurt any more after this.
The blade slams down with a thud.
I gasp.
Draven stares down at the knife in his hand, the blade buried deep in the grass right next to me. My heart stutters.
There is a massive pull on the mate bond.
One last desperate heave over the edge of the abyss.
My magic slams back into my own chest with such force that my vision blacks out.
But it’s not just the love that I attached to Draven’s chest that shoots through the air towards me.
An explosion of hatred bursts from his chest. I can feel that flame of hatred shatter like a glass sculpture that explodes from the inside, the sharp edges pelting against my magic like shrapnel.
Our mate bond slams back into me.
Light and color and burning unending love floods my chest as Draven’s side of the mate bond restores itself like a lightning strike straight to my chest.
A cry of pure relief tears from my throat.
Still straddling my chest, Draven stares down at me while one hand is still wrapped around the knife that he drove into the grass instead of my heart. Pain and longing and a love so fierce it could’ve burned the world down shine in his perfect golden eyes.
I reach out with my magic and gently prod at his chest.
The red-violet flame of hatred is gone.
Utterly and completely gone.