Chapter 7 X
X
Ididn’t sleep. Just held her while her breathing evened out into slower, deeper breaths that misted her plump lips. I held her as her body slowly warmed mine. My brain whirred, trying to process the last twelve hours and the numbness that followed.
At some point, I realized the hole I’d pierced in my nose throbbed. It was more of a minor irritation than a true pain, but it was pain my brain registered, nonetheless. The heat of Violet’s body became more and more noticeable, until she was too warm and I had to throw the covers off us.
But I didn’t let her go.
She was mine.
I could be okay with sharing her with Whip and Levi. I saw the way they loved her. Saw the way she needed that sort of love from them. Saw they could give her something I couldn’t, and I wanted her to have everything she needed.
She deserved that.
They weren’t trying to take her from me.
But last night, up on the bluffs, somebody had.
It could have been her who had gone down with that cliff face. I didn’t know how I’d walked away from that with nothing more than lungs full of water, but I had.
And now I was here in bed with a woman I didn’t deserve but wasn’t willing to give up.
She’d given me full rights to her body.
I’d wanted to let her sleep. She needed the rest. But fuck, I needed to be inside her. I needed to be selfish.
I brushed her hair away from her neck and kissed her there.
She didn’t move. Her breathing didn’t change.
I kissed her skin again, my fingers roaming over all the bare inches of it I was somehow lucky enough to be given full access to. Her tits rested heavy in my hands, overspilling fingers that stroked her nipples, slowly and gently testing each one to see if she’d wake.
Her breathing changed slightly, and she shifted, but I was still fairly sure she wasn’t mentally aware of what I was doing to her.
But physically, her body responded. I dragged my hand down her belly, finding her little nub of pleasure between the lips of her pussy. I nudged it with my fingertip, testing it to see her reaction.
She didn’t move, but when I slid my finger lower, searching for her entrance, I found the hot, wet center of her, slick and ready for me.
“Fuck, Violet,” I whispered into the stillness of the room. “I could take you right now, couldn’t I?”
She didn’t respond, and her breathing settled back into that familiar pattern of sleep.
Heat rushed through me, my dick kicking at the knowledge this wasn’t right.
And yet, she’d given me permission. Not just that, she’d practically begged me to do it.
She wanted to wake up with me inside her.
Her tits didn’t sit perky on her chest. They lolled to the sides, natural and heavy and so fucking soft I wanted to use them as pillows every night for the rest of my life. Her nipples were beaded and taut, needy for my mouth, but my tongue wanted to taste her.
With the blankets somewhere on the floor, I gently nudged her legs apart and slid down the bed until my face hovered over her glistening core.
I couldn’t resist the urge to tongue her there, to slide it through the silky arousal at her opening and spread it to her clit.
I played with the bundle of nerves, flicking at it with my tongue, my gaze firmly pinned on her face, backing off when her eyelashes fluttered too much, signaling she might be waking.
I wanted her body so needy it welcomed me inside without an ounce of resistance. She’d put so much trust in me tonight, and I was desperate to show her I deserved it.
I needed to show her I didn’t have to listen to that voice in my head that demanded I put my fingers around her perfect throat and squeeze.
There was nobody here to stop me.
I could do whatever I wanted to her, and no one would be the wiser.
Yet the urge to squeeze her throat, normally so loud in my head whenever I was alone with a woman, was quiet, satiated by licking her sweet pussy instead and making a game out of not waking her.
Her eyes stayed shut, her body completely relaxed beneath me.
My dick ached so hard I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
Careful to keep a gap between our bodies, I hovered over her, palms pressing into the mattress, no longer focused on the pulsing point in her throat that would have normally begged for my fingers.
I notched my cock at her entrance, slicking up the head of it, and then inched inside her so slowly it was like dripping molasses. Bottoming out, her pussy swallowing me whole, I stared down at her, waiting for her eyes to open.
It didn’t come.
There was no way she would have still been asleep normally, but neither of us had slept in over twenty-four hours.
Add in the trauma and physical exertion of running up and down rocky cliff faces and fighting angry seas, as well as the emotional impact of being sure we were going to die, it was hardly surprising her body had shut down as heavily as it had.
I fucked her slow. So damn slow it was torture, when all I wanted to do was slam into her hard and fast and wake her up so she could fuck me back.
The urge for her to respond increased as her body reacted to mine, and her breaths grew into something that sounded more like pants. A moan slipped from her lips twice, and I was driving in and out of her, fucking her for real before her eyes finally fluttered open and she registered me above her.
I waited for the fear to show in her eyes. For her to tell me to get off her.
But she just gasped.
And then her hands were in my hair, drawing me down, and she was kissing my mouth, our hips pistoning together.
The last of the numbness inside me melted away.
I sank down onto her, crushing her beneath me, but she didn’t complain.
If anything, she drew me in tighter, wrapping her legs around my waist and anchoring me to her so I couldn’t pull out more than a few inches.
We moved together, my pubic bone against her clit, her hips driving up to take every thrust.
With my weight resting on one forearm, I slid my hand up the side of her body, needing to touch her, needing to ground myself in her and remind myself she was still here.
That she was warm and real and she wanted this as much as I did.
That she was choosing my weirdness that had done nothing but terrify women in the past.
I skimmed my palm up her side and over her breast. My fingers splayed across her chest and inched higher until they were around her throat.
“Fuck,” I groaned, staring down at her, her pulse thumping beneath my fingertips.
Her hand came up to cover mine. “You aren’t going to hurt me, X.”
My heart squeezed at the sincerity and surety in her voice.
Nobody had ever trusted me the way she did. Nobody had ever believed in me like she did.
I’d never wanted to change for anyone. Had been sure I couldn’t.
She made me want to try.
Her pussy fluttered around my cock, drawing me deep inside her, strangling my erection as her orgasm drew closer. She stared up at me, her eyes at half-mast with desire and need, her body writhing beneath mine.
I tightened my grip on her throat.
She sucked in a breath and moaned loudly.
The sound sent reassurance through me.
She could still breathe.
I played with the strength of my grip, watching her face intently for the second I went too far and cut her off completely.
But it didn’t come. For once in my life, I was fully in control of not only her and her pleasure, but also myself.
That was a heady feeling.
I let out an animalistic growl and fucked her faster, harder, slamming into her body with my fingers around her neck, cutting off her air just enough to make her a tiny bit breathless but never enough to scare her.
Or me.
She moaned beneath me, our bodies moving, her hand gripped around my wrist, holding the pressure on her throat.
Giving me what I needed.
She fell off the cliff with me buried deep inside her. Her body pulsed and spasmed around mine, throwing me over the edge with her.
Unlike the night before, where I’d landed in cold water and had to fight for my life, this time I landed in the softness of her arms, her trembling body beneath me, her whispered words in my ear, saying my name over and over like a prayer.
“Fuck, I love you,” I whispered on her lips. “I love you so much, Violet.”
She smiled softly. “Not the first time you’ve told me that.”
She was referring to the days after we’d met, where I had told her I loved her in a million different ways.
Today, I didn’t laugh or make a joke like I normally would have. “It’s the first time I’ve truly meant it.”
She kissed me gently. “I know. I love you too.”
The whoosh of relief hit me hard and was instantly followed by my more regular insanity, my body getting hyped up on the excitement of feeling it too. “Marry me.”
She laughed and shook her head. “I love you. But no.”
“We’ll have a ceremony in the park so Reginald can attend! I’ll get him a little ducky tux!”
She snorted on her laughter. “We aren’t getting married by the pond so your duck friend can be your best man.”
I nodded seriously. “Scythe would probably be mad at being upstaged by a bird. How about on the beach then? The mountains? The city?”
Amusement played out all over her mouth. “I’m getting the impression the location actually doesn’t matter to you.”
“I’d marry you in a dumpster if that was your lifelong dream.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Even that one out behind my place that always smells like piss?”
I cringed. But nodded.
“You hate piss.”
“I also hate vomit and shit, but maybe you haven’t been paying attention for the last few weeks. So if that’s the case, hear me now.” I stared at her, all the laughter fading away. “I’d do anything for you.”
She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me down on the mattress beside her. “Loving me is enough.”
I drew her in tight, so her head rested on my chest.
For maybe the first time in my life, I slept without demons in my head, or in my heart.