Chapter 42 X
X
“We are under fire! Drill Sargeant Daddy went down! And not in the good way!”
Whip groaned and pointed his gun at me. “I’m literally going to add to our bullet count if you do not speak like a normal person!”
I rolled my eyes and translated down the line to Scythe.
“Violet’s psycho boss has a house of horrors that shoots lovely sharp bits of shrapnel every time we try to get close to it, and Whip got hit in the leg.
Went down like Levi was on his knees with his mouth open.
Or so legend says. Dax was the one who dragged him out. ”
Scythe was silent on the line for a second, then eventually said, “I… Don’t have words. Is this what my family feels like when they have to deal with me? I need to buy them all flowers or something. We’re two minutes out. Just sit tight until we get there.”
Yeah, there was no way any of us were doing that.
Levi breathed heavily, maybe from the short dive off the porch we’d both done when the fucking house started shooting at us. Maybe from the jagged wound on Whip’s leg that was bleeding profusely as Dax tried to wrap strips from his shirt around it.
Levi seemed torn in two, his gaze dragging from the house that held Violet prisoner, and Whip bleeding, though definitely not dying, on the ground.
“We need to get in there,” Levi muttered, finally making a decision.
“No shit, Sargeant Sassy Pants. Got any ideas on how?” I mused on that for a second.
“Maybe I should call my new friends at the hockey rink and ask to borrow some pads? Then we could just storm in, deflecting shrapnel like its pucks. Kiii-ya!” I straightened my fingers and threw a wobbly roundhouse kick at the air.
“Are you doing karate or playing hockey?” Levi stared at the house that kept trying to kill us. “Violet!” He edged closer again, even though every time he did a new round of tiny sharp bits of metal went flying through the air.
I dragged him back, and we both crouched, trying to come up with a plan. “We go through the roof,” I suggested eventually. “Climb the tree, shimmy along that branch, drop onto the roof, remove a few shingles, and burst in through the ceiling.”
Levi glanced at me. “I weigh two hundred and fifty pounds. I’m gonna snap that tree branch like it’s a matchstick.”
I rolled my eyes. “Well, you should have laid off the steroids in prison, then, shouldn’t you!” I huffed a sigh and headed for the tree. “Don’t worry. I can climb. I had plenty of practice climbing into Violet’s apartment before she liked me.”
Levi stared at me. “You did what?”
I cringed. “Nothing. Give me a boost.”
Whip looked like he was going to have a coronary. “Hurry the fuck up! She could be dying in there, X!”
Did he really think he had to tell me that?
Did he really think I wasn’t playing it over and over again in my mind like a waking nightmare, dredged up from my own personal pit of hell?
Did he think I wasn’t scared out of my fucking mind that I was going to get into that house and find out we were too late?
All I had to calm me down was bad jokes. Otherwise I’d be self-combusting on the sidewalk like he and Levi were.
And where the fuck was that going to get us? If Whip was injured and Levi was out of his mind, and I was just flapping around with them.
Someone had to be the hero.
And it was definitely going to be me.
I scaled that tree like I was part koala, clawing and scratching my round little booty up the branches, clinging to it for dear life once I got high enough for the fall to kill me. I eyed the branch overhanging the second-story roof and debated whether it really could hold my weight or not.
The ground suddenly seemed really far away, and climbing this tree was a lot harder than climbing the balconies of Violet’s building. I was getting splinters in my fingers, and twigs and leaves were poking me in the eyes.
“Go, X!” Levi shouted from beneath me. “She needs you!”
He was right. The branch had looked thick enough to hold my weight from the ground. Just because when I got up here it was about as sturdy as a toothpick didn’t mean anything.
I needed to do this for my Omelet.
I lay down on the branch and inched my way along.
I wrapped my legs around it, squeezing my thighs.
Splinters stabbed me in the belly, but I kept going, reminding myself the branch would hold, that I would land safely on the roof, and I’d sweep inside like a knight in shining armor, pluck Violet up from wherever she was bound and gagged, and carry her out to cheers and applause.
That was the image I kept in my head, and not the ground that was so far away I could barely see it.
I might as well have been on a plane.
I was nearly there, my stomach threatening to erupt, when Levi’s phone rang.
I stared down at him and watched him pull it out of his pocket.
My mouth dropped open. “Not the time to be taking a call, bro! I need some support here!”
Or this freaking tree branch did. It protested my weight with a violent-sounding creak.
“Violet!” Levi shouted.
I froze, dread filling me.
His head jerked up. “It’s Violet! She’s in a pit beneath the house. Francine is dead, but they’re both okay. Francine had her phone on her when she fell into the pit with them.”
“What do you mean Francine is dead but they’re both okay? Who’s them?” Whip asked.
Levi looked over at Dax. “Nyah is there too. She’s okay.”
Even from up in the tree, I could see the color drain from Dax’s face. He sat down hard next to Whip and buried his face in his hands, his shoulders silently shaking.
Whip slung an arm around his shoulders, and Levi crouched, awkwardly patting him on the back.
Which was all fine and good, but hello? I was up in a tree on a branch that was about to snap. “So, uh, Violet doesn’t need rescuing?”
Levi shook his head. “No, she’s okay. She said she doesn’t want any of us trying to go in there because she thinks there could be more traps set.
I’m calling the cops, and they can get the bomb squad or whatever the hell department down here to check the place out first and get them out. You can come down.”
“Uh…” I stared down at the ground beneath me that spun in dizzying circles and clenched the branch a little tighter.
Levi squinted up at me. “What do you mean ‘uh’? Get down.”
“I can’t.”
“You got up there!”
“Yeah, well, that was when I was fueled by adrenaline and the belief I was going to rescue my girlfriend from certain death! Now I know she’s fine, and my heroic purpose has been stolen from me, and I’m just some fat raccoon in a tree!”
Whip groaned. “You’re not fat, but you are a raccoon.”
“Thank you. That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. “Just climb down.”
“I would love to, Sergeant Sass, but I have a medical condition.”
“What condition?”
“Severe and sudden onset of Don’t-Wanna-Die-itis.”
They ignored me and went back to talking about bomb squads and trap layouts like I wasn’t clinging to bark and my dignity in equal measure.
The police arrived with lights and sirens, men and women in uniforms convening at a safe distance, a few of them peering up at me curiously.
“Nothing to see here, fellas.” I lowered my voice so only I could hear it. “Just your regular old, completely average psychopath, trying not to piss his pants.”
Although it could be funny to watch urine drip down onto Levi’s and Whip’s heads, since they were doing literally nothing to help me out of this tree. But I really did hate the smell of piss, even my own, so I clung on.
Ten minutes later, the rumble of a fire truck echoed down the street.
“Oh, you didn’t.” I glared down at Levi as two firefighters in full gear hopped out.
“We can’t leave you up there,” he said flatly. “You’ll either fall and break your neck, or I’ll let my intrusive thoughts win and start shaking the tree to speed things up.”
“I will land on you out of spite. I swear I will, Levi!”
The firefighters positioned a ladder, clearly fighting to keep straight faces.
One of them called up, “Just swing a leg over and come toward me.”
“I don’t swing my leg over for just anyone, pal.”
“X,” Levi warned.
I sighed theatrically, inching toward the ladder. “If I die, tell Violet I fought bravely. And if she asks why my hands are bleeding, say it’s from combat. Do not tell her it’s from a particularly aggressive pine cone.”