Chapter Three
Mabel
I cuddle in against Reaper's back and drag in the scent of leather and pine. I can’t believe I kissed him, though it happened so fast, maybe he didn’t notice. I mean, he wasn’t acting funny afterward. Then again, neither was I, but it’s all I could think about. I know the bike ride had me feeling high, but that kiss made me higher.
Our tongues touched! My tongue’s never touched anyone else’s. Sure, I’ve been out on dates, but nothing real ever happened. Now, I’m not sure how to go on with my life, not when my entire body is aching to be swallowed up in Reaper's giant frame again.
That said, I know it’s a bad idea. Touching him only riles me up for more, which I know I can never have. So, it’s pointless.
Stones pop against the tires of the bike as we head up the driveway toward the house. Dad is still in the back forty plowing and none the wiser. I should do this more often. I can’t remember the last time I left the house without my father… outside of today. I remind myself of one of those princesses locked away in a tower, waiting for her prince. But that’s not my story. I’m tired of waiting, so I asked Dad’s best friend for a ride out of the kingdom.
That’s probably where I’ve gone wrong, and now the kingdom is ruined.
The bike rumbles up the driveway and Reaper parks behind the truck.
I climb off first and unbuckle the helmet as he swings his leg over to stand.
“We still have to run to the feed store, or your dad's gonna start asking questions.”
“Okay!” I bounce in place and swing open the truck door with renewed spirit.
Reaper jumps into the driver’s side and pulls down the visor, catching the keys as they fall into his big hand. Little things like this amuse me. The size of him, the timbre in his voice, the way he knows… everything.
Dad’s truck is an older model Ford with rust around the wheel wells and a stall in the crank. Reaper knows this and turns it twice before the engine starts.
Suddenly, I feel awkward.
On the bike, the world was a fantasy. It was like I was up in the loft watching Mama drink sweet tea on the front porch. The bike evoked a sense of autonomy, illusion, freedom.
Here in the truck, things are real again, and the kiss I planted on his lips is in the forefront of my mind, bringing with it a sense of panic. I need to talk about it. I need to know what he’s thinking. Sure, he acted normal after it happened, but he also leaned into my touch. It’s not like he pushed me away.
For a moment I let my mind think that maybe Reaper likes me too, but I draw the thought back just as quickly. Reaper could have anyone he wants. He’s not thinking about me.
“Sorry I got a little crazy back there. I didn’t mean to like… maul you or anything. I… it’s embarrassing how little it takes to entertain me.”
He does the half smile thing he does, while he swipes his big hand over his face, bristling his beard as he moves. “You shouldn’t be embarrassed. I get it.”
“Really?”
He nods. “Yeah. No big deal.” His tone is so casual and to the point. Clearly, he’s not moved by the kiss.
“Okay… well…” I want to ask him more about why he kissed me back, but instead I turn toward him and let out a heavy breath. He’s holding the steering wheel with one hand as he leans into the door.
It’s a vibe and my panties are soaking it in.
“Are you seeing someone?” The words spill out of my mouth before I can catch them.
“No. Why?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. You’re you… so I figured maybe you’d be seeing someone.”
He laughs. “I’m me? What does that mean?”
“That you like…” I lift my shoulders and lower them again. “You look like the kind of guy that has an easy time with the ladies.”
“Ha! I gave that up a long time ago. Women are a pain in the ass.”
“Oh really?” Sarcasm sits in my throat. “How so?”
“Well, not all of them, but a lot of ‘em. I haven’t dated in years.”
“Why?” I realize we’re getting personal now, but I push past that on pure nosiness.
“Don’t know. Just staying away from the drama, I guess. Besides, I’m busy with work.”
“You like doing the bounty thing?”
He lifts his cap off his head and puts it back on again as though maybe he’s a little nervous to open up. “Not really. It’s high stress. I’d rather be out on a farm somewhere, doing labor.”
“Really? No, you wouldn’t. It’s boring.”
“I like boring. Trust me, the whole running after assholes thing gets old.”
“How’d you end up with them? The MC guys?” I’ve known Reaper forever, but this is the first time we’ve had a real conversation. Most of the time, we talk through my dad.
“I was a poor kid, got mixed up with some dealers out in Kansas City, and I got dragged under. Started doing some crazy shit after that. Shit you don’t want to know about.”
“I do. I want to know!” I know I’m na?ve and this conversation doesn’t need to happen, but I push forward anyway.
“You want to know about the time I had to kill a man because he was pressuring my boss?”
I drag in a staggered breath. Sometimes I forget that Reaper is as different as he is.
“How’d you do it? I mean, did you hate it?”
He glances toward me and shakes his head. “I don’t like killing men, no. So, I don’t do it unless I have to,” he exhales loudly, “which is why I’d rather be working a farm.”
“Well, I’ve never killed anyone, but there has to be a happy medium. Something between murder and brushing horses.”
He chuckles. “Yeah. Well, I’ll let you know if I find it.”
Silence ensues for a moment, and I can’t help but wonder if I’m out of my mind. Why would I think a man who’s murdered people is attractive? It’s not. It’s wrong. That said, I know there’s so much more to Reaper than that. I’ve watched him help my family with whatever they needed. Hell, I watched him give a stranger an entire bounty payout once. Nearly twenty grand , all because they had a sick kid who needed treatment they couldn’t afford. A bad guy doesn’t do those things.
“You sure tonight is a good idea, little cat?” Reaper glances toward me then back at the road. “I could sneak you out for a few more rides. Or better yet, talk to your dad about how you feel. I got thinking, maybe we should find him a girlfriend. A new relationship would keep his mind off you and on something else.”
Thinking about my father with another woman makes my stomach turn. It shouldn’t. Mama has been gone for years. People move on all the time. Rationally, I know this, but the thought of someone else in her kitchen, baking, cooking, breathing… I hate it.
“I don’t know. Mama was everything. They spent their whole lives together, Reaper. I mean, they literally met in the first grade. How do you move past that?”
He pinches his lips together and turns onto the main road toward the feed store. They have the barbeque pit out today and the warm scent of brown sugar and spice fills the air.
“Smells so good,” I suck in a deep breath, “but it seems cruel to be cooking the chickens and selling them in the same place.”
Reaper laughs. “Yeah, kinda. That’s the world, though. It’s fucked up. Your mom should still be here, your dad shouldn’t be mourning, you should be out living your life, and these chickens shouldn’t be cooked in front of their babies.”
I narrow my brows and toss him a playfully horrified look. “ Wow! Maybe I don’t want to go with you tonight.”
He nudges my shoulder. “You know what I mean.”
I know he’s being ridiculous, but it gets me thinking about my mama. She was my biggest supporter and I know she’d be proud of me for looking after my dad, but she’d also hate that I didn’t run after my dreams. At night after everyone went to bed, our favorite thing to do was sneak into the kitchen and have a second helping of whatever pie she’d made that day.
Everyone on the mountain knew my mama for her pie. She had this crust recipe that her grandma gave her that used both butter and Crisco, and it made for the flakiest dessert. She’d make it in one huge batch at the beginning of the week and portion off little squares to use in pies as the week went on. Apple, cherry, berry, rhubarb, banana cream, chocolate, you name it… she made it. I took her recipes and made them my own. Every time I bake a pie, I think about the time we spent together eating, baking, and talking.
The pie was delicious, but I think the talking was the most important part. She used that time to get to know me in a way no one else did. Not only that, but she helped me get to know myself. I don’t think there’s a mom in the world that doesn’t wish that type of relationship with their child, and I’m lucky to have had a mother who executed it so well. So, I understand how hard it is for my dad to let her go, because in our eyes, Mama was perfect.
I blow out a heavy breath as Reaper’s hand lands on the small of my back. “You okay? I lost you for a second.”
“Yeah. Just thinking about mom. I don’t think there’s any way Dad would ever move on.” Now that I think about it, maybe I stay because I don’t want him to. I mean, I could’ve rebelled against this at any point. It’s in my nature to be defiant. At least it used to be. Now, I’m stuck in this cycle of inaction.
Who am I kidding? I’m just looking for excuses.
Reaper reaches down and squeezes my hand in comfort before he opens the door to the feed store. The scent of barley and oats take over as baby chicks chirp in the background. I’ve always loved coming here. It feels like the local watering hole to me. It’s where people like my dad and I come to stock up on supplies and we always run into someone unexpected on every trip. Today, I see my friend Clementine. Well, technically she was my mom’s friend, but she’s my friend now.
I glance up at Reaper. “You mind if we say hi? I haven’t seen her in a while.”
He nods his head and lands his hand on my back again. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he liked it there. Sadly, I do know better. If he wanted to confess his undying love for me, he’d have done it in the truck when I was asking about the kiss. Instead, he clammed up like the whole thing was embarrassing for both of us.
Clementine turns toward us. She’s younger than my mother would be now, but they found a close friendship in each other. They met at the rodeo in town a while back. I believe they bonded over feathers in cowboy hats. Mama was yea, Clem was nay. I’m not sure where I sit on the issue. I’ve never been a fan of cowboy hats in general. Given the option, I’d take a backward trucker hat any day of the week… minus any feathers.
Today, Clem wears scrubs with puppies all over them, and her long blonde hair is tied up in a bun. “Hey! What’s up? Long time, no see.”
I wrap her in a giant hug and squeeze. She even wears the same perfume my mom did. A light and airy floral scent with a hint of freshness. I hold on to the hug a second too long, pretending my mom is hugging me again. This is probably another sign that I’m holding onto the past, but I drive past it in favor of the moment.
“I know! How’s everything at the vet’s office? I need to bring Cowboy down for some shots next month. I should call and book something.”
She grins. “We’d love to see Cowboy. He’s a German Shepard, right?”
“All eighty-five pounds of him.”
“Small for a shepherd then.” She smiles. “How are y’all doing?”
“Good. Dad is doing dad stuff, and I’m doing the farm thing. What about you?”
She blows out a heavy sigh. “Getting nervous about a wedding I have to go to next month. I’m not sure I’m going to have a date for this thing, and it always makes me nervous to go to something like that alone.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and glances toward Reaper. “Wait, are you two dating? I’m sorry. We haven’t met.”
He moves his hand from my back and reaches out toward Clem. “Friend of the family. Great to meet you.” He glances down at me. “I’ll go grab the chicks and the salt lick. You two catch up.”
I nod and try not to get drunk on the way he stares down at me when he talks.
Clem narrows her gaze. “Holy shit, Mabs. That dude is hot!”
I suck in air through my teeth. “Yeah, but totally off limits. He’s my dad’s best friend, and even if he weren’t, he’s kind of a bad boy. I’m not sure Mama would have approved.”
Clem laughs. “Your mom would have wanted you to be happy. Do you like him?”
I glance toward Reaper who’s standing in an aisle staring at salt licks with a bag of feed over his shoulder. I try not to share my feelings with anyone, but with Clem, words just spill out. “I mean, look at him. What’s not to like?”
She tilts her head to the side. “Seriously. The way he looks at you… seems like y’all have a connection already. Are you close?”
I chew at my bottom lip, a little excited that someone else sees what I’ve been feeling.
“I mean, I think we’re close, but really, it wouldn’t matter. He’s my father’s best friend. If Reaper and I got together, Dad would shoot him. End of story. And you’ve heard of the Anti-Heroes MC, right? They call him Reaper for a reason.”
Clem shrugs. “All I know is feelings are feelings. I let the wrong one get away a long time ago and now, I think about him every single day.”
I forgot Clementine used to date a guy in the MC. I can’t remember who. “Sorry, I didn’t mean anything bad about the MC. I like those guys. It’s just my dad…”
“You’re twenty-five years old, Mabs. At some point you’re going to have to break out of this and do what’s best for you, or you’re going to start regretting things.”
When Clementine speaks, it’s like my mother is talking to me. Not because they were friends or because she smells the same, though I’m sure that adds to it, but because Clementine sees me. She listens, and she encourages me to do what makes me happy. That’s exactly what my mom did. Even though she knew that vet school would pull me away from the family, she was pushing me to go after it.
‘One life is all you get, Mabel. You’ve gotta live it.’ She’d say that to me every chance she got.
Reaper stands by the register with the feed, the salt lick, and the chickens in hand.
“I should run. Call me later if you have time. I’d love to catch up more.”
She squeezes my hand and pulls a leash off the rack in front of her. “I’ll call you tomorrow and set up lunch. Go get back with this giant you’re lusting after.”
I smile and make my way toward Reaper who hands me the chickens with a grin. It’s hard to believe this is the same man that does all the violent things that need to be done for the MC.
“How was your visit?” He tosses the feed into the truck bed and opens the passenger door for me, helping me up inside the truck. It’s a long step and his big hands guide me as I move. I don’t want the touching to end. I want to hop down from the truck and have him help me again, and again, and again.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen. The door closes and I blow out a heavy breath, centering myself before I peek into the box at the fuzzy little chicks chirping away. I think I’ll bring them inside tonight and familiarize them slowly to the outdoors. I don’t think that’s the way most people do it, but it’s what I’m doing. Hell, truth be told, these chicks might be the closest thing I ever get to a family of my own. So, I’m going to enjoy it.
“Good,” I finally say. “Clem is like the nicest person ever. I always wanted to be a veterinarian. It sounds so fun snuggling animals and helping sick ones.”
“Why don’t you? If you started classes now, you’d be finished in what… five or six years?”
I roll my eyes toward him. “I can’t start school like that and leave my father. He’d lose it.”
“We talked about this, little cat. You have to start doing things for yourself.” We’re out on the street when Reaper grips hold of my hand and squeezes it inside of his. I want to lean against his warmth and disappear into his world of wildness.
“Yeah, I should look into it.”
“Good!” he says, his tone rising. “I should start giving you rewards for making positive moves.”
I giggle. “Like, a secret bike ride if I sign up for college?”
He smiles and glances at me. “Exactly.”
“What about something bigger? What if I take a test for my license? What prizes have you got for me then?” My tone is playful and upbeat. I don’t actually expect a prize for doing things I should be doing, but this game is fun, and anything that gets me closer to Reaper is a win in my book.
“Well, that’s a big one. You should get an equal prize for that.” He brushes his hand over his beard and stares out the front window in thought. “What about… a day trip. You get your license, and we’ll take a trip out to Whiskey Falls. We can check out the casino and camp under the stars. You still like camping, right?”
I nod and grin ear to ear. “That does sound like a good incentive. Now I just have to figure out how I’ll get all this done without my father noticing.”
“You can study and make your appointment online. I’ll drive you out to the DMV for your test whenever you book it. I’ll even help you practice.”
I’ve been driving farm vehicles most of my life, so I don’t expect there to be too much of a learning curve, but I’ll always take a moment alone with Reaper.
“Yeah. Sounds fun.” I try not to let myself slam face first into a fantasy of Reaper and I alone in a tent, but it’s inevitable, and without notice, my mind has gone to places where his thick cock is spreading me wide. I imagine his big, rough hands all over me, that low growl in his throat, the sound of his voice as he barks out demands.
Heat washes over my face as stones pop beneath the tires. It’s the signal that we’re back on the farm. I don’t know how long I’ve been out in La La Land, but it doesn’t matter because the sight of Dad’s tractor parked in front of the house with him leaning against it is enough to ruin everything.
My stomach tightens. He never parks up here, so he’s got something to say. He can’t possibly know I kissed his friend, right?
How would he know that? He can’t know that. That moment was private, off the farm. No. It’s our secret.
I glance toward Reaper and we both suck in a deep breath.
“He’s probably waiting for the feed.”
I shake my head. “No, the feed bin is still full. This was extra.”
I swallow hard and pop open my door. Maybe this is about the bike ride. He could’ve glanced over and seen us tearing out of the driveway, or back up it. He’s near sighted, but it’s not that bad.
“Hey, Dad!” My tone is light and chipper. Maybe he’ll remember how much he loves me, and he’ll hold back on whatever ridicule he has planned. “We got the feed, and look at all the chicks we picked up. I’m gonna get them all situated. Reaper is just heading out too.” I tip up onto my toes and kiss my father’s cheek, hoping he’ll get the hint and leave everyone alone.
He doesn’t seem amused, and my stomach turns.
He knows something. He’s pissed.
Reaper nods and holds out his hand. You can tell he knows something is up too.
What’s wrong with me? This whole thing is my fault. I went and ruined their relationship. They were getting on just fine until I got in the middle.
“Everything okay, Dad?” I tilt my head to the side as I ask, hoping that once the bomb explodes it misses my eyes.
“Baby girl, we’ll talk privately in a minute… after I say goodbye to Reaper.”
Reaper stands tall, his arms crossed, his feet spread apart. I realize now he stands like a warrior. I wonder if that’s an alpha thing. All I know is it makes me want to slide behind him and disappear against his frame.
He glances toward me and then my father.
“What’s goin’ on, Danny? Everything okay, man?” There’s an edge to his tone as though maybe he wants to be defensive of me, but he’s being careful of the line between us.
Dad looks toward me, his tone low as he says, “Well, what would you say to your daughter if you found out she was looking at colleges out of state?”
My shoulders relax. This is about college, not the kiss, not the bike ride.
“I went out to get the mail today, thinkin’ I was going to see some catalogs and a bill from the electric company, and I see a pamphlet from Washington State University. Do you know how many states away that is?”
“Dad, I was just—”
“It’s too far, baby girl. I’ve told you this before.”
“Danny,” Reaper’s tone lowers, “the girl is twenty-five years old. It’s time to let her go. She needs to live.”
I glance toward Reaper. The sound of his voice standing up for me only makes me want him more. It could never happen. God, I can’t even imagine what my father would do.
“I’m just looking, Dad. Nothing is—”
“Looking leads to leaving. You won’t look at college. It’s a money grab. You’ll stay here and work on the farm. When I’m gone, all this is yours. It’ll be worth more than any college degree could earn you.” He waves his hand over the land as though it’s a prize.
In a way, it is. Generations of my family have worked this land. Generations of my people, my blood, my heritage… all of it is right here. That in and of itself is a beautiful thing.
In another way, it’s a life sentence.
I glance toward Reaper, hoping for quiet emotional support, and he gives it to me. There’s no outward movement in his face, but his eyes speak volumes.
“You two are looking at each other funny,” Dad groans. “What’s going on? Did you know about this?”
Reaper stands taller. “Yeah, and I think it’s a good idea. She’s here because she’s worried about you. Is that how you want your relationship to be?”
Dad kicks the toe of his boot into the dirt and looks away, huffing and puffing like a child who’s been left out of a kickball game. “You knew this, and you didn’t tell me?” He grabs his heart. “What was the plan, friend? You gonna let my daughter run off and join the circus while I sit by like a fuckin’ idiot?”
“She’s not joining the circus, Danny. She wants to go to college. I’m proud of her.”
“You would be.” He coughs and bends forward. “You were always a terrible fuckin’ influence on everyone.”
My heart tightens as I watch my father bend forward and clutch his chest. Stress always brings on the attacks, and they’re always induced by me.
I grip his arm and lean into him, helping him up toward the house.
“He’s faking, little cat. It’s a manipulation.” Reaper’s tone is heavy and hard. Clearly my father is not faking it. He couldn’t fake something like this.
I grab hold of Dad’s arm and help him toward the house.
Reaper follows after us. “Stop this right now, Danny. You’re killing her. She needs space to live her life.”
Dad turns back toward Reaper, his hand still clenched over his chest. He’s breathless now. “She has a life, and it’s none of your damn business.”
Dad coughs and collapses against the porch. “My meds. I need my meds, baby girl.”
Heart racing, I dash into the house and grab the bottle from next to the kitchen sink. They’re nitrates and he’s supposed to chew them if he feels a heart attack coming on.
When I come back out, Reaper is standing with his arms crossed, staring down at my father like he doesn’t give a shit what’s happening.
I glance up at him, angry as hell. “Are you sick or something? He needs help! Help him!”
Reaper rolls his eyes. “That man needs help, but it’s not coming in that bottle. I know that man like I know myself. He’s using this to get you to do what he wants, little cat. I promise you. I wouldn’t steer you wrong.”
My father doesn’t answer. Instead, he stares up at me with wide eyes and the look of a tired man. “Help me inside, baby girl. I need to rest.”
I lean down and wrap into my father’s arm, helping him up from the ground and into the house.
Reaper says something from the porch, but I let the screen door slam behind me.
I was wrong to think about college, and I was wrong to leave today. This farm is my life, and my father needs me.