15. Ivy #2
“Archer!” she bellows, cutting through the room and silencing everyone. “Rule number one: don't ever tell a girl what to do. Rule number two: don't suffocate her. And rule number three: when a girl says girl time, it means girl time.”
My stomach aches from laughing, a sensation I don’t think I’ve ever experienced before, and as I sit cross-legged on my bed, I can’t help but desperately cling to it, despite the fatigue that lingers in my body.
For the first time ever, my private space is more than a shell. Hearing laughter, making friends, and connecting with others prevails without the lingering presence of my parents. They may linger in my thoughts, but they’re not here, and I refuse to let them ruin it.
Meadow is beside me, leaning against the headboard, while Cami, Aster, and Greta fill the rest of the space. Who knew my bed was big enough to hold all of us? With three empty pizza boxes too.
Ember flickers around, not wanting to miss out on girl time, it seems. Apparently, she’s fun when she’s not so distracted by all the boy sprites chasing her.
“I think I'm obsessed with you,” Aster muses, making me blush.
“I can't tell whether that's a good or bad thing,” I admit, and she snickers.
“It’s good, I promise. I can just tell you're not going to go easy on my brothers, and that's exactly what they both need and deserve.”
“Agreed,” Cami chimes in, resting her head on her twin’s shoulder. “Besides, it’s good to make them grovel, then there are no excuses down the line.”
“Or, maybe they just shouldn’t do dumb things to begin with,” Greta says with a sigh, shaking her head at her sons even though they’re not here.
“Maybe they had a good reason,” Meadow murmurs, and Aster chokes on her next breath as she gapes at my friend.
“Wash your mouth out.”
My pulse pounds in my ears for a moment before the room erupts in laughter, Greta and Meadow included, as the twins mumble about their brothers’ inadequacies.
“Regardless, Ivy deserves mates who are going to support her, build her up, and cherish her in the way that she deserves,” Cami declares, and I shake my head.
Do I want all of those things? Yes. But I’ve been trained to believe I don’t deserve them. I can see that for myself without anyone else reaching that conclusion.
Greta clears her throat as she glances around my room.
I try to see it through her eyes, but it’s impossible.
There’s no personality in here, just a smattering of my books on the desk and a few belongings here or there; everything else is in my closet.
Although the clothing and shoes may be mine, I didn’t choose them, all of them were provided and chosen by my parents. Well, my mother.
At least when Hugo packed me up and shipped me out, he chose my favorites.
The most me thing in here is the fencing bag under my bed.
“Has anyone informed your mother that you're okay?” Greta blurts, and the room stills.
“I’m going to assume not,” I admit, and the atmosphere turns to ice.
She instantly worries her bottom lip. “I said something wrong, didn't I?”
I shake my head. “No, honestly, it's okay, but since the first time I… died”—I gulp, the word tangy on my tongue—“my mother has been unreachable.”
“Because your father is a bastard?” Cami snaps, making Greta gasp, but I laugh, the feeling light in my chest as I nod.
“I’m not really sure, to be honest. All I know is my father killed me on purpose, and neither of them has been seen since.”
“Oh, that's terrible. I'm so sorry,” Greta whispers, planting her hand on my knee, and I smile.
“Don't worry about it. She only ever liked me when I did, walked, wore, and said exactly what she wanted. I was nothing more than a prop. I would be disappointed to see her. Really.”
“Well, how's academy life going?” Cami asks, trying to change the subject and lighten the mood, and I smile, but Meadow scoffs.
"With the target on her head and the past two years of classes she's missed, she's wading in deep waters, but she's doing a kick-ass job of it,” she insists, beaming at me.
For the first time, hearing someone express my issues doesn’t feel so daunting or unbearable. Maybe it’s the praise that came with it.
“And you're adjusting to being a phoenix?” Aster adds, and I shrug.
“I’m adjusting to something,” I admit, earning a round of snickers before Aster sighs.
“And on top of that, you've got four fated mates. Two of which are my gross brothers? I almost feel sorry for you, but four fated mates means four sets of needs being met, and I can only hope that I'm blessed in such a way.”
Everybody laughs as Greta muses. “Two is plenty for me, but I understand what she means. What we need to do for you, sweet girl, is create a plan of action.”
“A plan of action?” I repeat, and she nods eagerly.
“Yes. I think you've got to decide what’s important to you. I think we sit, we make a list of ten things that are at the top, highlight the vital three, build up a plan, and that's what we focus our attention on.”
“Oh, I love it when she makes us do this,” Cami cheers as she claps. “I’ve even got a little notepad somewhere. Wait.” She digs into her bag and pulls out a small pad and a pen. “Okay, fire away.”
“Are you ready?” Aster asks, and I blink at her for a moment.
It’s as if my world slows.
Not only am I making core memories in my room, but I’m also making them with women who are insistent upon supporting me and helping me conquer my problems. They want to sit here and spend their time helping me figure out my mess. They have chosen me for who I am, not what I can do for them.
Tears threaten to gather along my eyelashes, but I wave them away, nodding eagerly as I remain focused on the moment.
“Okay, throw out any ten things that are important to you. It could be things you want to achieve now or later in life. They can be as small or as big as you like, in any capacity; fun, legacy, career, hobbies. You name it, Cami writes it,” Aster sings out, and I nod, glancing around at each of them for a moment before Greta’s hand squeezes my knee.
“I can see what you’re doing, dear, but we’re not going to give you the answers. These are for you.”
Meadow nudges me as I gulp.
“I really like your mother-in-law.”
Blushing, I shake my head. “She’s not—”
“I am, regardless of my silly boys. I’m here for you. Now, let our girl figure out her top ten.”
My chest tightens, but as I breathe through it, the tension slowly ebbs and flows until I part my lips.
“I want to find myself.”
“I want to control my fire without setting myself on fire.”
“I want to feel a sense of pride in being a phoenix.”
“I want to make my father pay for what he did to me.”
“I want to whoop Teddy’s butt at fencing.”
“I want to fly on a dragon.”
“I want to find my place in the world without my parent’s control.”
“I want to love so hard it hurts.”
“I want to see more than what my sheltered life has confined me to.”
“I want to forgive but not forget.”
My heart races as four sets of eyes blink at me, matching grins touching their lips as Cami finishes scribbling in her pad.
“Excellent, there's a great array here, and out of those, what three things are the priority?”
I press my lips into a thin line as I think them over. I’m surprised I can remember every sentence without glancing at Cami’s pad, but apparently, when you speak what you want most into existence, it’s hard to forget.
“I want to find myself, I want to control my fire without setting myself on fire, and I want to forgive but not forget.”
“Obsessed, I love it. Then that's what we focus on. Get the group chat started, positive vibes only, step by step. We're having it,” Greta declares, making me grin so wide my cheeks ache as Meadow wraps her arm around my shoulders.
“You're a force to be reckoned with, Greta,” my friend declares.
“Girl power is always a force to be reckoned with. Now, let's figure out step one.” Her smile is infectious, filling me to the core as excitement blossoms inside of me.
Someone killed me for the second time, and although it happened a few days ago, I’m only just recalling it now. But even still, in the presence of these four, it’s impossible not to want to live and be joyous doing it.
What could possibly go wrong?