Chapter 20 Lexi
I perch on the riverbank, my gaze following the ceaseless dance of the water. It’s a futile attempt at finding peace, but the current’s rhythm is hypnotic, almost calming. The crunch of gravel behind me breaks the trance, and I don’t need to turn to know it’s Reaper. His presence looms, intense and familiar.
“Lexi,” he calls out in that low, growly voice that sets my body aflame. “You got any intel that could help me get inside Blackstone’s house?”
And just like that, the fire’s gone. Thinking about Blackstone chills any heat from my bones. I twist to face Reaper, noting the hard set of his jaw. Church couldn’t have gone well.
“What do you want to know?” I ask.
“Tell me about the guards.” He sits beside me, not touching me.
“The guards … There’s so many of them. It always seemed like overkill to me.” I shake my head, trying to recall their schedules. I’d caught glimpses of them while going about my chores in that gaudy house, but I never paid much attention to them. They were background noise, if anything. “They change shifts around three times a day, but I wasn’t exactly there to spy on them, you know?”
“I know.” Reaper nods, a ghost of a smirk tugging at his lips.
“What else can I tell you?” I ask, wanting to help.
“The only thing we need is intel on the guards. We know about the layout already.”
Of course he does. He knows every twisted corridor and every shadowed corner where darkness clings like cobwebs. It’s etched into him, a blueprint of hell no one should ever have to memorize.
“Reaper,” I venture cautiously, “how often did they let you out of that basement?” My heart thrums painfully at the thought of him being trapped in that place.
“Only when Blackstone threw his sick parties or wanted … personal time with one of us.” His words are raw, laced with a fury so potent it makes the air between us vibrate.
A wave of nausea rolls through me, bile rising as I imagine the horrors they faced, the innocence stolen in that dungeon. Without thinking, I close the distance between us, my arms wrapping around his broad frame. I press my lips to his, pouring every ounce of comfort I can offer into the kiss, wishing I could kiss away the scars that mar not just his skin but his soul.
Reaper’s arms encircle me, strong and warm, yet I feel the tremor that courses through him. It’s more than physical strength that holds him upright—it’s an ironclad will, a determination to never be that powerless again.
“Thank you,” he murmurs against my lips, offering me a rare moment of vulnerability before his steel mask of repressed rage returns.
The river gently laps against the shore, a stark contrast to the storm brewing inside Reaper. I watch his jaw clench, the muscle ticking like a time bomb waiting to explode.
“If you do manage to get into the house, what are you planning to do to Blackstone?” I ask, knowing what he’s probably going to say yet still needing to hear him say it.
“I’m going to kill him,” he says, and it’s not vengeful or proud. It’s just a fact, like saying the sky is blue.
“Reaper, that’s impossible. He’s too well guarded.” My mind races with images of Blackstone’s men, armed to the teeth, eyes sharp as razors. “Has anyone from the club ever gotten close enough to even try?”
“Once,” he confesses with a deep sigh. “But I was just a kid … a terrified one at that.” He turns to meet my gaze, letting me see the regret carved into every line of his face.
“Tell me what happened.” I slide my hand into his, and he holds it tightly.
“One night, Blackstone’s party was out of control. Even though I was in Blackstone’s bedroom, I could still hear everything going on in the house. It was louder than hell. Drunken laughter barely covered the cries I’d grown used to ignoring. Blackstone stumbled around the bedroom while he chased me. The idiot was so drunk and vulnerable. It was my chance, and I didn’t take it.” He hangs his head and withdraws his hand from mine. Shame tightens the muscles between his shoulders. I gently lay a hand there, trying to soothe him.
“None of this was your fault.”
“I could have killed him. I’d found a shard of broken glass on the floor. It was peeking out from underneath his bed. All I had to do was reach for it. But I froze, Lexi. I froze while my brothers continued to suffer in the other rooms. I could have ended it then, but I didn’t. I panicked and did nothing. Just sat there.”
“Oh, honey …” I pull him into my lap, letting him rest his head on my thighs. “You shouldn’t carry that burden. Any kid would have frozen. You were just trying to survive.”
“We spent two more years in the dungeon after that. Two years we could have avoided if I hadn’t been so weak.”
“How old were you when this happened?”
“Twelve.”
“Far too young to stand up to someone like him. Don’t judge yourself for what you didn’t do. You survived, and that’s what really matters.”
“Did I, Lexi?” He tilts his head to look up at me.
“Yes. And consider this, if you’d tried to attack him and failed, you’d probably be dead right now. You’re assuming you would have killed him. But what if you didn’t?”
“There would have been hell to pay.”
“Definitely.”
“So, don’t regret it. Ever. You don’t know what would have happened.”
“You’re probably right.” He glides his hand down my leg, slowly stroking my skin. “I always just assumed I would have killed him.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. But it doesn’t matter now.”
“Because I’m going to kill him anyway.” His eyes go dark and glassy as thoughts of revenge take over. I don’t have to be in his head to know what he’s thinking. It’s the same look he always gets when he’s thinking about killing Blackstone.
“I know Nina made you promise to be careful, but I want you to promise me something else.” I lightly scratch his scalp before tangling my fingers in his hair. “Promise me you won’t go after Blackstone alone.”
The air around us feels charged and ready to ignite. He doesn’t respond for so long I’m not sure if he heard me.
“Lexi …” His voice is steady and eerily calm. “I’m going after him. What he tried to do to Ace … I can’t let that stand.”
My heart pounds as fear and frustration war within me. “But your club brothers—”
“Whether they ride with me or not,” Reaper cuts in. “I’m doing this. If I fail, so be it. They’ll understand.” There’s an edge to his words, the kind that doesn’t just cut but cleaves through everything in its way.
“Even if Blackstone kills you?” My voice cracks, betraying the terror of losing him. “Will they understand that?”
“Even then.” He sits up and crosses his legs, a resolute statue forged from vengeance and pain.
I turn to face him straight on. His eyes are dark pools reflecting the dying day, and I’m drawn to him despite myself.
“You matter, Reaper,” I whisper, reaching up to cup his scarred cheek. “To me, to Ace, you matter.”
His jaw clenches, but he doesn’t look away. I rest my palm on his forearm. His skin is warm under my touch, alive with more than just the need for revenge. He’s so full of life, if only he could see it. I know his need for revenge clouds everything, but I wish he could see it’s not the only thing he should be focused on. There’s more, especially now that he has Ace and me in his life.
“Try to understand,” he murmurs, closing the gap between us. His lips find mine, and for a moment, there’s no darkness, just the heat of him and the taste of hope. “I need him dead if I’m ever going to live again. I’m a ghost now, Lexi. A phantom who only lives for one thing—revenge. I know you want more, but I’m trying to be honest with you. Until he’s dead, I can’t be the man you want me to be. It’s just not possible.”
As much as it frustrates me, as much as I want to convince him he’s wrong, I know he won’t change his mind. Blackstone has to die, or Reaper will never be mine.
“But once he’s dead, you’ll at least try to be Ace’s father, right?” I ask, hating the desperation in my tone.
“Does Ace know I’m his dad?”
The question stings. “No, he doesn’t. I told Ace his dad left … that I haven’t been able to get in touch with him.”
Anger flares in Reaper’s eyes as fierce and quick as a lightning strike. “I didn’t leave. You know that. Why did you lie to him?”
“How was I supposed to explain everything to Ace? I can’t tell him what we’ve been through, what you’re still going through. I don’t even know if you’re ready for the responsibility of helping to raise a kid. It’s no joke. You don’t get to run off and do what you want anymore. Ace will always have to come first.”
“I don’t want Ace to think I abandoned him, not like my old man did to me.” His voice breaks on the last word.
“You won’t be like him. You’re already not,” I say, hoping my words can ease his fear.
“How can you be so sure?” he challenges, turning back to face me. “I don’t know the first thing about being a good father. All I’ve ever known is how to survive, how to fight. I wasn’t ever a kid. I never had that opportunity.”
“You’ll learn. It’s not easy, but I’ll show you what to do. Scar and some of the other guys have kids too, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then they can help as well.”
“I’ll fuck it up.”
“Everyone messes up from time to time. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. You’ve got a heart. A big one. And that’s what Ace needs—a father who cares.”
“Lexi …” He sounds torn, a war raging behind his eyes.
“Look at me,” I insist, cradling his face in my hands. “You’re not your father or Blackstone. You’re the man who stands in front of danger, who protects those he loves. That’s who Ace needs. That’s who I need.”
He pulls back slightly, looking down at me with an intensity that makes my breath catch. For a long moment, he doesn’t say anything. Then, slowly, his arms wrap around me, pulling me close against his chest, his heartbeat steady against my ear.
“I know you’re scared, but promise me you’ll try,” I whisper, holding on to him like he’s the only solid thing in this world. “Not in a week or a month or a year. Now. Before Blackstone’s dead. Ace needs you now, not at some point in the future.”
“I’ll try,” he whispers, burying his face in my hair and inhaling deeply. “I don’t deserve you, Lexi.”
“Yes, you do.”
He locks eyes with me, but he doesn’t speak. The kiss he plants on my lips is fierce, full of a silent promise to end the conversation here and now. I can’t deny the way my body responds to his touch; it’s electric, every nerve igniting. But there’s frustration, too, simmering beneath the heat. This is Reaper’s way of dealing with things—deflecting and derailing conversations when they cut too close to the heart. He trades words for action, exchanges vulnerability for the physical connection that always seems to demand attention.
Even though a part of me wants to slap some sense into him, it’s impossible to resist his skilled hands. The raw masculinity that clings to him like a second skin is more intoxicating than the scent of leather wafting off his cut. Something primal awakens within me. I moan as his tongue forges a war against my defenses. I helplessly surrender, reveling in his wicked heat.
Every kiss is a statement, a claim that no matter how hard the conversation gets, he’s here with me in the most tangible way possible. And even though I crave more than just our physical connection, I can’t help but respond to the call of his wild, untamed spirit.
The cool rush of air across the river blends with Reaper’s heated touch, a stark contrast that sends shivers up my spine. His lips move from mine, trailing a path of kisses down my neck, each one stoking the fire he’s ignited within me.
“Reaper,” I whisper against the backdrop of the rushing water, my fingers tangling in his dark hair, pulling him closer. The world narrows to just us, the riverbank our sanctuary from the chaos of our lives.
His hands are everywhere, insistent, and strong. They map the contours of my body like he’s charting a course through dangerous territory. Our love for each other is new to him, and it can’t be easy for someone so determined to push people away, but I can tell he’s trying to grapple with it. And I know, despite everything, this is where I want to be—in the arms of a man who’s seen the darkest parts of life and still fights for what’s right.
“Lexi,” he breathes out, his voice roughened with desire. “You’re everything I’m not.”
“But you can change, baby. I know you can.”
“Why do you believe in me?”
“Because I love you.”
His eyes burn with longing. He might not realize it, but this is what he’s truly yearning for. A love so pure and deep nothing can touch it. I can give that to him. And I do, kissing his lips and drawing him down into the softness of the grass.
When he undresses me, he does it with a reverence he’s never used before. His molten gaze travels across my body, but it’s not about lust this time. He’s taking me in like he’s never seen me before. And maybe he hasn’t. I’m baring myself to him in a new way, and I hope to God it doesn’t scare him.
“I want you so much,” he whispers as he slides between my parted thighs.
“Come here,” I urge.
As he buries himself inside me, I wrap my arms and legs around him. I can’t get close enough to this man. Skin to skin isn’t sufficient, not when I haven’t captured his heart yet. I’m working on it, and I know it will take time, but I’m sure he’ll come around eventually. Until then, I have to be patient with him and give him the love he so desperately needs.
The urgency of his need mirrors my own. There’s a desperation between us, a yearning to erase the pain and replace it with love. Our bodies move together in perfect harmony as moonlight filtering through the trees dances across our glistening bodies.
Every thrust, every gasp is a shared defiance against the darkness that haunts us both. Entwined, we find solace in each other because we both see the shadow of evil on the horizon.
Reaper will never rest as long as Blackstone’s alive. I never truly understood that until now. I wish I could change that need inside him, but I can’t. I accept that his desire for revenge is absolute, and nothing will stop him from trying to achieve it.
“Reaper,” I gasp, clinging to him as pleasure builds, threatening to sweep me away like the current of the river beside us. He anchors me, his name a talisman against the chaos.
“Let go, Lexi,” he urges, his voice carrying the force of his conviction. “Whatever you’re thinking, just stop. Just feel me. Feel us.”
And I do. I let go, surrendering to the crescendo of sensation, to the man whose soul is intertwined with mine. As we crest the wave together, there’s no thought of the battles ahead, no fear of what tomorrow might bring. There’s only us, two souls bound together, finding peace in the echo of the river’s song.