Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Hatch
Addy and Lars had just left with Mabel, Aurora had returned to the coach house, Conor was sweet-talking some girl on his phone, and Landon had returned to his “underground lair,” as Dad called it.
I was waiting at the bottom of the stairs when Summer descended on a gossamer cloud. Christ, I had it bad.
“Nice do.” She reached up and slid from my hair one of Tilly’s clips.
“She’s in a hair stylist phase this week.”
“She’s adorable. You all are.”
“Can I give you a ride?”
“My car’s outside—well, Rosie’s is. But I had a couple of drinks so I’m going to Uber it and pick my car up tomorrow.”
“No need for that. Let me.”
She tilted her head. “And then what happens?”
“Well, I have this thousand-piece puzzle I just started. Come in and help with that.” I waggled my eyebrows, which made her laugh.
She gently brushed my chest with her fingertips. “I think you should stay and talk to your dad.”
“I’d rather not.”
“Oh, I know that feeling. But it still needs to happen, so why not tell him what’s on your mind?”
“Because it would hurt him. Also, there’s a good chance it won’t happen. I might have delayed it too long.” Lauren said Tampa was getting antsy about my wavering. And after my chat with Ryder earlier, I felt a little more hopeful about my place on the team.
“Do you still want to leave Chicago?”
“I thought I did. But then you happened.”
She frowned. Had I misread this? I wanted to stay in Chicago for my family and for the woman before me. I would do whatever it took to make it happen.
“You can’t make this call based on me. I’ve told you that I don’t want a relationship—”
“And you certainly don’t want one with your ex’s teammate. But this is where we are.”
“Dash does complicate things, but that’s not it, or only it. I want to focus on my career, my future, myself. I won’t follow you, Hatch. And I don’t expect you to make a career decision based on where I am.”
Like I already had?
Her phone buzzed. “That’s my Uber.” She reached up and kissed the corner of my mouth. “Go talk to your dad. Everything else can wait.”
I headed into the kitchen. Dad was tidying up while Mom sat at the island, sipping the last of the wine.
“Tilly already in bed?”
“Yeah, I just put her down.” My mom gave me a significant look, stood, and kissed my cheek. “I’m going to head up and do a little work on my laptop.”
“Thanks for dinner, Mom.”
“You’re welcome. It was nice for Summer, I think.”
“I suppose it was.”
She grinned at me. Damn, did everyone know?
As soon as she left, I leaned against the counter. “Need help, Dad?”
“Just with what’s goin’ on in that head of yours.”
Okay. Straight to it. “I’ve loved working with you, playing with you, fighting with you, but I haven’t enjoyed the comparisons so much. I’m not as thick-skinned as you. And I’m not sure I’ve played as well on this team as I did in Denver. Look at how I messed up that goal in the last game.”
“So you made a mistake. We all do that. Are you really blaming the pressure of being on the same roster as your dad?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. There’s pressure. There’s always pressure. And I was happy to come on board because this was going to be a big year for you. I wanted to win with you. For you. When we didn’t, I worried I’d let you down.”
My father came forward and placed a hand on my shoulder. “You could never let me down. So your year wasn’t as good as you would have liked. Every player has good years and bad, and the press can be pricks at the best of times. But I wonder if there’s more to it.”
“Like what?”
“If maybe your mind has been elsewhere. Caught up in the fact you wanted a girl you couldn’t have. Believe me, I know what it’s like when your personal life interferes with your game.”
I met his gaze and decided to choose honesty. “That’s why I didn’t sign with the Rebels three years ago when I first had a chance. I didn’t want to see her. To see them.”
He gave a quick nod as if this wasn’t news to him. How could I have thought my father was clueless? The man knew everything.
“Then you signed when I told you it might be my last year. You put your pain aside for me because you’re a good son. And this past year, you’ve had to watch Carter and your girl getting ready to spend their lives together. That had to be rough and can’t have been good for your game.”
“I’ve wanted to punch him every time I see his stupid fucking face.” Some people can channel anger, jealousy, and negative emotions into their game. Apparently, I wasn’t one of them. “And then … she didn’t marry him, Dad.”
Raising an eyebrow, he leaned back and folded his arms. His expression said, “finally!”
I sighed. “Does everyone know?”
“Conor’s not the most discreet. All those hints, and he thinks we’re dummies. What happened?”
I filled him in on the details of Summer in Saugatuck, except for the sexier ones, which my father no doubt surmised anyway.
“I didn’t expect it to happen. It was like …
suddenly I could have everything I wanted if only all these other hurdles haven’t appeared to block me.
She’s not marrying Carter, but he’s still my teammate.
” Which admittedly wasn’t that big of a problem—for me.
For Summer, though ... “All these feelings I’ve repressed for so long can now be expressed except they can’t.
Not really. She might not want me the way I want her.
She might not even stay in Chicago, but I’m working on that. ”
“Sounds like you might be sticking around after all.”
I gave a low chuckle. “Maybe.”
“So you were thinking about trading out because you can’t share the spotlight with your old man, but now you might suffer in my shadow because this girl you’re crazy about is free.”
“That about sums it up.”
“Tell me this: if I retired, would this even be a question?”
I considered that. “I love Chicago, I love being close to family, it’s my hometown team, and it’s a dream to play for them.
Follow in the steps of legends.” But then there was Summer.
Maybe she was right. I shouldn’t make decisions based on where she would be.
She wouldn’t give me the same courtesy—and after what had happened with Carter, how she had subjugated her needs to his, who could blame her?
“Well, you’ll be happy to hear that I am retiring.”
I stared. “Dad, please don’t do it for me. I can get over myself and figure this out.”
He grinned. “I’ve been leaning this way all summer. I have a couple of ideas about what comes next, but I won’t be playing for the Rebels this fall.”
I thought I’d be pleased, finally free of the shackles of being the other Kershaw on the Chicago Rebels, but all I felt was sadness. The end of an era.
“But Hatchling, there will still be pressure. This is the team I played most of my career with, and I cast a long fucking shadow. They won’t forget about me so easily.”
That made me grin. “We get it. Chicago loves you.”
“They do. And they’re going to love you, if you let them. The thing about pressure, other than being a privilege as the great Billie Jean King said, is that you can make it work in your favor. Treat it as your friend instead of the enemy.”
I frowned. “How so?”
“Think about why the pressure exists in the first place. You’re part of this amazing crew, one of an elite band of professional athletes, a rarefied position.
Every move on that ice has the potential to make your team, your family, your city happy, sad, and everything in between.
Every time you step out there, you’re taking them on a journey.
The highs, the lows, the agony, the ecstasy.
Pressure produces diamonds, son. If you think about the benefits, after a while, you start to want it.
You find you can’t thread that puck through the five-hole without it.
It becomes the thing that spurs you on and makes you better every game. ”
I inhaled a breath. I should have listened to Summer and talked to him sooner.
“Dad, are you sure about leaving?”
“Yes, I am. I’ve won the Cup four times, got to play on the same team as my son, and ensured that the legacy continues. If there is such a thing as the Kershaw cap, then my leaving will free up that spot.”
“Conor will be thrilled. But I know he would have loved to play with you. Jason, too.” That had been my privilege alone. I wish I had appreciated it more instead of whining about it affecting my play.
Because Dad was right. I was all caught up in Summer, and that probably blurred my focus more than anything.