CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
STORM
By the time Rebel showed up that night, I was falling asleep. Somehow, I’d managed to doze off while making a fruitless attempt at doing schoolwork. Even though my instructors had told me to take a few days off to deal with our family loss, I insisted on staying caught up. If I didn’t work on my studies, I would wander the house in a haze.
Once I let him in, he surprised me by pulling out a bottle of pills. Right away I grew wary.
“What is that?” I couldn’t hide my suspicion.
“Don’t worry. It’s for me, not you.” Rebel waved away my unspoken concerns. “It’s a little something that puts the brain in a sleepy state that makes it hard to lie. I’m going to take it, and you’re going to ask me any question you have. I want to prove to you any way I can that I didn’t kill Chase. Hopefully, then we can move forward, put this behind us, and focus on the real killer.”
I frowned, studying the small pill bottle in his hand. “Are you sure this is a good idea? Is it safe?”
Rebel shrugged. “Safe enough to be prescribed to people for motion sickness and other shit. It’s all good, pet. Don’t worry about it.”
Spying the glass of water on my night table, Rebel popped a pill into his mouth, chasing it down with some water. Somehow, I doubted this was a great idea, but he’d already taken the pill.
“Now we wait.” Sitting on the edge of my bed, he patted the mattress beside him. “Better get your questions ready. Make sure you really want the answers.”
I wasn’t sure if this kind of thing really worked. If it did, what would I ask him? And like he said, did I really want to know the truth?
Of course I did.
We passed the time by researching the drug he’d just taken. I learned that, even though truth was not guaranteed, it had been known to cause one to speak freely without holding back or lying. I suppose that sounded promising. Providing there were no strange side effects to worry about. Rebel didn’t seem to be concerned with that though.
When enough time had passed for the drug to take effect, Rebel seemed much more relaxed. Calm in a way that I had never seen before. His eyes were heavy lidded, but he didn’t seem to have too much trouble staying awake. Propping himself against a pile of pillows pushed up in front of my headboard, he motioned for me to start asking questions.
At first, I didn’t know where to start. Although it may have seemed obvious, I felt overwhelmed. Clearing my throat, I took a deep breath.
“Did you kill Chase?” I asked. My pulse pounded as I realized I was afraid of the answer. There was also no way of knowing if this drug was the real deal. I had to take a lot on faith here.
“No. I never laid a hand on him. Neither did any of the Kings.” Rebel’s tone was calm and even, albeit a little dopey and tired.
“Do you know who killed Chase?” I pushed forward, knowing that no matter what happened, it would either strengthen this strange bond I’d formed with Rebel or destroy it completely.
“Not a clue. After I hooked him up with some blow and molly, I never saw him again that night.” Rebel had no problem making eye contact as he answered my questions.
I paused, toying with the next question that lingered on the tip of my tongue. I almost didn’t ask it but knew that this was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.
“Do I mean any more to you than a convenient next door fuck?” There, I’d asked. My trembling fingers almost gave me away, so I tucked them under my thighs.
Rebel blinked a few times, a strange smile stealing over his lips. “Yeah, I should’ve known you would ask me questions like that. Of course you mean more to me than just a convenient fuck. Would I be here otherwise?”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure what to believe anymore when it comes to you, Rebel.” I nervously tucked a lock of hair behind an ear, twisting it between my fingertips. “Moving on. Do you have any feelings for me?”
His strange smile grew. “Hell yeah. I have a lot of feelings for you. Right now I feel like getting you on your hands and knees and finding out how many times I can make you come.”
“Don’t dodge the question. You’re supposed to be telling the truth here.” I wagged a scolding finger at him.
“I am telling the truth. I honestly want to do that.” When I continued to stare at him in stony silence, he rolled his eyes and added, “Fine. Yes, I have feelings for you, Storm. I don’t always know what they are, but I know that I have no intention of letting you go. Happy?”
That one word was a loaded question all its own. I gnawed my bottom lip, asking myself the same thing.
“I don’t know what I am,” I admitted. “Sometimes I hate you more than I’ve ever hated anyone or anything in this world. And other times, I just wish you were here. That you’d let your guard down and let me in. Sometimes I don’t ever want to see you again, and sometimes I only want to be yours… always.”
We stared at one another for a long time. I started to feel embarrassed, like maybe I shouldn’t have said that.
Rebel reached to take my hand, pressing it between both of his. “Nobody has ever gotten to me the way you do. You make me see myself for the asshole that I am. You make me want to be better. Not for myself or for the world, but for you.”
The sincerity in his voice and the warmth in his eyes made me believe every word. Maybe it was the drug he’d taken. I hoped that he spoke the truth.
“Any other questions?” he asked. “Better get them all in while you still have time.”
I nodded, shifting closer on the bed. “Just one more. Why are you like this, Rebel? Why are you so harsh and nasty?”
A shadow passed through his eyes. His gaze dropped to our joined hands. He took so long answering that I thought maybe he wouldn’t.
“I wish I knew. I’ve never been the loving, affectionate type. Being vulnerable feels like being weak. I learned a long time ago not to show weakness. This world will eat you up as soon as you let your guard down. Maybe it was something stupid, like my childhood best friend suddenly moving overseas. It might’ve been finding out that my grandfather had been cheating on my grandmother their entire marriage. Or maybe I was just born fucked up.”
I took a moment to ponder his response. Like many of us, Rebel had been hurt in his past. He’d seen the ugly side of life and humanity. Instead of learning to cope or understanding that not everyone was a monster and life wasn’t really out to get you, he’d closed himself off. It was kind of sad really, although it didn’t excuse any of his shitty behavior.
“I understand that you’ve been hurt. It makes sense that your reaction would be to build walls so that nothing can hurt you again. But when you build walls, Rebel, it keeps all of the good out as well as the bad, and that’s no way to live.”
Not knowing what else to do, I threw my arms around him, hugging him tight. He stiffened in my embrace for a moment before relaxing into the hug and sliding his arms around me in return. There was no taking back any of the terrible things he’d said and done. However, I was glad to understand him a little better.
We all had pain. We all built walls to protect ourselves to some degree. Unfortunately, we couldn’t live that way. Not if we wanted to have a genuine, fulfilling life.
After several minutes passed, Rebel kissed my forehead and said, “We should probably get going. You need to come with me. We’re going to track down one of River’s boys and plug him full of this drug until he tells us everything he knows.”