CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
STORM
The morning of Chase’s funeral snuck up on me. Part of me had been wishing this day would never come. Once we went through with this, once we buried him, everything would be real. He would really be gone.
Several times I broke into tears while trying to do my makeup. I finally gave up and went with light eyeshadow and mascara. Waterproof all the way. Instead of black, I decided to wear a blue dress. It had been Chase’s favorite color. I believed he would’ve preferred us to celebrate him in that way instead of being somber and morose.
Mom also wore blue. I liked that we were doing our best to make this about Chase and not about our sorrow. Yesterday I’d told her that Rebel and I were seeing one another. I thought that maybe she would be surprised. He wasn’t really my type.
“Yeah, I figured as much when I saw him climbing up to your bedroom. I hope you’re being safe, young lady.” She’d wagged a finger at me and laughed at the horror etched on my face.
I was on birth control but didn’t bother to mention it. I was too embarrassed. So much for Rebel being stealthy and secretive.
He was coming with us to the funeral today. I kept glancing at the clock, knowing that he would arrive any moment. Even though he had yet to speak of it, I knew that he was behind River’s death. His body had been found two days ago. Everyone said that he’d done it to himself, but I knew better.
When I directly asked Rebel about his involvement, he’d merely mimed zipping his lips shut and throwing away the key. After what River had done to Chase and to me, I didn’t feel bad for his loss. I wrestled with guilt about that. Did it make me a bad person that I didn’t care? Maybe I didn’t need an answer to that question.
The doorbell rang, announcing Rebel’s arrival. Larry went to answer it while Mom and I gathered our things. I overheard the two of them making pleasant small talk in the entryway.
Maybe Rebel and I weren’t such a strange match. Maybe we really could fit into each other’s lives. When he told his mom that I was his girlfriend, she’d accosted me in the driveway with a hug on my way in from school one afternoon. I wasn’t sure how such a sweet woman had birthed a guy like Rebel.
The four of us got into Larry’s Mercedes for the drive to the cemetery that felt much too short. Since it was a nice sunny day, Mom wanted to have the entire service outside before the burial. The cemetery was covered in green grass and flowers. Dozens of people were already there when we arrived. It sure was a lot nicer than the graveyard where the Kings hung out.
As soon as we exited the car, Rebel took my hand tightly in his. Several people from school had come to pay their respects to Chase. I loved how something as simple as holding my hand made such a loud and pronounced statement. I was Rebel’s, and he wanted everyone to know.
So many people approached Mom and me, telling us how sorry they were. It was hard to hear. Not that I didn’t appreciate it of course. I could only take so much. Already I wanted to flee.
Finally, the service got started. The minister Mom hired did some readings before asking people to speak. There was so much I could’ve said about my brother. Those things were between us though, and I’d been saying them every day since he left us. There was no way I would make it through a public speech without crying my eyes out.
Chase’s closest friends all got up to speak, which made Mom both smile and cry. I kept sneaking glances her way, making sure she was holding up. Larry never once left her side. Again, I was grateful that she’d found him. As much as the selfish part of me didn’t love sharing her, I knew that she deserved to be happy.
“Are you okay, pet?” Rebel leaned in to whisper softly in my ear.
I glanced up to find him studying me closely. Worry creased his brow.
“Yeah,” I whispered back. “It’s all kind of overwhelming, but I’m okay.”
He slid an arm around me, tucking me in against him. I breathed in the scent of him, finding his mere presence calming and reassuring. My heart fluttered in a way that could only mean one thing. I’d fallen head over heels for Rebel Kane.
We stood there together, listening as people said lovely things about my brother. I almost forgot what a jerkass he’d been to me more than half the time. I would now look back on those times fondly. There was nothing I wouldn’t have done to have him back.
When the service ended, I told Mom and Larry to head home without us. It was such a beautiful day. Perfect weather for walking back. Plus, it gave me a chance to be alone with Rebel and my thoughts.
Mom pulled me into a bone crushing hug. “Try not to be too long. We thought it would be nice to go for dinner at that burrito place Chase loved so much. You should bring Rebel.”
“That sounds nice. We won’t be long.”
Once Rebel and I were alone in the cemetery, I knelt next to my brother’s headstone. I touched one of the flowers in a bouquet that had been left. The petals were so soft and delicate. The scent so sweet and full of life.
Standing up, I smoothed back my hair and turned around to find Rebel on his knees behind me. He held a knife in one hand.
“Rebel? What’s going on? What’s with the scary knife?” A pit formed in my stomach.
That pit only grew when he pressed the knife to the side of his throat. “There’s something I’ve been needing to say to you, Storm. Something I should’ve said a while ago.”
“That’s fine. We can talk. Do you have to do it with a knife to your throat?” No matter how well I thought I’d gotten to know Rebel, he still managed to surprise me. Something told me that he always would.
“I do.” He nodded. His gaze locked onto mine, his eye contact piercing and intense. “I need to tell you how sorry I am. For the way that I treated you. For acting like you were beneath me. If anything, I’m beneath you. You’re far too good for me, Storm, and I hope you never realize it.”
“Rebel, you really don’t have to—”
“I do though. I know I’m kind of an asshole. There’s no excuse for that. I need you to know how sorry I am for the shit I put you through when you first moved in next door. Maybe if I hadn’t been so emotionally stunted and full of myself, I would’ve been able to treat you like the queen you are right from the start.” As he spoke, the knife began to press deeper into his skin.
Panic made my mouth dry. I was afraid to make a move. Afraid it would set him off and he would do something crazy.
“Rebel, please stop. You’re freaking me out.” Not knowing what else to do, I went to my knees before him. “Please put the knife down.”
A few drops of blood welled up from the cut, rolling down the side of his tattooed neck, disappearing beneath his dark suit. This was Rebel’s way of humbling himself before me. Punishing himself for what he couldn’t take back. I didn’t want that. I only wanted him.
“I promise you, Storm, that I will end myself before I ever let myself hurt you like that again.” His hand was incredibly steady as he dragged the knife along his neck.
Unable to allow him to hurt himself further, my hand shot out, grasping his. “That’s enough. No more. Watching you do this is hurting me.”
He blinked those enchanting blue eyes at me a few times before slowly pulling the knife away from his bleeding neck. He let me take it from him, watching as I clutched the handle tight in my grasp.
I wasn’t sure what I was doing. Emotion drove me. I let it guide me as I dragged the knife across my palm. Rebel didn’t hesitate to offer me his palm. I cut his as well, careful not to go too deep.
Tossing the knife onto the grass, I grasped Rebel’s hand in mine, pressing our palms tight together. “I forgive you. Now you need to forgive yourself. You’re so deep inside me, Rebel. I never believed that I would want to be so completely consumed by anyone the way I do with you. I am yours.”
He stared at our joined hands, watching the blood drip onto the grass. “I love you, Storm. So fucking much. Powerfully. Deeply. Completely. I am yours too.”
Hearing him profess his love stole my breath and my voice. Before I could say it back, he caught my lips in a head spinning kiss that left me gasping. I slid onto his lap, needing to feel him against me. Maybe it was the cemetery vibe or the blood that represented us both. I’d never felt more alive.
“I love you, Rebel,” I murmured between kisses. Wrapping my arms around him, I pulled him down on the grass with me.
We stayed there for a long time, holding one another. A flurry of endless kisses that only ended when two people visiting the cemetery came across us. Then we ran hand-in-hand back to the street, laughing at having been caught making out in the cemetery. Thank goodness that’s all we’d been doing.
By the time we returned home, I felt lighter. Happier and more free. This had been a sad day, yet it had also birthed something new and special. For the first time in a long time, I felt excited for the future, and even more importantly, for the present.