22. Garret
GARRET
The shower steam fogged the mirror and clouded the small window above the toilet, while the water pelted the knots between my shoulder blades, and my mind went over what I would say to Sara.
All afternoon they'd been rearranging themselves in my head, building up and stripping down until they sounded right.
There was no room for ambiguity tonight.
I had been back and forth on this for the past several days, but I knew it in my heart when she skipped town four years ago what I wanted.
I didn’t know why I let fear of other things try to dissuade me from taking what I wanted, but hearing Fox talk about Mandy broke off every hesitation I had and I knew I had to act on it.
I planned to tell Sara I loved her, and after that I would stake a claim with Fox, and then talk to Anne. She deserved to know that I loved Sara as much as Sara did. I'd deal with Peter when he got better, and it appeared I had a bit of time to prepare myself for his reaction now.
The water went cold and my hand found the faucet and killed it before I grabbed a towel to wipe the mirror down while I dried off.
The mirror wasn't kind to me, or maybe that was just how I looked—forty-something, greying at the temples, scarred and bruised from life.
Whether Sara saw the same wear and tear or something else entirely crossed my mind too.
I knew it was something Peter would hate, maybe Anne too, but the age difference didn't matter to me anymore.
It was how I felt that was important, and I knew I loved her.
I strolled naked to the dryer to pull out a clean pair of jeans and a flannel, then stood next to the bedroom window to get dressed.
I had to keep telling myself that taking a stand and telling Sara how I felt was necessary even if she pushed me away and decided to leave town anyway.
It would destroy me again, but it would hurt worse if I let her leave without telling her how I felt.
I couldn’t let her leave like that again.
As I tugged on one sock then the other I heard the rumble of a few bikes roaring to live. It started out distant, giving me time to pull the curtain back and peek out, then it swelled until the windows rattled and the ground shook from how many of them rumbled past.
I watched them file out of the trailer park onto the county road toward town and I knew the code but I stayed inside until every taillight had vanished into the dusky evening and the rumble was nothing but a memory.
Every ride Lightning organized ended the same.
He'd provoke the Locusts, the Locusts would hit back, and the people caught in between would pay for it.
Four years of following orders and swinging fists for what?
Lightning had no business leading this club and keeping Fox liquored up so he could instigate trouble was only gonna get people killed.
Right now it was just the two clubs, but I knew how fast that would evolve to including outsiders and innocent folks who didn't know better.
If the Locusts attacked the Anvil on a Friday night there would be a dozen regulars who weren't club members at risk, and the diner sat right next to it.
What would happen if Anne was there and a fire spread?
No, I wanted nothing to do with that.
I swung my cut on and stepped outside. The sky had gone deep purple over the tree line in the general direction of the creek where I was supposed to meet Sara. I breathed a sigh of relief as I straddled my bike and kicked it to life, thankful no one would hear me and try to follow.
Sara wasn't at the old gravel bar when I pulled up and killed my engine, hiding my bike behind a copse of trees out of sight from the road.
Water ran low this time of year, barely a trickle over the rocks, and the flat skipping stones along the bank were dry and pale under.
My boots crunched down the bank to the water's edge, where I found a smooth flat stone and turned it over.
The old trick Peter taught me wouldn't work tonight. The nervous anxiety I had knocking around in my head was too loud. Sara was too important to me to try forgetting about by tossing rocks in a stream. This was one bit of nervous energy I wasn’t going to push away.
I had to push through and say what needed to be said so I didn't have any regrets this time.
I heard footsteps on the gravel and turned as she came into view.
She walked down the bank from the road with her arms wrapped around herself and her head hanging.
She must've walked her back up here, or maybe she walked the whole way.
It was only a few miles not that far from Peter's shop.
And when she raised her eyes I could see she'd been crying.
Her eyes were red rimmed and puffy, and her nose was swollen.
"Hey," I muttered, confused by the emotion before I'd even said my piece.
"Hey." She stopped a few feet from me and wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand. "Garret, I need to tell you?—"
"Is your dad okay?" I spat, cutting her off unintentionally.
The way she carried herself, with so much heaviness on her I could see it in her wilting posture, I figured she'd gotten bad news or something.
I meant to go up to the hospital to see him but I'd been keeping my distance out of respect.
I'd feel awful if he died and I hadn't even paid my respects.
She shook her head and rubbed her eyes again. "I haven't talked to Mom today. I think he's the same."
"Good. Then before you say anything else, hear me out.
" I took her hand and pulled her against my body, wrapping my arms around her.
She was shivering and her skin was clammy.
"I was an idiot, Sara—I've been an idiot…
" I cupped both of her cheeks and made her look up at me.
"When you told me you wanted to tell your parents four years ago, I pushed you away because I was scared of what it meant to let you in, and I've regretted it every single day since. "
Tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks as she lifted her hands to grab my fingers and hold them. Her lip was trembling and her eyes pleaded with me, though I didn't know what she was asking for. But I couldn't let myself stop and be distracted.
I stood there saying nothing when Andrew chased me off twice. I could've stood up for myself and what I wanted, but I let him be the big brother. I walked away because I felt it was what she wanted. This was about what I wanted.
"I let you walk out of my life and it almost destroyed me, and I’m not doing that again. You're mine, Sara, and I should've said that a long time ago."
Sobs ripped out of her and shook her whole body. She stepped into me and buried her face against my chest, clinging to me while she cried. My arms wrapped around her and pulled her close, placing kisses on the top of her head while she cried happy tears.
That's what they were, or so my heart believed.
Relief, longing, the release of four years of waiting for me to finally say what she'd needed to hear.
And the desperation in her grip was happiness she couldn't put into words.
I had to believe that, because my heart refused to believe anything else.
It would be too painful to think she may not want this, and all I could do was hold her while I waited for her response.
When her face tilted up and our mouths met, salty lips trembled against mine and she kissed me back with a hunger that caught my breath, pulling me tighter.
Her hands were already fumbling with my belt before I could process what was happening.
The kiss broke and I grabbed her wrists to stop her for just a second so I could look at her face, searching for any hesitation but the only thing I saw was hunger in those tear-slick eyes.
"What?" she asked, searching my face, and I let go of her hands. I hadn't come here for this, but far be it from me to stop her if this was what she wanted.
Sara tipped her chin up again and I captured her lips, kissing her deeply while she draped her arms around my shoulders.
My hands went to the button of her jeans and I popped it open, dragging the zipper down before hooking my thumbs in the waistband.
I pulled her jeans and panties down together, letting them slide to her ankles so she could step out of them.
Her boots made it awkward but she managed to kick everything aside, leaving her bare from the waist down while still wearing her shirt.
"You're so sexy, Sara," I mumbled as I pulled her against me. Her flesh was cool under my palm as I grabbed her butt and squeezed hard, grinding against her. I backed toward the large boulder at the edge of the creek bed and sat down, pulling her toward me by her hips.
She straddled my lap and I could feel how wet she was as I slid my fingers between her legs and rubbed gently.
My felt like torture caging me in as I swelled so much it felt like my skin would split.
It was agony, until she reached between us and unzipped my fly, sliding my dick out.
Her hand wrapped around me while I devoured her lips, biting and sucking her lower lip into my mouth.
She moaned softly while my fingers parted her folds and delved into the moisture, and her hips started rocking, grinding on my palm. This reaction to my confession was more than I had hoped for. It made me want to seal this whole moment with connection. I wanted to be inside her.
"Baby, I gotta feel you. Come on…" I coaxed her, pulling her hips closer.
Sara pushed her toes into the dry grass and lifted up and guided me toward her body, and I whispered, "Look at me." I wanted to see her face when she took me.