Chapter 45
LEVI
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
I’d spent the entirety of my adult life trapped in the shadows of my own making. For years, my siblings—minus Addison—had allowed me to keep myself removed from the group, to do my own thing without being bothered. But ever since that day on the beach, that way of living was ancient history.
I didn’t know if the five of them had a schedule or what, but not a single day went by when one of them didn’t reach out to me in the Trivial Bullshit text thread. And though it had taken some getting used to because my knee-jerk reaction was irritation, I finally allowed myself to see it for what it was—my family caring about me. Wanting me to be safe and healthy. Supporting that as best they could.
I’d had my first appointment with a therapist earlier in the week, and it’d left me unsettled in a way I hadn’t been expecting. My hour with her had felt less like a conversation and more like a battle—something I was going to have to prepare for every single week.
As I’d sat across from her, excavating all the shit I’d spent years burying, my initial gut reaction had been to walk out and never return. Just keep on living this half-life. But I shoved those feelings down and reminded myself why I was going. And even though my therapist’s questions grated like sandpaper across my skin, I promised myself—as well as my family and Harper—I’d give it a few sessions before making a judgment.
I knew years of deep-seated beliefs were going to take a while to unpack, and my therapist had told me as much. Suicidal ideation wasn’t something that just went away overnight. It didn’t suddenly pack its bags and leave. This unwanted visitor would be sticking around for the foreseeable future. Maybe forever. Now, all I could do was manage it. Find the tools that helped me shift my thoughts away from the pitch black of my mind so I didn’t dwell on them.
Fortunately, my family understood it wouldn’t be a sudden shift. That it would take time. Understood but still didn’t shy away from checking in daily, each of them doing it in their own way.
Addison demanded TV-bingeing time without an ounce of subtlety.
Addison:
Fucking hell, Levi
Damon is going to be another century older if you don’t get your ass over here soon
Like tonight
And bring me a pint of chunky monkey while you’re at it
Ford framed it as hanging out.
Ford:
Quinn challenged me again, so I need to sharpen my axe throwing skills. Levi, you up for Kick Some Axe tonight?
Beck went straight to food.
Beck:
I’ve got extra blueberry scones. Anyone want any? And by anyone, I mean Levi.
Aiden camouflaged it with resort shit, even though he already knew the answers to ninety-nine percent of the questions he asked.
Aiden:
Levi, how many boat tours did you run last month?
And Brady was always straight to the point and just asked.
Brady:
Levi, you good?
Even my best friend got in on the party, except Chase didn’t do texts to check in. He just showed up at my workshop whenever the hell he felt like it. Because I guessed that was what former pro hockey players could do with their time—whatever the fuck they wanted.
This morning, Harper had sent off the finished article about Starlight Cove to her editor, and she expected to hear back sometime today. After, I’d dropped her off at the Gazette with a deep kiss and a smack on her ass before heading to my workshop. While there, I spent the entire day working my way through every possible scenario, every possible outcome, and exactly what my response to each would be.
I’d considered asking her to stay a thousand times. Had whispered it to her after she’d fallen asleep for the past five nights, but I knew that was as far as I could take it. She’d been working toward this her entire adult life. The very thing I’d sacrificed us for was what she’d fought for for herself. On her own terms. And if—when—she was offered this position that she’d busted her ass for, it would be well deserved, and I was damn well going to celebrate her for it.
When Harper walked through the front door later that night, I stood in front of the stove, stirring the spaghetti sauce I’d made for dinner. My gaze snapped to her immediately, trying to read something in her expression that would give me a clue what had happened, but she was locked down tight.
“Smells good,” she said, coming up behind me and wrapping her arms around my waist. She laid her cheek between my shoulder blades and breathed in deeply before letting it out in a slow exhalation.
“I figured spaghetti was a safe bet.”
“You figured right.”
“I also figured you probably didn’t eat much today while you waited for Naomi to call.”
“Right again.”
I put a lid on the sauce, turned the burner down, and twisted around to face her. She kept her arms around me—something I sure as hell didn’t mind—and tipped her head back to meet my eyes. Christ, I loved this woman so much it made my chest ache. Made me wish for things I’d never before allowed myself to. But more than anything, I wished for her happiness.
I brushed her hair back from her face, tucking it behind her ear. “When should we crack open the champagne?”
Her brows flew up. “When? You’re so sure she offered me the job?”
I gripped her face in my palms, running my thumbs along her cheeks, and leaned down until we were mere inches apart. “Never a doubt in my mind.”
She rolled her lips in, her gaze never leaving mine as a sheen of tears filled her eyes.
“Hey. What’s this? We’re supposed to be celebrating, not crying.” I brushed a kiss over her lips, felt them quivering under mine. And I couldn’t keep my mouth shut anymore.
While I wasn’t going to ask her to stay and put her in that position of choosing me or the job she loved so fucking much, I was damn well going to make sure she knew I was willing to do anything to be with her.
“We can make this work, okay? Just because you don’t live in Starlight Cove doesn’t have to mean anything when it comes to us. Because we’re us, and if anyone can do it, we can. I’ll fly out to you. Hell, maybe I’ll go on some assignments with you. Take this boatbuilding gig to the masses.” I bent my knees so I was eye level with her, needing her to see my sincerity. “I love you so fucking much. I’ve lived without you for so long, and I don’t want to do it again. So I’m ready and willing to do whatever it takes, sparrow. Whatever it takes. All right?”
I swiped away at the tears that overflowed her eyes, rolling in fat droplets down her cheeks. She gripped my forearms tightly as if to anchor herself. Clearing her throat, she shook her head as she stared up at me with what looked an awful lot like love.
“That’s not why I’m crying,” she said, her voice tight with tears. “I’m not crying because we’re going to be apart. I’m crying because no one has ever believed in me like you do. No one has ever been so certain of my abilities that they already bought champagne to celebrate something that would, theoretically, take me away from them.”
I dropped a kiss on her lips. Because I could. And because I had no idea for how much longer I’d have the chance. “I’ve always believed in you. From day fucking one, when you set your mouth in a stubborn line, asking my mom to teach you how to tie a bowline knot when you’d never even tied a figure eight. And that’s never once waned. It’s only—” I froze when her words finally caught up to me. “Wait. What do you mean, theoretically?”
She breathed out a watery laugh. “Took you long enough to latch on to that.”
“Sparrow…”
“Naomi offered me the job. And when I turned her down?—”
“You what?”
She bit her bottom lip, lifting a single shoulder in a shrug. “I turned her down. Because what I thought was going to be the worst six weeks of my life turned out to be the best.” She squeezed me tighter, pressing a kiss on my chest, directly over her sparrow. “But when I told Naomi I couldn’t take the job because I wanted to stay, she laughed. I’ve never heard that woman laugh a day in my life, and she thought it was the most hilarious thing. When she got herself together, she asked me why the hell I would think I’d have to move to New York for this position that would take me all over the world anyway.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I can work out of the Gazette if I want.”
“The Gazette office is in Starlight Cove…”
“Is it really?”
“Stop playing with me, sparrow. Are you saying you got the job and you’re staying?”
“Yes. But just so there’s no confusion or misunderstandings, I’m not staying because of you.”
“No? Why, then?”
“Well, there’s Mabel’s cookies, for one. The Gazette office is a pretty sweet setup, and I bet I could talk Mabel into letting me use it permanently. There’s girls’ night out with your sister and the rest of my girlfriends. There’s the beach, of course. Nothing beats the Starlight Cove beach. They’ve got this carnival that comes to town once a year with the best lobster corn dogs I’ve ever had, and the Ferris wheel’s not bad, either. And I don’t know if you know this, but one of my two childhood best friends lives here. He’s a pretty big deal in the hockey world, so I’ll get to spend more time with him.”
“Right, of course.” I gripped her hips and walked her backward until she bumped into the countertop, then I lifted her up so she was eye level with me. Bracing my hands on either side of her hips, I leaned toward her. “And how about that other childhood best friend? Whatever happened with him?”
She tucked her fingers into the waistband of my jeans and tugged me closer, a soft smile lighting up her face. “It’s kind of a funny story, actually. I sort of fell in love with him. Twice.”