Epilogue
LEVI
Two months later
Hand in hand, Harper and I ran across Main Street, dashing toward the entrance to the apartment while rain drenched us. Brady and Luna’s rehearsal dinner had ended just before the sky had opened up, soaking all twelve of us as we scattered, heading out in different directions.
Harper’s laughter chimed like bells in my ears as she leaped over puddles and dashed inside our building, the sound a balm to my soul. All I’d ever wanted was her happiness. And somehow, she was happiest here. With me.
“Oh my God, I’m soaked,” she said, pulling her shirt away from where it clung to her skin.
I swatted her ass as she ran up the stairs in front of me. “Not the first time I’ve heard that. Maybe not even the last time tonight, if you’re lucky.”
“If I’m lucky? So it’d all be for me, huh?”
“Mostly. You know the rule is fifteen to one.”
She laughed as she unlocked the front door and strode inside our apartment. “You overexaggerated just a little.”
I hummed, making a mental note of that challenge. “We’ll see.”
Harper’s eyes heated as she stared at me, catching her bottom lip with her teeth. Her hair was plastered to the sides of her face, her clothes saturated and dripping on the floor. And I wanted nothing more than to give her everything those eyes were begging for. But we’d have plenty of time for that later tonight.
So instead, I swatted her on the ass again and tipped my chin toward our bedroom. “Change first. I want you to be soaked from me, not the rain.”
She sauntered away, tossing me a smirk over her shoulder. “Too bad all five of the T-shirts you own are in the dryer and not hanging in our closet like they’re supposed to be. You could’ve watched me strip.”
I started after her, determination in my stride, but she squealed and ran into our bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
“Little shit,” I muttered and turned around, tugging my wet T-shirt off on my way to the laundry room. “Like I can’t strip her out here whenever I want…”
After grabbing a dry but wrinkled shirt, I pulled it on and made my way to the still-open front door. Shaking my head, I started to close it when a note taped to the front caught my eye. Mabel, probably, though I was surprised at her restraint in not just using her key and leaving the note inside instead.
Walking into the kitchen, I lifted the flap on the envelope and pulled out a folded piece of paper. Something slipped out and drifted to the counter as I did so, but before I could glance down at it, the handwriting on the note caught my attention. Handwriting I recognized.
My entire body stilled, parts inside me warring with one another, wanting to toss this outside into the wind, while at the same time desperate to read what was written. In the end, the latter won out, and I couldn’t stop myself from scanning the words on the page.
Levi,
I’m sorry.
Those two words aren’t nearly enough. I know that. Even if I lived a thousand years and told you every day, it still wouldn’t be enough for what you’ve gone through. What I’ve put you through.
I’m not asking for anything from you, least of all your forgiveness. I know I don’t have that right. I wasted the years away, getting lost in a bottle rather than striving to be the best man I could be for this family I love.
And I do… I love you all so much. You probably don’t believe me, and that’s fair. I can’t blame you for it because I haven’t always shown you. Worse, I showed you the exact opposite. But I hope one day I’ll earn your trust enough to be able to do just that.
Even if I don’t, I need you to know one thing. Your mom’s death was never your fault. Never. I can’t tell you how much it guts me knowing you’ve harbored guilt that didn’t belong to you. Guilt I thought I’d been carrying alone.
I know my word doesn’t mean anything—not yet—but I hope this note I enclosed will. I’ve had a lot of regrets, but this is my greatest. As a reminder of my failure, I’ve carried this note with me every day since I found it under the couch the morning after.
Everything was my fault. I’ve known it every day for the past eleven years that your mom has been gone. And I’ve tried to escape it every single one. Tried to kill myself in the only way I knew how. I was a coward. And each time I tried and failed to get sober was just another reminder of how unworthy I am to call myself your father. To have the privilege of being in your lives.
But I’m trying. I want you to know that. Every day, I’m trying. I’ve been sober for 312 days, and I plan to be sober for 312 more, and 312 more after that. I’ll be here when or if you’re ever ready to talk.
Dad
I glanced down at the counter to the scrap of paper that had fallen out of the envelope. It was yellowed with time, the lines across the page faded, the edges worn. Trepidation kept me rooted in place, but curiosity had my hand moving of its own accord.
With unsteady fingers, I picked up the note, the paper soft as silk under my touch. I had no doubt this was exactly as old as he’d claimed, and I gently unfolded the note to read what was inside.
Gracie,
Levi and Addison went to the Lockharts’. I know this week has been rough, and I’m sorry. Breakfast tomorrow morning like usual?
P.S. I love you more today…
The rest of the words came to me as easily as if I were reading them. As easily as if I’d heard it just yesterday rather than eleven years ago.
I love you more today than I did yesterday, and I’ll love you more tomorrow than I do today.
That, paired with seeing my mom’s nickname, was like an ice pick to my chest, stabbing deep. A wound I couldn’t hope to escape. The sudden, sharp pain as much for the memory of her and what we’d lost and also the fact that I hadn’t heard it in so long. It was one of those things that had been forgotten with time. Something I hadn’t even realized was missing until now.
My usual barrage of thoughts came at me, swift and unrelenting.
It was my fault. No matter what he said, it was still my fault.
Why hadn’t it been me?
Why couldn’t it have been me?
It should have been me.
I dropped the note, allowing it to flutter to the counter as I braced my hands along the edge. Hanging my head, I closed my eyes and worked hard to push those thoughts away and ground myself in the present. Attempting to course correct and not allow myself to go any further down the familiar path I’d walked so many times before. The path of solitude and loneliness, the destination nothing more than drowning in regrets.
But I was trying not to be that man anymore. By choice.
It was a struggle—some days harder than others—but I chose to be here. Chose to engage rather than retreat. Chose to love the people in my life how they deserved to be loved.
Chose to allow myself to receive the same.
Harper’s sweet scent washed over me as she walked to me and stood by my side, her warmth a welcome presence as she settled a hand low on my back. Thunder reverberated in the sky, a slow, rolling rumble, and she stiffened next to me, her fist tightening in my shirt.
And suddenly, everything else faded into the background while I focused on my girl.
I wrapped an arm around her, tugging her into my side, and pressed a kiss against her forehead. So fucking grateful to have her here with me, no matter the path we’d taken to get to this moment.
She pressed a hand to my chest and stared up at me, her eyes darting back and forth between my own, a furrow between her brows. “You okay?”
I didn’t know if she’d read the letters sitting on the counter, or if she was just so in tune with me that she knew when something was off. But it didn’t matter because the answer was the same, regardless. “I will be.”
She studied me for long moments, her gaze scrutinizing. Then a soft smile curved up the corner of her mouth, and she tipped her head to the side. “Because it’s time for a laced Mabel cookie and some One Tree Hill?”
I placed my hand on her lower back, allowing my fingers to dip below the hem and humming when I met only bare skin. “Yeah, it’s definitely that and not the fact that my girlfriend is wearing one of my old holey T-shirts from high school and nothing else.”
“My panties got wet too. And we both know they’re going to be pointless anyway. Besides, you know how much I love this shirt.”
“How you managed to hide that you had this for so long while living here is still a fucking mystery. I looked for that for years, I hope you know.”
She shrugged, completely unrepentant. “And I hope you know I’m not sorry. I’d do the same thing if I had to do it all over again.”
I leaned down until her breath ghosted over my lips. “I bet you would, you little thief.”
Thunder rumbled again, a crack of lightning illuminating the sky as rain battered the windows. Harper jumped, her grip on me tightening and her unease apparent. And that wouldn’t do. We’d gone through enough thunderstorms that we had a routine—pot cookies if we happened to have any on hand and cuddles on the couch as we binged One Tree Hill. And, if the storm was bad enough, as many orgasms as it took to get her mind off it.
I tugged her into my side and guided her toward the couch, pulling my phone out with the other hand to type out a text.
Group text titled: Trivial Bullshit
with Brady, Aiden, Beck, Ford, Levi, and Addison
9:22 p.m.
Levi:
Everyone get home okay?
Aiden:
Back at the inn and finally dry. Avery’s just upset the lighthouse reno hasn’t started yet because she wants to be out there in this shit. So I’m obviously looking up how much it would cost to rebuild the whole damn thing with reinforced steel.
Beck:
Everly and I are home. Chuck was going nuts and is currently burrowed under the blanket between us. Goddamn cockblocker.
Addison:
I felt the baby kick for the first time
So Chase broke about twelve laws driving us home
Nothing to see here, Sheriff Grumpypants!
Now my husband is laying with his head in my lap and talking to the peanut
Brady:
Tell Chase there’s no brother-in-law exemption. If I catch him speeding, I’m giving him a ticket.
Ford:
Pretty sure we all knew that was coming.
Brady:
As you should. I’m the sheriff. Family doesn’t get preferential treatment.
Luna and I are finally home. Had to clear a couple downed tree branches on the way. And damn near had to handcuff her to me again just to get her ass inside. That woman’s gonna be the death of me.
Ford:
That woman’s gonna be your WIFE! Breakfast at the diner in the morning before the big day? Quinn’s been craving Beck’s goodies.
Addison:
Beck!
Make me some blueberry scones
Beck:
Blueberry scones for everyone but Addison, got it.
Addison:
What????
RUDE
Brady:
Maybe you’d get somewhere if you said please. Luna’s requesting her usual toilet water for breakfast, Beck. Please. See how easy that is?
Addison:
PLEASE!
PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE
Aiden:
Everyone realizes that’s Chase using Addison’s phone, right?
Levi:
Obviously. Addison doesn’t say please.
Harper and I will be there, with or without the blueberry scones.
Harper and I settled on the couch, and I lifted my arm for her to snuggle in. She burrowed between me and the back of the couch, her hand on my stomach and a look of pure mischief on her face.
“What?” I asked, brow raised.
“Nothing. I just remember a time not too long ago when you hated that text thread. You even named it Trivial Bullshit, if I remember right.”
“Yeah, well. You used to think I hated you too.” I turned on One Tree Hill and grabbed a cookie from the batch Mabel had dropped off yesterday, offering half to Harper. “And we both know how that worked out.”
“And how’s that? You trying to say we’re in love or something?”
“Something like that,” I murmured, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
Harper shifted, settling against me, her body soft and pliant even as the thunderstorm lit up the night sky outside our home.
Some days, it felt like nothing had changed. Like I was still stuck on the hamster wheel in my mind, my intrusive thoughts too much to escape. But it was times like this when I was reminded just how far I’d come in only a few months.
I was Harper’s safe space. And instead of running from it, instead of hiding or turning my back on it, I embraced it. Diving headlong into this life I wanted. With her.
As our second pass through season three of One Tree Hill played in the background, I pulled out my phone and navigated to the family text thread, quickly making a change. Then I tossed the phone on the coffee table and wrapped my arms around the woman who’d always been and would always be my whole fucking world. The woman I strived every day to be worthy of…the man my mom had raised me to be.
Levi renamed this conversation Gracie’s Legacy.