Chapter 13 Beau
BEAU
“Just another ten or fifteen seconds, and it should be good.”
I watched as the paddle attachment on the mixer continued to move through the dough, waiting for the order to bring it to a halt.
“Okay. You can stop it now.”
My hand went to the power lever on the mixer and turned it off.
Over the last week, one thing had become abundantly clear to me. I hated baking. I had quickly discovered that I despised it. There were far too many steps requiring such precision in order not to screw it up. If I never baked another thing ever again, it would be too soon.
But since it was currently the only way I had thought of that allowed me to have any communication with Jules, any connection at all to her, I was going to suck it up. I’d bake until I consumed so much sugar I went into shock.
Because I’d missed her.
It had been slow, subtle torture going all those days without seeing her or hearing her voice.
Especially when I recalled how hurt she’d been when she learned the truth about where I stood when it came to a romantic relationship.
I still hadn’t changed my mind on that, but I was struggling with not having her in my life at all.
When I showed up at Westwood’s three days ago and saw her at The Mixing Bowl, it was like I’d had the heaviest weight lifted off my shoulders.
Jules had looked exhausted, like she hadn’t slept in weeks. But it didn’t matter to me. I still thought she was gorgeous. And to hear her voice again, to have her close enough to touch, was everything I could have wanted and more.
I thought Jules was spectacular right from the start, but now, I had no doubt about it. She’d been so sweet with me when I wasn’t even certain I deserved it from her. Not only had she taken the time to sit and talk with me that day, but she’d also offered this.
Her help.
So, I might have decided I hated baking, but there wasn’t anything that was going to stop me from doing it. Not when it meant I’d get this sliver of time with her as a result. Not when I had her on a video call with me, watching over my shoulder as I made these cookies.
Seeing her beautiful face, hearing that angelic voice, I’d bake for hours upon hours if she’d be on that screen the entire time.
With the mixer off, I looked at her on my screen and asked, “Are you sure this is enough? I still see some streaks of flour in there.”
“Yes, but don’t forget you have to add the chocolate chips now. And I would recommend mixing them in by hand with a spatula.”
“Okay. Let me get this bowl off the mixer, and I’ll do that.”
From the moment I’d called Jules and saw her face on the screen, she’d been focused solely on me and what she was teaching me.
But for the last few minutes, I’d noticed she was a bit distracted.
And right now, even though I didn’t continue to stare at her, I could see that her attention was divided between helping me and doing something else.
It was hard to tell for certain, but it appeared she was in her bedroom closet.
It shouldn’t have bothered me, but for some reason, it did. It wasn’t that I didn’t think she was capable of multitasking. It was more about the fact that I wasn’t enough to have her undivided attention.
But maybe that’s precisely what I deserved for making her feel the way I had, for essentially telling her that she was nothing more than just a good time. I should have considered myself lucky that she was even willing to speak to me at all, let alone do what she was doing now.
“Alright, I think I’ve gotten them all mixed in,” I told her. “Does this look okay?”
I pointed the phone toward the bowl, so she could see it. “That’s perfect, Beau. Now, you just need to scoop the dough into evenly sized balls.”
Placing the phone back on the counter in front of me, I reached for the cookie scoop and held it up with a smile on my face. “Look what I got.”
“Oh, that’s perfect. It’s going to make this so much easier for you. And you won’t have to worry about whether everything is going to brown evenly.”
“So, I just scoop them and put them on the tray?”
Jules nodded. “Yes. Well, if you can fit the tray in your refrigerator. Because once you scoop all the dough into balls, you need to chill them for about an hour in your fridge. It might be easier to put them on a plate and transfer them after they’ve chilled and are ready to go into the oven.”
“Right. I forgot that step.”
It was crazy to me that Jules knew precisely what needed to be done without having to look at a recipe book.
She knew the steps right off the top of her head.
And considering how difficult and tedious I found this to be with her walking me through it, I couldn’t say I didn’t have a newfound respect and admiration for her.
As I worked to get all the dough scooped out and onto a plate that’d easily fit in my refrigerator, I glanced up at the phone. Jules was watching me, and a smile broke out on her face. The sight of it had my heart pounding.
“What’s that look about?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. I was just thinking about perception and how we can get things so wrong sometimes,” she replied.
My brows pulled together. “I’m not sure I understand.”
Jules shook her head, her smile still playing at her lips in a way that told me she was teasing or being playful.
A thrill of excitement skittered down my spine at the sight of it.
I was so captivated, I stopped scooping the cookie dough and waited for clarification.
“This has caught me off guard,” she started.
“I honestly never would’ve imagined that you had a stand mixer. You didn’t strike me as the type.”
I placed my hand on top of the mixer. “This thing?”
“Yes. One look at you doesn’t exactly scream stand mixer or baker.”
I laughed. “Your assessment of me isn’t wrong. I went out and bought it after you sent me that recipe.”
Her lips parted in surprise. “You bought it just to make the cookies?”
Inclining my head, I returned to scooping the dough and explained, “I figured if I was going to do this, I should have all the tools to do it properly.”
“I see. So, do you intend to do more baking after these cookies?”
The thought of baking another thing made me want to rip my hair out. “I guess that depends on you.”
“Me?”
Jules was looking at me curiously, and for a moment, I was lost in those beautiful blue eyes. An overwhelming sense of longing took hold as the memory of her looking at me with those eyes when I was buried inside her barreled to the forefront of my mind.
I had to look away just to regain my composure.
“I don’t suspect I’ll be trying out any recipes on my own.
I just don’t have that level of confidence yet.
But if you’ve got some free time in the future and don’t mind being my teacher, I might be willing to pull this thing out again.
Of course, I don’t expect you to commit to something like that, especially when there’s no telling how this is going to go. I might just be a lost cause.”
“I don’t think that’s true about you at all, Beau.” Her features softened, and I got the distinct feeling that there was something else lingering beneath the surface of those words. “I’m sure your cookies are going to be delicious.”
“Do you really believe that?” I decided not to specify whether I was referring to the cookies or me being a lost cause.
She smiled. “Absolutely.”
More and more, Jules was showing me just how wonderful a woman she was. She didn’t hesitate to be kind and encouraging when she had every reason never to have done this in the first place.
No matter how big my sweet tooth, this wasn’t about the cookies for me.
Sure, it would’ve been utterly frustrating for another batch to turn out horribly, but I could just go out and buy cookies if I really wanted them.
That’s what I’d been doing my whole life.
This was about me wanting to build a friendship with Jules again, desperately hoping to get her back in my life in some capacity.
“Well, I’m not going to make any assumptions. I’ve done that before, and it didn’t exactly work out the way I hoped.”
Jules looked away from me and blinked her eyes. Evidently, there was still a touch of hurt lingering there over what I’d done.
“Jules, I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“It’s fine. Honest. Um, so I don’t have a ton of time left before I have to head out of here, but I want to make sure you know what’s left to be done on those cookies.”
Suddenly, I didn’t give a crap about the cookies. “You have plans tonight?”
She nodded. “Yeah. And I still need to get myself ready. So, anyway, you need to make sure those cookies go in the fridge for about an hour. I’d recommend setting a timer for forty-five minutes.
When that timer goes off, pre-heat your oven.
And as soon as it’s up to temp, pop the cookies on a couple of baking sheets and put them in for eleven to fifteen minutes.
All ovens are different, so I can’t give you an exact number there.
But if you set another timer on the low end, you can just watch them for the remaining few minutes if they need additional time.
Then you let them cool a bit before putting them in an airtight container. ”
I heard almost nothing that she’d said after she confirmed she had plans for tonight that she needed to get ready for.
That was likely the reason she’d been distracted before when she was in her closet.
The effort it took for me not to ask about those plans was tremendous.
Was she going out with another guy? Was it someone who would give her what I couldn’t?
Would she be wearing something like she had the night I’d taken her out?
“I think I can remember all that,” I said, my voice strained.
“It’s pretty easy. You’ll do great. And I can’t wait to hear how they turned out. Something tells me you’re going to be pleasantly surprised by the results.”
It suddenly felt like a massive struggle to pay attention to anything she was saying. I couldn’t stop worrying about what she’d be doing tonight and who she’d be spending her time with. “I’ll let you know how they turn out. Thanks for being willing to help me.”
“You’re welcome, Beau.” She tucked a lock of her shiny dark hair behind her ear. “Well, I should probably get going now so I can get myself ready.”
“Yeah. Yeah, sorry for taking up your time.”
Jules waved her hand in the air. “Oh, it’s no problem at all. I just hope they turn out right for you.”
For once in my life, the idea of having any dessert didn’t excite me. “I’m sure they will.”
“Okay. I guess I’ll talk to you later, then.”
I jerked my chin down. “Of course. Enjoy your night.”
Her lips curved into a smile. “I will. You, too.”
“Later, Jules.”
“Bye.”
I hadn’t even been able to reach my hand up to disconnect the call before Jules had already done it.
So, that was it.
She’d been hurt by me, and now it was likely she’d already moved on.
I didn’t want to begrudge her going after what she wanted in her life, especially when I knew I couldn’t be the one to give it to her. But I hated the thought of her spending time with someone who wasn’t me. My gut twisted when I imagined her being playful and teasing some other guy.
Feeling so disgusted with myself, I didn’t even want the cookies any longer. I was tempted to toss them. But Jules wanted to know how they turned out, so I had no choice but to follow those instructions she gave me if I wanted the chance to speak to her again.
After placing them in the fridge, I set the timer for forty-five minutes. Then I cleaned up the disaster I’d left in my kitchen. Before I knew it, I’d turned on the oven, popped the cookies in, and left my house smelling like Jules’ bakery.
Once the cookies had cooled—all of them looking perfectly round and browned—I tasted one. It was like I was back at Westwood’s eating cookies that she had made.
So, I took a picture of them and sent off a text to her.
BEAU
You were right. These are amazing.
For a while, I stood there, holding my phone and staring at the screen while I waited for her response. When a minute had passed without a response, I set the phone down and put the cookies in a container.
Thirty minutes later, there was still no response.
An hour later, there was nothing.
Twenty minutes after that, my phone finally lit up with a message from her.
Jules
They look incredible. I’m so glad they worked out for you.
I hated that I couldn’t bring myself to ignore her text for a while.
BEAU
Well, I had a great teacher. I’m going to have to find some way to repay you.
I shouldn’t have put it out there. I should have accepted that I’d had a chance with Jules, and we wanted different things. But I couldn’t. For some reason I couldn’t begin to explain or understand, I refused to let go of her.
Jules
You don’t need to do anything. I really didn’t mind helping.
BEAU
If you’re still interested in learning how to skate, I’d love to have the opportunity to teach you.
I couldn’t remember a time when I’d ever felt such desperation. If she turned me down, I wasn’t sure what I’d be able to do next.
Jules
Really?
The relief I felt was tremendous.
BEAU
Absolutely. You let me know when you’re free, and I’ll make it happen.
Jules
I’m going to have to get myself some gear, though. I suspect I’ll fall and get hurt if I don’t have any pads or a helmet to wear.
BEAU
I’ll bring everything you need. All you’ve got to do is name the time that’ll be good for you.
Jules
Can I let you know tomorrow?
BEAU
Sure. That works.
Jules
Thanks! I’m so excited.
More relief swept in, and the tension eased out of my shoulders.
I felt like I could breathe again.
BEAU
It’ll be a great time. I promise.
Jules
I’d expect nothing less with you.
That response surprised me, but I took it for the compliment it was. Now, I’d just need to make sure that she had such a wonderful time, she’d want to spend more time with me beyond that.
I continued to tell myself that there was nothing beyond enjoying her company, but my reaction tonight was making me think otherwise.
I hadn’t had any desire to go out and find anyone else to spend my time with after I’d been with Jules.
Was that just coincidence, or was there something else happening to me that I’d never experienced before now?