18. Brooklyn
18
brOOKLYN
“ O h my God, you’re here!”
I looked up from my laptop at the sound of Jesse’s distinctive squeal and saw him spill through the door of Cardigan Cafe, pulling Mark along with him. They looked happy, well-rested, and suspiciously tan for late October.
I grinned and stood up to hug them both. “Of course I’m here. We can’t all take month-long honeymoons in South America. Some of us have actual jobs.”
Just seeing them put me in a better mood. I’d finished my shift at the cafe and had been working on the final chapter of my dissertation, hoping to make enough progress on it that I could actually put it down and stop working once Gabe got back that night. Not that I was pining for him or anything, but it was amazing how quiet my apartment seemed when he wasn’t there. And I supposed there were other things I missed when he was gone, too.
“I can’t believe you choose to spend your free time here.” Jesse laughed as he and Mark pulled chairs up to the corner table I’d commandeered. “When I used to work here, I couldn’t wait to get away.”
“That’s because you were always running off—literally—to join this guy,” I jammed my thumb in Mark’s direction. “Besides, I get free coffee here. But none of that’s important. I’m so excited to see you guys. Tell me everything.”
“Actually,” Mark said, grinning, “we were going to ask you the same question.”
“Why?” I blinked. “Absolutely nothing has happened here. You’re the ones who took a freaking trek through the Andes to Machu Picchu. I want to hear all about that.”
Mark laughed. “It was really cool. We went with this small group, just eight of us, and the first night we got there, we ended up eating dinner with—”
“ Blah blah blah mountains, blah blah blah history, blah blah blah views,” Jesse interrupted. “We can tell you about that anytime. But none of that is anywhere near as interesting as you, Mr. ‘I’m One Half Of The Most Adorable Gay Couple Of The Millennium.’”
“Oh.” I flushed. “You heard about that?”
Jesse nodded. “Uh, yeah. Care to enlighten us?”
“I don’t know, it feels kind of weird talking about this with Gabe not here.”
“Don’t worry,” Mark grinned. “I’m totally grilling him about it later. I just know that he’s probably working right now.”
I glanced down at my phone. “Yeah, true. Well, probably headed to the airport right now, actually.”
“You have his schedule committed to memory?” Jesse stared at me incredulously.
“I mean…it’s kind of hard not to?”
“I can barely remember when Mark’s working on the third floor or out in the garage, and there’s only two of us in the entire house.” Jesse shook his head. “But whatever, that’s not important. We’ll pump Gabe when he’s back, but he’s not here yet, and you are. So, spill. You’re married ?”
“Well, yeah.” There wasn’t really any other way to put it. I was, after all.
“Okay, I love you dearly, so please know that I don’t mean this in a bad way, but what the actual fuck, Brooklyn? You never even date people. I can count on one hand the number of dates you’ve been on since I’ve known you, and suddenly you’re married? To Gabe, of all people? The guy doesn’t even like men.”
“Well, about that—” I stopped. Come to think of it, I wasn’t entirely sure it was okay for me to tell Jesse and Mark about Gabe’s newfound bisexuality. I didn’t think he’d mind, and they were his friends too. And it wasn’t exactly like he was keeping it a secret. He’d been the one pushing this thing along the whole time. Still, though. “It’s kind of a long story.”
Mark smiled. “We’ve just been hiking in the mountains for the past month. Trust us, we’ve got stamina.”
“Ugh, fine. Just so you know, there’s probably no way that this story isn’t going to sound insane. But I guess I’ll start at the beginning. You remember Tanner?”
Jesse blinked. “As in, Carmichael? As in, my ex?”
“As in quite possibly the most obnoxious person on the planet? Yeah, that guy. Well, we ran into him at the after-party for your wedding. And he was being a tool, as usual, and I don’t know what it is about him, but he just gets under my skin.”
“Amen to that,” Mark put in. “Total douche. What the hell was he doing at our after-party, though?”
“Sulking? Obviously he said it was happenstance, but what are the chances he just happened to be on the island, in the exact bar we were all in, on the same weekend of your wedding?”
“I’m gonna go with ‘ pretty low .’”
“My thoughts exactly. He tried to make an excuse about how he was considering working on some show on Summersea, but I think it was more likely that he was looking for a way to ruin your night somehow.”
Jesse frowned. “I didn’t even realize he was there.”
“Good. I didn’t want you to waste any time thinking about him, then or now. But he kept making all of these comments about how your marriage wasn’t gonna last, how naive and young you were for believing in love, and how dumb Gabe and I were for supporting you. And the next thing you know, he’s betting me and Gabe a hundred thousand dollars that we can’t stay married to each other for a year.”
Jesse and Mark stared at me like that was the craziest thing they’d ever heard, and I realized, not for the first time, that they were right. It was nuts. Every time I said it out loud, it hit me again.
“In my defense,” I continued, “it was Gabe who talked him up to that amount, and we’re using the money to fund Human Nature until it gets on more stable financial footing. And I realize it’s completely absurd, but I don’t know, at the time, this seemed like a relatively easy way to get the funding we needed.”
“Relatively easy?” Mark raised his eyebrows.
“I don’t mean to make it sound like I don’t think a real marriage is hard work and everything. But this isn’t that. All it is, really, is like having a roommate again. Gabe travels so much for work anyway that I really only see him on the weekends, so it’s not like it’s stressful.”
A little lonely sometimes, maybe. Not that I would admit that to anyone. Definitely not to Mark and Jesse. Probably not even to Gabe. We weren’t supposed to be getting attached, so I was doing my best to ignore the feeling.
I looked back and forth between Jesse and Mark, trying to gauge their reaction. “Are you guys mad? Fuck, I didn’t mean to make it sound like your marriage isn’t important or doesn’t matter. It’s just that what you two have—it’s not even on the same planet as what’s going on with me and Gabe. Not even the same solar system.”
Jesse laughed. “Don’t be dumb, I’m not mad. Well, maybe slightly miffed that we weren’t invited to your nuptials, but I suppose we can let that slide.”
“Since you were out of the country at the time?”
“I was going to say because you’re my best friend and I’m feeling magnanimous, but sure, we can use your excuse instead.” He flashed me a grin. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to suddenly stop talking to you or anything.”
Something unclenched inside me at those words. Jesse didn’t hate me for this. He might think it was strange, but he wasn’t angry. I hadn’t realized I’d been so anxious about that until he put my fears to rest.
“You guys have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” I smiled at both of them. “Seriously, it’s been so weird not having anyone to talk to about this. I’m so glad you’re back.”
“Yeah, yeah, enough being sappy,” Jesse laughed. “Now tell us about the rest of it!”
“What rest of it? That’s all there is to tell.”
“Um, you don’t want to talk about your insanely popular Instagram? Because I have questions. First, is it really Gabe’s brother doing it, or are you two putting it up yourselves and just pretending? Second, how the hell did you get Tyler Lang to tweet about you? And third, and perhaps most importantly, how did Gabe’s macarons turn out? He promised he’d let me know if he tried the recipe, but I haven’t heard a peep from him.”
“Uhhh—”
“Are you so jaded with being famous already that this is all old hat to you now? I suppose it had to happen.” Jesse sighed dramatically. “Just make sure to remember all the little people once you start hanging out with your cool, new celebrity friends.”
“Jesse, I have literally no idea what you’re talking about.”
“What?”
If I’d thought Jesse was looking at me like I was crazy before, now he was looking at me like I’d suddenly sprouted a second head.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I repeated. “At all.”
He blinked. “Well, I guess that answers the question of who’s really behind it.” He pulled out his phone and unlocked it. “Brooklyn, prepare to have your mind blown. Because you, my friend, are famous.”
He handed me his phone, and my jaw dropped as I scrolled down the screen. It was an Instagram profile, filled with all the pictures Gabe had taken of us over the past month. Every single one of them had been liked thousands of times, with so many comments my brain simply broke. I looked up at Jesse in panic.
“What the fuck is this?”
Jesse bit his lip before answering. “I’m almost scared to show you this next part now because you don’t look super happy, but you should probably see it, too. It’s how we found out. I, uh, follow him on Twitter.”
He handed the phone back to me, and I stared down at the screen in surprise. I knew who Tyler Lang was, of course. There was no way to be in the LGBTQ community and not know who he was, not after his movie Foresight had made such a splash. The fact that he’d started dating his costar, Gray Evans, had probably helped too.
What I had never expected, though, not in a million years, was for Tyler Lang to know who I was. But there he was, retweeting a picture that Gabe had taken of us last weekend at brunch while I was busy shoving pancakes into my mouth.
Cannot get enough of these two guys. The world needs more of this. It might also need more of those pancakes. Or mancakes? You decide.
He’d included a heart-eyes emoji at the end of his caption, along with a link to the Instagram profile.
What the fuck?
The amount of retweets he had gotten was staggering. My jaw dropped. What the hell was Tyler Lang doing looking at pictures of me and Gabe? I felt…I didn’t even know what the word was for what I felt. Exposed wasn’t strong enough. Even violated didn’t cut it.
Pissed.
Whatever else I felt, I was definitely that. I handed Jesse’s phone back and caught him and Mark staring at me with concerned eyes. I felt like I was going to be sick to my stomach.
“So I take it you didn’t know,” Jesse said quietly. “Shit, Brooklyn, I’m sorry.”
“Nothing for you to be sorry for.” I couldn’t hide the bitterness in my voice.
“You really had no idea?” Mark asked.
I shook my head numbly. “Not a fucking clue. Goddammit, how could he?”
“Brooklyn, I know you’re probably really mad at Gabe right now,” Mark put in, “but I swear, he’s a good guy. Maybe he didn’t know what his brother was doing. I’m sure he would have told you—asked you, really—if he had.”
I shook my head. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“He’s coming back tonight, right? You can talk to him then?” Mark asked gently.
He should have been boarding his flight right now. My stomach plummeted. I needed to talk to him, but I dreaded it at the same time. I was so angry and upset, and I just knew there was no way the conversation could end well.
I pulled my phone out to check the time. There were two texts waiting for me.
GABE: Flight delayed, be home late
GABE: Be ready to celebrate, though, when I get there. I have potentially awesome news
Awesome news? What the fuck? He had to be talking about the profile, right? I was more than pissed now. I was livid.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“What?” Jesse peered over the small table to the phone in my hands, trying to read the text.
“He just—fucking—look.” I thrust the phone at him, and watched as Mark leaned over to read it too.
“You don’t think—” Jesse began.
“What else would he be talking about?” I shook my head. “How could he do this without telling me?”
Mark frowned. “I’m not sure that he—”
“Even if it was his brother, he had to know. And he’s excited about it? What the fuck is wrong with him?”
“Maybe try giving him the benefit of the doubt,” Jesse offered. “Assume the best? At least until you get a chance to talk to him in person…”
“I’m just supposed to sit here, stewing, waiting for his stupid flight to get back?”
No way. I wasn’t doing that. Even if I couldn’t see Gabe face-to-face right now, I couldn’t just not say anything.
I texted him back before I could stop to agonize over the words, then threw my phone down on the table.
brOOKLYN: Does it have anything to do with this fucking Instagram account?
brOOKLYN: And if not, would you mind explaining what the hell that is, anyway?
“I just can’t—how could he not get that this is not okay? It’s so…” I sighed, trailing off. I couldn’t figure out how to put this feeling into words.
Jesse bit his lip as he studied me. “I’m not judging you at all when I say this, but you seem like you’re taking this news kinda hard. I get being upset that you didn’t know about the account, but honestly, I thought it was kind of cute. What is it that bothers you so much? I mean, what difference does it make, if this whole marriage thing is just for a bet anyway?”
I looked down for a long moment, unsure of how to answer.
“It is all just for that bet, right? Or is there actually something going on between you two?”
I sighed and finally looked up to meet Jesse’s gaze.
“Oh.” He raised his eyebrows. I didn’t even need to say it. “ Oh .”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.” Jesse frowned over at Mark. “Am I crazy, or did Gabe only like women last time we checked?”
Mark shrugged and barked a laugh. “That’s what I thought. But then again, I thought the same thing about myself, until I met you.” He gave me an encouraging smile. “Sometimes, when you meet the right person, everything’s suddenly different.”
The right person ? “I wouldn’t go that far.” I tried to squelch the twisty feeling in my stomach.
“Well, something clearly happened,” Mark insisted. “If you guys, uh, hit it off so well. So to speak.”
“I don’t know how to explain it.” I let my shoulders rise and fall helplessly. “Things just…happened. But I thought he understood that—fuck, I thought he knew. I told him I didn’t want to be just a story to him. I didn’t think I needed to specify that I didn’t want to be a story for five-hundred thousand of Tyler Lang’s Twitter followers either.”
“Brooklyn, how serious are things between you and Gabe? Leave the marriage part aside for a moment. Pretend that’s not a factor. What’s going on with the two of you?”
“I don’t know. We were just supposed to be having fun.”
“Really?” Jesse sounded like I was trying to tell him the sun rose in the west.
“Yes. God, why is that so hard to comprehend? Jeff wouldn’t believe me either. Trust me, things with Gabe aren’t serious. He’s not looking to settle down, like, ever. I barely have any free time as it is, and that’s only going to get worse once I take a job next semester. Besides which, I’m not dumb enough to try to date someone who’s just figuring out that he’s into guys in the first place.”
“Ouch.” Mark shot me a wounded look.
“Oh, shit, sorry. Mark, I didn’t mean to imply—I know things were different for you and Jesse. You guys were both in the right place when you met each other.”
“Uh, I don’t know what kind of revisionist history you’ve been reading,” Jesse snorted, “but I’m pretty sure both Mark and I were convinced that neither of us was in the right place when we met.” He stretched his hand out across the table. “But it worked. And it could work out between you and Gabe too.”
“There’s nothing to work out. I’m not interested in him. And he’s not interested in me either. Period.” I glared at Jesse. “So you can stop looking at me like that.”
“I’m not looking at you any differently than I normally do. I just think that you’ve got an awful lot of reasons why you and Gabe can’t be together, and yet from everything I can tell, you two are together. If you’re hooking up and, let’s not forget, legally married, I don’t really see how that counts as not together .”
“And?”
“And you’re having a pretty strong reaction to this whole Instagram situation so I’m thinking, maybe, just maybe, this is a bigger deal to you than you’re letting on. Even to yourself.”
I glanced at Mark. “You think I’m lying to myself too?”
Mark held his hands up in defense. “I’m not getting in the middle of this. I just think you and Gabe need to talk.”
That, at least, I could agree with. I was just too much of a mess right now to know what I wanted to say. Jesse was right about one thing, though. For something that wasn’t supposed to be more than a formality, this marriage had gotten completely out of hand.
My phone buzzed. New texts from Gabe.
GABE: Brooklyn I have no idea. I’m just seeing this
GABE: I mean obviously Aiden put it up but I swear, I didn’t know
GABE: Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m calling him now
No idea? He’d had no idea? How could he have no idea about something like this?
Was it possible to be so angry that you felt like you were going to pass out? That you actually did pass out? Anger and panic were warring with each other in my stomach, anger fighting its way to the top, then getting dragged down by panic, only to climb back up once again. I was pretty sure that if I tried to stand up, I’d black out immediately.
And then this gem came in a second later:
GABE: On a scale of 1 to 10 how mad are you right now? Not that you don’t have a right to be but, like, just so I know?
How mad was I? I was…fuck. I didn’t even know. Take being mad that his brother had made the account at all, and add incredulous anger that Gabe somehow hadn’t known about it when apparently the entire rest of the world did, then multiply it by some kind of exponent over the fact that everybody but me seemed to think I was overreacting and lying to myself. I was mad to the Nth degree.
“You gonna respond to that?” I looked up to see Jesse reading the texts upside down on my phone.
“What the hell am I supposed to say?” I snapped.
He smiled sadly. “Just be honest?”
Honestly, I didn’t even know where to start. I just knew we needed to talk.
brOOKLYN: Just get home