Rebel Hearts

12. Nolan

12

NOLAN

“ H ey, you left this downstairs. I wanted to bring it up in case you—”

The words died on my lips as I took in the scene before me: Aiden, on his hands and knees on the queen bed in the center of his room, the soft yellow and white striped duvet poofing where his body made contact with the mattress.

Aiden, naked, his ass in the air, two fingers thrust into his hole to the first knuckle.

Then my ears caught up with my brain.

Fuck, I need your cock so bad, Daddy.

Sweet Jesus.

My jaw dropped, and Aiden’s eyes went wide. Neither of us moved for a long moment, until he gulped and slid his fingers out of his hole. It winked open, pink and inviting, for just a second. Fuck, what I wouldn’t have given to run my tongue across it, to make him writhe.

I pushed the thought away.

“God, do you ever knock?” Aiden turned and sat down on the bed, facing me. “This is the second time you’ve walked in on me like this.”

He made no move to get dressed. He just sat there, watching me. I swallowed.

I needed to move. I’d come upstairs to give him his sweater. I needed to toss it at him and walk away. Needed to put as much distance between myself and him as possible before I did something I regretted.

I stepped inside the room, closing the door softly behind me. Aiden’s brow furrowed, but he didn’t object.

“I don’t know. Do you ever lock doors?”

I set his sweater down on the corner of the dresser closest to me.

“I didn’t think I had to. I don’t exactly expect people to come barging into my hotel room.”

He still didn’t seem mad, though. More curious, than anything.

Leave, urged a little voice in the back of my mind. Leave before you do something stupid .

“And I don’t expect to walk in on people masturbating every time I turn a corner,” I said. Against all odds, I found myself smiling.

This was dangerous. Aiden was a flirt. He’d never been serious about a single thing in his life. He was the worst kind of guy for me to get mixed up with, even if it was just physical.

But I didn’t leave. Instead, I watched his face, the way it flashed from annoyance to exasperation to amusement, each expression so vivid and alive. He’d never learned to conceal his emotions. Never needed to.

“I wasn’t masturbating ,” he said after a moment.

“Oh? What word would you use to describe a guy fingering himself, alone in his bedroom?”

I couldn’t help it—my eyes dipped lower. He was still hard, and he hadn’t made any effort to conceal it. Unfortunately, Aiden noticed me looking and snickered.

“Like what you see?” he asked, and laughed even harder when I didn’t respond. “Okay, fine. Technically, I was masturbating. But I wasn’t just doing it for the hell of it.”

What was that supposed to mean?

Aiden looked over at the dresser. I thought he was looking at the sweater I’d delivered, until I saw his phone. His phone, which was propped up against a tissue box, facing the bed. Recording.

“I was doing it for an audience.”

My stomach dropped through the floor.

“Fuck,” I whispered. An errant detail swam back to the surface of my mind. I’d barely noticed it at the time, but evidently, it had lodged itself in my brain. “You had your phone out on the boat too. In the bathroom. You were recording yourself there too, weren’t you?”

Aiden’s cheeks went pink, but the look he gave me was pure challenge. “Is there a problem with that?”

“There is if you have a fucking boyfriend you’re sending those videos to,” I snapped. “I slept with you. You didn’t think to tell me that?”

“Boyfriend? What the hell are you—”

“You said you were single. I heard you. On camera, the first day, you said it. Does he even know what we’re doing, the way we’re—fuck, even if he does know, you still should have told me. You ever think that maybe I wouldn’t want to—”

“Nolan, calm down.” Aiden was moving off the bed, walking towards me. I backed up until I hit the door. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“You don’t?” I wanted to believe him, but I wasn’t sure I was thinking clearly. It was hard, with Aiden this near. This near and this naked.

“I don’t.” He was so close we were practically touching. “I promise. That’s not who the videos are for.”

I wasn’t sure what to say. He’d admitted he was making videos. That he had an audience , as he’d put it. What else could he have meant? Aiden growled in the back of his throat.

“You’d think I’d be used to that look from you by now,” he said. “You’re glaring at me, the sun rises in the east, what else is new? You don’t have any right to judge me, you know.”

“I’m not judging you,” I said, still struggling to pull my thoughts together. They were spinning like a pinwheel. “I’m just not sure I believe you.”

“Well, that sounds like a you problem.” He cocked his head to the side. “Anyway, you don’t have to be so dramatic about it. You didn’t sleep with me—something that you felt was very important to convey to me the night of the festival, by the way. You jerked me off one time .”

I looked at him flatly.

“Okay, fine, you fucked me with a spatula too, or whatever. But none of that counts as sleeping with me. You didn’t even let me reciprocate.”

“I don’t want you to reciprocate.” I pushed away from the door, walking farther into the room. It was the opposite of what I should have been doing, but at least it was away from him.

“And why is that?”

Aiden’s voice followed me, and when I turned, he was standing inches behind me, hands on hips, still not the least bit uncomfortable. How could he be so confident, so relaxed, acting like this was a perfectly normal conversation?

I crossed my arms. “I don’t know. Your age, for starters.”

That wasn’t the real reason, but it was a reason. Maybe it would work.

“I’m twenty-one.”

“And I’m twenty-eight. Don’t you see how weird that is?”

“That’s seven years.” Aiden made a face. “That’s nothing.”

“You were eleven when I graduated high school. You don’t think that’s fucked up?”

“I’m not eleven now, am I? Seriously, man. You’re not damaging me for life if we hook up.”

“You’re practically a fetus,” I muttered.

“That doesn’t even make sense,” he pressed. “If it were my age, you wouldn’t be willing to touch me at all, but you clearly don’t have a problem with that. You just won’t let me return the favor.”

“Maybe I regret doing what I did,” I said, backing up.

This time, it was the bed that stopped me. My knees buckled when I hit it, and I sat down heavily. I did regret this. I should have walked away as soon as I opened the door.

“Yeah, I know. You’ve said as much. But what I don’t get is why ?”

“Forget it,” I said. But Aiden didn’t want to.

“Is there something wrong with me?” He put his hands on his hips again.

I rolled my eyes and looked away, so, of course, Aiden put a finger under my chin and dragged it back until I was facing him. It was pushy, and demanding, and annoyed the hell out of me. But I didn’t stop him.

And despite myself, I looked him up and down. God, he was perfect. I actually had to close my eyes for a moment, just to catch my breath. When I opened them, I looked very carefully at his face and nowhere else.

“No. Obviously there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Then why—”

“Look, it’s not you, okay? It’s me. Can’t we just leave it at that?” I blinked when Aiden burst out laughing. “What?”

“It’s just—” He shook his head. “The whole it’s not you, it’s me thing? That’s what people say when they’re dumping someone, but we were never even dating. It’s just kinda funny, don’t you think?”

Was it? Around Aiden, I got so mixed up, I couldn’t tell up from down. Time to change the subject.

“What’s the deal with the videos, then, if they’re not for a guy back home?” I nodded over at the dresser. Aiden flushed but didn’t say anything. “What, now you’re shy?”

“I’m not shy.” He glared at me. “I’m just trying to figure out how to phrase it so I get the least amount of lecturing from you. Not that it’s any of your business what I do or don’t do in my free time, and not that I care if you think it is, but—”

“Aiden,” I interrupted. “You’ve seen me at my worst, and you took care of me when I didn’t deserve it. Trust me, I’m in no position to judge or lecture.”

“Fine. It’s for porn.”

“Really?”

“Not like, with a studio or anything. But I have a CamFans account.” His stare got even more defiant. “Still sure you’re not judging?”

Was I?

A welter of emotions clamored for attention in my chest, and I wasn’t sure I could even pull them apart, let alone put names to them. I was surprised—though I probably shouldn’t have been, all things considered. There might have been a little jealousy, too, which was stupid. I didn’t own Aiden, and he didn’t owe me anything. We weren’t even dating for real. He could do whatever he wanted.

But the primary emotion, the one that rose above all the others and crowded them out, wasn’t judgement. It was fear. Not for me, but for Aiden. A sick, gut-twisting, heart-squeezing fear that he hadn’t considered all the ways this could go wrong, all the ways he could get hurt. That, and a bone-deep certainty that he wouldn’t want to hear me say that.

“I’m not judging,” I said carefully.

“Really?”

“Really.” I took a deep breath. “And I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions about the boyfriend thing.”

“It’s okay.” Aiden moved over to the bed and sat down a few feet away from me. “I probably wouldn’t trust me either, under the circumstances.”

I gave him a sidelong look. “How long have you had your account?”

“A few months.” He shrugged. “I’d pretty much given up on acting when I started it, but my body is the one thing I have going for me. If I don’t take advantage of my looks while I can, what else do I have?”

“That’s ridiculous. You have way more than—”

“Hey, no lecturing, remember?”

The stern look was out of place on his face, but I nodded. I wanted to tell him not to think that way about himself. But I owed Aiden—owed him a lot—for taking care of me the night of the festival. If he didn’t want a lecture, the least I could do was try.

Then a thought occurred to me. “Doesn’t A Piece of Cake have a no-social-media policy?”

“Technically, I don’t think CamFans counts as social media. Since you have to pay for it.”

“I’m pretty sure we also signed something saying we wouldn’t do anything that could bring harm to the show or the network.”

“How is me looking hot while naked harmful?”

“Aiden.” I sighed.

He looked down at his hands. “I mean, what are the chances they’re actually going to find out about it?”

“Probably larger than you think.”

“Well, what was I supposed to do? It’s not like I have other good options for making money. I’ve been trying to make the acting thing work for three years, you know. My rent keeps going up, and tips at the coffee shop suck, and there’s no fucking way I’m moving home. I started my CamFans account before I got cast on A Piece of Cake . I’m not going to shut it down just because I’m here now. I need something to fall back on.”

“But every week you’re here, you get closer to someone putting two and two together. You’re not worried?”

“Of course I am. But it’s all I have. There are only so many more years I can pretend to be eighteen before people stop believing it.”

“What?” My heart leapt into my throat. “Are you actually—oh my God, please tell me you’re not a minor.”

“God, no. I’m twenty-one. Calm down.” He quirked an eyebrow. “Are you always this anxious?”

“Literally, yes. Always. How has that not become clear to you by now?” I rolled my shoulders uncomfortably. “Anyway, you would be too if the guy you’d shoved a spatula into said something about not being eighteen yet.”

“I didn’t say yet . The pretending goes the other way.”

“I’m confused.”

“For my account. People are really into the idea that I’m barely legal.”

“Oh.”

I flushed. It made sense, when he put it like that. I felt like an idiot for getting so freaked out. But being around Aiden was like getting injected with pure adrenaline every three minutes. My body was flooded with stress hormones.

And other ones, too.

“So that’s what the whole Daddy thing was about, when I—I mean, when I came up here, I kinda heard you say—”

“Yeah.” Aiden laughed. “Yeah, that’s what that’s about. You’d be amazed at how many people request that kind of video.”

“I didn’t realize people could request things.”

“Well, I don’t have to listen. Someone asked me to pee in a pair of tighty-whities and mail them to him, once.”

“Please tell me you didn’t.”

“Jesus, no. I’m not an idiot. I don’t want random people to have my DNA to do God knows what with.” Aiden chuckled. “You really are uptight about this stuff, huh?”

“I’m not uptight , I just—” I broke off, my lips twisting. “Okay, fine. Maybe I am uptight.”

“My point is just that people can ask for lots of things, and you can pick the ones you’re comfortable with. And it turns out, it’s very lucrative for me to pretend to be an eighteen-year-old who still lives at home and has a giant crush on his stepfather.”

“That’s specific.”

“Oh, you have no idea.” He grinned. “I’ve got a whole persona. In this world, my name is Sam, and my stepdad is Greg, a forty-three-year-old electrician who plays guitar in a band with other dads on the weekends. He loves rye whiskey, rare steak, and making fly fishing lures in his workshop in his free time. Oh, and me. He loves me, but he’s terribly ashamed of it and still in denial.”

“And people…like that?”

“They’re the ones who suggested it! And they get rabid if I don’t post enough. That day on the ferry? I was trying to write up a text post for my subscribers, and the guy sitting next to me saw all the Daddy stuff and told me I was going to hell. He’s the one I saw you talking to. Anyway, he’s either very religious or deeply in denial about his own Daddy kink, because he spilled his coffee on me on purpose. That’s what I was doing in the bathroom—trying to clean my jeans off.”

“If I remember correctly, you were doing a little more than just that.”

Aiden giggled. “Well, yeah. Once I was undressed, I started thinking about how hot it would be if some gorgeous sailor fucked me in a lifeboat, and I thought maybe a video about that fantasy would tide my subscribers over.”

“But you were in public.”

“I was in a single-stall bathroom.”

“That you hadn’t locked.”

“I forgot that part! I was a little distracted when I first got in there, what with the whole scalding coffee on my dick thing.”

I knew I should let it go. It wasn’t any of my business what Aiden did in his free time. He was obviously committed to keeping his account live. And for once, we were talking normally. I didn’t want to start another fight.

But he must have seen the misgiving on my face.

“Just say it,” he told me.

“Say what?”

“Whatever it is that you’re trying to hold back right now. It’s making you look seasick. I know I said no judging, but come on, I’m sure you’re dying to.”

“I’m not judging.”

“But?”

“There’s no but ,” I protested. Aiden arched an eyebrow, and I sighed. “It’s more of an and than a but .”

“Just spit it out.”

“I just—aren’t you worried?”

“About the show? I already told you, I’m not going to—”

“Not about the show. About yourself.” I closed my eyes. “About your safety.”

I expected him to laugh, or maybe to snap at me again, so I was surprised when he didn’t respond immediately. When I opened my eyes, he was staring into space, his lips pressed into a thin line.

“I don’t think anybody cares enough about me to do anything creepy in real life.”

I frowned. That pause. That thousand-yard stare.

“Does that mean people are doing creepy things to you online?”

He didn’t answer.

“Aiden, does that mean that people are harassing you online?”

He looked down. “Not people ,” he said carefully. “ A person. And it’s not harassment. He’s just…a little weird.”

“Aiden—”

“Don’t do that.” He shot me an aggrieved look. “Don’t say my name like that, like I’m some dumb kid who doesn’t know how to take care of himself.”

“I’m not saying that.”

“You don’t have to. You exude it, just by looking at me. But I’m fine . He doesn’t know my real name, doesn’t know where I live—”

“You’re on TV , Aiden. One of these days, someone’s gonna figure it out.”

“So what if they do? It’s not like he’s gonna come here and track me down. He’s just a weird guy who gets off on being aggressive online. He sends his messages, jerks off thinking about me reading them, and then forgets I exist. It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine if it’s making you uncomfortable. Even if he never does anything else, if you don’t like it—”

“At least he fucking wants me,” Aiden snapped. “You know, I don’t even know why I’m taking advice from you. It’s not like you’ve been exactly normal in your behavior either.”

I sucked in a sharp breath of air.

“I thought—I thought everything we did was completely consensual. If I misread things, I—fuck, I’m sorry, I never meant to—”

“Not that , you idiot.” Aiden jumped off the bed and stared at me. “Of course it was consensual. I’m saying it’s fucking weird that you won’t let me touch you. Your little power trip. It’s strange.”

My heart thumped loudly. “It’s not a power trip.”

“Then what is it? Are you still hung up on Mal or something?”

“On Mal ?”

“Yeah.” Aiden looked down at me. “You told me the night of the festival that you and he had hooked up.”

“I did?”

“Yes. And I’m beginning to think that it was more than just a hookup, if you won’t let anyone else—”

“Jesus, no. I’m not still hung up on Mal. I never was hung up on him.”

“You’re sure about that?”

“Yes. I met Mal when he first moved to DC. He was lost. In all senses of the word. He needed a job and a place to stay. We hooked up a few times early on, but it became clear very quickly that we worked better as friends. He needed someone like Deacon. And I…”

“What do you need, Nolan?”

I inhaled slowly. Made myself count to ten before answering.

“I don’t do relationships.”

“You’ve said as much. But I’m not asking you to do one. Not for real. I’m just asking you to let me make you feel good.”

I looked down at my hands. I had two options here. Explain everything to Aiden. Actually explain it, instead of talking around it. Which would involve thinking about it. Acknowledging it. Admitting it had happened.

Or I could leave. I could stand up, walk out of here, and never talk about this again.

Nobody was making me answer. Only I could decide.

I took a shaky breath. “It’s about control.”

“What is?”

“Sex. It’s not that I—I just don’t—I can’t…let go of control. Not very easily.”

“Really? You don’t say.”

I didn’t have to look up to know Aiden was smiling sardonically.

“I’m serious. When I say I don’t want you to—to touch me. It’s not about you. It’s just easier to get other people off, and then take care of myself later.”

“What, like you make me come and then you go jerk off all sad and alone?”

“It’s nice to know I have such a sympathetic listener.”

“I’m sorry! I’m not trying to make you feel bad about yourself. I just don’t get it. You’re hot. And I’m pretty sure you don’t have like, a micro-dick. And even if you did, that’s no reason to hide yourself away. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“It’s not shame,” I snapped. “It’s—it’s—”

Fuck, was it shame?

My heart was thumping so hard, I was surprised it hadn’t shattered my ribs. The thought of spilling any more was unbearable. I felt like I might throw up.

“The reason I’m worried about your CamFans account,” I said slowly, “isn’t because I think you’re too stupid to take care of yourself. It’s because I know that even when you do take precautions, even when you do everything right, you can still get royally, royally fucked over.”

I looked up at him, at his eyes that were so immensely blue.

“About a year ago, I was at a party. There was this guy. We’d been flirting for a while, had some mutual friends. He was hosting a goodbye party for someone and asked me to come over. And like I said, I don’t date, but I figured it would be a fun night. That we’d hook up, have a good time, and I’d go home.”

I made myself continue. “The last thing I remember is him saying he was going to get me another beer. Then everything goes blank. All I know is that I woke up the next day—the next afternoon , not even the morning—in a bed that was not his bed, an apartment that was not his apartment, with no memory of how I got there. I was naked. And I was…sore.”

I closed my eyes for a moment, willing the tears I felt pressing at the backs of them to subside.

“I tried not to freak out about it at first. I’d gone out with the intention to hook up with him. But then a different guy, a guy I’d never seen before, walked into the room and said—”

I broke off. His words were burned into my memory, but that didn’t make them any easier to say.

“Nolan, you don’t have to talk about this,” Aiden said, but I shook my head. If I was going to tell him anything, it wouldn’t do any good unless I told him everything.

“He said, ‘ Oh, you’re up. The guys will be excited. Want to go for round two? Or I guess it would be more like round six, actually .’”

“Fuck.”

“Needless to say, I left pretty quickly. Found my clothes and stumbled out of there. On the bus back to my place, the other guy, the one I’d gone out to meet, texted me and asked how I was doing. His exact words were, ‘ You were pretty wild last night. Love to see you again tonight, if you’re down .’”

“Jesus. Did he—do you think he gave you something? Or that the other guy—”

“I don’t know,” I said fiercely. “I was too embarrassed to ask. Too ashamed to admit that I didn’t remember. And I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to know. I mean, which is worse—getting roofied, or just drinking so much of your own accord that you black out?”

“But you didn’t just black out, you were—” Aiden broke off, looking horrified.

“Yeah. Yeah, I was.”

“Oh no. So last week, after the festival. When you woke up here, and you didn’t remember anything, with me in your bed…”

I nodded. “Not a great feeling.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I know—I know nothing happened between us that night. And please believe me when I say that I’m grateful to you for making sure I was okay. But do you see now, why I…I mean, I’ve been so careful . I don’t drink alcohol when I don’t know what’s in it anymore. I don’t get drunk around people I don’t know. I don’t get drunk, period. But you can do everything right and still get screwed.”

I shook my head. “When I see you, when I see how carefree you are about sex, it just—it scares me. I don’t want you to get hurt. Trust me, it’s not a lesson you want to learn the hard way.”

Aiden was quiet for a moment. Then he knelt on the carpet in front of me and took my hands in his.

“I appreciate that. I do. And I don’t want you to think that I’m making light of the dangers or anything. But what happened to you isn’t normal . I’m not saying that to make you feel bad. I’m saying it because I don’t think the lesson you should take away from it is that it was your fault for not being more careful. I think the lesson is that that guy—all those guys—were assholes who took advantage of you, and that you should be angry .”

“You think I’m not angry?” I said incredulously. “Of course I’m fucking angry. I’m mad as hell. But that doesn’t change what happened. It doesn’t change the fact that the world we live in is fucked up, and that you have to be careful.”

“So that’s your solution? To be pissed, and closed off, and let those guys ruin sex for you forever?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“I know it’s not that simple. I know trauma exists. I get that. I’m not trying to push you to do anything you don’t want to do. I’m just saying that, you know, if you wanted to hook up, I hate that you feel like you can’t, just because some absolute pieces of garbage made you feel like you can’t trust anyone.”

“It wasn’t just them,” I said with a bitter laugh. “Believe me, that was a lesson life taught me nice and early. Those guys were just a reminder that I’d gotten sloppy.” The look Aiden gave me then was so gentle, it broke my heart. I slipped one hand free and brought my thumb to his chin, tilting it up just slightly. “It’s not you, okay? I need you to know that. It’s just, like I said, it’s hard to let go of control.”

“So be in control then.” Aiden stared back at me, his blue eyes intense. “Do whatever you need to feel comfortable.”

Did he have any idea what those words did to me? What his eyes did to me? His lips, his face, his everything?

I cleared my throat. “I’m not really sure I could pass for stepdad material.”

“For stepdad material?” Aiden looked confused, until I looked over at his phone. “Oh. That. Forget that. Who cares about that?”

He stood up, marched over to the dresser, and turned his phone off, flipping it face down before coming back to the bed. He was kneeling at my feet again so quickly that it was hard to believe he’d ever moved. He slid a hand onto my thigh, and every cell of my body caught fire.

“You can have me however you want,” he whispered. “However you need it to be.”

His hand slid inward. He had to see how hard I was—it was unmistakable. He stopped before he reached my cock, though, waiting for me to tell him it was okay.

“I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with,” he said, his lips quirking into a smile. “All I’m saying is, are you really going to leave me in your orgasm debt forever? I owe you two at this point.”

His eyes were so blue. I wanted to say yes. I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anything, but I was frozen. Transfixed by this mercurial, impossible man who bulldozed through every one of my defenses, and had me liking it.

Would it really be so bad to let go? To let him see me unguarded?

He lifted his hand, found mine, and brought it to his mouth. Uncurled my index finger and slid it between his lips. Swirled his tongue around it. A tiny moan escaped me, unbidden. Aiden’s eyes flashed in triumph.

He pulled my finger from his mouth, dripping now. “I’ll beg if you want me to.”

The words unlocked something inside me. My free hand fumbled for my zipper, and his smile grew even bigger.

“I just want to taste you,” he whispered. “I’ve wanted it for so long.”

I couldn’t hold back any longer. I wanted him. I wanted all of him. Now.

Aiden gasped when my cock sprang free. I didn’t know if it was real, or if he was putting on a show, but I didn’t care. He looked at it with longing, and something in my core twitched as he brought a hand to my shaft.

I was already leaking precum, and his fingers were soft as they ran over my skin and across my slit. He brought them to his mouth and licked them clean. My cock throbbed at the sight.

He started stroking me again, his other hand going to my thigh, but I caught it with my own. He looked up, eyes wide, pupils dilated. Like he was waiting for instruction.

“Touch yourself.” My voice was raw.

His cock had never really softened completely, and he stroked himself eagerly. A part of me I hadn’t realized was still tense finally relaxed. It made it easier, made me feel less like I was on display, if Aiden was touching himself too. Besides, it was hot, watching him work our cocks in tandem.

He stopped for a moment, bringing his hands to my knees and pushing them apart. He slid closer and licked his lips.

“Can I?” he asked, looking up.

“Yeah. Fuck, yes.”

He licked a long stripe up the underside of my shaft, then took the head into his mouth. I moaned and slipped a hand into his hair. He hummed, sucking down harder.

He was sloppy, getting my cock incredibly wet, letting spit coat his lips and chin, and he smiled up at me as he did it, not an ounce of shame in him. Fuck, that was hot. I couldn’t bring myself to act like that anymore, but I could appreciate the hell out of it when he did.

He pulled off to tongue my balls, then took hold of my cock again and smacked it against his cheek.

“Do whatever you want to me.” His grin was positively debauched. “Use me. I want you to.”

Those words lit a match inside me. Could he possibly know how much of a turn-on that was? He must have seen the hesitation on my face, because he smiled again.

“I mean it, dude. I let you fuck me with a spatula. I don’t think there are a lot of boundaries left for us to cross.”

I inhaled sharply and nodded. Tightening my fingers in Aiden’s hair, I gave an experimental tug. He slipped my cock back into his mouth and whined in appreciation when I did it again.

“Both hands.”

He pulled off just long enough to say that before taking me back down, but that was all I needed to hear. I slid my other hand into his hair and pulled him forward, taking control. He moaned and stroked himself faster as I fucked his mouth. Christ, he was actually enjoying this.

I tried to be careful. Tried not to do anything that might hurt him. But the closer I got to coming, the rougher my movements got. I hit the back of his throat on one thrust and pulled away with a jump.

“S-sorry,” I stammered.

Aiden just shook his head and sucked me down until I felt my cock press against his throat again. He locked eyes with me as he did it, as if to show me it was okay.

It was too much—his perfect body, kneeling in front of me. His hand working his own cock, just like I’d told him to. His eyes wide and lust-shot as I used his mouth.

“Fuck, I’m close,” I groaned.

Aiden whimpered around my cock, stroking himself even harder. I thought about coming down his throat, how satisfying that would be, but something about him on his knees changed my mind. I pushed him back, pulling out of his mouth.

“What are you—” he began, but I cut him off.

“Stay just like that,” I told him, sliding my hands out of his hair. I brought one to my cock, the other to his mouth, tugging his lower lip down with my thumb. “Just like that. You’re perfect. So. Fucking. Perfect.”

I came, hitting his open mouth with one shot, then his cheek, then his chin. Aiden whined, his hand working his cock furiously as his tongue darted out to catch the drops of cum that clung to his lower lip.

I brought the tip of my cock to his cheek, picking up the strand of cum that lay there, and moved it to his lips. He lapped it up eagerly, then swirled his tongue around the head again. It was almost too sensitive, but I didn’t want him to stop.

“That’s it,” I told him. “Show me how much you like it.”

I swept up another few drops of cum and fed them to him, and as I brought the final bit that had landed on his chin up to his lips, he groaned, his whole body shuddering as he came onto the carpet.

He sucked the tip of my cock into his mouth one final time before closing his eyes and letting it fall. He leaned forward, resting his head against my thigh, panting. I stroked the back of his neck. I felt strangely at peace, and had the sense that once either of us moved, that would disappear.

I didn’t want it to.

“Fuck, I’m going to have to ask Mal for carpet cleaner,” Aiden said with an exhausted laugh after a minute. I followed his gaze to the wet patch he’d left on the floor. “Do you think he’d buy it if I told him I spilled heavy cream up here or something?”

I laughed. “I doubt it. But Mal’s made of sterner stuff than he looks. I’m sure he’s seen worse. And at least you’re not making him do the cleaning.”

“Good point.”

“Actually,” I said, zipping myself back up with a sigh, “I can go down and ask him for it if you want. I am partially responsible, after all.”

Aiden shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

“You sure? I really don’t mind.”

“Positive.” He smiled. “I told you to use me however you wanted, didn’t I?”

“Well, yeah, but I thought that was just for sex. I didn’t realize it extended to the after-sex cleanup, too.”

“It’s your lucky day, then.”

Aiden got to his feet and walked away. I frowned, until I realized he was just picking up his briefs from where he’d folded them up with the rest of his clothes. He pulled them on and turned back to me.

“Really, Nolan, it’s fine. You don’t owe me anything.”

He was being perfectly nice, but I couldn’t help feeling like I was being rebuffed. It didn’t make any sense. It had to just be because I wasn’t used to this—the aftermath of a hookup where I’d actually gotten off.

I was probably making it weird.

“Alright. I guess I’ll just…see you around then?”

“Sounds good.” Aiden smiled brightly.

I nodded. There was nothing else to do but leave. So I did, closing the door behind me with a final wave and walking back to my room.

There was no reason to feel weird about any of this. I’d been perfectly clear with Aiden that this thing between us was physical, nothing more. And he understood that. We’d had fun, which was honestly a minor miracle, considering how much we were usually at each other’s throats. This was a good thing.

So why couldn’t I shake the feeling that something was wrong? And why the hell couldn’t I get him out of my mind for the rest of the night?