Chapter Eighteen #2
“Thou dost protest too much,” Zia said smirking.
I aimed the full force of my glare upon her. “Not a word.”
Ansel walked up behind me and propped his chin on my head. “Seems like you’ve cocked it good and proper, Cousin. You promised me you wouldn’t get caught and that no one would suspect a thing.”
I huffed a breath. “I suppose I bit off more than I could chew.”
The girls frowned in unison. “Wait, Ansel knew all along?” Ela asked, pouring three steaming cups of tea before handing me one.
“How do you think he was able to live his best life in Europe?” I replied, glancing at him. “Was it everything you hoped for?”
“And more,” my cousin said. “Life-changing.”
Much like Cambridge had been for me.
With a sigh, I blew on the hot tea as Blake grunted with disbelief. “So let me get this right. You pretended to be your cousin? As in a gentleman?”
“Like it’s hard?” I scoffed as Zia and Ela dissolved into giggles. “You walk around swaggering and talk about yourselves ad nauseam. Pretending to be a boy is easy.”
“Not so easy if you got found out,” he shot back.
Oh, I wanted to stomp over there and punch him right in his infuriating nose. “Thanks to you.”
He pressed an aggrieved palm to his chest. “Me?”
“You were the one who told them that Ansel was in Greece! Why couldn’t you have just stayed quiet? You’re always blathering, Blake, like your mouth is a bloody broken faucet. You’re worse than half the women in the ton, I swear—” I broke off, registering the hurt on Blake’s face much too late.
“It’s not his fault, Roz,” Ansel said gently, lowering himself to the carpet beside my chair and propping his elbows on his knees. “He can’t be responsible for your actions.”
Disgusted with myself, I closed my eyes, pressing the bridge of my nose hard with my thumb and forefinger. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Blake. I didn’t mean it.”
“Forgiven,” he chirped, happy again now that one of the kitchen maids had delivered a freshly steamed basket of bao.
“Just like that?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Sometimes the hardest part of apologizing is the apology itself. You don’t have to overthink it, Roz.
If you’re sorry, say you’re sorry and mean it.
Sincerity always comes through, and if someone cares enough to receive your words, then it’ll work out.
If they don’t, then that’s nothing you can control. ”
“I don’t think it’s going to be that easy with St. Clair,” I said, burying my face in my hands, knowing well that Blake was talking about Tarik and not the apology I’d just given him. “You saw him in the arbor. He was so angry that I’d deceived him. I don’t think there’s any coming back from this.”
“Wait.” Zia stood so quickly that her chair nearly toppled back, anchored at the last second by Ansel’s foot.
“You mean to tell me that YOU, Rosalin Chen, masterminded nearly an entire term at Cambridge University pretending to be Ansel Chen, while actively doing reading, coursework, and having academic discussions about what I presume is a strenuous academic curriculum, to the point where you’d made actual friends who seem to genuinely like you, along with a tutor who was very impressed by your accomplishments this term, WANT TO GIVE UP NOW?
” She practically bellowed the last part.
“Um, yes?” I muttered, slightly afraid after her unhinged rant.
“No.” She shook her head. “I won’t allow it.
Honestly, how can someone so brilliant be so nonsensical?
Not everyone can thrive at university, much less a woman, who isn’t allowed to attend in the first place.
You’re a trailblazer!” Then she turned to Ansel.
“No offense, but everyone knows you’re not the sharpest tool in the shed, even with your fake spectacles. ”
“Oy!” Ansel protested, shoving said spectacles up his nose. “I’m sharp, and they’re very real.”
“Ela?” I asked, ignoring my cousin’s outburst.
She threw both hands into the air with a grimace.
“Don’t look at me. I’m with her. Zia’s not wrong.
Do you know how amazing what you’ve done is?
You did something none of us has ever attempted, proving we’re just as smart as men.
” She stopped, thinking for a moment. “But let’s pause briefly.
What were you hoping to accomplish? What did you want? ”
I shrugged. “I wanted to learn about mathematics and astronomy from the best. I wanted to do something for me before I lost all freedom,” I said dismally. “You all know what Papa said. He was going to pick a husband for me by the end of the season if I couldn’t find someone suitable myself.”
“And your gentleman tutor wasn’t in the running?” Ela asked frowning. “Or have I misread this entire situation somehow?”
“He’s a commoner,” I said quietly. “The thing is…we fabricated his origins so he could make some acquaintances to help him get started on his brilliant idea of a social club where men and women would be equally welcomed. The pedigree falsehoods were my idea, not his. No one would take him seriously if he wasn’t already someone of influence.
” I huffed. “We might be powerful, but we are as shallow as a puddle in the height of summer.”
Blake sat up, his expression thoughtful.
“I liked St. Clair’s proposal. I thought it was well thought-out, and if he had the proper financials, it could be a windfall for everyone involved.
Nothing like it exists in London. Not White’s, Boodle’s, Danforth’s Den, or any of the others.
Ridley and Nasser liked the concept as well,” Blake went on.
“It doesn’t matter to us what his lineage is.
I’m only speaking for myself, of course. ”
“Blake’s right,” Ela said. “Keston would likely care about the odds of success, growth, and measurable returns.”
Zia nodded, eyes shining with excitement.
“Rafi, too. And he has more than enough money to invest in anything that takes his fancy…or mine. And what a brilliant idea, not just financially. Think of the doubled membership by adding women, but also accessibility for our sex to participate in intellectual discussions. Can you imagine attending a literary discussion with Mary Shelley at the forefront? I would positively die.” She pretended to swoon, and we all smiled, knowing her singular obsession with said author.
“I hardly think his lack of a title would matter in this case.”
Nodding fervently, Blake demolished another bun and patted his stomach. “Besides, your boy is supposedly on track to become a bloody Fellow at Trinity College. I’m quite sure that means he’s already outclassing half the ton in intelligence.”
I bit my lip. He wasn’t my boy.
“He is a genius,” I said through a tight throat.
Dejection hit me like a tidal wave again. Was he thinking about me? Missing me the way I was missing him? Everything felt surreal, like I was dreaming or imagining it all. Maybe I would wake up and get in the carriage to go back to Trinity the next morning, and everything would be back to normal.
But that wasn’t true. I couldn’t go back there. Not as a woman anyway. And it wasn’t just Tarik and me; Will and the twins knew now as well.
Secrets had a way of coming out…
And the truth was I’d already lost Tarik enough opportunities and prospects.
I wouldn’t want to jeopardize his future at the college, if word were to get out.
I’d had Anna scouring the newssheets and the gossip rags, but by some miracle, no one had written about the daughter of the Duke of Delmont dressing like a boy to attend university.
But perhaps it was only a matter of time.
There was speculation, of course, that I’d cavorted with a footman or spurned one of my suitors, which was why my father had seemed so furious at our ball.
A rap on the door had us all twisting around to see who it was as Anna answered. Mama entered the room in a swish of emerald skirts, and everyone immediately snapped to attention. The duchess had a way of doing that. She wasn’t alone either. Dr. Barker, our family physician, followed in her wake.
“Your Grace,” my friends murmured, as my mother canted her head in greeting, her eyes darting to me where I sat nibbling a half-eaten bao.
“Good, you’re finally up, hái zi.”
I gulped at her soft voice. The fact that she was calling me child in Chinese was indicative of her unusually frazzled state of mind. “Yes, Mama.”
“Dr. Barker is here to have a look at you. When you weren’t eating properly, I was worried. He’ll see you in your chamber.”
The doctor followed as I rose and padded obediently to the bedroom, accompanied by Anna, who stood by the closed door as chaperone. I perched on an armchair near the window as he opened his bag and pulled out his instruments.
“May I inspect your heart and lungs?” Dr. Barker asked in his high-pitched voice, and I gave my consent.
It was something I’d always liked about him.
He asked every time, which was uncommon.
Most male doctors didn’t ask for permission before they examined a patient.
He lifted a stethoscope—a hollow wooden-and-brass tube resembling a telescope that I instantly wanted to study—in his delicately boned hands and placed the conical end to my back and the smaller end to his ear.
He listened for a moment and then moved it lower.
“Can you inhale for me, please?” When I complied, he listened again and then nodded.
“And exhale. Good. When did you last eat?”
“I had a bit of bao when you arrived,” I said. “But not much.”
“Do you have pains when eating?”
I shook my head. “No, it’s not that. I’m just not hungry.”
He continued to check my eyes, my throat, and my ears before sitting back.
I observed his face as he checked my pulse and temperature.
At such close proximity, Dr. Barker’s smooth chin and jaw were exceptionally clean-shaven…
as in not shaven at all. His nose was large and his lips quite thin, but he certainly did not have the typical facial stubble of a man.
“The duchess said there was an incident with a young gent, and you might have caught a chill in the rain, but your lungs are clear.” He paused, studying my wan face.
“The mind, by way of the heart, can certainly have an impact on the body,” he said as he closed his bag.
“You need to keep yourself nourished, my lady, which means eating a balanced, healthy diet.”
“I understand.” I stared at him and felt an odd burst of admiration for everything he’d accomplished, every hurdle he’d soared over, and every obstacle he’d faced.
Because he’d triumphed in the face of adversity and was living life according to his own terms. I admired that.
If we could all live so authentically, people would be so much happier.
Alas, not everyone had the means or the forbearance to do so, especially in an unforgiving world.
“Thank you, Dr. Barker.”
“You’re very welcome, my lady.”
After the physician took his leave, I padded back into the antechamber, where he was speaking to my mother as they both left the room.
She seemed lighter, which was a relief. I didn’t want to cause her undue worry.
I sent a reassuring glance to my friends and resumed my meal, making more of an effort to finish it.
Their concerned gazes, however, did not relent.
“I promise I am fine,” I said.
“Good,” Ela and Zia chorused.
Another knock on the door had Anna rising to check again, and I wondered if it was my mother again, but a deep voice from one of the footmen ensued. “There’s a young gent downstairs for you,” Anna said. “Says his name is Viscount Humbolt and he must see you posthaste.”
I blinked. What was Will doing here?
Anna pursed her lips. “He’s not alone.”
My heart shot like an arrow to my throat. Surely not Tarik? I shared a wild look with my friends as we collectively shoved to our feet and descended to the main floor like a herd of elephants. But when my eyes canvassed the group waiting in the front salon, the hope in me crashed.
He wasn’t there.
Will was accompanied by the twins and Harold. Once more, my worlds were coming together—my old friends and my new ones—though this collision did not fill me with dread. I was glad to see them.
“Roz!” Will exclaimed and blushed. “Er, Lady Rosalin, I mean. Deuce it.”
I forced a smile to my face. “Roz is fine.”
“Lady Rosalin,” Klaus crooned, giving me a once over. “Who knew all of that was under the glasses and facial hair.”
Kristof made a smacking noise with his lips. “You’re looking fetching today.”
I let out a huff of laughter. I’d missed them, and it warmed me that they treated me the same. “Stop it, both of you.”
They pouted in unison and then set their sights to Zia, who promptly held up a palm. “No. I cannot be responsible for any bloodshed. My fiancé has excellent aim.”
Ela shook her head before the twin profligates could even swing her way. “Married.”
“What a husband doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” Klaus said, waggling his blond brows.
“Yes, but he’d hurt you,” she replied with a wink. “And besides, I would know.”
Good God, the twins were menaces. Herding the rest of us into the already-crowded salon, out of sight of the very curious staff who would undoubtedly report back to my parents, I signaled to Anna to close the door. “Everyone, find a seat.”
When that was done, I made quick introductions.
“This is my cousin, Lord Ansel, the real one.” He grinned with an insouciant wave.
“These three are Lord Blake, Lady Ela, and Lady Zia.” Then I pointed to the university boys in turn.
“These are my mates from Trinity, Viscount William Humbolt, Mr. Klaus and Mr. Kristof Blendel, and Mr. Harold Jennings.” I exhaled and smoothed my dress, perching delicately on a chair. “Now, what are you all doing here?”
They exchanged a fraught look as Will blanched. “It’s St. Clair. He’s in trouble.”