Chapter 17 #2
As we roasted marshmallows—or in Derrick’s case, lit them on fire until they were charred—a light, warm feeling spread from my chest to the rest of my body, chasing away the chill I’d felt the moment I stepped from the car.
For the first time in a long time, I felt a happiness so unfiltered that it made me dizzy.
Maybe it was the fact that Derrick was a loose cannon and could make everyone laugh, or maybe it was Simon’s truly cheesy poetry, or even Tee’s mellow temperament.
The group around the fire truly felt like a band of misfits, and with me added to the mix, it made for a perfect night.
It made me wonder if it was indeed possible to get drunk off of laughter. It was a sensation I’d always link to the word freedom.
“So, Gemma,” Simon piped up from the other side of the fire. He had his legs folded in front of him, his hands on his knees. “What made you want to hang around Hudson? No one really does.”
“Thanks,” Hudson replied from where he sat beside me, loading another marshmallow onto a stick.
“Oh, you know what I mean. Everyone at school runs for the hills from the Grim Reaper. No offense, Gemma, but from what everyone’s said, this sounds out of character for you.”
“He’s not as bad as everyone makes him out to be,” I said as if Hudson wasn’t right beside me. “Not all the time, anyway.”
He rolled his eyes at me, but I caught a glimpse of a smile. His attention lingered on me for a moment. “Hold this,” he instructed, passing me the stick. “I’ll be right back.”
I twirled the stick between my fingers, watching as he hurried off toward the car.
“We’re protective of him,” Tee said, drawing my gaze to them. Derrick and Tee sat on a separate blanket on the other side of the bonfire, illuminated by the flames. “He’s got a lot on his plate, and it’s not like anyone’s willing to help him out.”
Derrick nudged Tee’s arm. “Except for Gemma. She’s mentoring him, remember?”
Tee’s gaze didn’t soften from its firm stare, looking at me as if they could see through me. It wasn’t necessarily unkind, but it wasn’t overly friendly, either. “Is it for his benefit, though? Or is it more for yours?”
That sucked the air right out of me, but I understood where they were coming from.
It was clear it was coming from a protective friend’s perspective, and quite honestly, I was glad Hudson had one of those.
After seeing how people literally backed away from him at school, I was glad he had his own friend group.
“I want to be there for him,” I said eventually, looking over to see Hudson’s shadow coming back. “Like you’re there for him.”
Tee narrowed their eyes a bit before giving a satisfied nod, a hint of a relenting smile on their lips. “Good answer.”
Suddenly, something soft draped across my bare legs, taking away a bit of the biting chill of the breeze.
Hudson readjusted the blanket so it covered me, fully focused on the task.
“I should’ve told you it was outdoors,” he said, taking the marshmallow stick from me.
His eyes met mine. “But I do like the skirt.”
And suddenly I was very, very warm.
Hudson made a few more s’mores for everyone, but I’d filled up on them quickly, rubbing my hands together to get rid of their stickiness.
Simon migrated his way over to sit beside me since that was where the chocolate was.
Derrick walked his fingers up Tee’s sweatpants-clad leg.
Instead of swatting him off, though, Tee ignored him with a bored expression on their face until Derrick’s fingers were on top of their knee.
And then they leaned down and tried to bite him.
“Don’t mind those two,” Simon whispered to me, unwrapping another chocolate bar. “They’ve been in love with each other since, like, the fifth grade.”
“Derrick’s been in love with Tee since the fifth grade,” Hudson corrected, tightening his hold on his stick. He was on his last marshmallow, and he expertly turned it so it wouldn’t catch on fire. “Tee only just stopped cussing him out when he touched them.”
“And who knows how long that’ll last,” Tee muttered, but over the flames, I caught their smile.
I rested my arms on my knees and dropped my chin on them.
The jean material smelled so much like Hudson, beyond the citric scent of his cologne.
The blanket, too, smelled of citrus, and it was warm in the way a hug was.
There was something else intoxicating there, and it caused everything in me to swim.
As discreetly as I could, I watched him.
Hudson’s profile was lit up by the orange glow, blond hair appearing darker in the night.
He was balanced expertly on his toes, focused on the marshmallow and making sure it wouldn’t burn.
I was aware of every little thing about him, from the way his sweater caught on the tops of his jeans in the back to the way he tilted his head ever so slightly to the side as he worked.
It was like my brain couldn’t stop soaking him up.
He looked over his shoulder, raising his eyebrows as he caught me staring. “Can you help me assemble it?”
“Y-Yeah.” I scrambled to pull the graham cracker out from the packaging and broke it in half, holding it steady as he maneuvered his marshmallow onto it.
The concentration on his face was clear, teeth grazing his bottom lip.
He slid a piece of chocolate underneath one side of the graham cracker, and sandwiched the marshmallow between.
“You want it?” he asked, glancing at the little sandwich. “Last s’more of the night?”
“You can,” I insisted, offering it out to him. I was so stuffed with all the sugar that I wasn’t sure I could eat it.
“Suit yourself.” He popped it into his mouth and chewed, closing his eyes as if it tasted like the best s’more in the world.
He brought the pad of his finger up to his lips, licking off the chocolate that’d melted onto his skin.
It was like the flames had moved from the logs onto my skin, watching his mouth wrap around his finger in a quick moment.
He still had his mouth full when he said, “You missed out.”
“I may have the bedtime of a toddler, but you eat like one,” I said with a little chuckle, pointing at my own mouth. “You have chocolate. Right here.”
Hudson rubbed the back of his hand along his mouth. “Did I get it?”
“No, it’s—right here.” I pointed again at the corner of my mouth.
He leaned forward over the graham crackers and the open pack of marshmallows and brought his face close to mine.
He had his contacts in tonight, so his eyes were such a vibrant blue even in the dark.
The flames definitely only added to their magical appearance.
“Get it for me,” he said, tipping his face toward me.
Suddenly, I wasn’t looking at the chocolate on Hudson’s lips but at the lips themselves.
He had a sort of downturned tilt to them even with his resting face, the corners pointing down ever so slightly.
There was a dent in his bottom lip that I wondered if I’d be able to feel if I touched it. And, of course, the smear of chocolate.
With a shaky hand, I reached out and swiped my thumb along the corner of Hudson’s mouth, feeling the seam where the top and bottom lip met, wiping the chocolate off.
His mouth tensed at the touch—in fact, all of him stiffened, but he didn’t pull away.
I dusted my fingers together, gripping my hands to hide the shaking. “There you go.”
Hudson’s eyes were wide, filled with surprise. Between us, he raised his hand, showcasing something caught between his fingers. “I meant with the napkin, Gem.”
I looked down at the napkin square in his hand, the duh realization washing over me like ice water.
Of course he didn’t mean touch his mouth!
I sucked in a sharp breath as my body cringed with embarrassment, and I turned my face away, pressing a hand to my beet red cheeks.
Dear God, why would he ask you to rub your fingers against his mouth?
Why was that the first thing you thought of? Why did you do it?
I was going to die of embarrassment.
Risking a peek at Hudson between my fingertips, I found the corner of his lip curling up into a smile filled with something like amusement, something like…curiosity.
The corner of the lip I just felt up.
I hid my face again.
“Okay,” Derrick said suddenly, pushing up from the ground. “I think it’s time.”
For one dizzying, horrifying moment, I thought Derrick was talking about Hudson and me—that something between us was time—but when I turned, he was already hurrying off in the direction of the dark barn behind us.
It didn’t seem like anyone else caught what’d happened, thank God.
I wasn’t sure I could live that down if multiple people witnessed.
I cleared my throat, refusing to look at Hudson. “Time for what?”
Simon got to his feet too, an excited expression flashing across his face. “Hudson planned this. Have you ever ridden an ATV?”
An ATV? Was it bad that I didn’t exactly know what that was? “Never.”
“Well, you will tonight.” And with that, Simon hurried off toward the shed too.
Only Tee and Hudson remained, the former leaning forward to warm their hands on the fire, the latter catching my eye. “We race up and down the driveway sometimes. When the corn’s harvested, we go through the fields, too.”
“ATVs,” I echoed, trying to picture it in my mind and coming up empty.
It took a few minutes for Derrick and Simon to persuade the two beasts of machinery from the barn, the engines letting out a low, purring rumble as they rode them out.
They looked like four-wheelers—was there a difference?
—and as Derrick rode his closer, I could see there were flames painted on the sides.
“Well, what do you think, Gemma?” he asked, stretching his arms wide. “Beautiful, right? Hudson and I fixed these up a couple of summers ago.”