Chapter 26
Ilaid limp underneath my duvet, the warm air I breathed out making it hard to breathe in. It was absolutely dark underneath the covers, but I blinked into the black, unable to close my eyes. Hours had passed since Mom drove me home from school, but her words still lingered in my ears.
“You broke my trust in you,” she’d said, not bothering to look at my tear-soaked cheeks. “You should’ve told me as soon as Principal Oliphant came to you. Are you trying to cause trouble, Gemma? Stir rumors? I didn’t raise you to be so irresponsible!”
She hadn’t pulled any punches, almost like she enjoyed saying things to hurt me.
I drew in a trembling breath thinking about it now, about the wide-eyed, fuming way she looked at me. She hadn’t even given me a chance to explain—not that there was much to explain. I went against her. I lied to her.
The panic from earlier in the high school hallway had left an emptiness behind that was suffocating itself, and I felt like a zombie—not dead, but not fully alive either.
And the situation with Mom—and with Dad, as soon as he popped his head into my room to give me a round of his disappointment—wasn’t the only thing weighing on my mind.
Even though it was pitch black under my blankets, I turned my cell phone over in my hand, picturing the silver thing, heart giving a slow thump-thump as I waited for it to buzz.
My parents were so unused to groundings that she forgot to take it away from me, which I knew I should be grateful for.
I didn’t feel anything, though. I waited for my phone to buzz. Any second.
Gemma
Hudson, it’s Gemma…I’m so sorry for everything. What happened in the office? Did you tell everyone it was in my bag?
No response.
Gemma
Hudson?
Morgan and Jaden texted me, so I knew my phone was working. Hudson just wasn’t replying.
Gemma
I totally understand if you’re mad at me
Morgan and Jaden asked about what happened, which made me think that the gossip mill hadn’t been spreading around too much. I wondered, briefly, if it was a big enough deal to get onto Babble.
I think it was safe to say I remedied my Stay A Prude label.
Gemma
You’re not in trouble, are you?
One of the many cons of having a phone from the dinosaur era meant that I couldn’t even see if Hudson read the message or not.
Without his reply, I was left in a dark sea of waiting, one that caused the pit in my stomach to open wider and wider.
It was dread mixing with panic, an ugly concoction that choked me.
Gemma
I’m really, really sorry
It soon went from noon to four o’clock, and then from four to seven. Nothing. Not a single reply.
I was freefalling during those hours, spinning through the air without a parachute. I hated the sensation, but I was more afraid of what it’d feel like to hit the ground.
If I’d told my parents about Hudson from the beginning, none of this would’ve happened. I would’ve had the one encounter with him in Principal Oliphant’s office, but that would’ve been it. Life would’ve been so much different if we would’ve left it there.
But you wouldn’t have gotten to taste freedom, my thoughts whispered, like reassuring words falling on hard-of-hearing ears. You wouldn’t have fallen for Hudson.
Yeah, the other side of my brain replied, and look where that got you.
Everything in me ached, like I was constantly on the edge of bursting into tears.
A soft knock sounded at my door, and then a second later, it opened.
I stashed my cell underneath my pillows and poked my head out from underneath my duvet, spotting my brother at the door.
“Hey,” he said tentatively, and when he lifted his hands, I saw he had a plate in one and a bowl in the other. “Hungry?”
It was past dinnertime, but I’d given in to the fact that Mom wasn’t going to call me to supper.
I wondered if she would eventually deliver food, but my stomach felt as if it’d shriveled up like a deflated balloon.
The idea of eating almost made me nauseous, but I still sat up.
“What is it?” I asked, voice croaking as he came closer.
Landon offered the bowl to me when I sat up, setting the plate on my bedspread. “Stew. We had a few cans of it in the pantry. I warmed myself up one.”
I stirred my spoon through the thick, sludge-looking food, and despite my growling stomach, my appetite waned. “Thanks.”
Landon sat down on the stool beside my desk, and it groaned beneath his weight. He looked a bit like Dad in that moment, serious expression bearing down on me. “How’s the ankle?”
I broke open the roll and dunked it into the soup, taking a big bite. It was lukewarm. “Ouchy.”
“Missing a step off the bus will do that.”
I lifted my head. “Did Mom tell you what happened?”
“No, but I heard her talking to Dad. And I heard what everyone’s been saying around school.” Landon rubbed his hands over his knees, sighing at the same time. “So what happened?”
I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want to rehash the situation and have him tell me that he didn’t recognize me, either.
Despite not wanting to tell him, there was no point in keeping the secrets any longer.
“I fell off the bus and I dropped my bag. I had a pocketknife in it, and it fell out. The superintendent thought it was Hudson Bishop’s, and I’m not sure what happened after that.
Principal Oliphant told Mom to take me home and that we’d talk tomorrow. ”
Landon sat silent through the brief story, and I waited for some sort of reaction at Hudson’s name, but he didn’t have one. “Why did you have a pocketknife?”
I had a feeling I’d be telling the same story many times over the next few days, and it made me exhausted thinking about it. “Hudson gave it to me.” Landon still didn’t react. I took a peek at his expression, but it wasn’t even surprised. “You’re not going to ask me why he gave me a knife?”
“I know he’s your mentee.”
My spoon clattered in my bowl when it slipped from my fingers, little bits of stew splattering onto my hand. Had he heard Mom say that? Or was that the gossip going around school, too?
“Gemma, you were running around with the school’s bad boy, and you didn’t think anyone would tell me?
” he asked, giving me a look. “My girlfriend’s cousin, at that.
Principal Oliphant, who paired you two together, is Madison’s mom, and Madison tells me everything.
Did you really think I wouldn’t find out? ”
Okay, when he said it like that, I felt stupid.
“So, you’ve known this whole time?” I liked to think I knew my brother pretty well, but his reaction wasn’t one I’d expected. He was way, way too calm. “Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you tell Mom?”
“It would’ve been a nuclear meltdown if Mom found out. Which, I’m sure, you know. Why did you let yourself be paired up with him?”
“He’s not who everyone says he is.” I looked down into the murky depths of my stew, unsure if I could even take another bite. I was so desperate for someone to believe me. “He’s not dangerous. He’s a good guy. I don’t care what you or Mom or anyone else says—”
“Gemma.” Landon’s eyebrows rose expectantly at me. “I agree.”
For the second time, I froze at my brother’s words, sure I misunderstood. “Agree…with what?”
“That Hudson isn’t dangerous.”
All this time, I’d been desperate for someone to take my side in it, and my brother was going to be that person? “I thought you’d think the opposite,” I stammered, totally lost. “After ninth grade.”
Landon tugged his hand through his red locks, gaze drifting away from mine to stare at my nightstand.
He was serious in a way I hadn’t seen him before, eyes growing transparent.
“I never told you what happened in that fight. Mom told me not to ever talk about it again. But…it didn’t happen how everyone thought. ”
I set the stew on my nightstand and sat up straighter, skin prickling with the undercurrent of his words. “What happened?”
“It was Ashton, Kyle, and me—we were walking to the store after school when we saw Hudson walking down the sidewalk. He was walking home, I guess. I thought we were going to pass him, but for some reason, Kyle stopped and…started picking on him.” Landon’s voice thickened with something that sounded like nerves, and he rubbed his shoulder.
“Hudson was a really small kid then. Skinny. Glasses. Made an easy target for Ashton and Kyle to mess with. I don’t know.
It started off…fine. Ashton shoved him around a little, but nothing crazy. And then things…escalated.”
Anticipation for what he said next stirred sickly in my stomach. “Escalated how?”
“It wasn’t until Hudson pushed Ashton back that Ashton punched him, and then Kyle punched him, and I—”
My jaw dropped. “You hit him?”
“No!” Landon let out a sharp breath and pressed his palms to his eyes.
I could hear the soft gasps his breath came in, and even from here, I could see his fingers shake.
“I—I stood there like an idiot, with blood pounding so loud in my ears. I should’ve stopped it, but I couldn’t…
I couldn’t stop staring. I wanted to run.
I’ve never wanted to run away so badly in my life, and I wasn’t even the one being punched. ”
The image Landon painted almost had me certain I was going to throw up the measly bites of stew. Three boys against one. Against Hudson. “Your face,” I said after a moment, my voice shaking. I wasn’t sure with what emotion, but it tasted a lot like anger. “How did it get that way?”