Chapter 8
8
S ofia: I’m really okay. Don’t I sound all right?
Colm: You do. I also know that you’re very good at hiding your feelings. I have a feeling that you’re keeping a number of secrets from everyone, Sofia.
If only he knew.
Colm: And that makes me itch to discover what they all are.
Sofia: Maybe you should get something for that, then. I’m sure they have creams for itchiness at the pharmacy.
Colm: Brat. Don’t push me.
Sofia: Why?
Her heart raced.
She was being too daring. Shit. She’d never do this with anyone else. She couldn’t afford to. Any wrong move and she’d fall.
While she knew Sacha would do his best to catch her... she knew he couldn’t always be there.
And sometimes, it felt like he might be the one to push her. Well, not him.
But this life they led... the life they’d both been born into.
She wondered how Colm ended up in this life. Had it been a choice? Or a set of circumstances out of his control?
Sofia: How did you come to work for Rogan?
Colm: You’re changing the subject. We’re talking about you. I’m not going to let you do your usual thing.
Sofia frowned in confusion. What was he talking about?
Sofia: My usual thing?
It would likely be easier just to call him. But this felt safer. As though she could say almost anything to him.
Which was ridiculous because she couldn’t.
Colm: Where you deflect any questions about yourself and turn them on someone else. Most people might not notice. But I do.
Yeah, she had a feeling he didn’t miss a lot.
Sofia: How is Miller?
Colm: Just proving my point. And she’s not great. Dizzy and confused. But Rogan is looking after her.
Sofia: They seem close.
No answer.
Shoot. She’d pushed for something he couldn’t talk about.
Colm: Are you going to be able to sleep?
She chewed her lip as she debated what to say. It was second nature for her to lie. She didn’t even see it as lying anymore because ever since she was little, she’d been taught to always guard what she said.
Never admit to weakness.
Because she didn’t get to be weak.
But how could Colm use this against her? Would he even use it? Could she trust him? Even just a bit...
Sofia: I don’t know. Every time I stop or when I close my eyes, I think I’m going to see him lying there next to me as soon as I open them again.
Colm: Good girl.
Huh?
That reply confused her. Good girl for what? Killing Dima? For not being able to stop thinking about it?
She wasn’t sure.
Although she was well aware that she liked being called a good girl. Her body had warmed from the inside out, and there was a tingling in her clit that she hadn’t experienced in ages.
Getting turned on wasn’t really easy for her.
And here he was doing it with just two words.
Was the man magic?
Sofia: Um. What?
Colm: Good girl for telling me the truth instead of trying to hide it.
Oh. That’s why she was a good girl?
Colm: I know that me telling you that you did the right thing, the only thing you could do, doesn’t necessarily help. But that is what I’m going to say to you.
Normally, she’d agree that it wouldn’t really help. But she did feel a sort of loosening in her stomach. That knot was unraveling slightly.
But just slightly.
Colm: I want you to remember that he was a bad person. He’d have raped Miller. He hurt her. And you saved her.
Colm: Although, next time, you’re to run and find me first. You aren’t to put yourself in danger.
Sofia: You sound just like Aleksandr.
She didn’t know what else to say.
Colm: I sound nothing like Aleksandr. He’s your cousin and I’m... not.
Right. That felt anticlimactic.
Colm: You need to go to sleep.
She did, but she didn’t want to admit it. She also didn’t want to close her eyes. Because despite his reassurances, she still felt this heavy weight of guilt in her stomach.
Of dread and uncertainty.
But she could hardly beg him to continue texting her. He needed some sleep too.
No doubt tonight hadn’t been that easy for him either.
Shoot. She was so selfish.
Sofia: Are you all right?
Colm: Ahh, sweet lass. Yeah, I am. I’m fine. I’ve seen worse, unfortunately. But I’ve learned to compartmentalize. And I’m not an innocent like you.
Sofia snorted. Innocent?
Yeah, she was anything but that.
Colm: I want a promise from you, though.
Sofia swallowed heavily. What sort of promise?
Colm: If you can’t sleep. Whether it’s because you’re scared or angry or upset, I want you to message me. No matter where or when. Promise?
Sofia closed her eyes. That... that promise was something she really wanted to make. She wanted to be able to message him whenever she needed him.
But that would just build up to a reliance that she couldn’t afford, resulting in a want for more that wasn’t possible.
To her secret dream becoming more tangible.
Colm: Sofia.
Yikes. She could hear the sternness in his voice even through text, which made her jumpy.
Colm: Do I need to come over there?
Shit.
Sofia: No! You can’t come over here! You’ll get caught by Sacha’s men.
And she could well imagine her cousin’s reaction to that.
Colm: Baby, I won’t get caught.
Unexpectedly, her body temperature rose by several degrees and her pussy started pulsing. She pushed her legs together.
Sofia didn’t know what she was reacting to exactly...
His arrogance or him calling her baby.
Still, she couldn’t have him coming over here, so she was going to have to lie.
Sofia: Promise.
Colm: You better mean that, Sofia.
Lord help her. There had to be something very wrong with her because his threatening tone just turned her on more.
Reaching down, she cupped herself between her legs. She was wearing an old pair of pajamas, worn and comfortable. So she was able to slip her arm easily under the waistband and under her panties to run her finger along her clit.
A shudder worked its way through her.
She was on a knife’s edge.
Sofia: This is dangerous, Colm.
Colm: There is no danger to you because I will protect you.
She closed her eyes as she moved her finger faster, her breathing growing choppy.
He didn’t mean it like that... like how she wanted it to mean. That he would be hers and she would belong to him.
Because she already belonged to other people.
To her cousin.
To Oleg—the rat.
Urgh, if anything could damper her arousal, it was thinking of that bastard.
Sofia: As a friend, right?
There was no reply. Great. Why did she have to ask that? Why not keep the fantasy alive?
Colm: It’s what friends do for each other. And I think you could use a friend.
What she could really use was his mouth between her legs, his tongue playing with her clit, his fingers thrusting into her pussy.
But she couldn’t say that, now, could she?
She should be relieved that he was agreeing that this was just friendship. Even if they both knew that wasn’t the case.
Sofia: Yeah, I could use a friend. But I don’t think it’s a smart idea.
Colm: Go to sleep, Sofia. Now. That’s an order.
Sofia: Were you born this bossy?
Sometimes, she was uncertain why she was so attracted to him. The man could be a complete dictator.
Colm: Yes. And I’ve become accustomed to being obeyed.
Sofia rolled her eyes. Dear Lord. He was out of control.
Colm: Go to sleep. I expect you to text me if you have problems.
Sofia sighed and decided arguing with him would get her nowhere.
Sofia: Goodnight.
There was no reply.
But she guessed she hadn’t really expected one.